The Lotus and the Dragonfly
by mercyandmagic
Summary: [Mo Dao Zu Shi] Wen Meishi was just a child when her brothers and father were killed during the Sunshot campaign. After years of hiding under an assumed name, she's about to set her plan for vengeance into action. Lucky for her, it just so happens that Jiang Cheng is looking for a wife. Jiang Cheng x OC, Wangxian.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

 **Biting Memories**

Wen Meishi had imagined Lotus Pier as a beautiful, sparkling garden with the perfume of flowers so thick her brother would choke on it. And she would tease him, and they would laugh, or more likely, just she would laugh.

The river would be covered in petals so thick no one would be able to see her if she snuck away to swim beneath the waters.

Meishi may have only been twelve, but she had perfected the art of sneaking away for whatever mischief she wasn't supposed to see or do. Perfected it so well that her eldest brother knew every trick to stop her, but she was with her youngest brother now, and her youngest brother didn't really pay attention enough to stop her.

But now, she thought sorrowfully, there were bodies in the streets that had been rumored to be lined with vendors selling trinkets she could steal and give to whomever would be most offended to receive a stolen object.

"Don't look, little Mei," whispered her brother's friend, Wang Lingjiao, as she helped Mei step off the boat she and a troupe of Wen soldiers had taken.

At this, of course Mei peeked at the blood and the bodies. She promptly hated this place.

"They were rebels," JiaoJaio said, noticing Mei's fear. She pointed to a bruise around her slender neck. "They hurt me."

Mei nodded, but inside she wondered, _but didn't you hurt them back? Ladies aren't supposed to do that._

Or so her tutors said, when she listened, and she usually did. She just often swung her feet and hummed or drew simultaneously, and apparently people did not think she could do two things at once.

People, Mei thought, were very boring.

"Ha, Father saw fit to send a girl." Wen Chao was her second brother, and he perpetually found his sister annoying as hell.

Now that Mei thought about it, all these years later, he had probably feared she would sneak in on him and JiaoJiao during their naked romps. Unfortunately for him, she already had a month before, and fled immediately to pray.

"He said I could be as strong as you someday," Mei shot back. "That's why he sent me along."

Her brother sneered. "Did he, now. Well, I hope he expects you to care for yourself."

"I'm twelve!" Mei stomped her foot. "I can, and more!"

JiaoJiao giggled. "You're so spunky, Mei."

Had she meant it, Mei wondered now? Or had she merely meant to worm her way into another Wen's good graces? Either way, Mei's twelve-year-old heart had suddenly warmed to her brother's lady.

She was quickly swept towards the palace. A glance at the pillared façade showed flag with the red Wen sun flying above, shining in the real sun.

Mei touched the red sun on her sleeves and felt a stab of pity that the purple lotus wasn't there anymore. She often used to wish she were a Jiang, because their symbol was a flower and Mei liked flowers more than the hot sun, which was yellow and not red anyhow, so what were her ancestors thinking?

She had been slapped for voicing this to her tutors, but she had never meant for disrespect. She just felt certain that flowers were prettier than the sun.

But that night, Mei had eaten fresh peeled lotus seeds with Wen Chao and JiaoJiao and _him_ , Wen Zhuliu, and so her heart warmed to Lotus Pier.

Wen Chao ordered her to bed, and she knew he would send a guard to check on her. So, not wanting to seem improper in front of Wen Zhuliu, she left the room and proceeded to arrange every bit of clothing she had under her blankets to deceive the coming guard.

She slipped out of her room and crept back to the main hall. She heard raucous laughter, and felt a pang of self-pity that she had been sent away before the fun.

She ducked behind a pillar, eager to watch the adults discuss what happened when you sacked a city. Divvying up spoils. Maybe Wen Chao would give some riches to JiaoJiao and they could marry. Mei would like that.

But something very different was about to occur.

There was a young man, she remembered that. He was thin and ragged, dressed in Jiang purple, and his eyes glowed with hate.

She remembered his eyes the most.

He was either Jiang Cheng or his servant Wei Wuxian, the traitors who had started this whole mess. Mei wasn't sure which, but either way, Wen Chao would be happy now, right?

A guard dragged him closer to her brother, who stood with his hand gripping JiaoJiao's ample chest.

She couldn't recall precisely, but Mei had probably experienced a moment of jealousy. Mei wanted to develop a figure like JiaoJiao. Maybe tomorrow she would ask her how.

The purple-clad man was chained around his neck like a dog, and, once shoved by the guard, stumbled and swayed.

Her hero, Wen Zhuliu, the one she dreamt of marrying if he would only just notice her once she came of age, stepped into her vision.

Mei felt JiaoJaio notice her. She smiled slightly, and Meishi only now realized JiaoJiao must have recognized Mei's childlike fantasies.

So JiaoJiao, probably thinking she was helping Mei, distracted Wen Chao.

"On your knees," sniped JiaoJiao, stepping in front of the pillar.

"You're in my house," said the man. He was trying to sound brave, but his voice broke.

Brother's face pinched. "Someone teach him a lesson."

Several guards surrounded the man, and began beating him. He spat out blood, and Mei worried because they didn't stop.

Wen Chao and JiaoJiao were laughing. Mei didn't find it very funny.

Wen Chao walked up and slapped the man, as if he were a woman.

Mei scoffed. She could punch better than her brother.

Brother made a comment about 'weak Jiang blood' before kneeing the man between his thighs.

Mei cringed as the man, almost certainly Jiang Cheng, finally doubled over, and the guards kicked him onto his knees.

"That's better," said Wen Chao. He sounded very proud.

And the young man's eyes burned hotter, and he shouted back.

Mei couldn't remember what he said, but she remembered thinking he sounded very angry for someone on his knees.

Wen Chao clapped his hands. "Apparently the deaths of your Mommy and Daddy weren't enough? Discipline this brat. Teach him the power of the Wen Clan."

A guard stepped forward, and Mei heard the crack of a discipline whip.

She'd snuck into the armory to touch one, once. She'd been curious what Father's favorite punishment for rebels actually entailed.

It was sprinkled with sharp metal, and too heavy for Mei to lift. That annoyed Mei, so she'd come back month after month and trained until she could lift it.

But now she actually saw it used. It slashed across Jiang Cheng's chest, and he failed to stifle a shout of pain.

He was now very bloody, and his clothes were torn. Mei hoped Wen Chao wouldn't make the guard hit Jiang Cheng again.

"Broken already? Just like your parents." Wen Chao loomed over his prisoner.

Jiang Cheng had pressed his hands against the floor. He looked like a wounded animal, shaking before her brother.

"My only regret is not having fun with your pretty mother," Wen Chao spat, and at that, Jiang Cheng leapt to his feet and swung at Wen Chao.

He missed. Probably too weak from the beating.

Wen Chao laughed again. And JiaoJiao winked at Mei, of all people, and whispered something in Brother's ear.

And then Wen Chao gave the order, the order Mei had always desired to see. Core melting.

Jiang Cheng stared in shock. His eyes – they changed.

All his hate had suddenly turned inward.

A chill rain down Mei's spine, from fear and also from excitement. Wen Zhiliu's hand glowed red.

She wanted to be so talented. Maybe someday she could be.

The young man tried in vain to lunge back. He fell onto his back and tried to drag himself away.

" _Please_."

Mei's stomach turned.

Her brother and JiaoJiao laughed loudly, but they couldn't cover up his sobs and screams. His scream was shrill, like the scream of the grey kitten Wen Chao had tortured in front of Mei last month, until Mei kicked him between his legs and hid it in her room until it was healthy again.

Three – or was it four – guards had locked the Jiang Cheng in position.

To Mei's shock, fat tears rolled down the Jiang man's cheeks.

She felt cold as he thrashed about. She was in awe of Wen Zhuliu, but she also felt sad for the Jiang man. He looked helpless as he collapsed with a ragged sob.

Was that it? Mei hoped so. She suddenly felt very scared.

"Not so brave now, are you?" Wen Chao kicked the man, and like ravenous dogs, the rest of the guards joined in, mocking and spitting on the coreless Jiang son. He had curled up in a ball, no longer resisting their attacks.

"Take him away. A shed should hold his useless husk after that." Those weren't Wen Chao's exact words, but they were close enough. And JiaoJiao laughed, and Mei didn't find it very funny.

He looked like the cat, whimpering as they dragged him away. His eyes met hers, but he was too disoriented to understand that an unruly child had spied on them.

His eyes were dead, and Mei wished she could drug him unconscious like she had the kitten.

She didn't remember returning to her room. She did remember crying about it to Wen Xu a few weeks hence, when she'd returned to the Nightless City. His hand patted her shoulder. Wen Xu said he would speak to Wen Chao about propriety, and tried to explain what propriety meant, and Mei told him she already knew. He gave her candy 'for being so smart,' and said that he'd think of his little sister on the battlefield.

And a week later, news came that Wen Xu's head was removed at Heijan and paraded about. And Mei was suddenly so angry she screamed like the Jiang man, and she was _glad_ he had had his core melted and _glad_ he had suffered and she hoped they _all_ did!

Two months later, she had finally had her questions answered by Wen Zhuliu, but he died very soon after her first lessons, murdered alongside Wen Chao and JiaoJiao by the monstrous Yiling Patriarch.

And now, all these years later, the Yiling Patriach was no longer a pariah, the Jiangs were back in Lotus Pier, and the Wens no longer existed.

Everyone knew Wen Meishi as Tao Meishi, supposed daughter of a modest clan who'd been sympathetic enough to hide a fleeing child with nothing left but her name.

Today, should she have the strength to pry herself out of bed after a late night hunt, she was about to meet her future husband.

Jiang Cheng himself.


	2. Jiang Cheng's Requirements

**Chapter 1**

 **Jiang Cheng's Requirements**

 **Content: canon-verse homophobia, and vague, slight spoilers for the novel.**

Jiang Cheng had only been on three dates during the course of his lifetime. All ended disastrously: the first when the lady expressed that he should whip Jin Ling for barging in to cry over something trivial, the second when the bitch opined that it was a shame Purple Spider hadn't cut off Wei Wuxian's hand, and the third woman fled before their date had begun, when she saw Jiang Cheng lose his temper over a man mistaken for Wei Wuxian.

Misfortune always came back to Wei Wuxian, didn't it?

But these were long ago, and since then, no woman would dare step out with him.

As such, he comforted himself that he never been one to care for romance. And now, after seeing Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji with their arms around each other, romance in general disgusted him.

So in the aftermath of the Guanyin Temple Incident, when the leader of the Tao Sect approached him about his daughter, Jiang Cheng had every intention of inviting him to leap into the coffin with Nie Mingjue.

He only hesitated because he couldn't quite believe someone hadn't blacklisted him.

And then Jin Ling, the brat, smiled and asked how her cultivation was.

"Of small talent – she's only had minor training. She's a gentle girl whose skills more excel in the womanly arts," said Sect Leader Tao, turning back to Jiang Cheng. "A bit like your sister used to be."

That was enough. Jiang Cheng had heard too much about marrying sisters of late. "I have better uses of my time –"

"Uncle," interrupted Jin Ling, to Jiang Cheng's stupefaction, "shouldn't you at least meet her?"

Jiang Cheng had a dark feeling that Jin Ling had been corrupted by Wei Wuxian and now wished for his uncle to find true love, too. True love – when had it ever brought anyone anything but misery? Ha!

Well, perhaps he could model proper love, instead of the shame of being a cut-sleeve. Jiang Cheng spoke with as much restraint as he could manage. "Interrupt me again, Jin Ling, and I will break your legs."

"Tao Meishi?" Nie Huaisang's voice broke in. "I have only recommendations."

Jiang Cheng was not sure what to make of Nie Huaisang anymore. Wei Wuxian was clearly suspicious of him, but Jiang Cheng had never seen Huaisang express anything resembling hatred. " _You_ courted her?"

 _Well, the Tao clan resides in the Unclean Realms. Part of the Qinhe Nie Sect. Not yours_.

But still. He did not want a woman who couldn't even capture Nie Huaisang. She must be ugly indeed, and Jiang Cheng wanted to marry a fair maiden.

"She was, ah, intimidating," stammered Nie Huaisang. He shook his head back and forth, as only he could do. "I'm the one who got scared! But she is beautiful and kind. And her special lotus tea is delectable."

"Hmmph." Jiang Cheng doubted all of this, but Jin Ling was smiling at him, and after the last few days, heaven knew his nephew could use more reasons to smile.

And so it was decided that after he recovered from his injuries, Jiang Cheng would visit the Tao Sect.

* * *

It was late morning, and Tao Meishi sat before her small, cracked mirror, wishing she didn't have to go through with this. Their few servants had been banished from her room, save the young man who leant against the wall besides her. And he was far from a servant.

 _Isn't it a little improper for you to be here_? she wondered, but bit her tongue.

"I loathe him," said Meishi, although she didn't exactly. She couldn't, because she didn't know Jiang Cheng. Fortunately, Nie Huaisang wasn't scholastic enough to recognize her lapse in logic.

"But this would be the perfect opportunity for revenge," she added, to console herself.

Nie Huaisang looked ill.

"What's wrong?" Meishi asked.

"Ah – it didn't – didn't feel so satisfying," stammered Nie Huaisang. "At the temple." He actually – he felt bad for Lan Xichen. He still did. The guilt hadn't let him sleep much in the three weeks since.

Mei looked sad. To be honest, she hadn't expected, or even wanted, the death of Jin Guanyao. She'd expected his humiliation, which he deserved after what she'd witnessed in the Nightless City. His actions sent her fleeing for her life.

Back then, she'd bowed to wherever Wen Xu and Father's spirits were, and to her ancestors, and vowed to return. Running didn't count as cowardice if she promised to avenge them.

And yet, she wasn't convinced death was the best vengeance.

In the present, Huaisang pouted. Mei could tell that _he_ could tell she suspected the truth. Even if he likely hadn't faced it himself.

So he changed the subject. How funny, Mei thought, that she understood him better than he understood himself. "I can't bear to think of him – and you –"

Meishi stiffened. "That is none of your business. Get out of here."

He dropped to his knees. "I'm sorry – but – but Meishi, you shouldn't have to let him touch you."

"Should is a meaningless word." Mei stood. She adjusted her robes and smoothed her elaborated braided hair, the hair she took pride in braiding as if it were her only talent.

Well, in the eyes of most who knew her, save Nie Huaisang and her parents, it was.

"Get up. You're the Sect Leader, aren't you? Shouldn't you be outside to greet the other Sect Leader?" Mei's voice sounded harsher than she meant.

"You always act so proper," Nie Huaisang said morosely. "When you're not cultivating better than most of the men I know."

"No one would know, as it should be, if I am ever to return Qishan Wen Clan to any semblance of a sect," said Mei fiercely. Her fingers brushed against the hidden panel under her desk, where she kept Wen Xu's sword. She'd kissed and deceived a lot of boys to find it again, but it had been worth it.

Nie Huaisang was the only one she pitied. He was kind, despite his rage for his brother's sake. She just wished she hadn't miscalculated that rage.

Nie Huaisang's eyes flickered. He didn't much care for the Wen clan, and honestly thought the world would be best without them. But when he'd received a letter from this woman who described precisely what kind of animal Jin Guanyao was, and how he had killed his brother, he'd allied with her regardless.

"Does that bother you?" Mei asked, but as usual, she received no response save for Nie Huaisang rocking back and forth.

She sighed and kissed his cheek to soothe him.

She turned to go, but Nie Huaisang caught her arm.

"I don't want you to marry him," he said, staring at the ground.

"It isn't about what we want," said Mei. "Do you know what will happen to us if I don't? I will make the most of it. This is the best path. The closer I am to my enemy, the closer we are to vengeance for our families. Or did you think once you gained revenge for yours, you could leave this pact?"

He looked scared. "I didn't – I don't know, I don't."

 _You do know_. Mei hesitated. She didn't love Nie Huaisang, but she was fond of him. She felt about him as if he were her younger brother, even though he was older, and she wanted to protect him. She wanted to protect someone at least once in her life.

How could she cheer him?

She was not married yet. Mei grabbed Nie Huaisang's face and pressed her lips against his. She jabbed her tongue in, fierce and hungry and ungraceful, and bit his lip.

She pulled back. "That's all I can give you."

There were stars in his eyes. "That's all you ever gave me. Meishi –"

"Jiang Cheng does not strike me as the sort who would be happy to discover his bride was not a virgin," Mei replied coolly.

He reddened. "That's not –"

"Goodbye. After today, I'll send a letter within two weeks." Mei swept out of her room first. She silently chastised herself for kissing someone on the eve of a likely betrothal.

These days, she felt less like Wen Xu and more like Wen Chao, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling. It left her washing her hair day after day to remove their hereditary oils, breaking her mirror, and, on the darker nights, weeping with shame.

* * *

The Tao clan lived in a small village in the western portion of the Unclean Realm. Their villa was small but pristine, decorated in the gold and black colors of Nie Sect.

They were respectable, _check_ , but not exactly known for talent or strength.

 _Cultivation not too high – check._

There would likely be nothing else to check. For instance, unless Sect Leader Tao had found a dashing woman, his daughter could not be pretty.

Jiang Cheng wore his typical scowl as their ship sailed into the harbor. Fairy raced up to besides him, barking excitedly at a squirrel on the shore.

Jiang Cheng waited a moment before begrudgingly bending down to pat the dog on its head.

Jin Ling sidled up next. He'd been hard to shake these last few weeks. He was now the leader of Lanling Jin Sect and should be back in Carp Tower. But his nephew seemed eager for a familial presence, and despite his denials, Jiang Cheng was grateful to have his company.

Jin Ling was more excited than his uncle. He waved at Nie Huaisang, who was surrounded by several other servants of Qinhe Nie. With an uneasy, almost ill smile, Nie Huaisang waved back.

They docked, and Jiang Cheng bowed curtly to Nie Huaisang. Truthfully, the more he thought about it while he rested, the more confused he was. Huaisang, a mastermind? Huaisang, an innocent idiot? Neither seemed likely.

And, of course, that Wei Wuxian had eloped with his – it was now undeniable – lover Lan Wangji.

Outside the Tao residence, Sect Leader Tao approached Jiang Cheng. "It is an honor to have you visit, Sect Leader Jiang."

"Thank you for the opportunity," Jiang Cheng said gruffly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jin Ling's hopes fade, and, not wanting to offend his nephew, quickly changed his tone when Sect Leader Tao introduced his wife.

Madam Tao was a short, plump woman with a plain face and a harelip. Her bow was staggered and off-kilter. Nonetheless, she seemed like the honest sort, and heaven knew the world needed more like her.

Tao stepped back to reveal a young woman clad in a pale pink robe. "And this is my daughter, Tao Meishi."

Meishi bowed perfectly, as if she had descended from the Qinhe Nie Sect themselves. She could feel Jiang Cheng's eyes scrutinize her, and quickly summoned a demure smile to pacify him.

She was beautiful, more beautiful than anyone in her family. He noted with a stab of irony that she did not resemble her father at all. Still, after all the rumors of Jiang Fengmian and Cangse Sangren, Jiang Cheng found that an easy position to pity.

Her face was rectangular and smooth, her complexion pale gold, her lips as pink as the flowers that bloomed at Lotus Pier. She had a comely figure, and was taller than most women Jiang had known.

 _Beautiful to see – check._

Despite the curve of her lips, her expression was inscrutable. Jiang Cheng found himself caught in those round, dark eyes. He thought that if he did not know better, he would not have been able to tell if she was a shy maiden or a raging corpse.

He could see why someone as feeble as Nie Huaisang might have been intimidated. She was at least as tall as he, and, unable to read her thoughts, the Leader of the Nie Sect had probably made a fool of himself.

She moved towards him gracefully, and despite Jiang Cheng's sour disposition, he added another check.

 _Graceful, check_.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," she said, her voice soft and pleasing. "Thank you for coming here, Sect Leader Jiang."

 _Not too loud, check_.

Jiang Cheng nodded. He really wasn't sure what else to do. Wei Wuxian was the one who was easy with women – well, not anymore, he supposed.

 _Anyhow_. He wished he could slap himself for still thinking about his former best friend, who was alive again and thus 'former' didn't have to remain so, but Jiang Cheng was too prideful. But then, Jiang Cheng still kind of missed Wei Ying – or maybe guilt just haunted him, maybe that was his lot in life, and really he should focus on this girl and stop thinking about all this.

Once all introductions had been made, Jiang Cheng was already exhausted and annoyed.

"We have a small garden, if you'd like to walk," Meishi said, not quite meeting his eyes.

Jiang Cheng nodded stiffly, though he too would be glad to escape the crowd of people that had come with both sects.

An unwelcome thought occurred: that he was annoyed because he expected this garden would be where he ruined everything, again. And perhaps he was tired of ruining things. Mother and Father would have wanted him married by now.

"Meishi, we will dine at sundown," said Sect Leader Tao, and she nodded eagerly.

"Yes, Father. We will be back long before then."

 _Obedient, check_.

The Tao garden was small but colorful. Bumblebees flicked around from fragrant flower to fragrant flower. In the center there was a small pool filled with lotuses.

"I'm sure they're not as splendid at those at Lotus Pier," Meishi said, watching him carefully. Not that she would know; all she ever saw of Lotus Pier was war and savagery.

"It's good to see them away from the pier," he said, crouching to touch one with his finger. A dragonfly flew out and landed on his nose.

The Tao maiden laughed quietly at the consternation on his face. He seemed to be trying very hard not to sneeze. "Here."

She reached out and allowed the insect to crawl off his nose, onto her finger. "I'm out here nearly every day, so I'm used to these creatures. I apologize for the dragonfly's mischief."

He snorted. "As if you could control it."

That dark light in her eyes increased, but her tone became dissonantly jovial. "How would you know if I can or can't? I've spent enough time here peeling lotus buds for tea it's certainly possible to have learned the language of insects."

"Grandmaster of the Dragonfly Arts, you'd be," he said sarcastically, then immediately cringed. She might misunderstand; she might think he was comparing her to Wei Wuxian.

 _Hard working and thrifty, check_. He ought to at least give her a compliment, as he'd probably just insulted her.

To his surprise, she simply shook her head and smiled. As if she'd enjoyed his remark.

A bark interrupted them, and Jiang Cheng ground his teeth as a black dog trampled the lotus pool.

"And whom do I have the honor of meeting here?" Meishi looked at the quivering, dripping dog that encircled her feet.

"I call her Fairy!" Jin Ling stumbled over his feet as he hastened over. "I'm sorry, Uncle, I was supposed to keep her away, but I think she just really liked Tao Meishi."

He blinked innocently as his uncle gave him a withering look.

"Fairy. What a lovely name." Tao Meishi reached out to stroke the dog's fur. For the first time, Jiang Cheng thought he could tell that she was cheerful.

If she liked dogs, she was tolerable.

"Fairy's better-tempered than me," Jin Ling said, surprising his uncle with his self-awareness.

Meishi chuckled. "We all had tempers in our youth, didn't we?"

"You did?" Jin Ling's eyes widened.

"Indeed." Meishi smiled politely.

"What happened?"

She laughed and clasped her hands, blushing modestly. "It's a long story."

 _Not too talkative – check_.

Jiang Cheng's frown deepened. He didn't appreciate how many requirements she seemed to meet. "I would like to hear what sort of temper you have, too."

"True, his is quite infamous," said Jin Ling, prompting Jiang Cheng's ire.

"Do you want me to break –" Jiang Cheng caught himself. He cursed silently – why could he not control himself for one afternoon?

Now she would run away, just like every other woman.

He wanted her too, right?

Meishi eyed him for a moment. Truthfully, she was thinking of the time she'd fled the Nightless City. She'd snuck up on three Nie Sect soldiers and stabbed them, even though they hadn't seen her or even posed a risk.

She'd hoped that killing them would comfort her now, would feel like the embrace she gave Father, and Father actually returned, that night she heard that Wen Chao was dead, too, and she was the only Wen child left.

It hadn't, and she'd cried on her knees, futilely trying to stop the blood flow of dead men, until Sect Leader Tao had found her, a hysterical child sobbing for both her father and her enemy's soldiers she had murdered.

At any rate, the Jiang man surely could not have done anything worse in his anger than she.

"Let's not have anyone break anything," Meishi said instead.

"Surely you've heard." Bitterness seeped into Jiang Cheng's tone.

Meishi dipped her head. "I prefer not to judge people by the rumors of others."

Jiang Cheng forced a laugh. "Then you might get along well with the newly resurrected Wei Wuxian."

"A pleasant prospect," Meishi said smoothly. "The world has had too much fighting lately."

Hmm. She didn't want to hate Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng liked that, and he hated that he liked that, because not hating Wei Wuxian was still new for him, too.

"So? What do you judge now that you know him?" Jin Ling asked mischievously.

"Fool! One conversation does not establish any relationship," Jiang Cheng said, looking to her.

She caught his eye. Now was her chance.

"I think your uncle is an intelligent, talented man with a fierce spirit," Meishi said. _And enough bitterness to render him an easy target_. "He's been kind and chivalrous. And I would like to know him, and his nephew, and of course Fairy more."

 _Treats Jin Ling nicely, check_.

Jiang Cheng was silent, contemplating. She had met every check on his list. How inconvenient.

But what the hell? It would at least get his mind off Wei Wuxian, and it would be good for Jin Ling to see how to commence a proper relationship.

That evening, Meishi served Jiang Cheng, Jin Ling, Nie Huaisang, and her parents the famed lotus tea.

"Mother's recipe," she said with a nervous smile.

"Nonsense, her secret modifications were the key," said her mother, offering her daughter an affectionate smile.

When she left the room, Jiang Cheng cleared his throat.

He could feel Jin Ling's eyes boring into him, and he was suddenly nervous, and with his anxiety came grumpiness.

"Well?" Nie Huaisang looked at him.

Maybe it was the sweet way she'd given her mother credit for the tea. Maybe it was the luscious taste of lotus flower that reminded him of Yanli's brews. But Jiang Cheng suddenly felt daring enough to seize something he wanted in life.

"Your daughter is a lovely woman," said Jiang Cheng. He clenched his fists, as he always did when he was nervous. "I would be honored to make an offer of marriage."


	3. Wine and Honey

**Chapter Two**

 **Wine and Honey**

 ** _Content note: awkward nsfw towards the end between two people who don't know each other well at all, but feel obligated._**

"Does he think he can get married without me?" Wei Wuxian crossed his arms. He and Lan Wangji had just returned to the Cloud Recesses and been met outside by a breathless Lan Jingyi waving a letter in his hands.

Honestly, he wasn't surprised, and didn't fault Jiang Cheng, but even so, he was a bit hurt. He could feel Lan Wangji's eyes combing him, looking for his emotions. He tried to force a smile, and saw Wangji's default frown deepen.

"Clearly, he's trying to follow in your footsteps. You got married, so he has to now," said Lan Jingyi. He winced on instinct – talking about others again!

No, wait. If Lan Wangji could run off to marry Wei Wuxian, he could say a few remarks about Jiang Cheng. Right?

He glanced up at Lan Wangji, who blew out his breath with displeasure, but did not discipline him.

"We're invited, though. You should come along." Lan Jingyi tilted his head, a mischievous smirk bubbling up onto his face.

Lan Wangji shook his head. His hand brushed Wei Wuxian's.

"What? Now he's taking after me? A real troublemaker." Wei Wuxian laughed. "I'm honored."

"But you should, Lan Wangji. Lan Xichen will not attend," Jingyi said softly.

Lan Wangji's expression fell. "…"

In fact, Lan Xichen had barely spoken or left his room for the past few weeks. He acted the way Lan Jingyi had heard Lan Wangji acted after Wei Wuxian's death, minus the alcohol.

The one time Lan Jingyi had tried to cheer him up by bringing him his favorite food, Lan Xichen's forced cheer had proved too much for Lan Jingyi to bear.

 _But this was Jin Guangyao, a scoundrel, not Wei Wuxian_ , Lan Jingyi wanted to say. And then the words were stuck in Lan Jingyi's throat, and he wondered if, perhaps, he wasn't persuaded into hating Jin Guangyao the way he had been with Wei Wuxian, and he didn't know anymore.

 _You can cry, Lan Xichen_ , he had said at last. _Don't pretend to be happy for my sake._ To his surprise, Lan Xichen responded with his first real smile in weeks. It had been a sad smile, but a sincere one.

"I suppose we should not provide him with alcohol right now," Wei Wuxian murmured, causing Lan Wangji to grimace.

Because although Wei Wuxian might not have realized it, Lan Wangji was quite certain that his brother had harbored stronger feelings for Jin Guangyao, and vice versa, than either of them realized.

"Lan Sizhui?" Lan Wangji asked instead.

"He's resting after arriving back late last night. But I know he wants to go. He'd really like a chance to see Jin Ling again," said Lan Jingyi. He stopped abruptly; did he really have to spill each and every secret right away?

Wei Wuxian's eyes widened. He couldn't help but double over and laugh. "Lan Wangji, look what we've started! Corrupting the youth!"

"Corrupting?" Lan Wangji's eyes cut over to Wei Wuxian's.

"Okay, okay, perhaps not, but, Lan Zhan, this is marvelous." Wei Wuxian's eyes sparkled as only his could, in such a vivacious way that Lan Jingyi marveled that this master ever could have died.

Wei Wuxian cleared his throat. "And Wen Ning?"

"He's also here. Lan Sizhui insisted, and Lan Huan helped convince Lan Qiren," said Lan Jingyi.

"We should see them, then," said Wei Wuxian. His hand gripped Lan Wangji's. They had a very important date at the cold springs tonight, and Wei Wuxian, frankly, was quite excited to make love at the Cloud Recesses.

* * *

Lotus Pier was beautiful, Meishi thought with a wistful look about the river lush with flowers and lily pads. Her childhood dreams had a basis after all. Or, at least, just that dream. The rest of her dreams were dead, no matter how successful her plan. All she had left was to make those dreams possible for future Wens.

And since she was the only surviving Wen, this was all on her.

Still, sometime during her stay here, she _was_ going to swim in this river, beneath the lotus flowers.

"A bit larger than your garden," Jiang Cheng said quietly from where he stood beside her.

"It's magical," she replied with sincerity. After all, she should try to get along with Jiang Cheng for now.

Jiang Cheng's eyes swept up and down. Tao Meishi was clad in the red robes of a bride, in a way that accentuated a lithe figure – no, he should not think of that right now. Her hair was done in two elaborate braids, and her cheeks had shown a trace of innocent blush since he had first arrived for her.

Firecrackers burst as they docked in Lotus Pier, and Meishi thought this was a far more pleasant sound than the smoldering fires she'd heard last time.

One landed right before Jiang Cheng's feet and erupted.

Meishi couldn't help it. Her husband wore a sour expression, and his face was splattered with soot. She ducked her head and laughed.

"Sorry!" called out a boy with a ponytail and the robes and hair ribbon of the Gusu-Lan Sect. Besides him stood another boy dressed similarly – he looked familiar, though Meishi couldn't place him – and Jin Ling.

Jiang Cheng glared at his nephew, but his vision was quickly obscured by Meishi's sleeve. She wiped his face clean. "There."

He swallowed, feeling nervous at her touch. "Thank you."

They made their way to the black pagoda deep in Lotus Pier. Jiang Cheng felt a bit ill; the last time he had been here, he had discovered – he and Wei Wuxian had fought – and that Wen-dog – no, his name was Wen Ning, Jiang Cheng could at least call him his name now – had told him about his golden core.

To distract himself, he glanced sideways at his soon-to-be-wife.

Her expression was curious, and a bit sad, he thought.

Quietly, she said, "I wish I could have met them."

Jiang Fengmian. Yu Ziyuan. Jiang Yanli.

A lump formed in Jiang Cheng's throat. Even after all these years, even as Sect Leader, he still grieved.

He should respond, but how?

"I'm sorry," she said instead. "You don't need to say anything."

And Meishi was sorry. Of course she would apologize to someone who had also lost his parents, even if he was her enemy. Because she wished someone to apologize for taking her father from her.

Actually, the more she thought about it, she had met Jiang Fengmian, though she could never say how.

* * *

She'd been ten and tumbled from her hiding place in the ceiling, revealing herself as having spied on all the Sect Leaders to hear their gossip. Father hadn't appeared yet, thankfully.

The Gusu-Lan leader shook his head at her, and she stuck out her tongue.

"She'll be pretty in a few years," said Jin Guangshan, and she didn't like the way the man's beady eyes focused on her.

"Have you no shame?" exploded the Nie sect leader, Nie Mingjue. "She's a child!"

Mei hated being called a child, so she'd thrown her shoe at Mingjue's face, and nearly hit him. He'd ducked at the last moment.

"Don't call me that!"

Now that she thought about it, she really should have thanked Nie Mingjue instead.

And then the door had opened, and Father had appeared.

She'd blurted out a swear – _I'm fucked!_ – and immediately felt Father's fury behind her.

"What did I just hear you say?"

So she'd dashed behind the closest sect leader, who happened to be the man in purple, Jiang Fengmian.

Jiang Fengmian's voice was amused. "Sect Leader Wen, your daughter seems quite spirited."

"Maybe, but she's a woman. She ought to have manners."

Meishi's mouth fell open. "Is that why you don't discipline Wen Chao?!"

Father's eyes blazed. He usually tolerated her antics, but not today. "Wen Chao hasn't disgraced the ears of our visitors with your language. Apologize to the leaders."

Mei sulked, but just when she was about to emerge from behind the Yunmeng Jiang leader, he'd slipped her her shoe. To spare her, presumably, from Father knowing she'd thrown it. And the likely lashing that would result.

* * *

In front of the ancestral altar, Tao Meishi and Jiang Cheng's hands were clasped together. She could feel his purple ring, Zidian, that weapon that had helped fell her clan.

They bowed first to the heavens and earth.

She noted, with some surprise, that his hands were sweating.

They bowed to his ancestors.

Jiang Cheng felt a pang of guilt. He'd always imagined Wei Wuxian here, watching him marry. And now he had the chance, but he'd chosen not to invite Wei Wuxian.

They bowed to each other.

Out of the corner of Jiang Cheng's eye, he could see Jin Ling leap with excitement. That alone drew a small smile to his face.

Out of the corner of Meishi's eye, she was almost positive that behind an uncomfortable Nie Huaisang stood a member of the Gusu-Lan Sect who was not Lan Xichen. Which meant…she tried to swallow her misgivings.

They were married. She had married Jiang Cheng.

* * *

It all happened too fast for Meishi to process. Jiang Cheng was sitting besides her, on the edge of a bed draped in red.

They were in a nuptial chamber. And members of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect were serving them wine mixed with honey in goblets joint by a red thread.

Mei sipped her wine. She wished she could gulp it all down, but Meishi had the Wen atypical high tolerance for alcohol. Wen Chao had been the only member of their family not to have such a talent. She would have to drink an entire barrel to make this easier.

Nie Huaisang now looked positively morose, and she felt a splattering of guilt for that. She hoped he would forget all about her kiss – she didn't want _that_ kind of revenge on Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng offered her his goblet, and she exchanged the two without allowing her perfect, ladylike mask to slip.

Still, his face was increasingly colored, and hers increasingly white.

A crude comment caught her ear, and Jiang Cheng whipped his head about to glower at the man.

Mei felt somewhat relieved that, though he may have been a vengeful bastard, Jiang Cheng was likely even more circumspect than she pretended to be.

Jin Ling looked slightly disturbed at the thought raised by the comment. His uncle and his bride were sitting together on a bed, of course, but he didn't like to think any further than that.

Behind Nie Huaisang, however, a familiar chuckle rang out.

Jiang Cheng choked on his wine. A burning sensation entered his nose and ears.

Meishi didn't recognize the voice, but she knew that only one person would prompt that reaction from her husband. So her suspicions had been correct.

Leaning closer, she whispered in his ear, "Don't give him the satisfaction just yet."

Jiang Cheng was taken aback by how quickly – and accurately – she had read the situation.

"Tomorrow," she added with a sly look.

Jiang Cheng sighed. He was not going to disrupt his wedding by demanding to know why Wei Wuxian had crept in just yet. He didn't want to scare his bride before – He stopped his thoughts as a wave of anxiety washed over him.

There was always the tea ceremony tomorrow – after – after –

* * *

The guests, including a laughing Wei Wuxian, had left the room. Jiang Cheng and, now, Jiang Meishi stood by the foot of the bed, staring anywhere but each other's faces.

Jiang Cheng clenched his fists, but Mei was quite certain she had seen his fingers shake.

"You've never done this before either, have you?" she asked, staring at the floor instead of his face.

His face was flooded with pink. His voice came out annoyed. "I – "

He clamped his mouth shut. He should not start a marriage, much less a wedding night, with sour words. Instead of finishing his remark, Jiang studied his bride.

Her eyes were fixed on the floor. Her own shoulders were trembling. She was, he realized, probably more frightened than he. Girls, if he recalled, did not usually get the same kind of education he and Yanli had.

Their mother had been an exception, even if her lessons were agonizing. Yanli would sit still as a statue; he would bury his face in his hands until Mother demanded he look up, and Wei Wuxian would be rolling around on the floor laughing.

 _I'm sure our parents never did that, he told Yanli when she broke down crying later._

 _Your existence is strong evidence to the contrary, Wei Wuxian said._

 _Jiang Cheng punched his shoulder, but his voice cracked as he spoke. Do you want to die?!_

– No, fuck Wei Wuxian. He was not welcome in Jiang Cheng's thoughts tonight. Jiang extended his hand to Meishi and said the first thing he thought of. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Well, not romantic, but it would do.

Her fingers took his.

"I suppose I won't have to hurt you, then, either." Her response was quick and witty, and to Jiang Cheng's surprise, he felt himself laugh.

Mei knew he laughed because he thought her facetious, and he was quite mistaken. She was relieved regardless.

He drew her closer to him and pressed his lips against hers.

He eased her down onto the bed, sitting beside her.

 _How chaste_ , Mei thought, with a mixture of relief and impatience. _We'll never get anywhere before dawn._

Gradually, his kissing increased in pace and depth, as if he had finally remembered what he was supposed to do. With a flicker of fear, Mei realized he was removing her hairpins and her braids, and having a difficult time at that. It was only hair, not clothing, but for a second she questioned her own resolve.

Jiang Cheng pulled back, as if sensing her sudden hesitation. That, and he couldn't figure out her hair.

Inwardly, Mei ground her teeth and cursed herself. Outwardly, she reached out to yank his bun free of its purple ribbon, with a quirky smile. "You're not familiar with elaborate braids?"

He rubbed his face. "No…"

With a small smile, she began untangling her hair. He watched, somewhat sulky because he was certain he looked a fool.

Jiang Cheng moved his hand to smooth her silky hair. He studied her face carefully, as if desperate to read her mind.

 _We're not even kissing anymore_ , Mei realized. Really, she had no idea what she was doing, much less what he was.

Suddenly, he reached for her robes.

Mei stiffened in surprise.

Jiang Cheng caught himself instead, as if thinking better of it, and moved his hands to cover hers. She could feel a tic in his muscles as he pulled her hands to his own robes. "You … I can be first."

Mei fumbled to undo the ties, afraid to touch his skin.

He was slender but muscular, she thought as she bared his chest. The sight of his taught stomach and abdomen set off queer lightning in her own stomach.

Good heavens, was that desire? A man's strong abdomen was all it took?

Jiang Cheng, meanwhile, was as red as Mei's dress. And beginning to panic – and by panic, he meant become angry – that she could barely look at him. Was he that disgusting?

Sensing that she was losing him to his demons, because of course a Jiang dog would become angry tonight, Mei snatched his hand. She placed it not just on her robe, but inside, cupping her chest. If he wanted, he could feel everything there.

Jiang Cheng stuttered. His hands began to rub her breasts. Fright blazed within him, and he shuddered despite himself. _Is that her ni_ –

He could feel his heart pounding in his ears, outweighing all other sensations, as he bent over her, kneading, squeezing, hoping he was doing something right.

"You can – you can touch me too," Jiang Cheng blurted.

Her mouth landed above his heart before he had even finished his sentence. He caught his breath as she sucked his skin. He wasn't sure if she knew this from instinct or books or what, but he felt speechless with delight.

 _Another_? He wanted to ask when she pulled back and he surveyed the purple mark, but decided against it. Maybe later.

They supported each other as they inched back so that they were fully on the bed.

In the process, Jiang Cheng had fully disrobed.

Mei's face blanched – she had never seen a man fully naked before, except in drawings. Well, she probably knew her way around male anatomy more than a well bred lady should, but still.

"Do I scare you?" he demanded, embarrassment clinging to the corners of his mind. His legs were pinched together, in a futile attempt to shield himself.

"No," Mei lied. She sat up and ran her hands down his back, across his hips, over his sensitive areas.

 _Am I good enough_? He wondered as her fingers caressed him. She could see everything, could feel exactly how he felt right now about each and every touch. She could feel him swelling in her fingers. _Am I_? _Do you want me?_

Could anyone _really_ want him?

And his hands were under her skirts, her undergarments, pulling them aside. Mei shifted herself so that her clothes were easier to remove. She let out a gasp as his fingers broke through her thighs.

"Did you like that?" he asked eagerly, returning to that spot.

"Yes," she breathed, squirming.

He was dimly aware that she was guiding him towards consummating their marriage, but first he – Wei – no he shouldn't think of him now, not on his wedding night – well, their books _had_ suggested the best way to ease her into intercourse was to please her first.

He swallowed and moved out of her hands.

Mei squeaked as he laid her beneath him. Jiang Cheng's face brightened, so she whimpered slightly again.

She didn't need to make a sound, but Jiang Cheng seemed excited with every noise. And she had to admit she was surprised he would focus on her, even if she could probably do quicker herself.

He regarded her seriously, internally praying that he was okay.

Suddenly, her back arched, and sweat beaded her forehead as she gasped.

Jiang Cheng shivered. Had something good happened? Women were hard to figure out.

"Are you happy?" Jiang Cheng asked hopefully.

Mei nodded, a smile on her flushed face.

A shred of fear landed on his shoulder. Was he – was now – how – she was still small – how –

Jiang Cheng felt, with horror, that he couldn't do this.

His embarrassment began to spiral into rage. He was a failure, a failure. This beautiful woman lying before him would ridicule him, and rightly so. He hated himself – he had to ruin everything –

She sat up, her hand landed there, and he burned with shame.

"Come here," she said, sounding nothing like the sweet maiden he'd known.

Jiang Cheng was stunned. Her fingers began to grope him, and she sat up to leave another mark over his previous bruise.

His breath came shorter and shorter.

"Maybe," she teased against his chest, "I'll leave enough bruises to make a new lotus on you."

Jiang Cheng felt feverish. When she met his eyes, he saw no judgment in hers.

"We're both scared, aren't we? We may be adults, but we'll have to learn this together." Meishi tilted her head. Her face, too, was blushing as she pulled him atop her.

She held her breath as he slowly joined their bodies. The sensation was different than anything she'd felt before, but she didn't hurt. In fact, he felt quite pleasant.

 _Goodbye, maidenhood._ She was not mourning.

She wrapped her legs around him as he began to move. Jiang Cheng let out an animalistic grunt, and promptly ducked his head with embarrassment.

"You – don't have to – be so shy," Mei suggested. He looked into her eyes and laughed again, because what they were doing seemed to negate shyness.

When Jiang Cheng finally sank on top of her, spent and vulnerable, Mei briefly wondered if she could kill him like this.

He was open. And what humiliation, if she were to tell him her name before stabbing his heart.

But she would then be arrested, and executed, and what would become of her plan?

And he had been kind, kinder and more frightened than she had expected. His face bore a soft smile, and he brushed her hair away from her face as he rolled to lie beside her.

He lay on his side, facing her. "Did you enjoy that, Meishi?"

Mei moved closer, until the damp skin of their chests touched. "Yes, husband."

At that new word, an unexpected thrill ran through Jiang Cheng. As he wrapped his arms around her, he thought that perhaps he had made the right decision after all.


	4. Of Tea and Other Matters

**Chapter Three**

 **Of Tea and Other Matters**

Meishi had been awake for some time. Sharing a bed, she couldn't really sleep curled up with her arms around herself as she had since Father Tao had taken her in. And so sleep was hard to come, because she only felt safe enough to sleep in that position.

Her husband still faced her, as if he hadn't moved all night. He looked almost innocent as his chest rose and fell rhythmically beside her. His eyelashes fluttered slightly, like the wings of a dragonfly, and his raven hair was strewn across the red pillow and his creamy face.

When he finally stirred, Mei felt a flicker of anxiety. She'd been far more comfortable with him unconscious.

"How long have you been watching me?" he asked, taking her by surprise.

"You're a peaceful sleeper."

"So, a while," he said grumpily.

Apparently, Mei thought, Jiang Cheng was even more temperamental than normal upon awakening.

Her voice was laced with amusement. "Is that threatening to you?"

His expression pinched. "No!"

She burst into laughter. This man was just too easy to fuck with. "Then why are you disturbed?"

"I'm not – I –" Jiang Cheng stopped.

Mei looked wounded. "Would you lie to me so soon after our wedding?"

"I – " His brows furrowed. "Are you manipulating me?"

Mei made sure to blink exaggeratedly at him. Teasing, more than manipulating. He wouldn't be able to discern her true manipulations. "Never."

"You are!" Jiang Cheng felt a smile burst on his face, but even so, he seized her by her hair. He leant over her. "Quite bold for the new mistress of Lotus Pier. We haven't even been married a full day."

"Oh?" Mei retorted. "You –"

Instead of finishing her thought, she sat up to kiss his cheek.

Jiang Cheng was as easy to play as a flute. One kiss, and he was pink as a lotus.

He frowned. She had winced just now, even if briefly. Dread beat in his heart. "Did I hurt you?"

"Not at all. I think," Meishi said slowly, "soreness is to be expected. At first."

"I see," he said, although he still looked worried.

To be honest, she was quite perturbed that he cared. She had expected him to order her about and threaten her.

He would just be easier to manipulate, then. Nice people were always easiest, Mei assured herself.

* * *

Yunmeng Jiang Sect had always held their banquets at the training field. Today was no different, although the nostalgia threatened to drag Jiang Cheng back into ruminations about his childhood.

He was glad to be back at Lotus Pier, he really was. He just wished the people who had made it home could return as well.

Jiang Cheng and Meishi knelt on red cushions before their families.

Jiang Cheng felt a pang of sorrow. There was only one member of his family to whom he and Meishi could serve tea, because there was only one member of his family still alive.

 _Technically_ –

Jiang Cheng ignored his runaway mind as he served Meishi's mother, and then her father, cups of lotus and red date tea. For sweetness and children, the thought of which still frightened him.

Meishi handed a cup to Jin Ling, who clasped it as if it were very precious.

His nephew was smiling from ear-to-ear, and that alone made this whole event worthwhile. "You haven't made me tea since I was very young, Uncle."

"I won't again," said Jiang Cheng abruptly, causing his wife to chuckle.

"You'll need to feign injury or illness until he serves you tea again," Mei whispered conspiratorially. "I'll help."

Jin Ling nodded eagerly.

Jiang Cheng's mouth dropped. Of course, he hadn't really known her when he married her, but he hadn't believed her this mischievous.

 _I did not marry a female Wei Wuxian._

No, stop. How insulting to his wife. He ought to stop the Yiling Patriach from taking up residency inside his head before he hurt her feelings.

She seemed to be waiting for a response from him.

"I won't be fooled," he declared at last. What a pathetic retort.

Mei's smirk only increased. Her face was quite pretty with that expression, and Jiang Cheng wondered if she liked his teasing. Should he continue?

"I'm beginning," Jiang Cheng taunted, "to wonder what kind of trickster I married."

"The best kind," Jin Ling declared.

Mei ducked her head; if only he knew. Behind her, she could practically hear Father Tao praying that she would behave herself at least for a little while. Although her adopted parents surely suspected her true intentions, they would probably prefer if she settled down and truly lived as Jiang Cheng's wife, with her identity a secret, for the rest of her life.

Meishi glanced towards the end of the training field, where Wei Wuxian, in his resurrected body, and his cultivation partner Lan Wangji sat.

Hanguang-Jun's infamously austere gaze met hers, and she immediately averted her eyes.

Still, as far away as she was, she could tell that he had tensed. Probably wondering if she would make a scene.

Well, she would certainly try, and not entirely from diabolic intentions.

Mei swallowed. She would have given anything for Father, or Wen Xu, or even Wen Chao, to be here. To serve them tea.

If Wen Chao, her least favorite brother, returned from the dead, she would hug him and hug him and cry into his hair and maybe pull it like he used to pull hers. Even as awful as their parting words had been, she wouldn't, you see, ignore him at her own wedding.

"Jiang Cheng," Mei said quietly.

"Yes?" He turned to her, instantly attentive.

She lowered her voice even more. "Do you want…to serve Wei Wuxian tea?"

He pulled back, as if struck. He couldn't help it.

Why would she ask such a thing? Of course he didn't! He never wanted to see him again. He owed him too much –

Jin Ling looked happy, terribly happy. He had overheard, hadn't he?

Jiang Cheng ground his teeth. It would be pointless. He could never tell Wei Wuxian all in his heart anymore. It would just feel superficial.

On one hand, Jiang Yanli would have wanted him to. And her son – he wanted that, too.

Jiang Cheng harrumphed. "I suppose it would make us seem better, wouldn't it?"

Mei smiled at him, a gentle, proper smile oddly different than her earlier taunts.

But that wasn't why he was uncomfortable.

He was uncomfortable because he did want to serve Wei Wuxian, and his wife, whom he barely knew, knew it.

Wei Wuxian had felt a wave of sadness watching Jin Ling, and only Jin Ling, served tea.

"Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu would be so happy," he murmured to Lan Wnagji, who nodded ever-so-slightly.

But now Jiang Cheng and his wife, Tao Meishi, were approaching him, and he didn't know how to handle it.

"Uh – Lan Zhan – I'm not up front, I'm not part of the family anymore – right?"

"…"

Lan Jingyi giggled, and Lan Sizhui poked him to keep him quiet.

Jiang Cheng's voice was stiff as he helped his wife kneel before Wei Wuxian.

"Wei Wuxian, this is Tao Meishi." He didn't look him in the eyes.

Tao Meishi wore a shy smile. Her cheeks were rosy, her curves luscious and every hair was in place. She certainly looked the part of a gentle woman Jiang Cheng would like. "It's nice to meet my brother-in-law, of sorts…"

"He's not –" Jiang Cheng coughed, thinking better of his anger. "Think of him that way if you like."

"I do," she replied, handing a ceremonial teacup to Wei Wuxian.

 _And so do you._ Honestly, Meishi hadn't expected Jiang Cheng to have such an easy, sentimental weakness.

The same as hers, she thought uneasily – family.

She was so wrapped in her own suppositions, she missed Lan Wangji's eyes narrow.

"I'm sure this is a much nicer wedding than they had," said Lan Jingyi, pointing to Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun.

Jiang Cheng sputtered. "You are – married –"

"In our defense, no one was invited," Wei Wuxian said quickly. "Save Lan Wangji and I."

Jiang Cheng wore a half-smile. "You hypocrite."

"Would you have crashed ours if you had known?" Wei Wuxian asked.

This banter.

It was wrong.

Because it was so normal. As if thirteen years hadn't happened.

"Absolutely not!" Jiang Cheng scowled, at the same time his wife spoke.

"Yes, we would have."

"We?" Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow.

"Jin Ling would have dragged us both," Meishi replied.

She had a point. Jiang Cheng pouted. "Speaking of, maybe I should have just allowed him to bring Fairy here…"

Wei Wuxian shivered, and Mei looked puzzled.

"He's afraid of dogs," said Jiang Cheng. He felt proud that he could tell her such a secret abut the infamous Yiling Patriarch.

"Dogs?" Mei looked as though she was trying hard not to laugh.

"They're terrifying," Wei Wuxian replied. "But Lan Zhan will protect me – won't you, husband?"

The tips of Lan Wangji's earlobes were red. "Yes."

"Dogs," Mei repeated.

 _You're telling me this whole catastrophe could have been averted if we had just trained more dogs_?!

"Dogs," Jiang Cheng confirmed.

"But they're adorable," Meishi said. "And loyal."

"Loyal, indeed," said Jiang Cheng, unable to resist emphasizing the word to annoy Wei Wuxian. It came naturally, his spite. It was hard to cease.

Wei Wuxian was abashed. Lan Wangji, however, looked displeased at Jiang Cheng's insult.

Sensing that everything was going wrong, Meishi asked as innocently as she could, "So what is my husband afraid of?"

Jiang Cheng was appalled.

Wei Wuxian grinned. "Well, I was going to say pretty girls, but…"

Meishi colored as Jiang Cheng broke in. "Do you want to die?"

"A second time?"

Jiang Cheng wrinkled his nose. "Yes."

"Not really." Wei Wuxian leant against Lan Wangji. "I am enjoying newlywed life too much."

Lan Jingyi made a gagging noise.

"You know you were as happy as I was!" Lan Sizhui scolded him.

"Happy?" Jiang Cheng asked dryly. Wasn't Gusu-Lan Sect even more strict against cut-sleeves than the other sects combined? They had four thousand fucking rules, for heaven's sake.

"Indeed. We wrote Jin Ling immediately, too, and he responded by sending them lotus seeds, so I assume he was happy, too," said Lan Jingyi. And by _we wrote_ he meant _Lan Sizhui wrote_ , but he didn't feel like telling Jiang Cheng that just yet. Lan Jingyi liked being alive.

"He included a kind remark wishing us many children," Wei Wuxian said dryly.

Jiang Cheng seethed. "That little brat."

"It was rather proper of him, all things considered," Wei Wuxian said. Really, he'd been impressed.

Jiang Cheng wanted to yell. _But why didn't he tell_ me? _Why didn't he ask me for help on what to say? Or send_?

Not that he didn't know why. Jin Ling had probably expected Jiang Cheng to threaten his legs again. But still.

"I hear members of the Jin Sect are making trouble for him," said Lan Sizhui. Just in case Jin Ling wouldn't have told his uncle.

He hadn't, in fact, but Jiang Cheng knew regardless. He growled. "Yes."

Meishi watched him carefully. She was well aware of those social-climbing sect rapscallions, and their eagerness to seize Carp Tower. Frankly, she was counting on it.

Perhaps their chaos that was why Jin Ling was always around his uncle, instead of where he belonged.

Still, she didn't want harm to come to Jin Ling. She could pity a child who suddenly found himself the last remaining member of his family. After all, it wasn't like Jin Ling had anything to do with her family's suffering. That was all Meng Yao, and Jin Guangshan. How unfair for him.

"They won't be for long," said Jiang Cheng, and to his surprise, his wife squeezed his hand. Her eyes regarded him with utterly serious agreement.

* * *

"I like her," said Wei Wuxian that night. He and Lan Wanji were back in their room in an inn not far from Lotus Pier. His stomach was full of spicy Yunmeng Jiang food and his head full of memories. "She seems like she's sweet and proper, but there's a bite to her words. She won't just obey he says. That will be good for him."

"…" Lan Wangji was nearly certain he had seen her before, and not as a member of the Tao Sect.

"Lan Wangji, what is it?" Wei Wuxian turned his head.

Lan Wangji shook his head. When they returned to the Cloud Recesses, he could consult Lan Xichen.

Xichen had been in the Nightless City the day Wen Ruohan had died. If anyone would know what became of the daughter, it would be him.

He did not want to guess at motives or identity unless he was certain. If there was anything years of defending Wei Wuxian against endless scandalous lies had taught him, it was that.

So instead of answering, he pushed Wei Wuxian against the wall.

"The wall tonight, hmm?" Wei Wuxian's hands dug into Lan Wangji's shoulders. "Pity there's not another bathtub we can break…"

 **A bit slow, this chapter. But next up, Jiang Cheng has some business at Carp Tower, a la the side chapters.**


	5. Blood and Vows

**Chapter Four**

 **Blood and Vows**

For all his bluster, Jin Ling hated being Jin Ling. He especially hated being Jin Ling, the orphan, the leader of the emaciated Lanling Jin Sect. For all their riches, there was no friend or family to share them with. Oh, but plenty of people now pretended to be his friend so they could steal his wealth, because they thought him stupid enough to fall for it, not because they cared. Jin Ling hated it all.

He especially hated that he wasn't much younger than Uncle Jiang Cheng when he had become Sect Leader. And his parents had been slaughtered at once, practically in front of him – and a bounty on his head – and yet, Uncle Jiang Cheng was strong and fearsome, and by comparison, Jin Ling was just pathetic.

Pathetic.

He felt pathetic.

"I'm sorry, Madame Su, but why should I help you? Your husband cursed one of my uncles, and helped betray all of us," Jin Ling said, siting in his position at the head of the Fragrant Palace. He felt certain he had to say this.

What would Jiang Cheng say? He probably wouldn't even have allowed Madame Su in his presence.

What would Jin Guangyao do? He should do the opposite – but Jin Guangyao had been kind at times, and Jin Ling missed him, and so he wasn't certain.

What would his father do? He wished he could remember Jin Zixuan, for just a second, for half a smile, so he could know.

In front of him, Madame Su was crying, and saying she knew nothing of her husband's curse, and she had two children in need of food, and she was kneeling.

Fairy liked her.

Jin Ling hesitated. What was right, what was fierce, what was strong, what was kind? Why did strength and kindness seem to differ so often?

No, Wei Wuxian was both, and Lan Wangji, too.

Jin Ling wanted to be strong, and more than that, he wanted to be thought strong. But he also liked being kind. He hated to admit it, but he wanted to be like Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji.

In the distance, he heard Jin Chan snort. "I'd rather die than accept help from that brat."

Though it was merely a snarky comment from his peers, Jin Ling looked mortally wounded, and frightened. "I…"

Well, now he'd done it. "Madame Su, we still won't punish you for your husband's actions. Lanling Jin Sect will help you."

She looked so relieved, Jin Ling felt a flicker of hope that he'd done the right thing.

But now Sect Leader Sheng was shaking his head in disapproval, and Jin Ling felt desperate. Did he look weak? Was helping Madame Su weak?

"Young master, how could she not have noticed her husband's rebounded curse?" asked Sect Leader Sheng.

"I … " Jin Ling stuttered.

"I didn't know who he used it on! He had an explanation – he did used the curse on the Wen-dog who murdered his family, one of the Wen-dogs kept safe by the Yiling Patriarch," pled Madame Su.

Jin Ling wanted to scream.

"A month ago, you would have believed Su She, too," said Sect Leader Pan. She was a woman, head of her household, and frequently delighted in besting the other male Sect Leaders.

She wore a triumphant smirk on her face. As if now Jin Ling would favor her over Sect Leader Sheng.

He wished he had an advisor he trusted.

He wanted Uncle Jin Guangyao back, to be honest, but he was dead, and Jin Ling missed him, and that misery made governing even harder. He wanted Auntie Qin Su, who would pat his shoulders when he cried for fear of failure and assure him that he was worthwhile.

"I don't know," said Jin Ling, hating himelf for the words pouring from his lips. Now he sounded like Nie Huaisang.

He didn't trust Nie Huaisang, but if that idiot wanted to take over the role of Chief Cultivator, Jin Ling would gladly surrender!

"But if we don't know," Jin Ling said quickly, "I would rather her children not suffer."

Sect Leader Sheng scowled, while Sect Leader Pan sneered at him, and Jin Chan laughed and laughed.

Jin Ling pressed his hands together to keep from trembling. Jin Chan and his friends raced off to practice hunting or kite-flying or whatever they did in groups of friends, because they didn't have to manage a sect.

He had to manage on his own. He had to earn Uncle Jiang Cheng's respect – because Uncle Jiang Cheng was the only family he had left.

* * *

"Sect Leader Nie," Meishi said by way of greeting. It was evening, and only two servants from Yunmeng Jiang surrounded her. She stood in the center of Lotus Pier, without Jiang Cheng, who was out night hunting. "Your visit is a surprise, especially so late in the evening."

Her voice was perfectly formal. Anyone would have believed his visit was actually a surprise, and not something they had planned. Or, really, she had planned, and he had agreed.

Nie Huaisang waved a hand. "Can we speak in private, Madame Jiang?"

His voice cracked a bit when he spoke her title, as if it pained him.

Mei wanted to hit him, but dipped her head in agreement. "Certainly."

She turned to the two maids who accompanied her. "Feng Xuilan, Yan Min, please grant us privacy."

The two maids nodded – spunky Min and delicate Xuilan, the two Meishi suspected Jiang Cheng had assigned her simply because his mother always had two maids. These two were quite strong cultivators despite their differences in style.

Once Nie Huaisang had dismissed his own servants, Mei leant against the pillar. "It has not been quite two weeks. We were supposed to meet in another two days."

"Yes," Nie Huaisang said. She looked calm and more commanding than he'd last seen her, but her red bridal robes had been exchanged for Jiang purple, and he didn't like that.

"So…why are you here?" Mei prompted. "Something must be wrong."

A lot was wrong, and he couldn't sleep, and he was certain she had noticed the dark circles under his eyes. The guilt of murder, coupled with the dissatisfaction of vengeance and the loneliness he now felt after marriage of his partner in conspiracy, had quickly taken a toll on him.

"Did you get enough blood from Xue Yang when he fell?" he asked instead.

Meishi's eyes widened. She'd like to forget that night, the night they realized the chaotic mass-murderer was about to be killed before they could use him.

* * *

She'd whisked the man away and drained his blood after he died from the injuries inflicted by Hanguang-Jun.

His last words still bothered her. Dying, his vision blurring, he sprawled across the ground before she and Nie Huaisang. Still, Xue Yang could recognize what she had prepared to do. "You really are committed, huh?"

Mei had said nothing.

"Wanna kiss me one more time?" He spat up blood. Bleeding from his face and his severed hand. His handsome, rogue features were twisted, and deathly pale.

"You'll just pretend I'm Xiao Xincheng again," Mei had finally replied.

Still, he knew. He knew that she didn't regret not killing him as she'd originally intended. She'd pinpointed his weakness as she let him play loose with her body.

"Blood of the devil…pah." He chortled. "When you do it…don't tell Xiao Xincheng...he shouldn't know I helped."

"I can't promise that," Meishi said, holding his hand as he expelled his last breath.

He slurred something next. She liked to think the word was " _good_."

* * *

Mei's eyes swept the room carefully. Satisfied that no one was nearby, she said, "Yes, I think so."

The blood was now kept in her chest of clothing, in liquor jars, alongside Wen Xu's sword. She paused. "It's a bit hard to tell without the spell. I'm basing this all off memory."

It wasn't as if she was allowed in the Fire Palace often as a child.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get it when we were in Jin Guangyao's room." This was his fault.

"Me too." Mei shrugged.

Nie Huaisang spoke quickly. "I'm here because you'll need to visit Carp Tower sooner than anticipated."

"Trouble, already?" Mei shook her head. She'd been counting on this, but still. Greedy, ambitious sect leaders sure moved fast.

Though she wasn't sure she was much different. No, surely she was. Her motive was revenge rather than ambition, she reminded herself.

"They see a vulnerable child. Of course they do," Nie Huaisang said with a sigh. He could emphasize with that. At least Jin Ling was less timid than he.

Still, he wore an expression of concern. "But, I don't know. It may already be so bad Jiang Cheng's intervention will earn him praise rather than criticism."

"It's his beloved sister's child," Meishi said. "It always would at first. It's how he handles the _aftermath_ that is our opportunity. And, once we're there, I can ascertain the spell."

"If he doesn't – you have to convince him –"

"I will," Mei said, blowing out her breath impatiently. "I wouldn't have suggested this entire plot if I didn't think I could. Or that you could."

Although she hadn't thought he could murder. That was her one mistake. If she hadn't murdered anyone since she was thirteen and fleeing for her life, if not even she could kill Xue Yang, how could mild-mannered Nie Huaisang kill anybody?

"He won't hurt you, will he?" Nie Huaisang fretted. "If something goes wrong."

Mei scowled. "Nothing will go wrong again."

"What?" He looked ill. "Has he already?"

"His anger mostly arises from sorrow," Mei said at last. "No, he hasn't."

"Good." He looked sad again, and Mei fought the urge to kick herself for having kissed him once. He had better not have regrown feelings for her. If Jiang Cheng found out, everything could go wrong.

"Now, call back in your servants. We've spent a bit too much time alone together."

* * *

"How went the hunting?" His right-hand man stood there, arms crossed and an expression of concern on his face.

"A few corpses, nothing too serious." Jiang Cheng said. Things seemed almost peaceful. These last few nights, he returned earlier to Lotus Pier.

He was no longer alone in his room, and though he didn't know her well, he had to admit his conversations with his wife were interesting.

And he liked holding her while he slept. It was comforting. It felt almost like hope.

"Sect Leader Nie was here," said his right-hand man. His name was Yu Bolin, and he was a distant relative of Jiang Cheng's.

"Was?" Jiang Cheng frowned.

"He left."

"Already?"

"Master Jiang – don't get angry –"

"Now that you've said that, I will." Jiang Cheng's eyes began to simmer. "What are you afraid to tell me?"

"He and Madame Jiang seem to have an unusually close relationship."

Jiang Cheng blanched. "What?"

No – that didn't make sense. Nie Huaisang had helped recommend Meishi to him.

He laughed coldly. "I doubt it was anything like you suspect."

"They each dismissed their servants and spent a long time talking. I can't speak to Madame Jiang's thoughts, but Nie Huaisang has never been in control of his emotions."

Jiang Cheng was pale. "Well then, it sounds like you spied on them and nothing improper happened."

"No, Sect Leader." Yu Bolin lowered his head. "But I would not be a disciple of Yunmeng Jiang if I did not let you know."

Jiang Cheng nodded. He didn't know what else to say. He could speak to Meishi, surely. But if she did not tell the truth?

Why would she deceive him? She wouldn't. Nie Huaisang was likely a murderer and a would-be adulterer, but not Meishi. She was fun-loving, but utterly proper. That was why Jiang Cheng liked her.

Still, he picked up his pace as he approached their palace.

* * *

Meishi waited in the chamber she shared with Jiang Cheng. Sh busied herself taking her hair down, which usually excited him. He was about to be more enraged than excited when he heard about Carp Tower, but she was certain she could…temper his temper.

The door opened. Though Meishi's back was still to the door, she could feel resentment from here. "I heard you were meeting with Nie Huaisang."

Mei stiffened at his tone. _Already_?

She slowly turned around. Her voice was cool, as if daring him to provoke her further. "Yes, what of it?"

Jiang Cheng crossed his arms. "Some would consider that improper."

"Some also think the evil Wei Wuxian is responsible for every stub of their toe." Mei turned her back to him and finished unbraiding her hair.

"You are my _wife_." Jiang Cheng felt certain he could not say what he wanted. That his father had had an improper friendship with Cangse Sanren, and even though Jiang Fengmian would never have betrayed Yu Zixuan, people whispered for years afterwards, and it ruined their relationship.

 _I don't want that to happen to us._ She had to understand how important that was, but he couldn't bring himself to say those words, couldn't talk about the pain of his parents.

Mei spun back to face him. "Yes, I am! I made vows to _you_ , Jiang Cheng, not Nie Huaisang. I may have a mutual correspondence with him, but what of it? If I had wanted to marry him, why would I not have?"

Jiang Cheng honestly had not been expecting her fury. He gaped at her.

"Would I, the daughter of a minor Leader, be stupid enough to flaunt an adulterous relationship between two major Sect Leaders? Not to mention so soon after our wedding."

"But I didn't. I married you, I wanted to marry you. I do not make vows lightly," Mei seethed. In fact, before her wedding, the last vow was to Father, and she did not plan on breaking that one.

Father hated those who broke their vows.

And yes, she would eventually betray Jiang Cheng, but not in this way. Never.

Jiang Cheng stared at her. She seemed uncharacteristically furious. This was going to end just like Father and Mother, wasn't it?

"Then why would you meet with him?" he asked at last, unwilling to let go of his fear and anger.  
"He's a useful source of information, and quite easy to pry." Mei flicked back a strand of hair.

He snorted. "But why alone?"

"Does everyone need to know potentially sensitive information?" Mei asked. "He came out of concern for your nephew."

"Jin Ling?"

"Do you have another?"

Jiang Cheng scowled. He was not in the mood for sarcasm.

Mei stepped forward and took Jiang Cheng's hands. "The situation in Carp Tower sounds overwhelming for a lone Sect Leader, especially one still in his youth."

Jiang Cheng pulled away from her hands. "Define 'overwhelming.'"

Mei narrowed her eyes. "Sects vying for favor and power, each one competing with the other to manipulate him, rumors that they'd be better off destroying Lanling Jin Sect just like Qishan Wen."

Jiang Cheng jerked. "What?! Jin Ling is just a child. He's not responsible for Jin Guangyao or Jin Guangshan's sins."

Mei bit her tongue as her eyes widened. _Neither was I! Neither was I!_ _Why did you have to help kill everyone I loved_?

"I can't let that happen. If those idiots think they can hurt him –" Jiang Cheng shook.

"Shall we go to Carp Tower?" Mei asked, calmly.

"You wouldn't need to come along."

Mei cocked an eyebrow. "Do you think you'll simply waltz in there, whip them with Zidian, and they won't return with more bitterness?"

He sneered. "No –"

Meishi laid a hand on Jiang Cheng's arm. "Your strengths are in fighting and cultivating. Mine are in conversation and winning allies. I think Jin Ling could use both."

Jiang Cheng pondered this. He had no idea what a proper cultivation partnership looked like, save Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, and theirs wasn't proper. But perhaps _partnership_ was a key piece, after all.

"So you never had unseemly interactions with Nie Huaisang?" he asked instead of answering.

He was still caught on that? Mei weighed her response. She wouldn't consider plotting chaos in the cultivation world proper, but that wasn't what Jiang Cheng was asking, was it?

 _The best lies are mixed with truth_. "I never said never."

Jiang Cheng jerked. "What?"

"I kissed him once. Before our engagement. To stop his constantly worrying mouth." She spoke matter-of-factly. He didn't have to know how soon before the engagement.

Jiang Cheng wasn't sure why, but he laughed, albeit harshly. "You – you –"

He too would have given anything to shut Nie Huaisang up, but a kiss?

"Does that bother you? It hasn't happened since, nor will it."

"No. You lived a life before me." Jiang Cheng shrugged. Truthfully, he was bothered less by the fact that she had kissed Nie Huaisang, and more that she had experience kissing when Jiang Cheng had not. "I –"

Mei stood on her toes and pressed her cheek against his. "I can use this technique on you, too, I think."

Jiang Cheng turned his mouth to meet hers. "I'd like to see you try."

"You will," she said, biting his lip.

"First, Jin Ling," he said. "I don't want to wait for the morning. If –"

"I understand." She stepped back. "Let's be on our way."


	6. Sparks Amidst SNow

**Chapter Five**

 **Sparks Amidst Snow**

The sun was barely rising in the Center of Lanling City. Carp Tower was a pretty sight, overrun with pretty people dressed in pretty yellow clothing bearing the sigil of Sparks-Amidst-Snow. Pretty vermillion dots distinguished their foreheads. Pretty to everyone who didn't know enough to see the rotten core.

"He'll listen to us," bragged one leader, holding forth a chest of gold.

"Pfft, you don't buy out youngsters. You befriend them," said another man, who looked to be a commoner. Still, he was determined to force his way inside.

"This is bullshit," Jiang Cheng breathed.

No, he was not supposed to walk fast down the main road. But he didn't much care for showing respect right now. Not for anyone except Jin Ling.

"Indeed." Meishi would not want to be one of the social climbers vying for Jin Ling's favor within the tower.

They passed Jin Guangyao's murals, which had been desecrated with crude remarks, and Mei was surprised by her internal discomfort. There wasn't anything really to relish about seeing the words _sister-fucker_ scrawled across a relief.

She had just wanted his exposure and humiliation. Not death, after which more and more lies could be written.

"Shouldn't be hard. With luck, the brat's probably inbred, too," laughed the first man.

Jiang Cheng sucked in a breath. That was an insult to Jin Ling, to Jiang Yanli, even to Jin Zixuan.

Without a word, Zidian lashed out and struck the man. He tumbled backwards, spilling gold everywhere.

Shouts rang out. The second man ran behind a group of older women, and Jiang Cheng scoffed at his cowardice.

On instinct, Meishi grabbed the gold and tested it with her teeth. She eyed the man coldly. "False, too. I'm quite certain that's a crime."

The man glared. Jiang Cheng he recognized, but this woman? "Who are you, you bitch?"

"My wife," Jiang Cheng spat, at the same time Mei replied, "A bitch."

The man paled, as Jiang Cheng and Mei exchanged confused glances.

She was confused that he would be indignant for her sake, and he was confused that such a diatribe barely bothered her, and that she would respond so combatively. Combative behavior was his specialty, not hers, right? That was why she'd insisted on coming along.

He really didn't know her, he thought with frustration.

"Let's not waste more time on him," suggested Meishi, quietly. She handed the false gold back to the man. She ought to behave a bit better right now. "May I suggest a better use for this? Buy food from the rich to give to the poor."

Jiang Cheng was displeased. "Or be rid of it entirely."

Mei smiled politely. "That, too."

Jiang Cheng shook his head at her. Her eyes softened to ward off any anger.

Apparently thinking better of a confrontation at the moment, with Zidian raised in his hand, Jiang Cheng approached the entry to Carp Tower. Disciples of Lanling Jin Sect pressed around every side of him, trying his patience.

He shoved a couple apart and, to his relief, heard Meishi apologize behind him.

A few turned to stare at Zidian.

Jiang Cheng's mouth twisted. "I suggest _all_ of you get out of my way."

* * *

Jin Ling was stuck in the Fragrant Palace. More people than ants surrounded him. He felt as though he were suffocating. "Do you know what your uncle did? He wiped out most of our family!"

The He family was reduced to a distant cousin and his wife, and their four grubby children. "We demand retribution."

"Retribution?! I didn't harm you! And you make a nice living at the inn!" cried Jin Ling. Too much, too much! He was giving too much money away.

He could see Sect Leader Sheng glowering at him.

"The _restaurant_ ," corrected Master He.

"Even better than an inn," Jin Ling said quickly. "I –"

"If you don't think your uncle's actions deserve atonement, then, I'm not sure why you're still leader," sniffed Madame He.

"It's not that I don't think so –" Jin Ling began. He could feel his palms sweating.

"How can a spoiled brat understand us?!" cried another woman.

"Shut up!" Jin Ling heard himself shriek then, and oh, he sounded just like a spoiled brat, just like an unsuitable leader, just like –

 _Crack_.

Purple flashed and sizzled before Jin Ling's eyes. The woman who'd called him a brat was sprawled across the floor.

His boot met one of the chests someone had brought to bribe him, sending food and trinkets skittering over the tiles.

"Have you no shame or respect? Taking advantage of your new leader! Cultivation Sects work best when everyone works together, instead of devouring each other like greedy wolves!" Jiang Cheng roared.

He advanced upon Master He.

"You can't hurt me, Sandu Shengshou," he insisted, clutching his wife like a shield.

Jiang Cheng whitened at the name; apparently, he was not fond of his nickname.

Master He continued, "You would hurt those hurt by Jin Guangyao?"

"Let's discuss how _you_ would." Meishi leant casually against the door, pointing to Jin Ling. "Like that young man there. You could edify him, help him, but no, you want to guilt him into giving you money. Well, from what I know about you, Master He, you cut off ties with your family long before Jin Guangyao murdered them."

"How would you know?!"

"I have ears," Meishi replied, folding her arms. _And a habit of searching for the last members of massacred sects_. "I've always wondered, were you the one who sold out your second-cousin?"

Master He's face pinched. He looked rather like a snake to her. "You must be joking. You – "

Zidian struck him full-force in the mouth. His children shrieked, and at the sound Mei looked, for a moment, like she was somewhere else.

"You think you know power? True power does not have to tear down the vulnerable," spat Jiang Cheng, gripping his whip so hard his knuckles were white. He turned to face the stairs winding up Carp Tower, and the hundreds of ingrates trying to hurt Jin Ling. "If anyone tries to take advantage of my nephew, they will have a face-to-face conversation with Zidian. Understood?!"

Jin Ling's mouth opened and closed. But – wait – Meishi – should it be Aunt Meishi? – was prompting him with surreptitious gestures of her hand.

"Thank you, Sect Leader Jiang. I'd appreciate your guidance for the rest of today," said Jin Ling, stiff and formal.

Meishi nodded approvingly.

"Jin Ling," replied his uncle. His voice was harsh. His back was still turned.

Jin Ling's shoulders drew together. "Yes?"

 _You don't have to be afraid of me. You can ask me for help_. Jiang Cheng wanted to tell him that every time he acted afraid, it felt like a failure on his part, like a knife in his heart.

What came out was, "You're the leader of Lanling Jin Sect. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

It sounded like a scolding.

Jin Ling nodded.

* * *

Lan Wangji strode across a rabbit-infested path towards his brother's jinshi, his heart set on finally asking. He had hesitated only because his questions would bring up memories, painful memories of Lan Xichen's sworn brothers, murdered by each other.

To his surprise, voices came from inside Lan Huan's jinshi.

"I'm rather flattered," Lan Xichen was saying with a soft laugh.

"Good." Lan Jingyi leapt to his feet. He clapped his hands. "You've given me more than enough ideas."

"Give it time, too," ordered Xichen.

"Yes, of course," said Lan Jingyi, not entirely truthful, and by Lan Xichen's resulting snort, he clearly recognized that. "Thank you again!"

He ran out of the doorway to smack into Lan Wangji. "Ah! Hanguang-Jun!"

"Brother?" Lan Xichen poked his head out. "Usually I hear your approach."

"We were busy talking." Lan Jingyi wore a suspicious grin.

"…" Lan Wangji watched their disciple race down the path. Jingyi was practically bristling with excitement. "What were you discussing?"

"A personal matter for Lan Jingyi." A flicker of a smile, an actual smile, appeared again on Lan Xichen's face. He waved his brother inside. "He wants to best support a relationship between Lan Sizhui and Jin Ling."

"…" Lan Wangji was dumbfounded. _Sizhui? My Sizhui? And Jin Ling? Already_?

"He recognized that he and I were in similar positions, you see," said Lan Xichen.

His brother's earlobes were red.

"Marriage suits you, Lan Zhan. I'm happy for your happiness," said Lan Xichen.

Lan Wangji hung his head. "I wish for yours."

Lan Xichen sat down. He was silent for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was raw with grief.

"Even if he came back, what would I say? What would I do? His actions were condemnable enough to justify execution."

Lan Wangji was stunned. For the first time, his brother acknowledged the truth – that he though he had seen Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, he had been blinded to his own feelings. His own friendship.

Not that Lan Xichen would have ever acknowledged anything while Jin Guangyao had been married. And by the time Jin Guangyao had murdered his wife, the awful truth had broken their closeness forever.

But the killing blow, the killing blow; why did that have to be Xichen?

Lan Wangji reached out a hand, certain that no words could suffice.

"You have another matter on your mind," said Xichen, lifting his head so quickly that no one except Lan Wangji would notice the tears that had gathered in his eyes.

"You were with Meng Yao and Chifeng-Zun in Nightless City that day."

"Indeed." Lan Xichen laughed. "I'm a fool, Lan Zhan. I still believe him, that he didn't have a choice to kill the members of Nie Sect."

"Knowing Wen Ruohan, he did not," agreed Lan Wangji. Whether Meng Yao enjoyed it was not necessarily connected to whether he needed to do it.

He spoke carefully. "Did anyone ever find the young mistress of Wen?"

"The daughter?" Lan Xichen looked surprised. "We scoured the palace once it was taken. We never found a body, but there were so many. Most likely she died and became one of Wei Wuxian's corpses."

It was tragic. She was a child, and while Jin Guangyao had insisted she must die, he and Nie Mingjue were less certain.

Because Lan Xichen remembered the night the Cloud Recesses were burned, the night he had to flee even though he saw a Wen break Lan Wangji's leg, even though he knew he would likely never see his Father alive again.

There was a girl, perhaps eleven, watching the scrolls burn, watching him stumble away.

He dropped a scroll. It rolled towards her feet, and she picked it up, and her eyes widened, as if she had never seen its text before.

She hid it in her dress rather than let it burn. And told two Wen Sect disciples that he had fled in a different direction.

And so Lan Xichen had pitied her ever since.

"She was known to be clever and adept at hiding. She likely saw her father's death and tried to flee, though survival was unlikely once the corpses arrived." Lan Xichen paused. "I assume you ask because you have reason to believe she is alive, even after all these years?"

Lan Wangji nodded. He looked grim. "What do you know about the Tao Sect sympathies?"

Lan Xichen started. Understanding dawned on him. "You are speaking of Sect Leader Jiang's wife."

"She bears more than a passing resemblance to Wen Xu and Wen Ruohan, and little to her supposed family." But it was more than that. Lan Wangji too had seen her that night, watching her brother destroy the Cloud Recesses. She was ordered to stand there and watch the power of the Wen family. She looked scared, and Wen Xu patted her on the head.

Lan Wangji was quite certain he recognized her older features in Tao Meishi.

"The Tao family is close to the Nie clan," said Lan Xichen.

 _And Nie Huaisang may have started this all_ , thought Lan Wangji. _Do you see_?

Lan Xichen did see the same, but without anger or dread. He felt empty. So what if Nie Huaisang had? He, Lan Xichen, had still delivered the killing blow.

But if this were a revenge-driven conspiracy on behalf of the Qishan Wen Sect, why would Nie Huaisang support them? He wouldn't.

Or maybe Lan Xichen had never known anybody, apart from Lan Wangji. He'd never even known the man he loved, or that he had loved him.

* * *

"You can stay in the Blooming Garden tonight, if you wish." Jin Ling waved his arm as he led his uncle and his new wife down the hall after a dinner rich in foods served as only Lanling Jin could serve.

The boy's smile was sad. "It's for my uncles, after all. The heads of the household."

Jiang Cheng shifted. He really didn't want the room that used to be occupied by Jin Guangyao and his – uh – sister.

"Thank you, Young Master Jin." Meishi spoke before he could. _Perfect_. She would not have to sneak so much. So long as the books of forbidden rituals remained. If anyone had the ritual written, it would be Jin Guangyao.

Jin Ling nodded. He felt like a failure, a hateful failure.

He needed to go night hunting with his friends. They didn't think he was a failure.

Lan Jingyi liked to joke around with him, and though Jin Ling wasn't good at responding to jokes, he loved the feeling of inclusion.

And Lan Sizhui, whose gentle eyes made him feel safe and home, who cried last week to tell him he was actually a Wen, and made Jin Ling feel special knowing his secret.

And Jin Ling found himself staring at Lan Sizhui, over and over, because the sight of his friend made him so happy.

He needed that tonight. More than he needed Uncle Jiang Cheng.

* * *

"What you said to Master Yu – was that true?" Jiang Cheng asked as the doors shut behind them.

"It's certainly true that there's a rumor." Meishi rubbed her hands together. "My – Father – has a weak spot for orphans and abandoned children. After the He family was killed, he sought out their survivors, as he did with many others. But the circumstances didn't add up; they weren't hiding, and yet Jin Guangyao left them alone."

"Ah." Jiang Cheng sighed. No wonder Sect Leader Tao had set his sights upon him as his daughter's husband, then. "Pity he didn't live closer to Lotus Pier all those years ago."

If he had, could he have escape with Wei Wuxian? Could none of the past – core melting, core giving, demonic cultivation, Yanli's death, have happened?

For a second, Jiang Cheng was lost in possibilities. Most of all, the thought of friendship with Wei Wuxian never strained tantalized him.

He wanted him back.

Meishi regarded him closely. "You seem lost in regret."

Jiang Cheng shook his head. "Ha! No."

"I'm sure he would have helped," said Mei. What would have happened, then, if she and Jiang Cheng grew up childhood friends instead of enemies?

But no, she was only an orphan because of Jiang Cheng.

"You, too?" Jiang Cheng smiled. "Would you have made us your lotus tea?"

"No. I didn't learn that until later." Meishi rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I would have punched you to disfigurement so no one would recognize you."

In fact, she had done that to herself, partially for discernment and partially for guilt, and caused Father Tao no end of anxiety.

"You would have thought that far?"

"I never stop thinking," she said cheekily.

"You couldn't best two teenage boys." Jiang Cheng smirked.

"Of course I could." She winked. "It's all in the surprise."

His hand caught her wrist. What could he say? That he was in awe? That she frightened him, just a little, because he couldn't understand her innumerable contradictions? "Let me guess: more kisses?"

Wait, that wasn't what he should have said. He could have slapped himself.

"You're still thinking of that?" she snapped in return.

Jiang Cheng swallowed. He looked sullen.

Meishi surveyed him. "Oh, I get it. You never kissed anyone before me. You're afraid you don't compare."

"I compare just fine," Jiang Cheng retorted.

"You do," Mei confirmed. She felt a rush of relief that she wasn't lying here. "You're the best man I've kissed."

"Am I." He wrinkled his nose. "Or are you just saying that to pacify me?"

"I'm not, but you're welcome to prove it again." Mei moved to sashay away.

He lunged forward to grab her wrist. He pushed his lips against hers, felt her gasp and open her mouth, inviting him further in.

Mei wrapped her arms over his neck. He swung her backwards, off balance.

"You!" She toppled towards the floor, and he caught her. "You did that on purpose!"

"So what if I did?" He pushed her beneath him, against the hard stone, because like hell was he using that bed, and pinned her arms above her head.

"Not even patient enough to move to a bed?" She breathed between his kisses, which had grown more feral.

She stuck out her tongue, but he took hers into his mouth. In response, Mei wrapped her legs around him, drawing him close enough to feel him hardening beneath his tunic.

Suddenly her eyes focused behind him, and despite their joint mouths, a small shriek escaped her lips.

Jiang Cheng whirled around and promptly wished for death.

His nephew stood there.

Jin Ling.

Saw.

Him. With his wife sprawled beneath him. Sweating and red-faced and engaging in activities Jin Ling did not need to know about.

"Uh." Jin Ling squeaked. He looked ready to vomit, or flee.

This was it. Surely this was when his legs were broken beyond repair. This was his reward for trying to mend his relationship with his uncle, to thank him for his help, to show him how strong he was by inviting him out with him –

"I didn't – I didn't mean – I'm off night-hunting!" squealed Jin Ling.

"You're not going alone!" Jiang Cheng clamored to his feet.

"You're busy!" shrieked Jin Ling, floundering for the door. He missed the handle in his hast and thunked his head against the doorframe. He narrowly dodged Jiang Cheng and sprinted down the hall.

"Jin Ling!" Jiang Cheng bellowed, but his nephew had already raced away.

He turned around, aware of his rumpled appearance, and saw several servants staring at him.

"Oh, piss off," he snarled before leaping back inside the room.

Meishi's face was a mix of embarrassment and amusement. Plus, Jiang Cheng's rudeness towards servants would certainly not endear him to the citizens of Lanling. This was perfect. "Shall you go after your nephew?"

Jiang Cheng hesitated. "I do want him to become more independent, but I – I can't lose him – you know."

"I know." Mei nodded. She reached out to straighten his tunic and smooth his hair.

After he left, Mei sank back to the floor.

What hurt her was that she _was_ enjoying it. That she did like fucking Jiang Cheng, her enemy, and not just for revenge.

If he weren't her enemy, if he hadn't killed her brother and, by extent, her family, she would have been happy to marry someone like Jiang Cheng.

She always did like the dangerous boys, she thought with self-disgust. To find Wen Xu's sword, she'd pleasured many an unruly man, and she rather liked the feeling of control. But she didn't like their presence, and she felt embarrassed afterwards.

She didn't feel that way about her husband. She liked the nights they spent together, and their banter.

She stroked the satchel of herbs by her side. She was diligent to choke down the bitterest ones. It wouldn't do to have a child now. Besides, if Jiang Cheng ever threatened to break their child's legs, she would break his in retaliation.

If only she didn't have to hate him.

But now Jiang Cheng was gone. It was time to slip inside the room of treasures, to see if Jin Guangyao could prove himself useful after death.

Still, she sat there for longer than she liked, muttering repeatedly, "If only I didn't have to hate him."


	7. The Weight of Guilt

**Chapter Six**

 **The Weight of Guilt**

"Young Master Jin, you seem distracted," said Wen Ning, softly, hesitantly. Even though he'd been watching these kids on their nighttime excursions for weeks, he was never quite comfortable addressing Jin Ling. Guilt, apparently, could form and last long after death.

"I'm fine," Jin Ling snapped. Even in the moonlight, his pink cheeks were obvious.

"What happened?" Lan Jingyi asked over the burbling of a steam, as Lan Sizhui fluttered a hand towards Jin Ling.

"Are you okay?"

Jin Ling looked ready to scream. And melt into the damp grass.

"Is it your uncle? We heard he came to Carp Tower." Jingyi deftly leapt across the stream. Fairy waded after him and promptly shook himself, splattering water all over Lan Jingyi. "Fairy!"

"Truthfully, I'm glad Jiang Cheng is there," said Lan Sizhui, offering his hand to help Jin Ling across.

"I can cross myself," said Jin Ling, and to anyone else, Lan Sizhui would look unaffected by this rejection.

But to these wre his friends. To all of them, Sizhui visibly wilted.

Enough, even, that Wen Ning looked taken aback. His eyes flitted from Jin Ling to Lan Sizhui, and back.

"Fine. You'll have to carry me." Jin Ling flopped into Lan Sizhui's arms, nearly toppling them both.

"Mistress," Lan Jingyi said under his breath.

"It's not if he didn't offer!" raged Jin Ling, nestled awfully comfortably in Lan Sizhui's arms. Sizhui had a smile not on his mouth, but in his eyes.

"So it is your uncle?" Lan Sizhui asked finally, giving Jin Ling the patient smile Jin Ling needed right now.

Jin Ling looked away as Lan Sizhui placed him on the shore. His voice stuttered. "Not exactly. I – I saw – people I shouldn't – people d-d-doing things –"

"Doing what?" Lan Sizhui asked in alarm, just as Lan Jingyi slapped the closest tree in delight. The crack startled Wen Ning.

Jingyi couldn't help himself. "You did not! Wait, who was it? Your uncle? I bet it was your uncle."

"What are we talking about?" Wen Ning asked with dread.

"You walked in on your uncle and his wife fucking!" shrieked Lan Jingyi. He could not have been more delighted by this mishap.

Wen Ning gasped, and if he could blush, he would have been red as the Wen crest.

Lan Sizhui turned a pale shade of grey.

"It was an accident!" Jin Ling clamped a hand over his eyes, as if he could block out the memory.

"Jin Ling! Why do you always run when I call you?" Just then, at the worst possible moment, Jiang Cheng's voice broke through the forest.

The three teenagers and their Ghost General collectively found themselves in the painful position of holding back laughter, while simultaneously terrified.

* * *

As she passed through the bronze mirror, Mei surveyed the room before her. Qin Su had died in here, supposedly, and Wei Wuxian revealed himself, and revealed the culprit as Jin Guangyao.

She remembered these torture devices. Father wouldn't let her see them as a child, but she knew whenever Meng Yao had invented more, because Father had a gleam in his eyes. So she had snuck into the torture chambers to investigate, and once tried to twist her own arm off, just to see how it felt.

Her eyes fell on a curtain over a treasure cabinet. Something compelled her to lift the curtain, and she realized why as soon as she had lifted it.

Her breath hitched. This dagger – the dagger that showed face after face it killed, all people she didn't know but mourned – had been seized when the venerated triad had overtaken her home.

 _Did you take this when you killed him, or later_? she wondered, turning the blade over in her hands. She only remembered blood, and Father's unseeing eyes, and escaping as quickly as she could. She didn't remember whether a sword or a dagger or another weapon killed him. She didn't remember much at all, or more likely, she didn't want to.

She really ought to have been more mean as a child. Her one memorable interaction with Meng Yao had come upon news of Wen Chao's death.

She had been inconsolable.

It was her fault, you see, because she hadn't liked Wen Chao enough, because when he had fumed about never being as good as Wen Xu, right before he left, she had told him 'die and then you will be as good.'

"Wen Meishi, please," begged the servant, on his knees.

Him. That traitor, the one Father liked and she usually pitied. Meng Yao.

"No!" she cried, shoving him so hard he tumbled out of position. "I want my brother back! I don't want anything else!"

Just then, her door opened. The room was darkened by the figure of Wen Ruohan.

Now she had done it. _A servant off his knees is to be killed immediately._ Meishi winced and grabbed the man's wrists, tugging on him. "I'm sorry. Please, get up."

She spun around, looking at Father's chest instead of his surely disappointed eyes. She forced herself to stand between Father and Meng Yao. "Father, that was my fault, not his."

"I know," Father said, and Meishi shuddered in relief. To the servant he added, "Fall again, and I will not be so lenient next time."

"Thank you, Master Wen." With a bow, Meng Yao padded away on his knees.

"Meishi." Father's voice was a growl.

"Father." She trembled slightly, tears leaking down her cheeks. She bowed to mask the continued fall of tears.

"I – I – I want Wen Chao and Wen Xu back."

"And Wen Zhuliu?"

Meishi's cheeks reddened. "I want them all back."

To her dismay, her voice cracked, releasing a sob.

And then something happened that had never happened before, and would never happen again. Father picked her up, as if she were a child, and held her tight. She could feel his dagger hidden amongst the linen cloth, and for a moment, she still felt safe, as he let her cry into his linen robes.

* * *

"Don't pretend you didn't hear me calling," Jiang Cheng said crossly. He stood at the edge of the clearing in the forest. His eyes glowed with impatience.

"Um." Jin Ling looked at the ground.

Jiang Cheng clenched his teeth. All three brats were all avoiding his gaze. Wen Ning looked properly ashamed, but Lan Jingyi had a telltale smirk on his downward face, yes he did.

Unbelievable. He had _told_ them. This felt like treason.

"Jin. Ling."

His nephew jerked, as if he were afraid of his uncle.

Naturally. Who wouldn't be afraid or embarrassed by Jiang Cheng? He was pathetic.

Jiang Cheng swallowed a maelstrom of self-loathing. This was about Jin Ling's own good, not his own. "You are the leader of Jin Sect. You cannot run off without anyone accompanying you!"

"I was inviting you earlier," spluttered Jin Ling. "Really. That's the only reason I came in!"

Both uncle and nephew turned green.

Lan Jingyi was obviously biting the insides of his cheeks to keep from laughing.

Lan Sizhui, meanwhile, looked properly penitent. Jiang Cheng regarded him as the most tolerable of the miscreants here.

Jin Ling inched closer to Wen Ning, as if expecting the Ghost General to defend him from any and all harm.

Wen Ning, meanwhile, felt certain he would think fondly of this moment once Jiang Cheng no longer pointed a purple whip directly towards him.

Fairy bounded up to Jiang Cheng, hoping for treats. Well, at least the dog's carefree attitude meant there were no demons nearby.

Jiang Cheng's eyes swept from Wen Ning to his nephew and back again. "Jin Ling, stop emotionally blackmailing the Ghost General."

"I don't mind," said Wen Ning. He bit his tongue immediately, and probably too hard, but it wasn't as though he could feel.

" _I_ mind," hissed Jiang Cheng. He pointed again. "You may be dead, but you shouldn't – you shouldn't contribute to the corruption of these youths!" He paused before continuing his rant. "And they shouldn't lead you astray, either!"

Wen Ning brightened. Jiang Cheng didn't hate him enough to assume his very presence corrupted? This was a nice change.

Jiang Cheng was displeased. His words had clearly not offended Wen Ning enough. "You're coming back _now_ , Jin Ling."

"Yes, sir." Jin Ling motioned towards his dog. "Come on, Fairy."

Wen Ning's eyes widened as Jin Ling lightly but unmistakably brushed his sleeve against Lan Sizhui's.

Lan Jingyi met Wen Ning's gaze and winked.

"What are you winking at? Go home, before Lan Wangji punishes you both for breaking curfew!" barked Jiang Cheng.

"You won't tell? Thank you, sir," breathed Lan Sizhui.

Jiang Cheng's mouth opened. At first, he thought the kid was being sarcastic, but no, this child was too sincere. "Fine. Get lost before I change my mind."

* * *

Meishi wiped her eyes. She had been mesmerized by this treasure vault for too long. Some would find a macabre corpse-cutting table, runed talismans and an altogether atmosphere of resentful energy most unpleasant. But for Mei, she was reminded of home, and despite the despair, she almost enjoyed this place.

Her hand shot out to the bookshelf. Pages and pages written by the Yiling Patriach himself.

Ha, the very man to whom she had served tea at her wedding. And found it quite difficult to hate his smiling, mischievous face. Taken together with the kindness he had shown Wen Ning and Wen Qing, she felt a confusing gratitude that he could live a free man now.

But she still resented his murder of her family.

She flipped through several books, anxiety increasing, until she found a scroll with the name she desired: _Wen Ning_.

 _Thank you, Wei Wuxian,_ she thought grudgingly.

Wen Ruohan had tormented thousands, too. Perhaps, she thought as her heart rate relaxed, both of them deserved second chances.

She wouldn't hate Wei Wuxian so long as she could have her family again.

Before Jiang Cheng could return, Mei slipped out of the room. She pricked her finger and, removing scissors from her robes, fashioned a paper doll. Her message to Nie Huaisang was written with her own blood an sealed for all eyes but his.

She lay down on the bed. If Jiang Cheng returned, he would think her dreaming. _Time to fly, all the way to Nie Sect_.

* * *

"I prefer moths to butterflies. They're fluffier," said Lan Jingyi, as they flew on their swords back to the Cloud Recesses. The misfortune of Jiang Cheng had him merry despite their lack of hunting success.

"Ah." Lan Sizhui stopped short in the sky. "This isn't a moth."

* * *

 _Brats_! thought Mei. It was fortunate that she had sealed the note.

* * *

"I can't read it. I know it says something, but I can't read it. There's a powerful energy in such a small paper doll," puzzled Lan Sizhui.

"Let me see." Lan Jingyi leant over and nearly toppled himself and Wen Ning off his sword. "Oh, dammit!"

The paper doll had flown away.

* * *

"Thank you, Lan Jingyi," Mei muttered to herself. The next time she met the kid, she would buy him a present. He wouldn't know why, but that was okay.

* * *

"That was a queer feeling, to be sure," said Lan Sizhui as they landed just outside the Cloud Recesses. "There was something dark about it."

"Blood," said Wen Ning.

The two youths turned to him.

"It was written in blood." He paused. "I could not discern the words, either."

"Well, we'll see if we can concoct an excuse to mention it to Lan Qiren tomorrow," suggested Jingyi.

"An excuse? We ought to go with the truth," argued Lan Sizhui.

"But then we'll have to admit we snuck out. Lan Sizhui, you wouldn't want to ruin Jiang Cheng's one gesture of mercy."

"It was embarrassment, not mercy," countered Sizhui

Just then, a tall figure darkened the moonlight, cutting off their path.

Lan Jingyi's face fell.

"I'm sorry, young masters," said Wen Ning.

"It's not your fault," said Lan Jingyi, glumly.

Hanguang-Jun stood before them.

"Hi," said Jingyi with an awkward wave.

"I planned it," Lan Sizhui blurted, gesturing Wen Ning back into the shadows. "Blame me."

Lan Wanji sighed. His expression was ever inscrutable. "I do."

* * *

Meishi shook herself free of the paper doll as Jiang Cheng entered the room with a particularly miserable face. Nie Huiasang had just caught her, and she was grateful to escape his increasingly morose countenance.

"Yes?" Meishi waited to say anything. She watched him carefully.

"What?!" He finally demanded, kicking the door shut.

"Do you want to talk?" Her voice was calm and firm. Completely proper, again.

"There's nothing to talk about, except it isn't possible to punish a Sect Leader other than threats." Jiang Cheng kicked the wall this time. "Even if he's a child!"

"Please spare the wall." There was a note of humor in her voice.

He whirled around to glare at her.

"That face. There's quite a resemblance between you and your nephew," Mei replied, raising an eyebrow.

Jiang Cheng softened, even though he was quite certain she meant to poke fun at his sour expression. But any resemblance between him and Jin Ling felt like a blessing.

"I've failed him," he said instead, with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I suppose you don't mean the unfortunate interaction tonight," Mei said. She arose from the bed and crossed the room to stand before him.

She was merely asking for weaknesses. To destroy him, she reassured herself.

"Tell me," she said, as serious as she could.

He shook his head, but the bitter words began to spill forth. "He's running wild with those Lan brats. He'll turn into Wei Wuxian next."

"Mmm." Wei Wuxian, who murdered Wen Chao and JiaoJiao. Wei Wuxian, who saved Wen Ning and gave Mei hope for revenge.

Her voice came out sad. "Would that be so bad?"

Hoenstly, she wasn't sure herself.

Jiang Cheng gaped at her.

No, it really wouldn't, but he had spent thirteen years believing it would be, and he wasn't quite willing to abandon his conviction. He'd executed and tortured many demonic copycats to ensure they would never be able to become like Wei Wuxian. To say that Wei Wuxian was good, and he was, was to say that he had been wrong his entire life.

And he had been.

"You love your brother and your nephew, Jiang Cheng." Mei reached out a hand, only to hesitate. "But, for what it is worth, your nephew is more like you than you think."

"How unfortunate for him," he replied with a laugh. He spun around on his heel and flopped backwards onto the bed, like a petulant teenager. "I should not be the surviving Jiang. Did you know, Meishi? My father hated me. He wished Wei Wuxian was his son. Because Wei Wuxian knew the meaning of 'achieving the impossible,' our motto, and I, I was too straight-laced. Too rule abiding. How was I supposed to know that diabolism would have earned his love more than obedience?"

Meishi was shocked. Sure, the entire cultivation world had heard rumors of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan's infamous marriage. But this.

Jiang Cheng reminded her of Wen Chao, in the strangest of ways.

In their father's eyes, Wen Chao could never live up to Wen Xu. She recalled him throwing a similar fit, uttering remarkably similar words, to her when she was all of seven.

The difference between her husband and her brother was simply that Jiang Cheng had never given up, whereas Wen Chao accepted his father's displeasure and drowned his sorrows in lust just to feel wanted.

There were words on her tongue, words she often wished she had said to Wen Chao once she was old enough to think of them.

She could say them now, to the man who helped kill her brother instead.

Jiang Cheng's eyes had been closed, but they popped open once he felt arms wrapping around him and tears dripping onto his cheek.

"Don't you hate yourself. Don't you dare do that." She shook her head. "Your father never should have treated you like that, but that's on him, not _you_."

Jiang Cheng growled. "He was a good man!"

"Yes!" Mei's lips trembled. She rubbed his shoulder. "He also treated you wrong, and it's okay to mourn. You still – you still deserved to grow up with him alive."

She'd long known Wen Ruohan had done evil, inexcusable things. It didn't change that she wanted him alive. _We both deserved our parents alive._

"Don't hate yourself. You're enough," she murmured, over and over. "Even if he never recognized it, you're enough. I bet he would think highly of you now – resurrecting your sect, winning a war, reconciling with your brother, raising a nephew. You _have_ achieved the impossible. You're enough, and you always were."

She paused. Suddenly, Jiang Cheng reached out and grabbed her.

Mei was startled, but he merely pressed her close to his chest. A hug, and an awkward one at that, and yet she felt more connected with him right now than she had when they were physically intimate.

His breath was ragged, and she saw tears in his eyes as he held her.

Mei reached out to wipe them away before they spilled onto his face.

In the back of her mind, she thought, _If I don't hate you, you shouldn't hate yourself._


	8. Failure

**Chapter Seven**

 **Failures**

Nie Huaisang was too tired to fight his demons anymore. Which meant he didn't sleep, but rather spent his nights in a daze of horrible memories.

The easiest memory involved Mo Xuanyu.

He still saw Mo Xuanyu, rocking back and forth with the spell directions in his hand. Xuanyu admitted that he was willing to die, because having lost his position and his sanity, he was worthless. And yet he still thanked Nie Huaisang, because he was the first person to think he could still do something worthwhile in a very long time.

His harder memories involved Meishi. Kissing him, like she had wanted him. For a moment, he'd felt safe.

The worst memories, though, involved his brother.

"Brother, I'm here. I'm here!"

Nie Huaisang felt himself screaming, grabbing his brother as his eyes rolled back into his skull. Nie Mingjue was large for any person, especially one as weak as Nie Huaisang. So, in his final of many failures, he'd failed to stop his brother's body from hitting the earth.

He'd been ignoring his brother as much as possible since he burned Nie Huaisang's art collection. But was precisely because he burned that collection that Nie Huaisang had been lost in thought, puzzling because he was certain the notes Jin Guangyao played for Nie Mingjue were flawed, and he wanted to help correct them.

What a price he'd paid for failing to recall the art in time.

Nie Mingjue hadn't even recognized him, and even while he screaming and crying, and his nose was running, and people were watching and shouting and he didn't care. He shook his brother and begged him to wake up, wake up, wake the _fuck_ up.

He felt Jin Guangyao pull him aside as Lan Xichen tended to Nie Mingjue. Nie Huaisang couldn't see anymore because his tears came too fast.

 _"_ _I'm useless, remember? You can't die, not now_. _Please_ ," he begged, and realized he was speaking to Jin Guangyao, not Nie Mingjue, and that bastard actually held him tight in an embrace. That bastard actually wept himself.

After, all Nie Huaisang had really wanted was to figure out the wrong note Jin Guangyao had played. He had no intention of ever telling Jin Guangyao; instead, he planned on blaming himself further.

But when he'd figured it out, and realized the implications, one brick after another had fallen until he could no longer regard Jin Guangyao as innocent, much less a friend. And then he'd encountered Meishi lurking by the ancestral tomb, and she had validated and confirmed his worst suspicions.

All he'd really wanted was justice. Justice for his headless brother, justice for the prostitutes murdered like they were nothing, justice for the He clan and everyone who had been fooled into following a smiling, simpering version of Wen Ruohan.

And if his plot helped resurrect and redeem Wei Wuxian, his former friend, so much the better.

He sat before a single flame tonight, burning money. And a fan. For his brother.

"I know it's not the saber you want, but will you take it?" He paused. "Did you discover any of my fans in the afterlife?"

The room was silent.

"I know you wouldn't approve of my trick, but I didn't see another way," Nie Huaisang blurted out to the empty room. "ZeWu-Jun didn't want to lose another brother…it was better than nothing, right?"

The despair of silence threatened his own sanity. How ironic if he were to die from qi deviation caused not my cultivation, but by his own lunacy.

Nie Huaisang laughed in misery. He closed his eyes, only to immediately open them with a gasp.

In his mind, he still the face of Jin Guangyao, laughing in dying despair once he saw, really saw, Nie Huaisang. Once he recognized the plot.

It hurt.

 _I wanted you to think of me as your friend until the end. Because for a long time, I really wanted to be your friend._

"You know what, brother? I wish I hadn't killed him," admitted Nie Huaisang. "Aren't I awful?"

* * *

Jiang Cheng had long suffered a recurrent dream, and of all times, it _would_ happen tonight.

 _His mother saw him, lying there in the shed, beaten and coreless and helpless._

 _And instead of screaming at him, as was realistic, his mind conjured a fate far worse._

 _"_ _You were right," she said to Jiang Fengmian, and Jiang Cheng tried to protest, but he couldn't form the words loud enough._

 _And then Jiang Yanli was before him, crying, asking why he didn't save her, if he had a core as powerful as Wei Wuxian's._

 _"_ _I didn't know! I didn't know!" he cried, over and over._

 _"_ _That's no excuse," said Father, and Jiang Cheng tried to dig into his chest, but it was hollow, almost like Wen Ning's. And he couldn't dig out his core no matter how much dust and dirt he ripped from himself._

 _And all the while, he kept pleading that he didn't know, didn't know, that he was sorry, that he shouldn't be the one alive_.

"Jiang Cheng!" A voice rang into his muddied thoughts. Strong hands shook him awake.

He gasped. He was here, in Carp Tower, for Jin Ling. His parents, and Jiang Yanli, were dead, and they didn't know what a failure he'd become.

He'd fallen asleep with his head on his wife's chest. With horror, he realized he had cried in his sleep until her robes were soaked.

"Jiang Cheng," she repeated, her dark eyes disturbed. "What were you dreaming?"

"It's nothing." He scrambled back, away from her.

"No, it isn't." Meishi pulled herself to a sitting position. She repeated her question; she had not seen a man cry so hard, not even Nie Huaisang. "What in hell were you dreaming?"

"Just leave it alone!" he barked.

Her silence triggered his ceaseless guilt, so he used the sheets to try to pat her robes dry. "Here."

She rolled her eyes.

"Excuse me?" he demanded.

"I don't need to be cleaned; your tears gave me enough of a bath." Meishi leant closer. "Tell me."

"There's no need." His voice came out flat. He resumed patting her dry.

Meishi entwined her fingers with his, stopping him. "There is a need. Otherwise, I shan't let you rest."

Mother Tao had said something similar once. When Mei awoke the first night she spent with their family, and tried to commit suicide.

This was part of what family did. And she ought to, if she was to play the role of his wife.

He cleared his throat. _Don't choose anger, not now_. "Is that a threat?"

"Certainly." She smiled, somewhat uncomfortably.

"Ha." Jiang Cheng's shoulders slumped. He looked away. "It concerns my parents."

"Well, no wonder you dreamt that tonight. Tell me," she said, again.

He kept his face away from her. "After the damned Wen-dogs took over, Wei Wuxian and I hid for a while. I wasn't much use, if I'm being honest."

Jiang Cheng forced a grin; she could hear it even if she couldn't see it.

Meishi swallowed. _Wen-dog_. Right now, she didn't find the irony amusing. So she crawled to face him, to forced his lips into a frown. "You're only laughing because you're hating yourself again."

"Probably," Jiang Cheng admitted in a wry tone. He bit his lip.

"What happened when you hid?"

"Nothing. It's when I didn't hide," he said pointedly. "I – I was captured."

Mei looked grave. _Didn't hide? Why_?

"I was taken before that Wen-dog like a hunting prize. It was not pleasant," he said quickly. "Sometimes I dream about it; that's all."

Mei's mouth felt dry, but she forced herself to continue talking even as her memories poured in. "No one cries that much based on a few slaps and sneers. What happened?"

As if she didn't know.

"What do you think?" He shrugged.

"Torture. Mockery." Her hand reached out to touch the faded scar of the discipline whip on his chest.

Jiang Cheng had not been expecting an actual reply, much less her touch. "Yes, but I could withstand that. Like you said, no one cries that much on torture and mockery."

Mei wanted to scream. Did she really have to say it? This was too close to the truth.

"Wen Zhuliu," she suggested, thinking fast. "He would have been at Lotus Pier at the time."

Jiang Cheng flinched. He had hoped she would not guess so accurately, and so quickly. _Yes, I was so pathetic I could not retain my own golden core._

Meishi placed her hand over his heart and try to control her guilt, to focus on Jiang Cheng. "How did you recover it?"

"It?" Jiang Cheng wasn't admitting to anything.

"Your core?" Mei waited.

Jiang Cheng hung his head.

"Did you think I would look down on you for that? I haven't hated you thus far, Jiang Cheng. And – and Wen Zhuliu was a prodigy with a particular gift," she said. "It wasn't your fault."

 _No, it – JiaoJiao did it for me. In a sense, it was my fault._

Mei shuddered internally. Externally, she kissed the scar of the discipline whip, asking forgiveness from an old scar. "You're a strong cultivator. How did you recover it?"

He sneered once more. "You would hate me if you knew."

She shrugged. "Like I said, I don't hate you so far."

"Wei Wuxian told me to walk blindfolded up a mountain. There his mother's teacher, Baoshan Sanren, could restore my core." Jiang Cheng laughed again. "Sorry; I oughtn't laugh."

Mei waved her hand in dismissal. It was almost sweet that he had tried to obey her commands. "What _actually_ happened?"

"Wei Wuxian had Wen Qing and Wen Ning transfer his own core to me. I knew nothing of it." His voice picked up speed as his wife started.

"And when I returned, Wei Wuxian had already been caught, defenseless, and hurled into the burial mounds."

Mei was only slightly surprised to hear that Wen Qing had been involved. She was always a tenderhearted one. And Wen Ning? Likewise. They must have helped Wei Wuxian rescue Jiang Cheng.

But Wei Wuxian? He was that selfless?

"So, without knowing, I then supported the execution of the Wens who had helped me. I led the charge to destroy my brother who sacrificed everything for me. And he never told me." Jiang Cheng's voice cracked. "Dammit."

Mei trembled. "He ought to have told you."

"Why? It would have seemed like an excuse. He always has been like that. My father was right, Meishi. The only –" Jiang Cheng caught himself.

His wife noticed immediately. "Is there something you're not telling him?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It _clearly_ matters." She drew him closer. "It's eating you alive."

"I told you all that because now you know. You're married to a weak, pathetic bloodsucker who couldn't even save his own golden core, much less show gratitude to the one who did. Ha!"

Meishi was shocked. Many thoughts flew through her mind.

 _Wen Zhuliu was powerful – he couldn't be stopped._

 _JiaoJiao had only suggested it for her._

 _Mei was to blame._

 _And – Ignorance was only a sin if chosen._

She wondered what would happen if she told him about herself. A murderer. A woman who'd engaged in many illicit activities for revenge. A Wen-dog.

Jiang Cheng peered at her solemn face. He had a strange feeling that she was keeping something from him, something she felt equal shame over.

Mei's thoughts tumbled, unbidden. He'd been seventeen; her, just shy of her teenage years. What would have happened if she hadn't run? If she had stayed and fought for Qishan Wen Sect, like he had stayed and fought for Lotus Pier?

No, wait. He hadn't stayed. Mei frowned. _So how did you get caught, then?_

 _I wasn't hiding_ , he had said.

 _Oh_. Mei understood. _When you said 'it would have seemed like an excuse,' you weren't just talking about Wei Wuxian_.

"I'm going to invite Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun here," she said instead.

He reared back. "You will do no such thing!"

"You don't have to tell him your secrets. But I'm going to give you a chance," she continued, as if she hadn't heard.

"I won't allow it."

"Not even if I sleep with you?"

Jiang Cheng choked. "Why – you're not – I just told you what a useless piece of garbage I am!"

"Funny, I didn't hear that. I heard a story about someone whose life was shattered as a teenager, who embarked upon a long voyage recovering every piece," Mei replied.

 _Like me_. And, arguably, since his revenge was complete, he was more together than her.

Why did she have to exact revenge on him, specifically? Did she?

Mei pushed aside her thoughts.

"Why, you –" Jiang Cheng's rant was cut off with a kiss. "Mmmph!"

She pulled him atop her. Her eyes shone with compassion. "You're special, and strong, and – and I don't hate you." In fact, she hated that she didn't hate him.

"I'll never think you're worthless," Mei murmured as she dug her fingernails into his back.

She wanted to ask forgiveness, but she couldn't, so she kissed his scar again. So she held onto him, heard his heartbeat, felt his powerful core, and for right now pretended she really was Tao Meishi. Someone who could help heal him instead of hurting him more.

Jiang Cheng gripped her in shock. She was looking at him like she truly saw him. Like she wanted him, to make love to him, to be his wife.

He barely knew her. He didn't understand much about her at all – sassy one moment, bitter the next, sweet in another minute.

But right now, he thought he understood her. Because somehow, right now, despite his nightmares and his horrible self, he felt accepted, felt loved, felt unafraid.

* * *

Wei Wuxian sighed at the perspiring, shaking disciples holding a handstand in the hallway. "Again?"

"Again," Lan Wangji confirmed.

Wei Wuxian couldn't resist. He squatted besides Lan Sizhui. "Lan Sizhui, my son, is your paper stack thicker again?"

"Yes," squeaked Lan Sizhui, face flushed.

"He did not learn his lesson from leading the last time," said Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian clucked his tongue. "Oh my, well, Lan Sizhui, you'll soon be copying in the library like the ingrate I was."

"No," gasped Lan Sizhui.

"Yes, if it happens again," said Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian stroked his chin. "Lan Zhan, don't you mean _when_?"

To everyone else, Lan Wangji appeared to give him a withering look. To Wei Wuxian, there was a trace of a smile – albeit a concerned smile – on his lips.

"Everyone was obedient until he came back." Lan Qiren's voice broke into the hallway. Sizhui and Jingyi immediately focused on copying.

Wei Wuxian pouted. That wasn't true. Lan Qiren had probably punished the disciples on a daily basis anyways – just for less serious infractions than breaking curfew.

"Uncle," greeted Lan Wangji. Lan Qiren had never really looked at him the same since the cave, since he'd been unable to hide his secret, since he'd been beaten thirty-three times with the discipline whip. Every time he saw his prodigy now, he added a filter of disappointment and personal failure.

Now that Lan Zhan was married, now that there was no confining Lan Wangji's secret, now that his reputation as a cutsleeve was permanent, Lan Qiren's distress had amplified.

"There's a letter for him," he said, waving a hand towards Wei Wuxian. Right now, he couldn't even say his name.

"Thank you," Lan Wangji said, politely as ever, as if his uncle's disgust never bothered him.

* * *

"Ah, it's from Jiang Meishi!" Wei Wuxian scanned the note. "She wants us to come to Carp Tower."

Lan Wangji nodded. Good, then he could keep a closer eye on Wen or Tao Meishi, whichever she was. "Do you want to go?"

"Of course! I want to see how Jiang Cheng is adjusting to married life. If he's angered her into a fight yet." Wei Wuxian spoke cheerfully.

Lan Wangji waited.

"And I'd like to see Jiang Cheng again." Wei Wuxian glanced at his husband. But he had decided to allow Jiang Cheng to make this decision, not him. "I…does he want to see me? She invited us, not him."

Either Jiang Meishi wanted to upset her husband, or to reconcile them. He hoped it was the latter.

Lan Wanji, unfortunately, wasn't sure of her motives either.

"Hmmm." Wei Wuxian thought aloud. "Either way, there is no harm in responding positively to an invitation. A chance for reconciliation may occur, or it may not, but at least I will have tried. His hurt feelings if we refuse would be worse, I think."

"I concur," said Lan Wangji.

"Unfortunately, then, you'll have to be lenient on Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui's punishment. They're invited, too." Wei Wuxian wiggled his eyebrows.

"Hmmph!" Lan Wangji shook his head.

"Like you were going to anyways?" teased Wei Wuxian.

"Shut up."

"How can you tell me that – ah!" Wei Wuxian's lips were sealed with a fierce kiss. "You know, I vastly prefer this method of silencing to your spell."

"Then be silent," muttered Lan Wangji, drawing his husband closer, trying not to care that Lan Qiren was probably watching and probably lamenting his life.

* * *

"Isn't it wonderful? We shan't have to sneak out now," Lan Jingyi said merrily. It was dusk, and he and Sizhui had only now been released from their handstands and given the news that they would be leaving first thing in the morning.

His arms still trembled from the handstand. "All four of us, at Carp Tower!"

"Four?" asked Sizhui. "Well, I suppose four of us are invited."

"No, I meant us, Jin Ling, and Wen Ning. He should come too. You will, right?" Lan Jingyi waved to the Ghost General, who approached them from the trees.

Wen Ning shook his head. Carp Tower was the last place he would be welcome, for good reason.

"We'll miss you, then," said Lan Sizhui with a soft smile.

"I'll miss you too, both of you," said Wen Ning. He paused, fishing around in his clothes for a second. "Here, Lan Yuan, take this."

Lan Sizhui blinked at the money offered. "Wh – what?"  
"Young Master gave me money in case I ever wanted anything," said Wen Ning.

"Oh, so he stole it from Hanguang-Jun," mused Lan Jingyi.

"Most likely," agreed Wen Ning. "But you should take it, Lan Huan … I want you to take it. Buy something for Jin Ling."

For a moment, everyone was silent. Lan Sizhui looked caught, more caught than when Hanguang-Jun had interrupted their night excursion. His mouth moved, but no sound came forth.

Then Lan Jingyi howled with laughter.

"Stop!" Lan Sizhui clapped his hands over his face. "No, no, I can't, Wen Ning…"

"You're obvious enough for the dead to take notice," said Wen Ning. "He has feelings for you, too; I'm sure of it."

"Really?" Lan Sizhui gasped, suddenly excited.

Wen Ning nodded and closed Lan Sizhui's hands around the money. "There. Promise me you'll use it for him."

Lan Sizhui nodded. "Thank you, Wen Ning."

Whatever he had been expecting, the Ghost General had not anticipated Lan Sizhui throwing his arms around him, and Lan Jingyi squeezing them both in an embrace so tight his dead nerves almost felt pain again.


	9. Brothers and Sisters

**Chapter Eight**

 **Brothers and Sisters**

 _Content: canon-compliant homophobia, and an allusion to sexual assault._

Wei Wuxian stepped off Bichen, holding Lan Wangji's hand. He found the sight of Carp Tower mildly amusing. "The last time we were here, we fled on Bichen while I lost consciousness from Jin Ling's stabbing."

"He _stabbed_ you?" Lan Sizhui was appalled.

"He was distressed when he discovered my identity," Wei Wuxian said, nonchalant as he could be.

"I – I see." Lan Sizhui still seemed disappointed with his friend. Lan Jingyi, meanwhile, smiled mischievously.

Thought Lan Wangji kept his face austere, he noted Sizhui's alarm. Indeed, it seemed that his brother and Lan Jingyi had accurately predicted Lan Sizhui's feelings.

He was going to have to discuss this with Wei Wuxian, wasn't he…

Lan Wangji felt a pang of sorrow for Lan Sizhui. There were many things to say – that society wouldn't forget his inclinations, that certain members, such as Lan Qiren, would never look at him the same. Lan Sizhui had better be certain that Jin Ling was worth his reputation and the resulting rejection of everyone who currently esteemed him.

"Wei Wuxian!"

Even now, the name still caused people to jump in the middle of the street. Wei Wuxian frowned, though he didn't blame them.

Jin Ling pushed through the crowd, heedless as he raced towards him. "Hanguang-Jun, Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi! I'm so glad you have come. Oh, Wei Wuxian, don't worry, Fairy is being kept away for now."

"Thank you," said Wei Wuxian. _See, thank you is an important phrase._

Jin Ling was positively glowing to see them. "She's taken quite a liking to Aunt Meishi; it's no problem at all."

"Your temperament has already improved so much with a woman around," teased Lan Jingyi.

"Shut up!" Jin Ling shoved him back, as the three boys laughed.

"Whose idea was this?" Wei Wuxian asked as they strode down the main corridor.

"Not Uncle's, if that's what you're asking." Jin Ling's shoulders slumped. "But he didn't protest as much as I thought he would. When he relented, she said it was only the third time she had asked."

"She seems good for him, then," said Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji, however, was silent. This invitation was quite a puzzling development.

Certainly the Carp Tower situation had the potential to backfire on Jiang Cheng. But if her goal was to increase the chaos, Meishi should not have extended an invitation to himself, or Wei Wuxian. They were, after all, the people best suited to determine any ill-intent towards Jiang Cheng.

Not that he knew for certain there was anything nefarious about her at all. He would have to watch her closely.

Jiang Cheng greeted them at the stairs to Carp Tower, with Jiang Meishi standing dutifully by his side.

"Welcome," he said stiffly.

Wei Wuxian noticed Meishi poke his side.

"Thank you for coming," Jiang Cheng added quickly.

"It's good to see you both again," Wei Wuxian said with faux cheer. "Meishi, sister, you look well."

"She's not your sister," Jiang Cheng said with an immediate scowl. _Don't tell me you've forgotten your true sister_.

"She is now, in a sense," said Jin Ling, emboldened by the presence of Hanguang-Jun and Wei Wuxian.

"I would never disrespect shije, Jiang Cheng," Wei Wuxian said quietly.

Fuck. He had already made a rude remark. Jiang Cheng hated himself; he couldn't seem to resist whenever Wei Wuxian was around.

He was most definitely a worse person around his brother. Whether that was Wei Wuxian's fault, rather than his own, was less certain.

Meishi cleared her throat. She wanted to pat Jiang Cheng's hand, to let him know it was okay he failed. But, especially considering her compassionate lapse in judgment to invite these people, she couldn't quite allow herself to help him.

"Shall we go up the stairs?" She clapped her hands together. "I'm quite happy Jin Ling's friends are – here..." She fished for words.

"They know we snuck out," said Lan Jingyi. "You can finish your sentence."

"Well then. Yes, it would be good if he did not have to fly all the way to the Cloud Recesses every night to see his friends," Meishi said with a laugh.

"And it would be good if I didn't have to break the legs of the Lanling Jin Sect's leader," Jiang Cheng added in a desperate attempt at a joke.

"Uncle!" Jin Ling cried, as Wei Wuxian burst into laugher.

* * *

The sun was rising over the trees in the Cloud Recesses, which meant he would have to hide soon again. Well, perhaps he didn't _have to_ , but he felt like he _should_ regardless.

Wen Ning held out a dewy blade of grass and watched the rabbit gobble it with glee. He enjoyed the sight, even if his lips felt a bit too stiff to form a suitable smile.

"It's quiet without them here, isn't it?" A pleasant voice interrupted the stillness.

Wen Ning spun around.

Lan Xichen stood behind him. His eyes still bore the red rims of grief, and he looked thinner than Wen Ning remembered.

"Here." Lan Xichen opened his hands, revealing orange carrots.

The rabbits rushed him, and Wen Ning shook his head. "Now you will be their favorite, Zewu-Jun."

Lan Xichen crouched beside him. Two rabbits clamored onto his lap, impatiently gnawing at the carrots. He offered one to Wen Ning. "Perhaps they will favor us both."

Wen Ning tried to laugh as he accepted the carrot. A black rabbit leapt from Lan Xichen to the Ghost General, nipping at Wen Ning's fingers in its haste for orange delights.

"Are you all right?" Lan Xichen asked instinctively.

"It doesn't hurt me," Wen Ning said. He lowered his gaze, reminded once more of his not-quite life.  
He was dead. Why should anyone, much less anyone as revered as Lan Xichen, spend time with a corpse?

"But the fact that it doesn't hurt you hurts you," observed Lan Xichen, reaching out to stroke a spotted rabbit that was clearly just a baby.

"Yes, in a sense." Wen Ning wanted another carrot to keep the rabbit on his lap, but Lan Xichen hadn't noticed yet, and he was too afraid to ask.

Xichen handed another to him.

"My sister used to say that in terms of healing, physical wounds were the easiest." He glanced sideways, hoping he had not pried too far.

Lan Xichen looked weary. "I can attest to that."

 _You did nothing wrong back then_ , Wen Ning wanted to say, but the assurance of a fierce corpse was probably not helpful, and Wen Ning wanted to be helpful.

"You should spend more time inside the Cloud Recesses."

"I doubt Lan Qiren would agree." Wen Ning nodded. "But that is very kind of you."

"Uncle is disgusted with his nephews anyhow; he won't bother you much." Lan Xichen paused. "The disciples seem to like you, and not just Jingyi and Sizhui."

"Yes, I suppose I can offer them valuable target practice." Wen Ning felt Lan Xichen's alarm. "That was a joke."

"Well, I do recall you were good at archery. Or, at least, Wei Ying believed you were, and I have no reason to doubt him. You can help teach our disciples, if you'd like."

"I believe you won that tournament." Wen Ning remembered the warmth of sunlight on his face, the burning of fear, the shake of his sweating palms – all living sensations, sensations he had never appreciated enough.

"With Lan Wangji off at Carp Tower, we could use another." Lan Xichen stood and extended his hand towards Wen Ning. "It's not good to be alone."

* * *

Jiang Cheng stepped out of his meeting with a host of financial advisors; at least Jin Guangyao had left Lanling Jin Sect in a good financial situation. How ironic that he was such a moral failure, yet a brilliant businessman. No, perhaps it was not ironic at all.

To his immense discomfort, Wei Wuxian blocked his path though the hallway.

Jiang Cheng stared at him. Wei Wuxian stared back.

"Are your accommodations to your liking?" Jiang Cheng asked stiffly.

"Don't do that," pled Wei Wuxian. "Don't pretend we just met."

"Well, what else am I supposed to say?" Jiang Cheng glared at him. This was why he'd not wanted Wei Wuxian here. He couldn't control himself.

"I don't know," Wei Wuxian admitted. "But I suspect we are here because your wife wants us to mend our relationship."

"There's nothing left to mend," said Jiang Cheng. His face turned green, but he spoke regardless. "I thanked you. I'm sorry I killed you. I was wrong. There's nothing else to say."

Certainly not the truth. That he, too, had tried to be the sacrificial one. That he, too, once had given his life and golden core for Wei Wuxian.

Certainly not 'I miss you.'

"Then at least let's talk about something other than the past, and other than comfort," Wei Wuxian said quickly. "Was your meeting boring, for instance?"

Jiang Cheng snorted. "It wasn't boring. It was necessary."

Wei Wuxian smirked. "It can still be boring."

"You would think so, wouldn't you, not having to lead a sect? Much less, nearly two," Jiang Cheng scolded.

This felt familiar. Again. How could they not discuss the past when the past found its way into their every interaction?

"So that's the way of it? How is the situation, right now?" Wei Wuxian asked with concern.

"Tense," Jiang Cheng answered. "It looks like I'm grasping for power, certainly. But I hope it is clear that I am only hear to give Jin Ling as much a childhood as he can have left." He paused, carefully. "But then, people do not care about truth, however clear it is."

Wei Wuxian said nothing.

Jiang Cheng sighed. That had been a diatribe against himself, not Wei Wuxian, and clearly, Wei Wuxian did not recognize that.

In fact, Wei Wuxian had indeed recognized the self-loathing in Jiang Cheng's remarks, but had been weighing his response.

"The He members are particularly troublesome," continued Jiang Cheng. "Many pity them as the victims of Jin Guangyao's crimes. But I threw Master He – if he can even be called that – out when he insinuated that my marriage to Meishi was beneath me."

Master He, apparently, had not forgiven Meishi's insinuations.

"How chivalrous. Protecting your bride's reputation," said Wei Wuxian, raising an eyebrow.

Jiang Cheng looked away, but his face bore a telltale blush.

"So you do have affections for your wife," Wei Wuxian said slyly.

"She is my wife; why should I not?"

"She seems like a very fine woman. I like her," said Wei Wuxian.

"That might force me to change my mind," Jiang Cheng retorted, and, to his relief, both he and Wei Wuxian laughed.

"Does she know you love her?"

"What – what does that matter?" gasped Jiang Cheng.

"Brother, just tell her you like her," said Wei Wuxian. "It can make a world of a difference, knowing someone loves you."

Jiang Cheng decided not to respond to the label of brother. He didn't mind it, truthfully. "She ought to know that already."

"Did your parents ever tell each other?"

Jiang Cheng's eyes slid to the side. "You think they did?"

"Maybe you don't recall. The look on his face when he saw that you had been given Zidian, and realized Madame Yu was facing Wen Zhuliu alone." Wei Wuxian sighed.

A muscle twitched in Jiang Cheng's jaw. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Fine. How're your nights?" Wei Wuxian winked.

"Wei Ying!" Jiang Cheng roared.

He laughed. "I wonder, if we could trade ideas…"

"I do not need ideas from _cut-sleeves_. I do not want to know what transpires between you two," insisted Jiang Cheng.

"No? It's not that different, actually." Wei Wuxian grinned. "I didn't know, but Lan Zhan did. Funny, right?"

"I don't want to hear this!" Jiang Cheng was practically shrieking as he stormed down the hallway. Wei Wuxian darted at his heels. Just like when they were teenagers.

* * *

Lan Wangji had just finished listening to Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi discuss the mysterious paperman they had encountered during their night excursions. He wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Papermen were an advanced technique, difficult to master. Whoever had written a letter in blood must be a high cultivator.

Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren would not. Neither would Jiang Cheng. Nie Huaisang, however suspicious, was not a strong cultivator.

He felt a sense of foreboding. He had asked them if it came from the direction of Lanling.

"Now that you mention it, yes," said Lan Sizhui.

How did he suspect Meishi of writing a note in blood? She didn't strike anyone as a high cultivator, and he seemed the only one to suspect her.

He felt almost sorry for his misgivings. If Jiang Cheng was happy, and Wei Wuxian was happy, and Meishi wanted Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian to reconcile, those were all good things. Despite his reputation as a killjoy, he truly did not want to destroy anyone's happiness.

A knock resounded at his door, interrupting his thoughts.

Though Lan Wangji would never show it, he was bewildered to see none other than Jiang Meishi standing at the threshold.

* * *

Nie Huaisang stared blankly at an array of twelve fans. Usually he loved organizing them by color, and re-organizing them by calligraphy style, and again by size, until he was satisfied. But he felt no joy in these fans. They had been given to him by the man he murdered.

Footsteps echoed in the room. He looked up quickly.

"Uh – um, Madame Tao? I d-d-did not expect you." Nie Huaisang trembled.

"Spare me your uselessness, Sect Leader," she said sharply.

"But – but I can't help it." He shivered. "Where is your husband?"

She eyed him. With a harelip and bulging eyes, she looked nothing like Mei, yet somehow their sharp, knowing expressions were identical. "Sect Leader Tao is not coming. He does not know I am here."

Nie Huaisang was perplexed.

"May we speak alone?"

"Um, um – yes, of course." He gesticulated towards his servants. "Out of here, all of you – please."

He always ended every request with "please." His servants may not respect him, but they did appreciate his kindness. He was certain of it.

"I'm here for Meishi." Madame Tao looked at the ground. "Meishi may not have my blood, but she is my daughter, just the same. I taught her to brew lotus tea, to embroider practical clothing as she taught me how to make it pretty. I taught her to _smile again_. She's been my daughter ever since my husband brought her home from Nightless City – but then, you already know about that, don't you?"

He opened his mouth, but she held up her hand to silence him.

"I'm here to ask what exactly is between you and my daughter."

Nie Huaisang shook his head. His voice came out high-pitched. "I don't – I truly don't understand."

"I'm asking if you love her," demanded Madame Tao.

"I – " Nie Huiasang hunched his shouders. She didn't love him, so he really didn't want to answer that question.

"Because if you do, you should take her away from whatever she and you have planned – get her away from that man." Madame Tao's eyes filled. "He'll kill her whenever she reveals herself; you know he will."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" And Mei's plan was not to die. He had faith in Mei.

"You do!" cried Madame Tao. "Let me tell you something, Sect Leader Nie. Before my husband and I married, he found me crying on his doorstep, having fled an abused life as a maid, already pregnant with my master's child. Sect Leader Tao married me, and my child, once born, was sent to a village to be raised in a humble but comfortable circumstances."

Her voice sank. "I could never bear another child. So when my husband crossed paths with another sobbing girl in the middle of Nightless City, he took her under our wing. You may have noticed he hated tears; he has only ever associated weeping with discovering me and later Meishi."

 _So that's why he hates me. Because I cry._ Nie Huaisang waited, though he had a terrible feeling he knew where Madame Tao intended to take her story.

"Somehow, though, my son – my son whom I never raised, for fear he and society would learn the truth – still learned cultivation – of the demonic kind. He crossed paths with Jiang Cheng, who mistook him for the resurrected Wei Wuxian. He was tortured and imprisoned at Lotus Pier, eventually dying from his wounds." Madame Tao's jaw quivered. "I knew of his imprisonment, but I was too ashamed to come to his defense. My husband agreed."

"I never took the chance to defend my son. I will not lose my daughter to this man, too." She glared at Nie Huaisang. "Did you truly not think it strange that of all the men to take vengeance on, she chose Jiang Cheng directly after a loathsome creature like Jin Guangyao? Did you not guess?"

Nie Huaisang bit his lip. If he threw off his act now, who could say how many she would tell?

But then, this was Meishi's mother.

"Don't lie to me," she begged.

Nie Huaisang's voice still wobbled, but his words were clear. "His name was Li Feihong, wasn't it? I knew there was a connection, but she never – she never told me the full story. She would have wanted to protect you."

In fact, that was the _only_ story he had never been able to discern; Meishi had never allowed him enough information.

Madame Tao wiped her eyes. "In truth, I never told her. She discovered it herself, with those surreptitious methods of hers. She confronted me long before he died, asked me to meet with him, said she wanted a brother again, and I refused."

"I am begging you, Sect Leader Nie: I do not care what it looks like to the world, not anymore. Do not allow my daughter to sacrifice herself for revenge."

What could he do? What would his brother do?

His brother would punch him for loving a married woman.

His brother would burn his fans for having already conspired to murder Sect Leader Jin.

He was beyond what Nie Mingjue could ever love.

Nie Huaisang straightened. He no longer looked fearful and addle-headed. He was calm, poised, and resolute, if not defeated. "I won't…I won't let her die by him."

"Do you swear it?" Madame Tao may ave been small and homely, but she still managed to look terrifying. Her eyes blazed with a fury Nie Huaisang had only seen in the eyes of his older brother.

His voice came out resolute, very unlike his act. Because right now, he wasn't acting. "I swear."

* * *

"I don't understand," Lan Wangji was saying. He, one of the two Jades of Lan, was backing away from her.

Meishi's face had turned a lovely shade of pink. "I'm asking you what you, as a man, enjoy."

Lan Wangji's mouth opened and closed, but then, as if summoned, Wei Wuxian poked his head into the room. "Meishi wants advice? For Jiang Cheng?"

She turned, her face slowly growing more magenta. "I heard you talking to Jiang Cheng."

"Hmm, he didn't take it well, but you're a better listener, and there's a lot we can say, right Lan Wangji?" Wei Wuxian cocked his head and winked at his husband, who blushed furiously.

"It's not seemly, I know, but I – where else am I to turn?" Meishi asked. "I do not think he would react kindly if I searched the library for pornography."

"He was always too uptight to read much of that," Wei Wuxian said, drawing a groan from Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian sat down and motioned for Meishi to sit across from him. "Hey, Lan Wangji, sit down. You're not leaving this conversation. Everyone knows I'm a pervert, but you're not. Maybe your tastes are similar to Jiang's, eh?"

Lan Wangji begrudgingly sat next to his husband. Lowering his head, he squeaked, "I am as bad as you, Wei Wuxian."

"Ah, that's true, you do like tying me up." Wei Wuxian poked Lan Wangji's nose.

Mei swallowed back a stunned laugh as her face burned. Surely now she would seem more innocent, if intelligent. Just wanting to please her husband, and throw Lan Wangji's suspicious aura off her back. "I'm listening."

"First, I'm curious. I have to ask. You know I do." Wei Wuxian leant closer. "How is he?"

Mei stuttered. "You mean – in bed."

Wei Wuxian nodded.

He was not, however, prepared for her clinical descriptions. "He is kind. And shy. He seems to have a problem – uh – with nerves."

"You mean…" Wei Wuxian burst into laughter. "He couldn't –"

"It took a while, okay?" Mei snapped.

Wei Wuxian was now rolling about on the floor. "No," he gasped. "Lan Wangji, this is the best scene I could have heard."  
"They didn't know each other. I imagine it is not that unusual," replied Lan Wangji.

"Still!" Wei Wuxian leapt to his feet. "Meishi, you have made my day."

"Don't ever tell him I told you that," she ordered.

Lan Wangji noted her voice had, all of a sudden, switched from sweet and innocent to as cutting and commanding as a Sect Leader.

"I shan't," Wei Wuxian promised. "Now, I have to insist you find yourself a bathtub."

* * *

When Jiang Cheng re-entered the Fragrant Palace, he stopped short at the sight of his wife, sans clothing, sitting in a tub.


	10. Whatever is Believed

**Chapter Nine**

 **Whatever is Believed**

"You what?! You asked _Wei Ying_?!" Jiang Cheng's face flushed. He was covered in sweat – and bathwater – and held Meishi firmly between his arms. He'd left his clothes in the tub after Mei had finally dragged him in, because he'd been so flabbergasted he'd avoided looking at her, like an idiot. He hadn't comprehended her intent at all.

Now they were pressed against the bed, and her long hair covered them both, dripping onto his back.

"I overheard you two talking and took matters into my own hands. I'm a woman of action." There was not one note of regret in his wife's tone.

"You!" Jiang Cheng's eyes widened. "What else did you say to him?"

He did not appreciate the idea of his wife talking about such scandalous activities with his brother. This was _personal_.

"Does it matter? You still seemed to be enjoying this," Meishi remarked, noting that he continued to grind his hips against hers.

Jiang Cheng did his best to glare at her. "And here I thought Wei Wuxian was the shameless one, but you – you approached _him_."

"Does that turn you on or intimidate you?" she asked bluntly.

She was doing it again. She behaved like an entirely different person than the one he'd thought she was when he decided to marry her. Not that he was upset; merely confused. "I'm not intimidated!"

He dove down to suck a spot at the base of her neck. Suddenly, she began to giggle and squirm uncontrollably.

"What the – " He raised his head. "You're ticklish?"

Mei fixated her eyes on the ceiling.

"No," she said, not even trying to hide the lie.

"Well, well, well." Jiang Cheng pursed his lips. His fingers traced the curve of her neck, just light enough not to tickle. "It seems I know now know the daughter of the Tao Sect's secret weakness."

Meishi side-eyed him. For a moment, she decided to ignore the irony that burned her conscience. "You wouldn't dare."

Satisfaction burned in his eyes. His mouth took her neck again, and soon she was shrieking.

"I'm sorry; I'm sorry, Jiang Cheng!"

"You're not sorry," he accused, between love bites and thrusts.

"No, but neither – are – you," she replied between gritted teeth.

"Is that a challenge?" His expression darkened, but he had to press his lips together to keep from smiling. He quickly lifted her to straddle his hips.

"I suppose you accept it, then," she murmured, burying her own face into his exposed neck.

* * *

Gentle wind filtered through the windows, carrying the scent of peonies on its wings. Jiang Cheng slept soundly by his wife's side, one arm wrapped around her waist.

And Meishi lay awake, her eyes trapped forever on the moonlight dancing on against the wall. She didn't know what to think, not right now, and so she retreated into her memories.

To the day everything had changed. The day Wen Chao clamored back to Nightless City, claiming to have overcome a rebellion led by Wei Wuxian, while somehow slaying a legendary monster.

Meishi had been aggravated that she was not allowed to attend her brother's 'training' sessions with the other young leaders, even though Wang Lingjiao had agreed to sneak her all the reading materials. And so Meishi was not feeling kindly towards Wen Chao.

Their kneeling servants bowed as the gong rang out. "Great is Second Master Wen!"

Wen Chao looked very proud, and Meishi felt a flicker of disgust from where she stood to the side of Wen Ruohan's throne. Or perhaps it was jealousy. "You know he didn't do it."

Father glared at her. "Wen Meishi."

She stiffened, but Father was waving her over to him. And no one, not even his daughter, dared disobey Wen Ruohan.

She approached without delay. He tipped her face up to look into his fierce eyes. Wen Chao was always too afraid to look directly into Father's eyes, but Meishi almost enjoyed the flash of fear she felt. And Father seemed to like her temerity.

"Truth is not truth. Whatever is believed by the most people is the truth, regardless of reality," Father intoned.

Right now, all these years later, Meishi lay side-by-side with her husband, the one who had helped start this rebellion, the one who had aided those who had slain her family, the one directly responsible for the death of the brother she wanted but never had.

She'd spent well over a decade plotting, lying, kissing, and bleeding for revenge. Even tonight, Lanling was about to be beset by corpses of her own manipulation – well, the manipulation of many demonic cultivators who'd owed her favors.

And yet, right now, exhausted but unable to sleep, she still entertained the notion that she was Tao Meishi, the proper, if mischievous, daughter of a small clan, who really desired to please her husband and stay with him forever. She liked to think that she had seduced him because she enjoyed intimacy, and not because she wanted to distract him from the chaos she had carefully planned.

Meishi wondered what she really believed. If she could ever really become Tao Meishi, or if she wanted to.

She really couldn't sleep. With a sigh, Meishi slipped out of Jiang Cheng's warm embrace and, grabbing her robe, exited their room. Perhaps a breath of fresh air would do her good.

As she observed the field of Sparks-Amidst-Snow, however, she noticed three small figures hurrying away from Carp Tower.

Meishi's heart tightened. With the monsters and corpses she had set up for release, tonight was not a good night for hunting.

* * *

"I miss Wen Ning," Jin Ling said to no one in particular. Fairy sniffed the ground at his heels, leading their way to the edge of Carp Tower. He bent down to grab a pebble, and tossed it to the side.

The guards turned immediately to their left, and the three juniors dashed outside.

"Me too," said Lan Sizhui once they were free.

"We tried to get him to come here, but he said he wouldn't be welcome," said Lan Jingyi.

"He would!" Jin Ling stomped his foot. "Wait, but –"

"He was imprisoned at Carp Tower, remember? His sister died here. I doubt this place holds happy memories for him," said Lan Sizhui.

" _Oh_ ," said Lan Jingyi. He felt slightly ashamed that he hadn't remembered that.

"Still. I wish he would come, so we could give him happier memories," said Jin Ling. He clapped his hands. "Even so, this will enable us to enact our new plan."

"New plan?" puzzled Lan Sizhui.

"Follow Fairy." Jin Ling grabbed Sizhui's elbow and led him down a path to the houses of Lanling closest to the forest.

Fairy slunk inside an abandoned shed, and Jin Ling brightened. "They must already be here!"

"They?" Lan Sizhui queried. His heart warmed; he quite liked the feeling of Jin Ling holding onto him.

"We actually planned without you, because you were gonna balk," said Lan Jinyi. He couldn't resist exulting internally when he saw Sizhui's panic at the notion of he and Jin Ling talking alone.

"Hello, everyone." Jin Ling waved to the disciples gathered around them.

Ouzhang grinned. "Finally, we're back together."

"Yes! Anyhow, we want to restore Wen Ning's heartbeat," said Jin Ling, oblivious to Sizhui's silent jealousy. "So he can live again."

"Jin Ling – he's been dead for nearly fifteen years," protested Sizhui. "What can we do? We're not doing demonic cultivation."

"Of course not!" Jin Ling gasped. "We just need powerful blood, enough for a whole man, and –"

"People have to _bleed_ for you to get their blood," interrupted Sizhui.

"Let me finish, would you?" Jin Ling jabbed his finger at Sizhui.

 _They're like a married couple,_ thought Lan Jingyi with unbridled glee. Ouyang Zizhen nodded towards him, with a noticeable smirk.

"Look, I read the technique in my uncle's room, before Uncle Jiang Cheng and Meishi arrived. Wei Wuxian used the resentful energy in the YIling Burial Mounds to power back Wen Ning's consciousness."

"Resentfulness is demonic –"

"Lan Sizhui!" Jin Ling bore an uncanny resemblance to Jiang Cheng when he glared. "We're going to use the blood of renowned, kind people, kind like Wen Ning. And we're going to find a way to cultivate it so that _kind_ blood is more powerful than resentful!"

"This sounds speculative," fretted Lan Sizhui. "And dangerous."

"It is, but fortunately, Wei Wuxian is here. He can help guide us if necessary," said Lan Jingyi.

"Did Wei Wuxian ever try out this technique – full resurrection – with demonic energy?" Lan Sizhui inquired.

"No, he just hypothesized. Uncle killed him before that, and Wen Ning went thirteen years alone," said Jin Ling.

"Poor Wen Ning," said another disciple.

"Whose blood are we using?" Lan Sizhui remained skeptical.

"Many people. We're not killing anyone," said Jin Ling, offended.

"I never thought you would," hurried Lan Sizhui. "Really, that's not what I meant."

"We're using people like me," said Ouyang Zizhen.

"And me," said Lan Jingyi.

"Will it be enough? The energy?" asked Sizhui. "I don't think so."

"We'll keep gathering our blood until it is enough." Jin Ling grabbed his arm and, producing a vial from his shirt, used Suihua to slice open his palm.

Lan Sizhui gasped. He didn't like the sight of Jin Ling bleeding. So he held out his hand. "Here, take more of mine."

* * *

 _You're all idiots_ , Meishi thought nervously. She stood outside the shed, grumbling to herself. In the distance, howls of the undead hunting dog she'd permitted to be unleashed – on the promise of destruction, but not murder – came closer.

Well, they weren't idiots, but she was angry and unsure what else to think.

Her heart hurt. Jin Ling was a bright one. If he had read Wei Wuxian's notes, he was in a position to determine her own plans.

She'd only meant to follow them to ensure their safety, and now, they were planning something that could ruin everything.

The wind blew out of the shed. Meishi sniffed the air and, with a sinking feeling, noted the salty smell of the disciple's blood.

* * *

Lan Jinyi squeezed a few more drops of blood into the vials. "Well, that's enough for one night."

"We should actually hunt now," said Ouyang Zizhen.

A howl suddenly cut through the air, very, very close, and Fairy growled.

"What's that?" Jin Ling stood slowly. He poked his head out of the shed.

* * *

 _Go back inside, you fool_ , Meishi growled to herself. She perched on the roof, watching the monster dog break into a dilapidated shop two buildings down.

Fairy yelped, and then the shop seemed to erupt.

Glass shattered into the street. The fierce dog was chasing what appeared to be a small puppy.

Jin Ling shouted, but Fairy was already racing ahead to grab the pup in her mouth.

Meishi cursed under her breath. She hadn't Wen Xu's sword, and even if she did, it barely recognized her. _Don't do anything stupid, kid_.

* * *

The dog bit Fairy's neck, and Jin Ling screamed with rage. Without thinking, he rushed towards the beast.

Fairy was his life; his surest friend. Unlike people, she didn't judge him. And she had been given to him by Jin Guangyao; she was the only part of his uncle that he had left.

Fairy may have been injured, but she was a loyal dog. She tried to keep in front of her master, but Jin Ling shoved her behind him. "Go back!"

Lan Sizhui was directly beside him. "Your sword!"

But Jin Ling was busy scooping the injured puppy into his hands.

Lan Sizhui grabbed him by his collar and threw him back towards the shed. He spun around to see the monstrous dog diving towards him.

"No, wait!" Jin Ling grabbed the puppy and, shoving it into Sizhui's arms, knocked his friend out of the way.

And there was a mouth, a very long and pointed mouth full of teeth, dripping blood. Coming out of his thigh. He hadn't seen blood spurt like this before.

"Jin Ling!" cried Lan Sizhui.

Jin Ling staggered, staring at the beast, which was certainly about to devour him. Burning blood rose in his throat.

Well, perhaps he wasn't so unlike Jin Guangyao after all – dying by pushing a Lan out of the way.

 _I wonder if it will be easier to find Mother and Father's spirits._

"Fuck you!" Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen pierced the monster with their own swords.

"Fairy, go get Jiang Cheng!" cried Ouyang Zizhen, struggling to pull his sword out. A bloodied spiritual dog would surely raise alarm, right?

Jin Ling toppled backwards as the corpse fell sideways, and Lan Jingyi knocked its head clean off.

Now Lan Jingyi was screaming his name, and Sizhui was crying as he held Jin Ling in his arms, and altogether, he didn't feel so bad.

* * *

Mei finally knew the excruciating pain of sheer panic. _This must be how Nie Huaisang feels on the regular._

 _Jin Ling, I'm sorry!_

What use was sorry right now?

This was where demonic cultivation got someone. This is what happened. The death of a child.

No, wait. He wasn't dead yet, but the blood streamed out too fast. One of the blood major vessels in his leg had been compromised, and the combined pressure of the disciples was not enough to slow it.

An idea popped in her head. As soon as he found out his uncle Wei Wuxian was coming, Jin Ling had merrily once told her of the first time he'd met his supposed enemy. Of being pinned beneath glutinous ghost.

Meishi didn't hesitate. She grabbed a leaf from the nearest tree and tossed it towards the kids, realizing that they would see her now. "Gluttonous ghost!"

Her aim had always been good. The leaf landed directly on Jin Ling.

* * *

Jin Ling cried out in shock. Weight, at this time?

But no, the weight of the gluttonous ghost had slowed the flight of blood from his body. Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui looked up to see a tall, long-haired figure fleeing in the opposite direction.

Lan Jingyi hesitated. "What should we –"

"It's not worth it," Lan Sizhui shook his head. Despite his earlier words, he'd long abandoned the belief that demonic cultivators were inherently wicked. "Jin Ling, stay conscious. Keep talking to me."

"You're the only one I'll talk to right now," murmured Jin Ling.

Lan Sizhui laughed to cover his tears. "Your uncle will be here soon, and –"

"What the actual fuck is going on?" roared Jiang Cheng's voice, as if on cue. Not only was he here, but also Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. They flew in behind him, Wangji with his guqin and Wei Wuxian with Chenqing.

Jiang Cheng nearly tripped over Sandu at the sight of Jin Ling's pale, limp body. For a moment, the agony in his countenance was beyond description.

Lan Wangji swept towards them, but Jiang Cheng knocked him out of the way. "Jin Ling, Jin Ling!"

"He's okay. There's a ghost sitting on him," sobbed Lan Sizhui.

"A – what?"

"Lan Sizhui." Lan Wangji took in the headless corpse of a dog, a battered puppy in Ouyang Zizhen's arms, the shattered jars of blood, the leaf on Jin Ling's leg. Horror crossed his face. "Lan Jingyi!"

"We didn't do it!" exclaimed Lan Jingyi.

"I don't care who did what right now. Help Young Master Jin first," ordered Wei Wuxian.

"Here." Lan Jingyi grabbed Lan Sizhui's hair ribbon and not his own, and tied it tight around Jin Ling's leg.

Lan Sizhui's mouth opened, but he said nothing.

 _At a time like this_! fumed Lan Wangji. These boys were too clever for their own preservation.

Wei Wuxian checked his nephew's pulse. "He'll make it back to the tower for certain."

"Whoever did it, remove the ghost," ordered Jiang Cheng. Unwilling to trust a silly forehead ribbon, he fastened Zidian around his nephew's wound.

"None of us did," insisted Lan Jingyi.

"Of course you didn't; you wouldn't know how." Wei Wuxian lifted the leaf with a single note on Chenqing.

For the first time since his wedding, Jiang Cheng was relieved that Wei Wuxian was here.

Blood began leaking around the ribbon once more, and Jiang Cheng wasted no time grabbing his nephew and flying back to Carp Tower on Sandu.

"Hanguang-Jun…" began Lan Sizhui. His voice was weak. He didn't even dare move from where he knelt on the ground.

"We'll discuss this at Carp Tower, when you're all safe," said Wei Wuxian.

"Can we – can we take the puppy back?" asked Lan Jingyi, lamely. "It's really hurt."

Wei Wuxian shivered. It certainly looked pathetic, bloodied and dirtied and limp. "Yeah, yeah, just keep it away from me."


	11. What Does It Look Like

**Chapter Ten**

 **What Does It Look Like**

"What happened?" Meishi cried as Jiang Cheng landed outside the Fragrant Palace. Jin Ling's skin was ashen, his eyes bleary. His yellow clothes were stained crimson.

"What does it look like?" snapped Jiang Cheng, aggravated that she hadn't been there when he awakened to Fairy's desperate whines and the shouts of guards.

"I wouldn't know. I was out taking a walk," Meishi pushed back. She added trembling for good effect, but it wasn't all a lie. Despite the ghost, Jin Ling looked worse than before.

She shoved past Jiang Cheng and fumbled with Jin Ling's wrapped leg, as if she was curious. Inside, she cursed herself for wasting time with feigned ignorance. "This is deep. I will get the doctors. You stay with him."

Jiang Cheng nodded. He'd never say it, but his face showed relief, relief she didn't deserve.

As she rushed away, Meishi fought her growing guilt. She'd wanted to fetch physicians straight away, but she hadn't, lest her husband be suspicious. And she hated herself for that. For risking Jin Ling's death.

But perhaps, by taking this risk – Jin Ling – she would be too far gone to become Tao Meishi. If she did enough evil, she'd have no choice but to continue as Wen Meishi. Her decisions would be made for her, and she could never succumb to a normal life.

But if the price was Jin Ling's life, though – the last of his clan, and a funny, innocent child, how could she call herself better than her enemies?

* * *

Wei Wuxian's heart pounded as Lan Wangji lowered them to the ground outside the Fragrant Palace. An ancient doctor with a long, thin mustache bent over Jin Ling, who lay on bleeding Jiang Cheng's clothes lap.

His brother's expression was pure anguish.

"Do not worry. I have seen worse," said the doctor.

"You're sure?" barked Jiang Cheng.

Meishi stood behind him, a hand on his shoulder. Worry tainted her otherwise pretty face. And something else, something that cause Wei Wuxian to peer closer.

"Don't let him die," begged Lan Jingyi, because he knew Lan Sizhui wanted to say it, but Lan Sizhui was too stricken.

He clutched the whimpering puppy, the puppy Jin Ling had almost died for, and said nothing.

"We won't," assured female doctor, grabbing Jin Ling from his uncle's hands.

When Jin Ling disappeared into the palace, Jiang Cheng turned, slowly, towards the disciples.

Meishi offered them a tentative smile as an antidote to her husband's coming fury.

"What. Happened." His voice was stiff. Almost restrained.

Wei Wuxian hadn't heard that tone in a while. He gulped.

"I – we – " Lan Jingyi looked desperate.

"We met to night hunt, and attracted an unfortunate monster," supplied Ouyung Zizhen.

"Yes, I imagine opening your hands produced enough blood to tempt many monsters," said Jiang Cheng icily.

Meishi feigned shock. She slackened her jaw, and blinked several times. Still, she could feel someone – probably suspicious Lan Wangji – looking towards her. _Fuck_.

"We weren't trying demonic cultivation! Honest." Lan Jingyi was determined to defend himself while preventing Jiang Cheng from knowing that this was Jin Ling's idea.

"Then how did a ghost wind up sitting on Jin Ling? How did a demonic dog wind up chasing you?" Jiang Cheng's eyes flashed.

"Um…" The disciples looked at each other.

"Lan Yuan," prodded Wei Wuxian.

Lan Sizhui's shoulders slumped. He wasn't capable of not answering his father. The puppy yelped, and on instinct, Wei Wuxian grabbed Lan Wangi's wrists.

"Don't drop the puppy," Jiang Cheng said sharply. He crossed his arms.

"Of course, Sect Leader Jiang." Lan SIzhui tightened his grip. He turned back to Wei Wuxian. "I believe Sect Leader Jiang is correct. It is likely that our hands drew the dog to us. But we were not trying demonic cultivation; rather, we were –"

"We were becoming blood brothers," offered Lan Jingyi.

Lan Sizhui stuttered at the lie.

"And you had to collect the blood why?" Wei Wuxian cocked his head. Really, Jingyi was capable of better lies than that.

There was no way these brats had actually read his spells, right? Right? "When we became blood brothers, I think Jiang Cheng and I just shook our bloodied hands."

Jiang Cheng scowled at the memory.

"We thought that mixed blood might be powerful, at some point," Lan Sizhui admitted.

"We're sorry!" blurted Ouyang Zizhen.

"Powerful for what?" Lan Wangji demanded.

"Sorry. Sorry…" Jiang Cheng's expression twisted. "Sorry?! Jin Ling almost lost his life!"

Wei Wuxian had to ask. These brats were less than forthcoming, and he had a feeling he knew at least one reason why. "Jin Ling was the one who had the idea to keep the blood, wasn't he?"

"No," said Lan Sizhui immediately. His face was pale, his voice a whisper, and he looked at his feet.

"Are you blaming Jin Ling?" spat Jiang Cheng.

"You're a terrible liar, just as Hanguang-Jun raised you to be," Wei Wuxian directed his focus towards Lan Sizhui.

"Okay, yes, it was his idea," Sizhui confessed, "But we all agreed!"

"I helped come up with the idea," said Lan Jingyi, determined to tell at least one truth.

Jiang Cheng shook his head, speechless.

"None of you are night-hunting in the near future," declared Wei Wuxian, before his brother could erupt.

"I want them gone," Jiang Cheng snapped.

Wei Wuxian froze. Gone? But they'd just arrived.

"I understand," said Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian's stomach tightened. _Traitor_.

"But," Lan Wangji continued, "I think this represents a valuable lesson for them all."

Besides Jiang Cheng, Meishi nodded eagerly.

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes. "I imagine you still know how to discipline young disciples?"

Lan Wangji nodded. "Jin Ling has suffered enough, however."

Jiang Cheng relaxed slightly. "I see."

"And it might be good for Jin Ling to see his friends when he awakens," said Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng shot him a look. "He doesn't deserve them right now."

 _Come on, you were always by my side after a whipping_ , Wei Wuxian thought.

"However. There's still the matter of the ghost," Jiang Cheng said instead. "Sizhui? Any more lies?"

Lan Wangji stepped closer. Just one step. But his expression was clear: _Don't call my son a liar. He won't lie again._

"Ah, that." Lan Sizhui looked down, but his words were honest. "I – truly don't know. We saw a figure running away."

"A figure?" Meishi asked. "Dead, or alive?"

"We couldn't even tell if they were a man or a woman," insisted Lan Jingyi.

"So you don't know if they intended to harm you or save you," said Jiang Cheng.

"They wouldn't have saved Jin Ling if they intended harm," said Wei Wuxian. "But then why did they run?"

"Isn't it obvious? They were trying _actual_ demonic cultivation," said Lan Jingyi. He was determined to emphasize the difference between himself and the mysterious figure.

Demonic cultivation may have saved his nephew's life tonight, but Jiang Cheng did not trust it and never would. Jiang Yanli had, and look where it had gotten her.

No one could cultivate demonic energy near Lanling. The backlash could destroy his nephew.

" _When_ I find them," Jiang Cheng said, squeezing out every word, "I will punish them until they beg for death."

Meishi looked pained, even if just for a moment. And there was dirt on her sleeve, as if she had tripped.

Wei Wuxian wondered if he alone noticed, but no, Lan Wangji's eyes had narrowed as well.

"Does that bother you?" Jiang Cheng spun around, to his uncharacteristically silent wife.

Wei Wuxian felt a prick of his heart, that Jiang Cheng would actually ask her. He must really care for her.

"I think," she replied carefully, "that Jin Ling is your only surviving blood relation. Revenge on those who have hurt him is evidence that you care."

Her eyes ignited with passion by the end of her sentence.

She was, Wei Wuxian thought with discomfort, an excellent liar. Near equal with Jin Guangyao, although he certainly hoped she was less malevolent.

Unfortunately, he wasn't sure anymore.

* * *

By midday, Jiang Cheng's eyes burned from exhaustion. Bruises had begun to form under his eyes. But he insisted on staying here, and staying awake, at the bedside of his nephew.

Footsteps echoed in his ear. Meishi's mellifluous voice was welcome to his ears. "Fairy and the puppy will recover, as well."

Jiang Cheng nodded, just once. "That's good."

She crossed the room to sit besides him. She said nothing.

There were so many things he wanted to say. The loneliness he felt realizing she wasn't there this morning. The wish that she were a strong enough cultivator to accompany him to rescue Jin Ling, and the shock of realizing that such a characteristic was not on his list.

She noted that thought Jin Ling's face was still pale, he looked better than this morning.

"I'm sorry I didn't stay with you here. I thought you would rather me make myself useful, helping out a dog," said Meishi to break the silence, to drown out her guilt.

He snorted. "I did."

Her hand rubbed his back, as if he were a lost boy in need of comfort. And in many ways, Jiang Cheng felt just like that.

"You seem to have trouble sleeping often," he said at last.

"Oh." Meishi sat back. "Now, which one of us awoke the other with a nightmare?"

"You were already awake, I'll bet – no, wait. Don't put this back on me," Jiang Cheng argued.

Meishi snickered. Mother Tao always said humor was good medicine. "I'm all right, I promise. It's true I don't sleep well, but it certainly isn't because I don't want to be next to you."

She'd already cut to his core fear. Jiang Cheng clenched his fists. "I imagine spending all those years sleeping alone doesn't make it easy."

"You've made it easier." She poked him between his eyes.

"Ha." His voice remained flat. But he was smiling.

"Are you flirting in front of me?" asked a weak voice.

"Jin Ling!" Jiang Cheng leapt to his feet and rushed to sit at the edge of the bed.

"I'll find the doctor." Meishi stood.

"No, wait – where are my friends? And Fairy?" Jin Ling looked frightened.

"Fairy is healing well," Meishi assured him. "I'm taking good care of her."

"Thank you, Aunt Meishi." Jin Ling smiled nervously. "But – Lan Sizhui – Lan Jingyi –"

"Your friends are well." Jiang Cheng's face darkened. "Though they shouldn't be, if you ask me. I should have whipped all of them until they couldn't stand."

"Pssh, he's kept them around for when you awaken." Meishi winked before she whisked out the door.

Jin Ling tried to laugh despite his nausea. Jiang Cheng glared at his wife's retreating figure.

"I was the ringleader, Uncle." Jin Ling thought it best to confess while still pitiable.

"Yes, your Lan Sizhui admitted that. Though he first tried to lie – the most pathetic lie I ever saw. You think he'd be better after spending time with Wei Wuxian," said Jiang Cheng.

He said his brother's name with ease. Even a touch of irony.

Jin Ling brightened.

"Don't think that being injured gets you excused," Jiang Cheng said. "Keeping blood around – I've only ever heard of demonic purposes resulting from that. You can't be so naïve."

 _People could talk, and suspect you_ , thought Jiang Cheng. _Your best friends could lead a charge against you, and you could be ripped to death by your own monsters._

 _Even now, they're clamoring in the main hall. They want payment for their destroyed property last night – a mess of corpses and monsters roamed wild. They don't understand why we can't see them today, and they hate you for it._

"I see." Jin Ling knew it couldn't last. Feeling like Uncle Jiang Cheng actually cared.

Jiang Cheng noted his nephew's crestfallen expression. What had he said wrong? What had he fucked up this time?

"Jin Ling!" Lan Jingyi barreled inside the room, followed by the rest of the disciples, Lan Wangji, and Wei Wuxian.

"I thought you were disciplining them!" Jiang Cheng gaped at Lan Wangji.

"We'll be back to copying rules shortly," assured Wei Wuxian.

Lan Sizhui was practically crying as he knelt besides the bed, on the opposite side of Jiang Cheng. "How do you feel?"

 _Well, at least the brat asked a good question_. Jiang Cheng's sourness towards him lifted.

"A little dizzy," Jin Ling admitted.

"Master Jin." The doctor entered with Meishi. She seemed delighted to see the kids.

And, somewhere deep in his heart, so was Jiang Cheng.

"Is Lan Sizhui not eating with us?" Wei Wuxian looked at the empty spot at the table.

* * *

It was evening, and the students had only just finished their handstands and copying.

The bundle in Lan Jingyi's hands squirmed. The scruffy puppy.

"Oh! Keep it back." Wei Wuxian waved his hands and darted behind Lan Wangji.

"Sizhui won't leave the bedside of Young Mistress," announced Lan Jingyi.

"I thought you weren't calling him that anymore," said Wei Wuxian, accepting a cup of tea from Lan Wangji. "Especially with him injured. Did you argue?"

Lan Jingyi sipped the tea Lan Wangji had just poured him. "I only call him that now because he's Lan Sizhui's mistress."

Wei Wuxian spit out his own tea.

"What? Did I stutter?" asked Lan Jingyi. "Don't tell me you didn't see it."

"I'm not blind, but – but – now? I didn't think they'd act so soon!"

"Relationships are not your forte," Lan Wangji said, with a pointed look.

"Lan Wangji! You knew?! You knew our son – and my nephew – wait, that sounds worse than it is – the point is, you knew?" Wei Wuxian gasped.

"Yes, how did you know?" demanded Lan Jingyi. " _Oh_."

"Lan Xichen, obviously," surmised Wei Wuxian. "How did _he_ know?"

"He recognizes oblivious pining," said Lan Wangji simply. The tips of his ears, however, were turning red.

"Oh. I see." Wei Wuxian shook his head. "Pardon the expression, but Jiang Cheng is going to lose his shit."

Lan Wangji look at Lan Jingyi.

"I'll get lost," squeaked the younger disciple, scrambling to his feet.

"Take the puppy to Jiang Meishi," ordered Lan Wangji. _And please notice anything suspicious._ He was more convinced than ever that Jiang Meishi was not who she said she was.

"The consequences to Sizhui," said Lan Wangji when they were alone. "They will not be kind."

"But the people who love him most will be," Wei Wuxian reminded him. He traced Lan Wangji's forehead ribbon, wishing he could comfort him more. Unfortunately, public sex at Carp Tower would surely obliterate the remaining scraps of his relationship with Jiang Cheng.

"Of the two, Lan Sizhui is not the one likely to be struck with a discipline whip," Wei Wuxian tried.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Lan Wangji's face. "Neither was I."

"But Jin Ling won't lose his core and become a demonic cultivator. We won't let that happen," assured Wei Wuxian. Much pain had come from the Sunshot Campaign, but the central premise – that the cultivation world was better not ruled by the Wen Sect – held true.

"You'd teach him if he asked," said Lan Wangji.

"You think so little of me?" Wei Wuxian still needed to pry the exact truth to blood story from Jin Ling. And besides, even if they had read his notes, they wouldn't have the skills to resurrect anyone.

"It's not little," said Lan Wangji seriously. "Never."

"I need to tell you something," said Wei Wuxian. "But I need you to keep it quiet for now."

"That depends," said Lan Wangji, as usual.

He grabbed Lan Wangji's hand. "It concerns Meishi."

* * *

"I know it stings," Mei cooed. "Let me do this and I'll sneak you a treat, I promise."

Fairy shuddered as she rubbed ointment into the bite wound. The puppy, a rather mangy mutt with paws twice the size of its legs, curled up besides Fairy, snoozing soundly. As if Fairy was its mother.

"You're a good girl, you know that?" Meishi kissed Fairy's head.

"Well, aren't you acting the part of a proper lady now," said a voice behind her.

Wei Wuxian, calm as ever, stood in the doorway. He refused to enter further, lest he be trapped with the dogs.

Meishi noted his emphasis on _acting_. She stood, slowly, her back still to him. "Pardon me, Brother Wei?"

"How did you learn demonic cultivation?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Meishi turned around, her eyes wide and innocent.

"Don't play dumb." Wei Wuxian was determined to extract a confession. If he could, perhaps he and Lan Wangji could mediate the surefire explosion between she and Jiang Cheng.

"I'm not. You're clearly insinuating that I was the person who saved Jin Ling. What I'm dumb on is _why_? I don't even have a sword."

"You don't need one for demonic cultivation." Wei Wuxian leant against the doorframe, tossing an apple in his hands.

"I don't understand."

"You know, you're the second-best liar I've met. Next to Jin Guangyao." He bit into the apple.

She blinked, clearly disturbed by the comparison. "Jiang Cheng doesn't deserve that."

"No, he doesn't," agreed Wei Wuxian. "So?"

"So?"

"So why would a demonic cultivator marry Jiang Cheng?" Lan Wangji clearly suspected something so dark he hadn't even told Wei Wuxian what it was, but Wei Wuxian hoped there was a better explanation.

"Has demonic cultivation left you suspicious of everyone? Why would I, indeed?" Meishi shook her head. Her heart raced. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_.

"Jiang Cheng is a brother to me, even if he doesn't want to be," said Wei Wuxian. "I'm good at recognizing lies. So is Lan Wangji. And you had dirt on your hem this morning."

"That is not evidence; I tripped while walking outside. How dare you? I don't understand this at all." Meishi summoned tears.

Wei Wuxian, however, was quite comfortable with crying women. "Yes, you do."

A month ago, if this had happened, she would have offered a kiss, a grope, anything to distract men. But this was Wei Wuxian, a brilliant cultivator, a cut-sleeve, and no stranger to deception.

Her usual tricks weren't going to work.

"Let's talk hypothetical," Mei said smoothly. Her tears had instantly ceased. "Self-preservation. He's attractive. Money. Power. Who knows?"

"I don't understand why someone would care for him in one sentence, and pretend they only care about superficial qualities the next." Wei Wuxian continued munching the apple.

"That would be a very strange person indeed," she said. A shadow crossed her face.

Wei Wuxian jabbed his finger at her. "Ah-ha. You _were_ the person."

"I was not! Master Wei, have you gone mad?" She stepped back. Her heart beat even more wildly. She could – she could say she had merely followed Jin Ling out of concern, which was actually the truth. She didn't have to admit to causing the dog, the cacophony of shouting men who'd lost their livelihoods downstairs this afternoon.

But if he knew she knew demonic cultivation – suppose he told Jiang Cheng?

No, it was best to quell his suspicions with a glimpse of truth. After all, if he was suspicious, her movements would be even more limited.

"Anytime you want to confess, I'm listening."

"Shouldn't you be more afraid of me if you really believed I was a demonic cultivator?" Meishi wrung her hands.

"I'm Wei Wuxian. No, I would not." He lifted the apple again, only for Meishi to snatched it from his hands and hurl it towards Fairy.

"Here's your treat," she called to the dog, who immediately licked the apple.

"Now, that's just funny." Wei Wuxian shrugged. "I was mostly eating it for dramatic effect, anyway."

Meishi stared at him. He stared back.

"It's an interesting technique," she said at last. People were best sated with a few answers. "There weren't many tutors in my household growing up. I didn't even know it was considered anathema."

"Mmm."

"Now you sound like your husband," she snapped.

"Good!" he cackled at the idea. He'd have to tell Lan Wangji this later.

She grabbed his sleeve. "I meant no harm towards Jin Ling – I only meant to help him. What else could I do? He would have bled out."

"I'm the last person who could judge you on the technique, but something tells me you're smart enough to know that, and you're trying to summon my sympathy," Wei Wuxian responded.

 _Bastard_! Meishi stomped her foot. She wasn't willing to entirely give up her simpleton act.

"I just want to know why you would marry Jiang Cheng, knowing how he feels about it."

True, Jiang Cheng's repulsion towards the demonic was infamous. Meishi sighed. "Because he seemed like a good man and a good match."

That much, at least, was true. He did _seem_ like a good man.

Her voice quickened. "But – but when I saw the boys sneaking out, I just wanted to ensure their safety. I meant no harm towards Jin Ling or Jiang Cheng, I swear it."

And she meant it. Last night, she truly hadn't.

Fortunately, Wei Wuxian seemed to believe her. "I understand."

"Are you going to tell him?"

He was prepared for this question. "No, but I recommend that _you_ tell him. If he turns this entire city inside out looking for a demonic cultivator, he'll fall from favor more than he already has among the people of Lanling."

"He'll kill me, and you know it." She looked terrified. "I – I can't –"

"If you still think it's possible for him and I to repair our relationship, you should know it's possible for you, too. Or would you rather your lie lead to his downfall?"

Meishi's face was green. If Jiang Cheng lost trust in her, if pried any further, he could find out everything.

"So," crowed Wei Wuxian. "You do love him, too. Just like he loves you."

"He doesn't – what? How could you possibly know that?" Her eyes flashed.

"I've known my brother for far longer than you." Wei Wuxian placed a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Meishi. Let me help you both."

* * *

Wei Wuxian sauntered into the Fragrant Palace, where Jiang Cheng had busied himself cleaning Jin Ling's sword for him.

What a soft uncle. He bit back a grin.

"What do you want?" demanded Jiang Cheng, not looking up.

"I found our mysterious demonic cultivator."

Jiang Cheng's head jerked up. "What?"

"They're just outside." Wei Wuxian wasn't sure what he had expected, but Zidian lashing out immediately was not it.

"Wait!" he cried, but Jiang Cheng had already used Zidian a second time. "Jiang Cheng, be patient for once!"

"Why should I?" remarked Jiang Cheng, storming around the corner. Zidian flew forth a third time.  
"No, listen –" begged Wei Wuxian, but Jiang Cheng had already frozen.

His wife knelt around the corner, too shocked to make a sound. Three deep gashes covered her chest, and she was trying to hold up her robes, which had been ripped across her chest.


	12. Sandu Shengshou

**Chapter Eleven**

 **Sandu Shengshou**

Jiang Cheng shook. Every muscle in hit body felt as though it had had its own golden core melted. His voice came out shrill. "W – why – what? Is this a joke?"

Meishi was too shocked to move or speak.

Truthfully, she hadn't dodged the first strike on purpose. She was careful to conjure sympathies like that. But, though she'd anticipated the pain, experiencing it was another matter. She'd never been whipped before, and so she'd been too stunned to do anything but fall. The second and third strikes had been unavoidable.

Was this how the brother she'd never met had felt when Jiang Cheng imprisoned him? Doubtless he had been whipped. How many times?

Jiang Cheng's eyes bored into her. And she stared at the ground, grinding her teeth in pain, sticky with blood and burning with shame.

She should want him to feel emotional turmoil, but right now, she hated herself, not him.

She couldn't even hate correctly!

Jiang Cheng wasn't even breathing. He stared at his wife, quivering, shattered. As if the slightest movement would irremovably destroy him. The weight of this truth was crushing him.

"Meishi." Wei Wuxian recovered first. This was his fault, after all. He grappled with his robes and moved to cover his sister-in-law.

"Don't." Jiang Cheng finally inhaled. His hand struck his brother, knocking him sideways.

"But –"

Jiang Cheng, moving a bit like a staggering drunk, bent down and lifted her close to his chest.

He held her gingerly, afraid to speak, to shout. He didn't know what was true or not, if this was all an elaborate, horrible prank, or something he didn't yet understand. All he knew was that she had betrayed him, and still, he had ruined everything.

Wei Wuxian, however, noticed that Jiang Cheng was careful not to touch her wounds. That he held her with her ripped clothes towards him, so no one could see her.

Jiang Cheng backed into the Fragrant Palace, away from any potentially probing eyes. "Wei Wuxian…"

"Yes." He didn't know what else to say. He really had not expected this. He wouldn't blame Jiang Cheng for hating him right now.

Jiang Cheng's voice was raspy. "Get a doctor. The one who treated Jin Ling. And if you say anything to anyone else – I will kill you a second time."

Wei Wuxian ran.

* * *

Rain pattered outside the classrooms of the Cloud Recesses, where the students copied notes, and outside Lan Xichen's room, where Xichen was looking at Liebing as if he wanted to play it but hadn't the heart.

Wen Ning shifted. He wasn't really sure why he was allowed here. He was a corpse. It wasn't right. But Lan Xichen seemed to appreciate his company.

A knock came at the door.

Lan Xichen was startled. "Who…"

"Lan Huan, it's me." Lan Qiren's gruff voice drifted into the room.

"Uncle." Lan Xichen was perplexed.

Wen Ning moved to open the door, but Lan Xichen shook his head at him as he hurried to unlatch the door himself. Lan Qiren would not appreciate his presence.

"Yes?" Lan Xichen forced a smile at the sight of his uncle. Lan Qiren was not one for visiting his nephews while they secluded themselves. Although, now that Xichen thought about it, perhaps Lan Qiren had avoided Wangji because he had been disgusted by the sin of cutsleevery.

Lan Qiren, of course, had no idea Lan Xichen also harbored such feelings right now. Towards Jin Guangyao, of all people, and that in his dreams, they were washing clothes again until he tackled A-Yao and kissed him senseless.

Lan Qiren held out a letter. "It seems matters have already gotten out of hand at Carp Tower."

Lan Xichen scanned the note. He summarized the key points for Wen Ning, who seemed concerned. "Jin Ling injured – Madame Jiang injured in the aftermath – cultivators angry."

"Jin Ling?" Wen Ning leapt to his feet. Or, he tried to. His muscles were stiff, after all.

"He'll recover," Lan Xichen assured him.

Lan Qiren's eyes swept Wen Ning up and down. "I did not expect you here."

"Uncle, he is pleasant company. You ought to be relieved my seclusion is not as strict as Lan Wangji's was," said Lan Xichen.

"Hmmph!" Lan Qiren stood there, soaked, not leaving.

"Uncle, is something the matter?" prompted Lan Xichen.

He heaved a sigh. What could he say? That Xichen's behavior was as improper as his brother's? That he suspected much, and was not certain he recognized either of his prized nephews? "I saw some of the writing."

"Ah."

"What exactly does 'suspicions have only elevated' mean in context of Jiang Meishi, and Nightless City? If it is personal business, do not tell me. But the inclusion of 'Nightless City' implies a larger matter, and so I have to ask." Lan Qiren was still embarrassed that he had read the letter without asking. Breaking rules himself.

"I see." Lan Xichen weighed his response. "I cannot say right now, not without further investigation."

"Which you will be conducting from your room?" Lan Qiren asked pointedly.

"Uncle, are you trying to get me out of seclusion? One might think you miss me." Lan Xichen wore a childlike smile.

"Gusu Lan needs its leader, Xichen. And I am not that." Lan Qiren dipped his head.

As soon as his uncle had padded away, Lan Xichen shut the door with a strange look on his face. "Wen Ning."

"Yes, Zewu-Jun?"

He sat down across from Wen Ning, beckoning the latter to return to his seat. "You lived with several sect members after the fall of Qishan Wen. Forgive me if I stir up unpleasant memories, but did you ever hear what happened to the Wen Ruohan's daughter?"

"Wen Mingxia, courtesy name Meishi." Wen Ning paused as understanding dawned on his face. "Meishi is a common enough name."

"Indeed. And Meishi is not her courtesy name. Still, my brother finds her face familiar." Lan Xichen hesitated.

"We never found out. We assumed she died."

Lan Xichen as reluctant to ask. "Would you recognize her?"

"Truthfully, Zewu-Jun, I don't know. I'd seen her from time to time, but I only interacted with her once, and briefly, and that was many years ago." Wen Ning paused. "She broke into my sister's medical cabinets to steal some herbs. She said Wen Chao had hurt a cat, and she was going to poison him, and I had better not stop her. I didn't, either. It was Wen Qing who threatened to tell Wen Ruohan if she didn't return the herbs."

Lan Xichen couldn't help but chuckle.

"What is it?" Wen Ning wanted to laugh, too.

"A quip, that's all, that occurred as you spoke." Lan Xichen paused. "If you had let her succeed, the Sunshot Campaign may never have happened."

The idea that such a monumental event could have never happened, that such suffering could have been avoided, that Wen Qing and Jin Guangyao and everyone else might still be alive today, was so staggering it caused both to laugh.

Well, laughter was difficult for a corpse, but Wen Ning forced himself anyway. He liked it. Laughter made him feel alive again.

And it was good to see Zewu-Jun laughing again.

* * *

"I don't understand," said Jin Ling, hobbling around his room between his best friends. "Just last night, Aunt Meishi was joking with me that this was the perfect opportunity to make my uncle serve me tea again. She seemed fine."

And now she was bedridden with some terrible illness, so contagious he could not be allowed to visit her?

"I don't think that's what happened," said Lan Jingyi.

"Lan Jingyi!" Sizhui shook his head.

"What do you mean?" Jin Ling hissed.

Lan Sizhui sighed. "There's a rumor from the guards around the Fragant Palace that Jiang Cheng struck her."

"What?" Jin Ling was appalled. "He's never hit me. He wouldn't hit his wife!"

"He does have a temper," said another disciple.

"Shut up!" Jin Ling moved towards him, but a searing pain in his leg halted his progress. "No, that's nonsense."

But then, had he erer known Jin Guangyao? Suppose Jin Ling didn't know his uncles at all.

"It's a rumor probably started by the cultivators upset at the whole situation," Lan Jingyi assured him.

"Upset?" Jin Ling gulped.

"There's a backup of sects demanding needs met," Lan Sizhui said. "Please don't worry about it. Hanguang-Jun is seeing to them for now."

"How can I not worry? We look unstable as it is." Jin Ling slapped his forehead. "Why am I weak? Why am I so weak?"

"You're not weak, I promise," insisted Sizhui.

"We are your friends," blustered Lan Jingyi. "Together, we are stronger than a thousand obnoxious citizens! We'll fight them if we have to, hai-ya!"

He made a stabbing motion, and Jin Ling had to snicker. As he did, he swayed, and cursed aloud.

Lan Sizhui smiled at his language. "Let's sit you back down. You've done good today."

 _Good_? Jin Ling wondered. He could barely walk. His family was falling apart almost as fast as his sect. _But, Sizhui, I feel so weak._

* * *

Jiang Cheng's figure stood in the doorway to the Fragrant Palace, alongside the mustachioed doctor. He shook the doctor's hand before sitting just outside, his head in his hands.

"Good news, I hope," Wei Wuxian whispered to his husband. "I can't tell."

"Three lashes is not bad," said Lan Wangji.

"I suppose. At least it's not a discipline whip, eh?" Wei Wuxian cringed at his own joke, but he knew it, he knew he saw a smile from Lan Wangji.

They approached slowly. Jiang Cheng did not look up, though he surely heard their footsteps.

"Jiang Wanyin." Lan Wangji spoke first, which might have been a first for him in general. But he wanted to ease Wei Wuxian's fears, and so speaking was worth it.

"Why are you here?" Jiang Cheng glared at Lan Wangji, who stood besides Wei Wuxian. "Wei Ying, you told him! Didn't I threaten you enough?"

"He's my husband; we have no secrets. I told him and only him. And I – I only did it because –" Wei Wuxian tugged on Lan Wangji's robes.

Lan Wangji held out the puppy. "He wants to give you this."

"Officially," Wei Wuxian clarified. "It's already taken quite a liking to Fairy."

Despite himself, Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow. "But he's too scared to give it to me himself."

"Yes."

"You love puppies," protested Wei Wuxian, as Lan Wangji moved closer. He made to drop the creature into Jiang Cheng's lap.

"Be careful!" Jiang Cheng grabbed it tightly to ensure it didn't fall.

 _What an ugly creature_. Its fur had been brushed – by Meishi, probably – but was a mottled brown color, and half its ear was chewed off. Its eyes, which sparkled up towards Jiang Cheng, were too big for its face, and its drooling tongue was too bit for its mouth.

Despite himself, a small smile emerged on his face; when he was with puppies, he felt younger, freer, as if his life wasn't set in caved-in stone. "I should make _you_ keep it, Wei Wuxian."

"That would be terrible revenge," agreed his brother.

"What is its name?" asked Lan Wangji stiffly.

Jiang Cheng was now stroking the puppy's head with two fingers, concerned it could not handle all of his fingers at once. His heart ached.

"Dragonfly." _Meishi, remember_?

Wei Wuxian shot a triumphant smile towards Lan Wangji. _See? See how he names things_?

Lan Wangji, meanwhile, hoped Sect Leader Jiang would never ask him what he named his rabbits. By now, there were so many Wei Yings and Wei Wuxians, it was getting hard to tell them apart.

"I'm sorry I ruined your marriage. But I also don't think it's actually ruined," said Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng laughed coldly, but cut himself short when the puppy wriggled with alarm. "How does that make sense?"

"I really thought it best if she told you first, but she asked me to, er, break the ice, so to speak…" Wei Wuxian trailed off.

"Hmm. Disaster to everyone I love follows wherever you go, doesn't it?" Jiang Cheng grinned, brimming with sore misery.

"It's disaster to everyone I love, too," said Wei Wuxian quietly. "Because I care about you, I care about those you love."

"What do you know?" Jiang Cheng scoffed.

"I know you love her. Why ruin everything?"

"I already have! Just now!" Jiang Cheng curled his fist. The puppy had begun nibbling on his purple robes, and he made no move to stop it. "I _struck_ her. My wife is injured and scarred because of me. What does it matter if it was intentional or not? The doctor thinks I am a wifebeater. He's not even wrong!"

"Would you have still done it if you'd known?" asked Wei Wuxian.

"She's a demonic cultivator. Of course," he said, digging in. The puppy advanced chewing, standing up against his chest, and Jiang Cheng offered Dragonfly his fingers instead of his robe.

"No, you wouldn't. I can't believe you!" Wei Wuxian was incensed. _He's already so tender with the dog; there's no way he can't be tender towards his wife_. "You stopped immediately once you realized, you helped her up, you begged me to keep it secret less for your sake than for hers – I'm sure of it. Don't think I missed how you were giving her spiritual energy when the doctor arrived. Your face is as bad at lying as Lan Sizhui."

"Is that so." Jiang Cheng blew out his breath _. But how many other people's wives and husbands have I struck and imprisoned until they died_? "Leave me alone."

"Jiang Cheng, please. You love her."

"I thought I loved, but it was a lie. I don't even _know_ her. I can't love her." Jiang Cheng stared at the Dragonfly. "I am a fool, aren't I, Dragonfly?"

Dragonfly bit down hard on his finger, and he cringed. As if sensing that it has caused its owner pain, dog began licking him immediately.

"You can love many people you don't know. You can only love them better when you do know them." Lan Wangji spoke the longest sentences Jiang Cheng had heard from him in a years.

"Well, I can't love her now." And she surely couldn't love him. Jiang Cheng was a wife beater. Even if he hadn't intended it.

"Please, please talk to her when she awakens," said Wei Wuxian.

"There's nothing to say."

 _You're going to get yourself, myself, Jin Ling killed._

 _You've been deceiving me._

 _You must really hate me_. _I do, too._

 _Why would you learn such evil? Who are you? Because I don't understand you, not at all, and I want to._

"What if I break the ice again? Without whips," Wei Wuxian offered. Lan Wangji seemed alarmed by his offer, but he had to try.

A frown emerged on Jiang Cheng's face, the kind of frown he only wore when he was tempted by his brother's offer. "I'll think about it. Right now…"

Wei Wuxian had to laugh. A yellow liquid spread from Dragonfly onto Jiang Cheng's robes.

* * *

Meishi awoke to find Wei Wuxian sitting by her bedside. She stared at him, unblinking.

The whip – Jiang Cheng – the doctor –

Jiang Cheng wasn't here. He must be plotting her death.

By trying to preserve her relationship and thereby her revenge, she had listened to Wei Wuxian, and ruined everything.

"How long have I been unconscious?" she demanded.

"A day. The doctor says the worst of the pain is over." Wei Wuxian tapped his feet against the floor. "You know, I was whipped with Zidian. It isn't a pleasant sensation."

"It was a shock," she murmured.

"I'm sorry," said Wei Wuxian. "I'm really sorry."

She blinked and sat up straighter. He really was nothing like the wicked Patriarch she'd imagined ravaging Nightless City. "It's not your fault. Wei Wuxian, I'm the one who erred, after all. You merely encouraged me to try to make amends. Don't try to shoulder the blame for something you didn't do."

"You didn't really err. You tried to protect our nephew." Wei Wuxian shrugged.

She lowered her eyes. "He doesn't see it that way."

A shadow crossed the doorway.

Wei Wuxian turned around.

Jiang Cheng's arms were crossed. He had wanted to be there when she awoke; he had merely gone to check on Jin Ling just now! His sour mood spilled over. "I suppose you two have a lot to talk about. Similar cultivation styles and all."

Wei Wuxian opened his mouth, but Meishi shook her head at him. With a sigh, he stood. "I'll let you two talk."

"What's there for us to talk about?" Jiang Cheng raised his voice, but Wei Wuxian had already swept out the door. And locked it, from the click of the latch.

Meishi bowed her head. "Please…"

Jiang Cheng sighed. Internally, however, he was almost relieved. "Fine."

The tension was palpable between them. The silence grew.

"Don't you have anything to say?" He finally spat _. I thought you wanted to talk._

 _Give me an explanation. Anything. Just make it excusable._

 _Also, we have a puppy._

"What can I say?" Her tone was pleading, and that disgusted him further.

"You nearly killed Jin Ling!"

Meishi gasped. She moved to stand and winced immediately. "No, never. I – I saw him sneak out, and I wanted to make sure he was safe – that's all. Jiang Cheng, I swear."

She wanted to pull out her lying tongue.

"If I hadn't, he would have died. Could you survive that?" Meishi begged.

"Excuses; that's all those are! You're making excuses!" Jiang Cheng wanted to scream.

He'd seen a brother torn to pieces from spiritual backlash. He'd seen his sister die before his eyes because of a man too frightened of the demonic.

He never wanted to see the demonic again, much less inside his home.

He wanted a better explanation, one he couldn't fault her for. There wasn't one, was there?

He sneered. "You – I see why you invited Wei Wuxian here! To teach you more."

Meishi seethed. She ought to pretend she was meek, seek his forgiveness, but this was too infuriating. "Wei Wuxian?! Your supposedly wicked brother urged _my_ confession. So that I wouldn't hurt _you_. He would never have taught me. You – you have to blame everything on him, don't you? Because you hate yourself too much to bear the fact that _you've_ been ruining your own life."

Jiang Cheng was too furious to see straight. "You've been betraying me from the start!"

"What?" she cried, stumbling away from the bed _. Get him away from the truth, get him away_ – but she couldn't think herself. "Jiang Cheng, stop."

"You should have told me if you knew such techniques!"

That did it. Meishi laughed right in his face.

"So – so what? You could throw me in your dungeon and torture me to death, demanding to know if I am Wei Wuxian come back to life?" She mocked.

His eyes were larger than she had ever seen. He looked at once terrified and terrifying.

Jiang Cheng felt tainted, exposed. Hated. Evil. "I should never have married you. Everything you presented to me was false."

Meishi was too hurt to process this. Too hurt by the truth, too hurt to do anything but hurt back. "You are everything the rumors said you were, aren't you?"

And Wei Wuxian wasn't. Jiang Cheng finished the sentence himself.

Her words echoed in his mind _. You have to blame everything on him, don't you?_

He tried. Just then. He had to. One more try. His voice came out trembling. "Why did you ever learn that technique?"

Meishi's face was pained. "Well, women aren't taught to cultivate high. What other path was there?"

What other path? Now she sounded like Jin Guangyao.

Jiang Cheng laughed. He couldn't. He couldn't try any more. He couldn't handle being in this room with her. "Pathetic."

Meishi was too numb to cry. She sank to the floor, alone, as he fought with the lock before breaking it and storming out of the Fragrant Palace.


	13. Like Family Again

**Chapter Twelve**

 **Like Family Again**

Nie Huaisang had always had difficulty balancing on his saber while flying. When he was little, his brother would help steady him, but when he got older Nie Mingjue expressed the same exasperation as everyone else.

 _Why can't you get it?_

 _Boys half your age can stand, and you can't?_

Several times he tried falling off just to make sure Nie Mingjue would still catch him. And he would, and Huaisang replayed those moments in his mind whenever he felt unloved.

Speaking of love. She better be here tonight. Not that he had sent a warning; if he had, he feared she wouldn't see him.

Truthfully, he'd planned on waiting. On making his case to Wen Meishi at Yunmeng Jiang's discussion conference in two months. He didn't want to show up to the same location as Wei Wuxian and incite more suspicions.

But now there were rumors of her vanishing from public eye for over a week, and Nie Huaisang was scared, and he had to help her.

That he had promised Madame Tao barely mattered to him. Meishi mattered more than a promise.

He'd visited Carp Tower so many times before, he knew every schedule. He avoided the guards with ease.

The Fragrant Palace should be free from Jiang Cheng for a while; he was scheduled to be in meetings for the next hour at least. Nie Huaisang had even paid Master He to keep him longer – without giving away any more details, of course.

Still, Lanling was a sore sight. Last time he'd seen it, he'd enjoyed spending time with Jin Guangyao. Now, he was merely relieved Jin Guangyao's spirit wasn't haunting the palace, ready to kill him for murder.

Wait, no. If killing a killer was murder, where did it end?

 _Brother, help me_ , he prayed.

In his right hand Nie Huaisang gripped his favorite fan, the one with an ancient myth illustrated by its own unique calligraphy. He prayed it would give him reason and courage. He pushed open the door to Jin Guangyao's study – and cringed.

The sight assaulted him. It hadn't changed at all. Books were still open on Jin Guangyao's desk, the books of a dead man.

Meishi was not here.

Nie Huaisang's heart quickened. He really hoped she was not in the bedroom; that would be awkward for many reasons.

A worse thought occurred. Suppose she was already gone?

In the midst of his worry, the door burst open, and he wasn't quick enough to dodge.

"Ow!" He doubled over, holding his head.

"Huaisang?!" The knife in Mei's hand lowered. "What on earth are you doing here?"

Nie Huaisang gaped up at her. "You were going to stab me?"

"Slit your throat, more likely. I mistook you for an intruder." Meishi pasted on her coldest face. "What's the matter?"

Nie Huaisang's words dried up in front of her. "…"

"Why are you here?" she continued, voice rising. Jiang Cheng already loathed her; if he found them, he might be willing to believe they were actually having an affair this time. "The new year isn't for another three months. I thought we agreed that was the time!"

"I…" Nie Huaisang's gaze locked on her chest, which bore mottled purple scars, scars raised and fresh, not-quite-hidden beneath her robes. He felt as though a thousand spiders crawled up his spine. "Mei?"

"What?" She growled, pretending she wasn't self-conscious.

Without speaking, he grabbed her by her shoulders and led her to a seat.

She was always surprised by his authoritative side. She sat.

His lips trembled. "You're hurt. What happened? How many times? What can I do?"

"It's none of your concern."

"Meishi!" Nie Huaisang grabbed her hand. "It _is_ my concern if I want it to be."

Meishi sighed. Honestly, she didn't want to admit that, after all the shit she gave him over being weak, she was the one who'd nearly ruined their entire plan. "It was an accident, one event. I – he mistook me for a demonic cultivator…because I engaged in demonic cultivation."

Meishi laughed darkly. "He didn't know it was me. Until he turned the corner."

Nie Huaisang was positively hysterical. "Are you imprisoned here?"

"No," she said indignantly. "If I was, I would leave. I just don't want to go out."

Truthfully, she wished Jiang Cheng would visit her, but he had avoided the Fragrant Palace since their argument. And if she went out, and people noticed her scars, they would hate Jiang Cheng more.

She should let them hate him more. But she didn't want to.

Nie Huaisang's head swept back and forth. His eyes had tears in them. "He hurt you!"

"He's – he's not that bad," Meishi said lamely.

"Not bad?" Nie Huaisang was fully enraged. "Don't play dumb with me, Wen Meishi! You've always been sly; I assume you went to the torture chambers in Lotus Pier, to see the place many people died after being mistaken for Wei Wuxian? There are at least two dozen, including your brother!"

Meishi's face twisted with fury. So he knew, at last. "How did you discover this? I destroyed all the evidence – couldn't you leave it alone?!"

" _She_ told me."

Mei's eyes widened.

"She's worried about you. And so am I. And your father is, too, I'm sure, even if he'll never say so," said Nie Huaisang.

"Well, I'm fine."

"Sure, you are now. But he's already found out how you cultivate, and look what happened. What if he finds out the rest? Just that little information could risk his wrath." Nie Huaisang shivered. How could he make her see?

"I saw it," Meishi looked away. Her voice was thick. "The prison in Lotus Pier. If there had been anyone left, I would have freed them all; you know that. I have seen it, and lost, and you have not. And still, I am not afraid of Jiang Cheng."

"Afraid?! He's my friend, or, he was," Nie Huaisang exclaimed. "I like him, more than you. Ah – not like that, don't look at me that way. My point is that I know him better than you. If he acts like this over cultivation, he will not forgive your – your true secrets."

"I don't need his forgiveness," Mei declared, as if she meant it. If she believed it, it was true, right?

"So what is your real plan? To die in disgrace?" Nie Huaisang shouted. _You've been playing me all along, haven't you_? "Aren't you just trying to kill yourself? How should I even trust that this spell is real? That you really can do what you claim? How can I believe that I can see my brother again – how can I believe anything you say?"

"You probably can't. I don't even trust myself these days." Her tone was clipped.

"Stop that," he commanded, sounding not unlike his brother. It surprised even him. "Stop acting like everything is fine."

"Stop acting like nothing is fine," she countered.

"What has changed?" His eyes widened. "Meishi, you're not – not pregnant, are you?"

He didn't see Meishi's slap before it hit him. "Don't ask me these things!"

"I was just worried!" He cowered away from her.

Meishi closed her eyes. She wasn't pregnant; merely sentimental. "I'm sorry I hit you."

"It's fine. You're not the first." Nie Huaisang shrugged.

"Huaisang, that's not okay."

"It's how it's always been." Nie Huaisang was surprised she would care. Well, that's why he always liked her.

"I…I want to save you," he said, his voice frail. Not because he was acting. But because he really was scared and powerless right now.

"I understand, and it's rather sweet," Mei admitted. "But I don't need saving."

"You're wounded already." Nie Huaisiang worried his lip.

"I'll live. I'm just confused because…because…perhaps I wanted to see what sort of monster Jiang Cheng was, if there was anything worth saving." Meishi laughed sadly.

"And is there?" Nie Huaisang thought there was, but Meishi had scars on her chest now, and so he had to question everything.

"Yes. He's a good man, despite it all."

"By 'all' you mean the dozens of dead Wei Wuxians."

"People aren't the worst things they've done, Huaisang. At least, I really hope I am not." Meishi looked straight into his eyes. "And I know you're not."

"You don't know –"

She cut him off. "I do know what you did back then; it's written in your eyes and words."

Nie Huaisang shook his head back and forth. _Don't confront me, don't confront me; I won't ever admit it_! _It didn't happen_! "Mei, no, you're wrong, you're wrong, you've got it all wrong!"

"I'm always wrong, if you recall, but at least I admit it!"

Nie Huaisang had begun to cry. He was a killer, yes, and worse than her. Worse than his brother, worse than most cultivators. And he was scared, always scared, and he wanted to make her understand. "Does Jiang Cheng admit it, either?! Does he admit he killed your brother?"

Mei shook her head. A tear slid down her cheek. "It would break him if he did."

"Then why…"

"Because I care for him more than I wish I did. He's…" Mei licked her lips. "…A good man, deep down in his hurting heart, buried beneath all that insecurity that corrupts his actions. He loves his nephew and his brother and is far more sensitive than he cares to be. I'm not excusing him. Just saying I care."

Nie Huaisang was silent for a moment. Then he pulled her face close to his, glaring straight into her eyes. "Look at you, Mei, lying to my face."

"Excuse me?!" Mei yanked herself free.

"You don't care for him. You love him, even though – even though he took your family!" To Huaisang, family killers must be irredeemable, forsaken garbage. Elsewise he would have to atone for Jin Guangyao. _I'm not a killer, I'm not – I definitely didn't just think that._

"So what?! It changes nothing! My decisions won't falter!" she shouted as loudly as she dared. "Huaisang, you're really annoying me."

"You're _scaring_ me," he emphasized one last time.

A voice boomed through the door. "Is that so."

Now both Nie Huaisang and Meishi were scared as they whirled around in unison.

Jiang Cheng stood there, his face livid.

* * *

A paperman sent by Wei Wuxian, of all people, had fluttered into Jiang Cheng's meeting.

 _Lan Zhan says he saw someone sneak into the Fragrant Palace_.

And so Jiang Cheng had excused himself, had tolerated the cultivators' disdain, had stormed over.

After a week of avoiding his wife, he was ready to drown himself in shame. Or Dragonfly's fur, which was growing longer and fluffier now that he had spent hours carefully clearing the mats.

Perhaps that was why he had fully expected to find Meishi and Nie Huaisang locked in some inappropriate embrace.

What he had found, however, disturbed him even more.

"Sect Leader Jiang," fumbled Huaisang, scrambling to his feet. In his peripheral vision Meishi was subtly pointing him to the window opposite Jiang Cheng.

"Spare me your pleasantries." Jiang Cheng stepped into the room.

"Gladly," blurted Nie Huaisang, fleeing across the room.

"I'll see you in two weeks!" Meishi called, as if they'd done nothing wrong, as if Jiang Cheng hadn't just heard them conspiring. Well, maybe he hadn't.

Jiang Cheng looked as though he wished to chase after Huaisang, but thought better of it. He stared at his wife instead.

Meishi stood awkwardly. On instinct, she hugged herself.

His temper flared again. He'd made her afraid of him. "So you can tell Huaisang all your secrets, but not your husband?"

There was a trace of amusement in her grief. "So I still have one?"

He snorted, unwilling to dignify that thought with a response.

"How long were you listening?" Meishi had to calculate exactly how much he knew.

"Does it matter?"

"You eavesdropped on a private conversation; of course it does," she snapped. _Don't give in._

"Since he asked you if you – if we – if you were – I mean – if you were in a family way," Jiang Cheng said. He looked away and waited.

Meishi laughed to cover her relief. So he hadn't heard the worst of it. "Fortunately, you don't have to worry about that."

He looked back at her, pretending he didn't feel the sting of disappointment.

Not that he would know what to do with a baby. There was just the sweet thought of having one with Meishi. And he wasn't sure why the thought was sweet, but it was.

"Huaisang is smitten." Jiang Cheng wondered if Nie Huaisang wouldn't have been better for her. Because he wouldn't have accidentally scarred her.

"He cares, and it's difficult for him to let go. There's naught I can do about that." Meishi spoke matter-of-factly. Inwardly, though, she nearly wept from the relief of having a conversation with Jiang Cheng for the first time in a week.

Jiang Cheng didn't want to ask. He wanted to keep hiding, to leave this conversation, to keep up the angry distance that had been so easy for him to hide behind, ever since childhood. But he had to ask all the same. "What happened to your brother?"

"Hmm?" She jerked. Really, what hadn't happened, to all of them, all three.

"II don't recall capturing any Taos." He did, however, recall her nonexistent resemblance to her family, and had to wonder, again, if her true parentage was a scandal. Was this brother even a Tao?

"Don't listen to Huaisang's nonsense."

Jiang Cheng glared at her. "How very cowardly for a demonic cultivator."

He had meant to lighten the mood. Unfortunately, his tone only darkened.

"Why don't you execute me, and I'll tell you with my last breath?" she tossed back.

Jiang Cheng inhaled. "I executed many false Wei Wuxians."

"Yes."

"Demonic cultivation is deadly. They too dangerous to release!" He clenched his fist. "Do you know what it is like – watching your sister stabbed to death in front of you, watching as corpses gnaw thousands to death, watching as they devour your brother, their very creator, in front of you?"

And Jin Guangyao, then, held him back. In case he tried to run forward, to save Wei Wuxian, as all Jiang Cheng's instincts screamed.

He snorted. Jin Guangyao. "I am a fool."

Jiang Cheng peered at his wife, who was breathing heavily, as if she wanted to explode. Or as if she were terrified of him. He couldn't tell.

She would be better off without him. "Huaisang is right. I am a failure."

Meishi spoke sharply. "He never said you were a failure. Those are your own words."

 _Do you know what it is like – watching your sister stabbed to death in front of you?_

No, she didn't. She only knew what it was like watching her father stabbed to death in front of her.

She had never recovered. She had set up Jin Guangyao's humiliation, and accidentally, his death, as a result.

Mei sank to the floor.

Jiang Cheng hesitated.

"My brother was my mother's son, but not my father's," she began, hugging her knees to her chest like she always did to comfort herself.

Jiang Cheng wanted to hug her himself. He was still angry, but he wanted to embrace her all the same. He wanted to keep talking to her. So he compromised by sitting besides her on the study floor.

When she had finished relegating the story, Jiang Cheng looked disgusted. At her or himself, she couldn't tell.

"Why did you marry me, then?"

She buried her face in her hands. "Because I wanted to – to know what happened to him."

"No one marries their enemy merely for information."

 _He was too dangerous to keep alive_.

What wouldn't he have given for Wei Wuxian to never have died? To keep him, and Yanli, and their parents by his side forever? Was one man's life, were more Jiang Chengs and Tao Meishis, worth the risk of more orphaned Jin Lings?

Her eyes smarted. "You mean, did I want to fuck with you? Yes."

He was startled more by her language than the admission.

"Of course I met with you, intending to perhaps break your heart," Meishi said, and she wasn't exactly lying, though she sidestepped the truth. "Perhaps stir up more cultivators to trouble you. Make sure you had no peace."

She dared to meet his eyes. "Instead, I – I found someone I understood more than most."

Jiang Cheng felt numb. "You and Huaisang…"

"He's a friend, and only that." Mei was adamant.

"I meant to ask –"

"Yes, I helped him with Jin Guangyao. I miscalculated. Just once. I thought Jin Guangyao's humiliation would satisfy Huaisang." She blinked. "I was very wrong. So, I – I oughtn't judge you, although I do. I suppose we both have blood on our hands."

Jin Guangyao, and the Nie sect soldiers. She had never forgotten their faces, even though she never knew their names.

That wasn't what he meant to ask at all. Jiang Cheng's stomach twisted. _Just let your question die_.

"Lucky for you, I'm a bit more straightforward of a confessor than Jin Guangyao." Jiang Cheng let his sardonic edge slip. His voice shook. "When it comes to the false Wei Wuxians…I did it all. It's true."

"That was never a question. You've many faults, but sneakiness is not one of them," she said dryly.

He squirmed at the mention of his innumerable faults. He, who couldn't even guard his own golden core. "Then why…"

"Did I defend you?" Meishi brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

 _Stop answering the wrong question_! Still, Jiang Cheng bit his lip. Because he – he really liked talking to her. He missed her.

"Because maybe I – like I said – I hope that not everyone is defined by the worst thing they've ever done."

Jiang Cheng was quiet for a moment. "That's how I tend to view everyone."

"Yes," she admitted.

Tears burned his eyes. He turned away from her so she wouldn't see. "Meishi, if I believed that, I'd be hypocritical not to regret most of my actions in life. I've only risen this far because I was born a Jiang, even though Wei Wuxian deserved it more. I couldn't even keep my own golden core, save my own sister. I never got _anywhere_ without someone else sacrificing themselves for me."

Her hand caught his chin and jerked it back to face him. Streams of rine ran down his cheeks. "Not true. Did you not sacrifice yourself for Wei Wuxian back when the Wens caught you? I'm certain that's what you're hiding."

He choked. She'd surmised that much? Of course she had.

Jiang Cheng pressed his hands against his heart. "I don't deserve any of this, Meishi."

"Not true!" Her push sent him stumbling backwards. "You're _loved_! People sacrifice for you because they _love_ you! Get that through your stubborn skull!"

Jiang Cheng gaped at her.

 _Let me ask._

 _Let me ask._

"Do you love me?" he demanded.

"What?" Mei's mouth dried.

"After everything you know, _how_?" He swatted the tears off his cheeks as if they were pesky flies.

"I don't know how," she said finally.

 _So the answer is yes._ Both of them seemed flummoxed.

Jiang Cheng hiccupped. His nose ran, and he sounded like a toddler. "Well, I – I – I love you."

He drew in a shuddery breath. "Because you're smart, and funny, and kind, and – and _you make me feel like I have a family again_."

And it killed him that he'd taken a family member from her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. For all of it.

For a moment, Mei wondered if she should tell him everything, forsake everything – but no, she needed to see Father again.

But maybe revenge was not necessary.

"I'm sorry too," she said, drawing his head to her chest, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

Guilt ate at her, until she couldn't bear it any longer. "You know, I'm really glad I didn't marry Huaisang."

Jiang Cheng sputtered. "You! Do you know what it was like hearing his voice, realizing he was here again?"

"Wait, were you jealous? Even though we were fighting?" Mei's eyes sparkled as she released him from her embrace.

His face reddened. "Merely concerned."

She giggled. "You _were_ jealous."

He sputtered. "I was not –"

"Jiang Cheng was jealous," Mei sang like a child. "What, does he think he's not enough for me?"

His face matched his purple uniform.

Mei ran her hands along his sides. "I can help you with that, you know."

Jiang Cheng had had enough. He lifted her and pushed her against the wall, pinning her above him. She wanted him, only him, and she loved him, and he felt safe and loved, and he loved her and wanted only all of this amazing, transgressor of a woman.

Meishi watched him with dreamy eyes as he hungrily shoved her skirts up.

His mouth was on her scars, as if by kissing them her could nurse them away. There were tears on his cheeks and trembling in his hands. "Mei, I'm so sorry."

"They don't hurt much anymore. Besides, I forgave you," she whispered in his ear. "Completely."

For tonight, she was so relieved to have him back in her bed, so grateful for another chance to have him, have all of him, to herself – or maybe because she had noticed his disappointment when she said she wasn't pregnant, and maybe she cared and maybe for just right now she wanted to live a lie – she decided to forgo her usual tea.


	14. Butterflies and Kisses

**Chapter Thirteen**

 **Butterflies and Kisses**

"Aren't you afraid?" JiaoJiao pressed a hand over her heart. They were leaving Nightless City tonight, after returning, ever so briefly, for 'supplies.' In actuality, Wen Chao had wished for two nights of comfort, and to test if his father might care for his now-only son more. But whatever had happened during his meetings with Wen Ruohan, he appeared disappointed.

Meishi was huddled by the door, watched somberly as her brother laughed, a fake laugh, but then all of his laughter was fake. "I don't care about a legion of corpses. We're Wens."

"But if even Wen Xu –"

"Wen Xu was so useless he got himself beheaded by that pathetic Nie Mingjue!" fumed Wen Chao. "Not corpses. Really, JiaoJiao."

That was it. Meishi stood up, slowly.

She could feel nothing, see nothing. All she knew was that someone was shrieking, and it didn't sound like her, "You're happy about it!"

"You could never measure up! He wasn't worthless – he wasn't – _you_ are! You! Why don't you die instead?! Why don't you die and then you will be as good!"

And then she heard her brother shouting, and someone was hauling her off him, and she saw with horror that blood dribbled from the claw marks she had left on Wen Chao's face.

Meishi gasped for air. She was held firmly by none other than Wen Zhuliu.

"You bitch!" Wen Chao lunged for her, but JiaoJiao quickly inserted herself.

"Now, now, Chao, she's just a bratty child," said JiaoJiao, tossing a firm, disappointed glance towards Mei.

"She hurt my face!"

"It's still pretty," cooed JiaoJiao.

Wen Chao didn't speak. He was fighting the urge to cry, and now that she remembered, Mei wondered if he hadn't felt as broken as she.

"Wen Zhuliu, take my sister out of here," he said at last, and with a nod, Wen Zhuliu dragged Mei away.

She would never see Wen Chao again.

"Let me go, please," Mei whispered. She didn't want to seem even more immature, and so she restrained herself from kicking Wen Zhuliu between his thighs.

"I can't, lest you attack your brother again." He pushed her into her room.

"Why do you care so much about him? He's horrible. He shouldn't be the living one," Mei said, tears starting again.

Wen Zhuliu looked scandalized that she would castigate Wen Chao thus.

"He's more than he appears," Wen Zhuliu said at last.

"You don't deserve to be his slave," said Mei stubbornly.

"I know. But it's what I've chosen." He smiled, peacefully.

"Why?"

"Who wouldn't be honored to serve Qishan Wen Sect?" he replied.

"Such pretty words. They're almost meaningless." She crossed her arms. "I promise not to utterly ruin his face when he returns – if you tell me."

"Don't you know how to get along without threatening people?" he asked, patting her head. She wondered now if the irony occurred to him. If he felt guilty.

"No?"

But fortunately for her, Wen Zhuliu seemed to be in a reflective mood. "It's not a proper story."

"I'm not a proper girl."

He chuckled. "No, you're not."

Meishi waited.

Wen Zhuliu crouched down before her, so that they were eye-level. "Wen Meishi, I grew up without a name, in a brothel. I was … ah, little more than a slave to the men who ran the place. I learned cultivation basics from the owner, and in my spare time, I would practice it. I was determined to be strong enough to save myself, and take revenge on those who hurt me."

"And then, when I was about your age, I saw a group of boys gathered in the streets. They were beating your brother."

"Mmm, he probably deserved it." Meishi wasn't sure how to respond to the rest of his story. Did he think it would bother her? Cause her to look down on him? Because she didn't at all. She felt very sorry for him.

"Maybe he did, but I weakened their cores and sent them running, and your brother was so shocked he declared me his new servant." Wen Zhuliu's eyes burned with passion. "He brought me to your father, who gave me a name and a title, who all but erased my past and executed those who had enslaved me. On the condition that I could advance my core-targeting skills, and with Wen Chao's help, I did."

"Oh." Mei was almost…grateful to Wen Chao, for the first time in a very long time. "I'm glad you're here."

"So am I. So you understand why I won't let anyone harm your brother, no matter what," said Wen Zhuliu pointedly.

"I do. I'm sorry." She tapped him between his eyes. "Keep him safe so I can tell him that. If I go to him now, he'll think I'm lying, or more likely he's already gotten naked with JiaoJiao."

"You should not know such things," Wen Zhuliu said sternly.

"I do anyways."

He groaned. "I vow I will keep him safe, and I don't break vows, Wen Meishi."

"Good." She threw her arms around him, and he was too stunned to respond. Eventually, his hand patted her on her back.

"Can you teach me?" she asked as she pulled away.

"Teach you?" He blinked.

"Core melting."

"It's heretical –"

"Oh, pish posh. You know my father allows torture and all sort of horrible things. Unlike that, core melting isn't evil itself. And I want to learn." Meishi pouted.

" _Please_. What if one day I find myself alone and beset by enemies, who are sad they lost this Sunshot Campaign?" She made her lip tremble. "Wouldn't this be a good technique to know?"

He was unimpressed. "There are better techniques."

"Please," she begged, clinging to his sleeve. "Look, I'm not even threatening you. You should reward me."

Wen Zhuliu turned red then, and now that she thought about it, he must have been warned about her feelings. Most like Wen Chao had taunted him. _My sister fancies you, you know_.

"Fine."

Mei had hugged him again, unaware that their first lesson would be their last.

* * *

The discussion conference at Yunmeng Jiang Sect promised, at least to Wei Wuxian, one key advantage over every other possible location: spicy food. To be honest, though, he was surprised he was invited.

Lan Wangji, of course, was here because Lan Xichen had declined to attend for the first time in his time as Sect Leader. Most likely, he was overcome by the fact that last discussion conference, all of Jin Guangyao's lies had come crashing down. But still, Wei Wuxian's invitation had surprised both he and his husband.

Most likely that was Meishi's doing. Since she and Jiang Cheng had reconciled, his brother had been calmer to him. Cool, but no longer cold. At times he was even cordial, and he had only threatened Wei Wuxian with Dragonfly once.

The welcome feast tonight was not as lavish as Lanling Jin's had been, but what it lacked in finery, it made up for in nostalgia and spice. Wei Wuxian sat comfortably besides Lan Wangji at the head of the table in the training fields.

Ironically, he had Jin Guangyao to thank for that. Jin Guangyao had insisted on allowing cultivation partners to sit besides their husbands during the conference.

The thought of poor Qin Su still turned most stomachs, but Jiang Cheng had insisted it was a good tradition and precedent, and so it remained allowed despite Jin Guangyao's disgrace.

Jin Ling sat, moping, to Wei Wuxian's left. Newly recovered from injury, and the leader of a sect, he had been advised not to participate in tonight's archery competition, and he desperately wanted to.

"Psst. What's wrong?" Wei Wuxian whispered, only to receive a withering look from the teenager.

Instead, the brat pointed into the crowd, where Lan Qiren was glowering at Wei Wuxian's obvious position besides his formerly flawless nephew.

Wei Wuxian scoffed. _Touché_.

Nie Huaisang tripped on his robes as he say two seats away from Wei Wuxian. He looked ill to be sitting among people who suspected him, accompanied by no one and nothing.

Huaisang made a point to avoid eye contact with Jiang Cheng, which puzzled Wei Wuxian. Of all the people here, Wei Wuxian was the most suspicious, and if Huaisang was half as crafty as Wei Wuxian supposed, he ought to know that.

Jiang Cheng sat stiffly to Lan Wangji's right. He always hated the pomp of conferences. But this time, at least, his pretty wife sat besides him, and Wei Wuxian thought his brother looked almost proud to have her by his side.

Jiang Cheng's forehead wrinkled. He had noticed close Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji sat. As if on purpose, he pulled Meishi closer to him.

Wei Wuxian snickered, and to his delight, Meishi laughed herself. So at least they were in on the joke.

"What?" Jiang Cheng hissed to her.

Lan Wangji felt Wei Wuxian pull him even closer.

Jiang Cheng's head was now leaning against Meishi's. His eyes sent fire towards Wei Wuxian, who pretended not to notice.

Wei Wuxian's head was now on Lan Wangji's chest.

In the crowd, Lan Qiren looked ready to have a heart attack.

"Don't kill Uncle," Lan Wangji muttered.

"Fine, fine, but how can I help myself," whined Wei Wuxian.

"Plenty of distractions," said Lan Wangji. For instance, now the smaller sects were bowing before them.

When the Hes arrived, Jin Ling nodded. Since he had given them back their title, they must like him, right?

They ignored him, focusing only on Jiang Cheng. Jin Ling squirmed.

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes. He would not forgive the man for his disrespect towards not one, but two of his family members.

"What a lovely conference," murmured Master He. "Now that you have two Sects to manage, your planning must have been so difficult, Sect Leader Jiang."

"He doesn't manage both!" snapped Jin Ling, even though that wasn't entirely true.

"It was lovely before your attitude arrived," Meishi mumbled, just loud enough for Wei Wuxian to hear.

Jiang Cheng bit the insides of his cheek to keep from laughing.

Master He's eyes hardened.

"Take a seat with the other Jin Sect Leaders, please," Nie Huaisang stammered. He did not like how Master He looked at Meishi, nor how Jiang Cheng held Meishi while glaring at Nie Huaisang.

If only there were a way to free Meishi using Master He's fear of her…

"That's my line," Jin Ling growled to Nie Huaisang, who feigned ignorance.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jin Ling."

Meishi brightened. The Taos had arrived. "Father, Mother."

"You look well." Father Tao was visibly relieved. Meanwhile, Madame Tao shot a look towards Nie Huaisang, who wished he could pretend he didn't see, but he did. So he nodded reassuringly towards her.

Meishi frowned. She had clearly noticed, but said nothing.

Jiang Cheng, fortunately, was too busy trying to appear a good husband in front of his in-laws that he didn't see a thing. And neither did Wei Wuxian, who was busy laughing at how stuttery Jiang Cheng had become.

When Ouyang Sect approached, Jin Ling bounced in his seat.

Sect Leader Ouyang nodded towards his son's friend. "Will you be participating in the archery contest, Sect Leader Jin?"

"No," he said sullenly.

"I think he should," said Nie Huaisang. If Meishi was not going to make Jiang Cheng look weak tonight, he would.

To his surprise, Meishi spoke. "It would be a good experience. After all, you still talk about your time with Wei Wuxian."

Jiang Cheng hesitated, and that was all Jin Ling needed.

"I shall," he declared.

Ouyang Zizhen grinned from behind his father. "Our parents had the Twin Jades, Wei Wuxian, and Jin Zixuan; we'll have me, the two Lan disciples, and Jin Ling!"

"Don't let me think you're going to treat the demonic path!" Sect Leader Ouyang said gruffly, but his eyes were smiling.

Jiang Cheng wilted. He was fifth in that contest, but that had never mattered, because his name was not read out.

Meishi squeezed his hand, as if reading his thoughts.

At least, he thought, even if everyone else despised him, he was good enough for her.

* * *

After the feast, after the disciples had rushed off to their archery contest, the Sect Leaders and adults lounged around, sipping tea or alcohol.

To Jiang Cheng's disbelief, Wei Wuxian was trying to convince Meishi to enter a drinking contest with him.

"I'm quite certain you'll die," Meishi said dryly.

"Have you ever been to any of the villages around Yi City? The server said I couldn't drink a whole bowl and still stand. So I did, after Lan Zhan paid for it."

Meishi played dumb. She knew precisely which inn Wei Wuxian referred to, and had in fact beaten Xue Yang in a drinking contest back then. "I've not been there myself, but I've drunk wine from that region, after I heard it was the strongest in the world. Father brought it back from his travels, and I stole an entire bottle one night."

"What did you think?" Jiang Cheng asked.

"Weak." She snorted, and Jiang Cheng grinned.

He loved every second of her teasing Wei Wuxian, and the very real possibility that someone might finally have a higher alcohol tolerance than his brother.

The possible mischief was endless…

He felt young again.

"Meanwhile…" Nie Huaisang stared at his teacup. "Please let me have some alcohol."

"No," Lan Wangji said sharply.

"Are you his big brother now?" Jiang Cheng asked sarcastically. A drunk Huaisang might be disastrous, but perhaps he would be too embarrassed to hang around Meishi afterwards.

"He told Lan Zhan not to let him drink tonight. He's merely keeping to his word." Wei Wuxian snickered.

"Catch me!" A child suddenly darted among the seats, laughing wildly.

Meishi's heart warmed. She remembered being so bold once. Beside her, even Jiang Cheng laughed softly.

"Ah, this is MianMian!" Wei Wuxian waved at the little girl. "MianMian's daughter; remember MianMian, Jiang Cheng?"

Jiang Cheng responded stiffly, "Of course I do."

MianMian, or Luo Qingyang, the woman whose plight had set off the events that had ruined his life. But now, looking at the little girl, her mother who hurried over, and her nervous, smiling husband, he felt almost certain that Wei Wuxian had made the right decision in defending her.

"I don't want to go to bed." The small MianMian hid behind Lan Wangji.

"There's no tortoise of carnage this time," Nie Huaisang said.

"MianMian, stop hanging onto the strangers you met once," said Luo Qingyang.

"No!" She grabbed Wei Wuxian by his ponytail and crawled onto his back. Lan Wangji seemed too stunned to know what to do.

"Ah, didn't you find me frightening, MianMian? Have you changed your mind?" Wei Wuxian teased.

"Your name is MianMian? What a lovely name." Meishi extended a hand. "What if I take you to see some puppies before you go to bed? Would that help you sleep?"

MianMian leapt off Wei Wuxian. "Yes."

Meishi turned to Luo Qingyang. "Would that be all right?"

The woman nodded.

"What do you say?" Her husband prompted their daughter.

"Thank you, pretty lady," said MianMian, reaching for Meishi's hand.

* * *

"Watch out!" Lan Sizhui grabbed Jin Ling's hand to keep him from tripping.

"I'm not broken." Jin Ling snapped. Sure, he pasted his pouty face on, but inside he was smiling. Out here with his friends, inside, he felt healed, happy, free. Like Jin Guangyao hadn't tried to kill him, like his Uncle Jiang Cheng hadn't had to help him, like he'd never been an orphan.

"Over there!" Jin Ling fired into the ghosts, aiming straight for the center. The one with the resentful energy.

"Nice shot," said Lan Jingyi with a whistle. A firework with Sparks-Amidst-Snow burst about them.

"You've gotten really good, Jin Ling," said Lan Sizhui, nervous that he had insulted Jin Ling.

Jin Ling tossed Sizhui a bright, reassuring smile. "We all learned from Wen Ning!"

"Your leg's healed?"

"Yes." Though it still hurt a bit, and after all this running about, he was going to need to rest tonight. Still, he wasn't going to tell them that.

Lan Sizhui gave him a pointed look. "I can carry you."

"Absolutely not!"

"We won't let anyone see," said Ouyang Zizhen, smirking at Lan Jingyi. "Just for now. So you don't wear out and can hang out with us more."

Jin Ling hesitated.

"Come on." Sizhui hoisted him onto his back. "Besides, you're a Sect Leader. I'm your servant by comparison."

"You're the last living Wen, Sizhui. I'm the last Jin. We're equal; fuck our titles," insisted Jin Ling. But he wasn't fighting Sizhui's arms around him.

A strange sensation came over him, and he prayed Lan Sizhui wouldn't notice, and also, that it would go away, go away, go away.

Blissfully ignorant of Jin Ling's sudden distress, Lan Sizhui felt his heart warm. He loved knowing his friends knew him, and accepted him.

"Um, how are you enjoying the festival?" Jin Ling asked. He licked his lips and cursed his body.

Personally, he was thrilled to be away from Lanling. To pretend he was a child again.

"It's the loveliest it's been my whole life," said Lan Jingyi.

"Aunt Meishi is a good organizer." And his Uncle seemed smitten with her. There was no way he had ever struck her. Jin Ling was certain, and yet relieved.

"You seem to be yourself again," said Sizhui, always cutting to the truth in the most kind of voices.

"Yes. This festival…it's happy." Jin Ling paused. "I feel happy."

"You don't usually these days, do you?" Lan Sizhui asked gently.

"Not really." He hung his head, and felt a rush of heat in his belly. _Fuck_. "I'm a failure compared to my uncle."

"No, you're not, not at all. Don't compare yourself." Sizhui wanted to put him down, take him in an embrace, but thought better of it.

"Look!" Ouyang Zizhen waved ahead. "Butterflies!"

Indeed, butterflies. An entire clearing of butterflies. Blue and black and orange and yellow, with enormous wings. They fluttered around the flowers at the disciples' feet, filling the air with a sweet scent.

Sizhui stopped short.

Jin Ling hopped off Lan Sizhui's back. His leg immediately protested.

"Did I do something wrong?" Lan Sizhui whirled around.

"No, not at all. You used to like butterflies, you said." Jin Ling smiled. "I want you to be able to look at them without a burden."

"You're not a burden," said Lan Sizhui.

"Oh, really?" Jin Ling looked hopeful. Behind them, Lan JIngyi was tugging Ouyang away.

"Of course." Lan Sizhui's eyes sparkled as he stretched out his hand towards a blue butterfly.

"I…I really like you," said Sizhui shyly, allowing the butterfly to land his fingertip.

Jin Ling's lips parted.

He ducked his head immediately, wishing he could eat the words.

But no, now Jin Ling beamed. "I really like you too!"

Like this? Really? Jin Ling knew Lan Sizhui probably just meant as a friend, but – but he could drea, right?

He would kiss him to find out, but Lan Sizhui looked perfect with a butterfly on him, and he wouldn't dare interfere.

"My turn," announced Lan Jingyi. He stepped forward and waved his hand at the butterfly. It fluttered away at the sudden rush of air.

"Lan Jingyi!" Jin Ling was outraged for Sizhui's sake.

"Shut up, Young Mistress. Do you know how long we've been waiting for you two?" Lan Jingyi pointed at Ouyang Zizhen. "We really like you two together, and not as friends."

With a burst of bravery, Jin Ling smashed his mouth against Lan Sizhui's before their friend had even finished.

* * *

"This is Dragonfly, and the black, fluffy one is Fairy." Meishi crouched in the courtyard with MianMian and her parents.

Fairy bounded over, but Dragonfly hung back, still shy after these few weeks.

MianMian squealed with delight as her fingers dove into Fairy's thick fur.

As the child spun around with the dog, a dizzy feeling overtook Meishi. She placed her hand on her forehead.

"Are you all right, Madame Jiang?" asked Luo Qingyang.

She chuckled. "That makes me sound old. Meishi is fine."

Luo Qingyang laughed. "I suppose."

"Just a dizzy moment. I'm fine," Meishi said. Her stomach hurt, too, though she had barely eaten. "The spicy food is a bit much, I'm afraid."

"I have herbs that can help with that!" Luo Qingyang replied eagerly. She was relieved to meet a woman with a similar level of cultivation, and about her age at that. "They're very good for morning sickness, but they work for other causes, too."

"For what now?" Meishi choked.

Meishi's mind spun. No – she had only missed one night. But if she thought about it…

"Madame – I mean, Meishi?" Luo Qingyang grabbed her faint new friend.

Meishi moaned. Would he still love her if he knew she'd tricked him into fathering a Wen-dog?


	15. Prayers

**Chapter Fourteen**

 **Prayers**

"You probably hate me. You wouldn't be wrong."

Meishi knelt before Madame Yu's stone in the Jiang ancestral hall. Two tears tracked down her cheeks. "But please, Madame Yu, Purple Spider, help me. I don't know what to do right now."

"What will your son say? What can he say? The sister of your killer is having your grandchild? What can I do, Madame Yu? I've already committed my sins; is there no redemption?" Meishi wondered if she ought to drink poison, just enough to stop this.

She had been foolish to allow herself that one night of pretense. That one night believing she and Jiang Cheng had a future.

To make matters worse, when Luo Qingyang left to put her daughter to bed, she had given Meishi a knowing smile. Having a child herself, she must be familiar with the symptoms, Mei reckoned. She knew.

 _Everyone will know soon, and then I won't be able to be a Wen anymore_. _I'll have to deny it to my grave._

 _I can't deny my family._

 _But if I don't…_ Meishi looked at her currently flat stomach. _You won't have a father, if you live at all._

"Meishi? Ah, you're in here." Jiang Cheng stepped inside the hall.

She wiped her eyes quickly. "Yes."

"Are you all right?" He approached her with a look of concern.

"Ah, yes, I'm fine. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with how much has happened in the last few months, that's all." Meishi forced a smile. "I wish I had met your family, heard their guidance."

"I've never known you to be this emotional," Jiang Cheng said with a wry grin. He offered her his hand, helping her to her feet.

"Well, you've learned something new, then!" She stomped her foot onto his.

"Ha!" Jiang Cheng wrapped his arms around her, drawing his wife close to him. "I'm sure my mother would have approved of you. The question would be whether she approved of _me_ for _you_."

"What nonsense is that?" Meishi asked.

"She valued strong, fearsome women." Jiang Cheng shook his head.

And yet, he had taken after Madame Yu in personality, while Yanli took after Jiang Fengmian, and look which one Mother had favored. Perhaps Wei Ying was right; perhaps Mother really had loved Father.

"I'm fearsome to you?" Meishi couldn't resist teasing him, as if everything were normal, as if she were once more his loyal wife.

"Not to _me_ , I promise." Jiang Cheng chuckled. "Just to Master He, and whomever else's secrets you've dug up."

"So you do appreciate my talents." She batted her eyelashes.

Jiang Cheng momentarily forgot where he was. Anytime she moved those long, long lashes, he suddenly knew nothing else but his wife.

He jolted out of his desires. "I found you because the archery competition is about to end; please return."

Meishi entwined her arm with his, as if nothing had changed, and hated herself as she did so. "Jin Ling did well, didn't he?"

Jiang Cheng scoffed. "Why do you think so?"

"Your face is glowing. You only look like that when you're proud of your nephew." Meishi wondered if he would be proud of their child. She grieved that she had already robbed them of that chance, because she and they were Wens.

* * *

Indeed, when Meishi returned, she discovered that Lan Sizhui had placed first, Jin Ling second, Ouyang Zizhen third, and Lan Jingyi fourth.

"Congratulations to all of them!" Wei Wuxian cheered, and even Nie Huaisang seemed happy for the junior disciples.

"You did better than your dad!" Lan Jingyi cheered, raising a full cup of –something – towards Jin Ling.

Wei Wuxian raised an eyebrow. Lan Wangji stood.

"Is that alcohol?" Lan Qiren materialized behind Lan Jingyi and snatched the cup immediately, before Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian could move further. "Winning doesn't give you the right."

"But it's – we're not at Gusu," Lan Jingyi protested. "And I'm a winner!"

Lan Qiren was outraged. "Have you already had some?"

"You're all too young for alcohol," Jiang Cheng said sourly.

"Are we really ones to talk?" Wei Wuxian asked out of moral obligation. Nie Huaisang finally snickered.

"Shut up, you!" Jiang Cheng shook his fist. "You two were always the instigators."

"Now, now, that's too much credit. Nie Huaisang made suggestive comments, so really he was the instigator. I was the delinquent who snuck out, you scolded us but benefitted, and Lan Wangji caught us and did not benefit," said Wei Wuxian with a shrug.

"You! Still haven't learned." Lan Qiren glared.

"Not now, not ever." Wei Wuxian raised his own glass. Of alcohol he was _old_ enough to drink.

"This is all your influence." Lan Qiren was positively seething.

"It isn't, sir; Jingyi's always been like this," Lan Sizhui pled.

Lan Qiren relaxed at the voice of Sizhui. Lan Sizhui, their most accomplished disciple this generation; Lan Sizhui, who wouldn't even be alive if Lan Wangji had not loved Wei Wuxian. "Then be a better influence on your friends, Lan Yuan."

"I shall," Lan Sizhui promised, though behind Lan Qiren, Lan Jingyi stuck out his tongue. He then cringed under Lan Wangji's stern gaze.

"Wen Ning taught us all so well." Ouyang Zizhen spoke merrily to his father.

Jiang Cheng choked on his tea. "You learned your archery skills from Wen Ning?"

"And you, of course, Uncle," Jin Ling said sweetly.

"Don't sass me, boy." Jiang Cheng pointed at his nephew. "You may be Sect Leader, but I can still break your legs."

Everyone, even Lan Qiren, laughed. Meishi almost forgot her predicament at such a rare sight.

"Wen Ning's going to be elated to hear this," Wei Wuxian murmured to Lan Wangji.

"Mmm." Lan Wangji's eyes looked bright.

Wei Wuxian followed his gaze to Sizhui. "Our son has done well. Already so accomplished."

"Not that." Lan Wangji bit his lip, an action so unlike him Wei Wuxian was momentarily confused.

Then he looked closer. At Lan Sizhui's red, bruised lips. As if someone had been … As if they had been rubbing against someone else's.

Wei Wuxian's eyes swept over to his nephew.

Jin Ling's lips were the same shade.

A shit-eating grin spread ear-to-ear. "It seems our son is doubly accomplished tonight."

* * *

Back in their room – Jiang Cheng had even arranged a room for them, this time – Wei Wuxian stretched his arms.

"Lan Jingyi, go to your room alone for now. Lan Sizhui, stay here." Wei Wuxian patted a seat across from him.

"…" Lan Wangji looked at him. "Now?"

"Someone's in trouble," chortled Jingyi, before racing away.

"Lan Jingyi, I'm sure that broke one of our four-thousand rules!" Wei Wuxian hollered after the laughing kid. "Just kidding. They're not my rules, never."

"Not in trouble," said Lan Wangji.

"Oh – I know, Lan Wangji." Lan Sizhui nodded. He still, however, shook slightly.

"So, how was it?" Wei Wuxian asked.

"Pardon?"

"Your first kiss."

Lan Sizhui gasped. "You can't know that! Why would you –"

"I bet it was better than mine. Could you see your partner? I was blindfolded, and Lan Zhan threw me against a tree, and I died not knowing it was him!" Wei Wuxian slapped the floor between them. "Ha, ha."

"Lan Wangji – is that true?" Lan Sizhui was scandalized.

"I was very wrong."

"Yes, but now you can kiss me all you want," said Wei Wuxian, snuggling up to Lan Zhan's chest. "So, indulge your fathers. Who's the lucky choice, Lan Sizhui?"

"I – I – uh – " Sizhui's face flamed.

"She must be a pretty _princess_ ," said Wei Wuxian.

"Ack – " Lan Sizhui's mouth moved, but no discernable sound emerged.

"Already know," said Lan Wangji simply, unable to bear his son's misery.

"You do?" squeaked Lan Sizhui. "It's – I should just say it – it's Jin Ling!"

He promptly covered his face with his hands.

"We _know_ , and we approve," said Wei Wuxian, tugging his son's hands away.

"Huh?" Lan Sizhui goggled. "What?"

"We're not that hypocritical," said Wei Wuxian, pretending offense.

"No, certainly you're not – I just – Jin Ling is a Sect Leader, and he's your nephew, practically. I know he considers himself to be."

"He does?" Wei Wuxian had always considered Jin Ling his nephew, but would never have imagined Jin Ling felt the same!

"The disciples all love you," Lan Wangji said simply.

"I know, but – but …" Wei Wuxian's voice cracked. "It's something I don't always feel like I deserve."

"You do," insisted Lan Sizhui, getting up from his seat to embrace his adopted father.

"Ah, Sizhui, you're running off with boys, getting so old!" Wei Wuxian refused to let go. "Lan Zhan, join the family hug."

Lan Wangji dutifully spread his arms around his husband and son.

Sizhui's voice was muffled. "Lan Qiren – Jiang Cheng – "

"We'll handle them, right, Lan Zhan?"

"Yes." Sizhui noted that, yes, Lan Wangji's eyes held concern, but also pride. As if he were proud that his son had decided loving another man was worth losing their reputation for.

"If I follow your path, Hanguang-Jun, I will be the happiest man alive," Lan Sizhui said.

Lan Wangji inhaled.

The resulting embrace nearly crushed all three.

* * *

The actual discussion portion of the conference went late into the next day.

Nie Huaisang decided he hated this discussion conference above all others. In between Wei Wuxian's suspicious side-glances and Jiang Cheng's jealous glares, and Meishi who had missed their scheduled meeting last night, he felt particularly loathsome.

He was used to feeling so, but he had Madame Tao's vow echoing in his mind, and a friend to save. Even if Mei never wanted to love him, that was fine. He would be fine as long as she was safe and alive.

 _Big Brother, would you laugh if I told you my best friend is a Wen-d- no, just a Wen_? He couldn't finish the slur. Meishi was never that to him.

 _Brother, when I didn't know what to do over your death, she encouraged me, and gave me a reason to keep living. She accepted me as I was._

 _Help me, brother_.

"The rumors from Nightless City are, ah, disturbing indeed," Nie Huaisang said, fluttering his fan to steel his nerves. He just wanted these discussions over, but he was going to fulfill Mei's plan, even if she herself was now avoiding it.

"Rumors?" Jiang Cheng frowned.

"Sect Leader Jiang has been very busy in Lanling," Nie Huaisang said sweetly. "Perhaps he has not heard."

"Perhaps Sect Leader Nie should tell us. He seems very knowledgeable," replied Jiang Cheng, with a note of distinct sarcasm.

"You are too kind." Nie Huaisang's eyes had landed on the ring of Zidian.

Jiang Cheng ground his teeth. Beside him, Meishi sent Nie Huaisang her most disappointed look.

It seemed to work. Nie Huaisang looked guilty at last.

"Can we stop bitching at each other and just talk about whatever is the matter?" Jin Ling demanded. He was going to be late to meet Lan Sizhui.

"Well said." Lan Wangji nodded towards Jin Ling, who positively blossomed under Hanguang-Jun's approval.

"Plenty of supernatural activity. Walking corpses, mysterious vanishings, graves dug up," said Sect Leader Tao. Besides him, his wife shifted.

"The villages seem to believe the spirits of the Wens are returning for revenge," said Nie Huaisang.

"As if." Wei Wuxian spoke quickly. "Right?"

Lan Wangji sighed. "Wen Ruohan's body was burned and the ashes scattered."

Wei Wuxian's mind flashed back two months, to when the juniors had collected blood.

They absolutely had read his book, and so had someone else, it appeared. _This can't be a coincidence, right?_

"Brother made sure Wen Xu's remains were trampled in the dirt before burning the head," added Nie Huaisang. "And Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu?"

Meishi's mouth had dried. He was trying to anger her!

The chaos, Meishi knew, was the coffin of Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao that Nie Huaisang had switched out and brought into Nightless City. With such potent resentful energy, the city surroundings could not help but experience a surge of demonic activity.

She ought to have met with Nie Huaisang last night, and perhaps Nie Huaisang would have behaved better right now. But after her discovery, she had been too sick, too afraid he would ask her the same question as last time. And so, for the first time in a while, she had avoided her problems entirely and gone to bed with Jiang Cheng.

At the mention of those he killed, Wei Wuxian's face fell.

"What does it matter?" Jiang Cheng noted Wei Wuxian's shadowed expression. "We don't need to discuss this possibility. We ought to focus on stamping out whatever is causing this chaos."

Meishi was both relieved that Jiang Cheng seemed to want to defend Wei Wuxian, and frightened. Because while Wen Chao's death was rumored to have been particularly gruesome, she had never found any reliable witnesses.

She didn't want to be reminded that she was among the only reliable three witnesses, but it seemed Nie Huaisang was determined to remind her.

"But – suppose Wen loyalists are behind this," Nie Huaisang said.

"Then we'll crush them again," said Sect Leader Pan.

"Besides, there are no Wens left," said Sect Leader Ouyang. "Who would be loyal to a dead Sect?"

Lan Wangji's eyes swept the room. Jin Ling looked unsettled; good. The boy doubtless knew of Sizhui's heritage, and yet still chose him. _Acceptable_.

Meishi's face, however, was devoid of all expression. Lan Wangji focused on her.

"Most of their loyalists were tortured and killed," said Jiang Cheng. "None remain after fifteen years. And if they did, they would swiftly be reminded of their place."

Lan Wangji noted that Meishi was scarcely breathing.

"Shall we send disciples to Nightless City?" Nie Huaisang asked.

"Very well," said Jiang Cheng, and Mei's heart sank all the more.

If Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi, and Ouyang Zizhen, ventured to Nightless City, she would have to be there. To defend them again. Probably with more demonic cultivation. Before she carried out her original plan.

And then Jiang Cheng would kill her, or she would kill him.

 _Nie Huaisang, you really are a mastermind. I thought I was, but I'm nothing compared to you._

Jiang Cheng sighed. "That concludes today's discussion."

* * *

Lan Sizhui smiled at a dragonfly that fluttered at the edge of the lake. It wasn't his preferred butterfly, but it was pretty enough. Its scales were green and shimmered in the setting sunlight.

"It looks like a gem," he said to Lan Jingyi.

"Lan Sizhui! I'm free." Jin Ling rushed up to his friends. He was practically vibrating with anticipation.

"Have fun." Lan Jingyi stood immediately, winking at his two friends. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Lan Jingyi, that is terrible advice," said Lan Sizhui.

"That means we can do anything!" Jin Ling wanted to take Lan Sizhui's hands and hold them, and hold them, and kiss him, but it wasn't quite dark, so people might see.

Lan Jingyi laughed as he ran away.

Lan Sizhui dropped his voice to a whisper as he pulled out a large supply of money. "Wen Ning told me to take you to a nice restaurant."

"Wen Ning? He – he did what?" spluttered Jin Ling.

"He read us both easily, I suppose." Lan Sizhui's expression was sheepish.

Jin Ling grinned a wicked grin. "Lan Yuan, don't you know that all the accomplished Lans are cut-sleeves?"

Sizhui blushed. "Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun know."

"They do?" Jin Ling marveled that Hanguang-Jun hadn't stabbed him with Bichen yet. Especially after all the shit he'd said about cut-sleeves. "I was sitting next to them the entire day – and – and they knew?!"

"They're happy." Lan Sizhui looked at him. "You've been here more than I. Where would you like to go?"

"Hmm. What do you want?" Jin Ling asked. He'd never been on a date before. He wanted to make sure Lan Sizhui was happy.

"It'd be nice if we were somewhere where we could watch the sunset," Lan Sizhui murmured.

Jin Ling nodded. An idea erupted in him. "Something I've always wanted to do – buy all the street food and horde it."

"Oh?" Lan Sizhui looked confused.

"We can take all the food and rent a boat with Wen Ning's contribution. We'll row out into the lake and watch the sunset, just the two of us," Jin Ling said with excitement.

Lan Sizhui's cheeks were beginning to blush, just like the sky above. "That would be lovely."

* * *

"I would like to at least speak to Nie Huaisang before the night ends." Meishi watched Jiang Cheng closely.

He grunted. "Why are you telling me?"

"So you don't follow me with Sandu in one hand and Zidian in the other." Meishi flicked her fingers at him.  
Jiang Cheng turned to her. "I wouldn't. I trust you."

He met her eyes then. Honest.

Meishi wanted to scream. _Run away, run away from me_. Her voice, however, remained playful. "Even though I'm a demonic cultivator?"

"You're not anymore," he said curtly.

She laughed and moved to kiss his cheek. Like everything was normal, everything was as it should be.

* * *

And so Jiang Cheng found himself alone but not exactly lonely, watching the moonrise over Lotus Pier.

There was no feast today. A night free for celebration, for peace.

Cultivators had taken many boats out onto the lake. Perhaps when Meishi returned, they could do the same. Even pick lotus seeds, like children. Mei seemed the sort who would like that. Jiang Cheng smiled to himself, a rare act in itself.

 _Yanli, did you very feel like this with Jin Zixuan_? _Like you could forgive everyone and everything? Like you were free, just like a child, once more?_

Jin Ling's laughter wafted over to Jiang Cheng.

He scanned the boats before spotting them. Jin Ling and that Lan Sizhui, sitting together. Where was the third brat, and the other disciples?

A gasp caught his attention. In the tree to his left, Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen, and more had gathered. And they were very, very obviously trying not to look like they were looking right at Jiang Cheng.

Confused, Jiang Cheng turned his head back towards his nephew.

The older boy had _pushed_ Jin Ling down into the boat.


	16. A Glimpse of Truth

**Chapter Fifteen**

 **A Glimpse of Truth**

No one pushed Jin Ling!

The disciples in the tree were now giggling, and that small sound confirmed Jiang Cheng's worst fears.

His nephew – corruption – his nephew – Jin Sect would not forgive – was Jin Ling an _idiot_?

He had half a mind to fly out into the lake and drown Lan Sizhui, but no, that might cause Jin Ling damaging attention. His nephew could not take any more knocks to his reputation. He was too young to have so many after his position.

What could he do? If he let them stay, they could be discovered. If he interrupted, they would be.

So Jiang Cheng abruptly turned on his heel and stalked back to their palace to wait.

* * *

"Mmph." Jin Ling was a noisy kisser. He lay in the bottom of the boat, squirming besides Lan Sizhui, hair a mess and clothing rumpled.

They had cramped themselves below the boat so no one would see them. The thrill of hiding in plain sight paled even in comparison to the thrill of kissing gentle, kind, good Lan Sizhui. "Lan Sizhui, Lan Yuan, Wen Yuan, kiss me more."

Sizhui obliged. But his stomach was starting to hurt, as he had a tendency to become boatsick no matter what.

"Are you in pain?" Jin Ling was alarmed.

"I'm all right." Sizhui wanted to hold Jin Ling for longer.

"No, no, we'll leave this place, we'll get away from the others." Jin Ling nodded, but could not resist sending his tongue down Sizhui's throat one more time. The awe with which Sizhui looked at him made every second risking discovery worthwhile.

They rowed back to shore quickly, faces flushed to reflect the twilit sky. Lan Sizhui pretended not to see the disciples watching them. Instead, he focused on tying the boat up as Jin Ling collected all the food they had yet to eat.

"Let's go to the roof," Jin Ling suggested.

* * *

"Of course I'm not giving up. I was not feeling well last night; that is all. I came to apologize, you know." Meishi lounged against the library door, with crossed her arms over her chest. She could feel Nie Huaisang straining to make out her scars, and she did not appreciate it.

"Stop it. I don't care whether you revive Wen Sect; you know I never have. You don't even need to be my friend anymore. I just want you safe," said Nie Huaisang.

Meishi looked nervous. "But I want to be your friend. Huaisang – you're the only friend I've ever really had."

He looked taken aback. "I am?"

She nodded. She would like to consider Wei Wuxian a friend now, but friends didn't betray their friends' brother.

"Tao Meishi!" Lan Jingyi careened into the room, heaving for breath. "Oh, thank God I found someone!"

"What's wrong?" Meishi asked in immediate alarm.  
"Jiang Cheng is gonna kill Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui," Lan Jingyi blurted.

* * *

"Hold on." Jin Ling paused before the passage to the roof, hidden behind an ancient tapestry. He checked behind them to ensure no one would see them.

Satisfied that they were alone, he tank his lips into Lan Sizhui's again. "You taste so sweet."

Sizhui's breath was ragged as he pulled Jin Ling closer. This kissing – it felt so nice, Jin Ling's lips were so soft, and Jin Ling, the spoiled princess, would give up everything just to be by his side –

Their kisses turned ferocious, and Jin Ling's teeth clacked against Sizhui's.

Jin Ling fumbled behind him for the latch, opening the passage to the staircase.

His uncle's severe frown greeted them both.

A scream tore from Jin Ling's throat. He shoved Lan Sizhui behind him, as their food tumbled to the floor, soaking the tiles with spices.

Jiang Cheng stepped forward, out of the passage. "Are you two ill?"

The two kids stare at him.

"Otherwise…can you explain why you were _cleaning each other's throats_?" Jiang Cheng hissed.

"Um."

Jiang Cheng kicked a dumpling. This is a preposterous amount of food. "Who gave you this kind of money?"

"Wen Ning did." Lan Sizhui remained compliant as always.

"That corpse has been financing fornication!" shouted Jiang Cheng.

"We haven't!" squeaked Jin Ling, blushing. Lan Sizhui clapped his hands over his cheeks.

"Oh, please calm yourself, Jiang Cheng." Wei Wuxian swirled around the end of the hallway, grinning impishly.

Lan Sizhui visibly relaxed at the sight, and Jiang Cheng did not appreciate that.

Behind Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji loomed and Lan Jingyi hovered, clearly having dragged them both to the scene.

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes at his brother. "You! This is your influence!"

"It's a good influence!" said Jin Ling.

"Jin Ling, you cannot –"

"Why not? If even the virtuous Hanguang-Jun has feelings for another man, why wouldn't your nephew? And Lan Sizhui is as good as another person can be." Meishi's voice rang out.

Jiang Cheng paused. His wife was here, too? "Wait. Everyone – even Wen Ning – knew, except me?"

"It was obvious in their looks, really." Meishi shrugged as she entered the hall and pushed her way forward to stand besides Jin Ling. Not before him; she would never get between Jiang Cheng and his nephew. She trusted Jiang Cheng more than that.

Nie Huaisang hung back, watching with interest.

 _Well, that's just great. All the sect leaders are here._

"Fine. I'm just a failure, as before," Jiang Cheng snapped. He'd failed to protect Jin Ling.

His voice was brittle, and Mei saw a glint of tears in his eyes.

"Your sister wouldn't think so. You've taught him to love another despite the entire world's disgust; how is that not good?" Mei protested, reaching for her husband's shoulder.

"But – heirs."  
Her voice was flat. "If I could not bear children, would you throw me away in disgust?"

"Of course not!"

 _But if I bore a Wen-dog, you would_. Meishi almost hoped she would miscarry.

"I don't want him following _his_ example." Jiang Cheng flicked his fingers towards Wei Wuxian.

"Why not? I like him. He's saved all of us here, over and over, excepting Meishi." Jin Ling refused to surrender. He was a sect leader. And, more importantly, Lan Sizhui liked him.

"Uncle, you always wanted me to have friends. Now I like someone like you like Meishi; what's wrong with that?" pled Jin Ling.

Jiang Cheng's scowl deepened.

What was wrong was that he wanted Jin Ling to love him, too. And Jin Ling seemed determined to hate him.

And Meishi – ugh, were his feelings so obvious?

"Wait, Meishi and I are adults! A man and woman!" Jiang Cheng shook his fist.

Meishi glared at him. _So_ what?

Jiang Cheng struggled to speak. He couldn't say what he wanted to say: I love you. You matter. I will always have your back. So instead he said, "You – you both pick up the food you spilled! Clean it all."

"That's it?" Jin Ling blinked.

Lan Sizhui shuddered with relief. Behind Hanguang-Jun and Master Wei, he noticed Nie Huaisang surreptitiously holding out money for them. Well, the support of two sect leaders and his family might just be enough.

"Don't make me change my mind!" Jiang Cheng turned to his brother.

"I remember you saying once that only people in a sect can punish each other," Wei Wuxian said sweetly.

Jiang Cheng scoffed. "That was to save you, asshole. I thought Lan Wangji here was about to execute you!"

"Sizhui will clean," Lan Wangji said simply. His son nodded.

"Let's go have a drink, shall we? Now that the kids we raised are together." Wei Wuxian held out his hand.

"I'll need to be raving drunk to forget this," muttered Jiang Cheng.

"Or, perhaps you'll become merry and forget your prejudices," Meishi suggested.

"Tao Meishi!"

"Jiang Cheng!"

Husband and wife glared at each other, both hiding smirks. Nie Huaisang's stomach flipped.

"Jingyi, go to bed," said Wei Wuxian.

"I'll help clean –"

Jin Ling cleared his throat.

Lan Jingyi's eyes widened. "On second thought…"

" _On second thought_ , you will _absolutely_ stay and help them clean," Jiang Cheng ordered. Wei Wuxian doubled over laughing, and Jiang Cheng felt a moment of shock; he wondered when the last time was that his brother had laughed at something he said.

* * *

"So, you once defended Wei Wuxian from Hanguang-Jun?" Meishi swirled her wine in her cup. "Jiang Cheng, I knew you had a soft spot for your brother."  
Maybe if she reminded him of those soft spots, he wouldn't hate her.

"Don't remind me." He took a swig of alcohol.

Wei Wuxian couldn't help but look hurt, and Lan Wangji indignant.

"You reminded us yourself –" Meishi protested.

"It was around the time that Wen Chao died, if I recall the stories," said Nie Huaisang.

The smiles on everyone's faces died.

She should not have spoken. Meishi shifted closer to Jiang Cheng.

"If a fierce ghost ever returned, from what I've heard, I would not fear Wen Chao's," Mei replied lightly, as if his death had never bothered her, as if she had rejoiced alongside everyone else.

"Especially after what was done to him." Nie Huaisang said, delicately sipping his alcohol.

Shame crossed Wei Wuxian's face. Of course, Nie Huaisang would have found out. Somehow, someway.

"Is that why Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian fought?" Meishi made to gulp down her wine, only to spit the liquid back into her cup. Pregnant women weren't supposed to drink, right? Or was it that pregnant women shouldn't get drunk? She had no idea.

"Ah, no – Lan Wangji thought we were being cruel and asked Wei Wuxian back to Gusu," Jiang Cheng shrugged. "I suppose we were. Being cruel."

The only thing he didn't regret was that Wen Chao had died facing Lotus Pier. The rest, he preferred not to think about.

Because maybe if he had stopped Wei Wuxian, his brother would never have had to die – no, he needed to stop thinking.

"Do not speak of such things," said Lan Wangji, pulling Wei Wuxian closer.

"I'd like to know," said Meishi, then, because she never backed away from the truth. _See, Huaisang_.

"Eh – his woman was first. She went mad, before Wen Chao did. Rumor is he stripped his own flesh and ate it, as she devoured his fingers, burnt his face, and bit off a certain portion of his anatomy." Nie Huaisang spoke evenly. His eyes, however, bored into Meishi's. _Do you see what could happen if you stay? Are you afraid of_ nothing?

"Or so I've heard. I wasn't there." Nie Huaisang smiled, as if he was nervous.

Meishi's hands shook slightly. She put down her wine.

 _She hurt my face_! _Wen Chao was shrieking at her as her hands dripped blood._

Wen Chao was always vain, the result of always being compared to Wen Xu, of resembling their grandfather more than their father. If he had become disfigured – and if he had lost his only means of pleasure and his only means of producing an heir – how mad he must have felt.

"I remember," Wei Wuxian said quietly, "I mocked him as a picky eater."

 _He was_ , Meishi thought _. Always sensitive to textures and smells_.

"A ghoul child and a woman – now that I think of it, you were displeased at the affection the woman showed Wei Wuxian?" Jiang Cheng smirked at Lan Wangji. _Remind Wei Wuxian of happier things._

"More than that," Lan Wangji said carefully.

"But also that!" Jiang Cheng laughed. "None of us saw past your heavenly façade."

Lan Wangji's face was red.

"To be fair, rumor is you killed Wen Zhuliu? I always wondered." Nie Huaisang spoke softly. He addressed Jiang Cheng for the first time since he'd been discovered with Meishi in the study at Carp Tower.

Jiang Cheng squirmed. "I trapped him in Zidian, yes. In revenge for my mother."

Meishi blanched. She knew Wen Zhuliu had killed Purple Spider, but Jiang Cheng had killed Wen Zhuliu? Wasn't that only Wei Wuxian?

"And I beheaded him," said Wei Wuxian. He stared at the floor. "I should have gone with you then, Lan Zhan."

Jiang Cheng didn't like this talk. He didn't like Wei Wuxian's guilt. What could he say?

"Wen Chao was a bit of a coward. He whined about how if Wen Zhuliu saved him, he would make him his brother." Jiang Cheng scoffed. If he reminded everyone how horrible the Wens were, they wouldn't hate themselves so much, right?

Meishi jerked.

 _Wen Chao – you did know._

 _He wasn't being a coward, not in the way you think! He made that offer for_ me _, not just himself._

Did Wen Zhuliu tell him their conversation? Did Wen Chao, maybe, just maybe, die knowing his sister loved him? That she was sorry? That she didn't think he should die to become as good as their brother?

Did he know that she wouldn't have cared if he came back limbless, deaf and blind, so long as he was alive and she could hug him again?

Tears began building in her eyes, and she felt as if she were losing all control. "Excuse me; I'm not feeling well."

"I'll take you to our room." Jiang Cheng hopped up, but to his befuddlement, his wife shrugged him off.

 _Does she really think that horribly of us? We were young and vengeful_. Jiang Cheng's heart hurt, but he was too afraid of her disgust to chase after her.

* * *

Nie Huaisang excused himself shortly thereafter. His plan was nearly set.

Master He was waiting outside his room. "You have information?"

"It concerns Tao Meishi." Nie Huaisang nodded.

Master He laughed sharply. "You idiot. You love a married woman."

He seemed the sort to enjoy insulting those he knew couldn't insult him back. Necessary, but odious to Nie Huaisang.

"I don't know what you mean!" Nie Huaisang shook his head. "I don't know, I don't like her, I don't know!"

"If that's how you're going to behave, I'll take my leave." Master He stood.

Nie Huaisang grabbed his arm. His voice shook, but he did not mince his words. "You know she can prove you turned your family over to Jin Guangyao, or you wouldn't be here."

"And?" Master He stared at Nie Huaisang. "My family depends on me. The inn needs me. Don't play games with my family."

 _Yes, but you obviously don't care about your family, and you're rather stupid_. Nie Huaisang quivered his lip, as his thoughts turned more acerbic. _Anyone else would have noticed my hints by now, but not you._

Did he really have to rely on him?

Yes, he did. This was for Mei. Once her identity was threatened, now that she knew what Jiang Cheng was capable of, she would leave him.

Nie Huaisang ran his fingers along the edge of his fan. "Rumor is she's not Sect Leader Tao's daughter."

"Is that so unusual?" Master He sneered.

 _I imagine not to you, seeing how many times you've visited brothels in the last few months_. Nie Huaisang shuddered. "But she looks like neither of them."

He hesitated. Betraying Mei to save Mei was the most paradoxical reason he could imagine. And he didn't want to betray her.

But he had to. He had promised Madame Tao, and Madame Tao was kind and loving. "Rumor is Sect Leader Tao came back from Nightless City with a little girl in tow."

"What good could come from Nightless City? Besides those Wen-dogs." Master He paused.

Nie Huaisang forced guilt onto his face. He looked as if he had said something he shouldn't, even though he'd intended every word.

"Well, well, well." Master He crossed his arms.

Nie Huaisang knew there was no return. He had taken the bait.

A pleased grin grew on Master He's face, and he burst into laughter. A Wen-dog!

If He were smart, he would not have assumed she was a Wen-dog. But He was not smart, and more than that he was cruel; by being dumb and cruel, he was correct.

That bitch who knew enough to hurt him had her own secrets. And to him, it was about time to ensure she couldn't.

Nie Huaisang swallowed. Master He viewed Mei as a threat; now she would be exposed. She would have to flee, have to prioritize her own safety.

His work here was done.

* * *

Lan Wangji had excused himself next, allowing Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng to stare awkwardly at each other, a jar of wine between them, their misdeeds freshly remembered.

He was headed back to where Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, and Jin Ling had been cleaning when a whimpering caught his attention.

Meishi was doubled over by the staircase, clutching at the flat wall. Her face looked as though she were crying, but no tears came from her eyes.

Lan Wangji felt the weight of certainty settle around him. Should he reveal himself?

She gagged then, and slumped towards the ground.

On instinct, Lan Wangji grabbed her before she fell.

Meishi glared up at him. She wanted to fall! She didn't need anyone's help, no one here, no one should help her. "Put me down!"

He obeyed instantly, though he settled her upright on her feet again.

"What?" she demanded. "Why are you looking at me like that? It was shocking, that's all. I'm fine."

Even as she spoke, her voice cracked. Why, between her womb and her voice, her entire body seemed determine to betray her tonight.

"Sorry…I did not stop it," Lan Wangji breathed.

Meishi gaped at him. "Why are you apologizing to me?"

He said nothing. He didn't need to.

Mei shoved him. He was wrong! Wrong. No, Lan Wangji could not be the one who noticed the truth. Her identity could not be blown so easily.

But it was, and everyone would believe him. Not her.

All she could see was Wen Chao, bleeding and crying and reduced to knowing, for certain, that his sister was right, that he was not as good as Wen Xu. All she could see was JiaoJiao dying first, just like cultivators would think a maidservant should. All she could see was Wen Zhuliu struggling against the searing pain of Zidian, realizing he'd broken a vow at last.

"You're being ridiculous!" Meishi fled the room.

Lan Wangji considered following, but decided against it. A letter to Lan Xichen was necessary – if anyone could help in this situation, it was his kindly brother.

* * *

Once she reached her bedchamber, Meishi scrambled through her chest of clothing. The sword, the hidden sword, and the blood…

She could grab them and escape. Escape before Wei Wuxian shut her up for good, escape before she saw the disgust and betrayal in Jiang Cheng's eyes. Escape before she was reduced to pleading for mercy of her Wen child, to someone who wouldn't give it.

The blood she found easily, in an embroidered pouch. But where –

 _Wen Xu, help me_ , she commanded. _I need your sword_! It couldn't be –

"Looking for this?" A voice filtered across the room, as the latch clicked shut behind her.

Master He stood there, struggling to lift Wen Xu's masterpiece. "There's interesting art on his hilt…of the sun crest."


	17. When All Your Good Intentions Fail

**Chapter Sixteen**

 **When All Your Good Intentions Fail**

 **Sooooo…I'm sorry. Warnings for canon-compliant homophobia, and also sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, and victim-blaming.**

"Mei, hold onto this."

"It's heavy." She was ten and struggling.

"Here." Wen Xu knelt beside her and patted the hilt. "Go easy on my sister, Liming."

The sword lightened considerably. Mei brightened. "I want one."

"You will. You just have to prove you've mastered it to Father. He wouldn't let Wen Chao carry one for years, because he feared he would hurt himself or someone else." Wen Xu chuckled.

"I'm not Wen Chao!"

"No, you're Wen Meishi, who will be slithering along the ceiling rafters when the sword goes through your leg," he replied. At her dark face, he added, "Well, am I wrong?"

"You're pretty bold considering I'm holding your sword," she responded, and Wen Xu laughed and laughed.

* * *

Mei stared at Master He. Of all the people to find out, why him? Who had put him up to this – Nie Huaisang didn't hate her, so he wouldn't, right?

"In fact, one could mistake this for the crest of Qishan Wen." Master He's eyes glittered.

"It's a family heirloom." Meishi put her hands on her hips. "Why are you here? Digging through our things – one might think you were a spy."

"Holding the sword of a Wen-dog, one might think you were a spy, too," he answered.

"One might also think I'm the daughter of a man who kept his enemy's sword after fighting in the Sunshot campaign, with a perfectly good reason to have such a keepsake." Meishi held out her hand. "Would you like to be charged with treason?"

"And the blood? What sort of explanation has that?"

"Nothing that concerns you. My husband is well aware I used to practice demonic cultivation." Meishi spoke with a bravery she didn't feel. "What exactly do you intend, you fiend?"

Master He peered at the sword in his hands. "Your husband, yes… Does he know he's married to a Wen-dog?"

Mei gasped, like a helpless damsel. "That's a bold lie, even for you."

"It's not a lie, is it?" He crossed the room, Wen Xu's sword aimed at her.

* * *

As soon as Lan Wangji had left, Jiang Cheng studied the wine jar between them as if it were the most interesting code.

"Do you want to talk?" Wei Wuxian asked, weakly.

"There's no point. And haven't we had this 'shouldn't we talk' conversation before?" Jiang Cheng huffed.

 _I'm not as useless as you think_. _I tried to save you, once_. _And by that I damned us both, didn't I_?

Maybe it was the wine. Despite his words, his mouth opened.

"Do you know why I felt so happy in that moment?" Jiang Cheng stared at the undrunk wine in his hand. "It wasn't just revenge. It wasn't even just because you were alive, although I _was_ relieved to be rid of Suibian."

"Ha." Wei Wuxian waited.

"It felt like, for a moment, we were the Twin Prides you spoke of. That I'd gotten back my brother, who would never leave my side." Jiang Cheng didn't finish the sentence. _Like so many others have done_.

"It felt like maybe, just maybe, _one_ promise for the future we'd made back then would last past the destruction the Wens inflicted upon us." He laughed emptily. "I am a fool."

"I should have told you sooner." Wei Wuxian lowered his head. "Jiang Cheng, I was wrong."

"Did your distrust run _that_ deep?" Jiang Cheng was perfectly cognizant of his hypocrisy as he asked.

"I wanted…I never wanted you to feel the shame you felt after the Wens found you, never again. I never wanted you to look at me and be reminded of what you believed to be your own feelings. I wanted to protect you, like I promised your mother." Wei Wuxian avoided Jiang Cheng's eyes.

"I didn't deserve it! I – I got myself caught. Why couldn't you just sit back and let me die?" Jiang Cheng roared.

"Because I love you." Wei Wuxian's eyes were misty. "You scare me now, you know. But I – I wanted to be your brother, back then; even now I still do."

"But you'll live in Gusu with Lan Wangji, forever." Jiang Cheng raised his wine.

Thinking better of it, he put down the liquor. "Why do I scare you? I couldn't harm you even if I tried." _Lan Wangji would kill me_.

Wei Wuxian weighed his words. "I can see it in your eyes."

"It?"

"Shije. Every time you look at me, I'm reminded of my role in her death, and thousands of others. Because I can tell you see it, too." Wei Wuxian pressed his palms together. "I won't say I don't deserve the reminder. Please don't mistake me as blaming you."

Jiang Cheng seemed shocked, but after a moment he leaned back with his favorite sneer. "Well, well. I am more powerful than I thought."

"I like to think of it as Shije's power," Wei Wuxian joked.

Jiang Cheng was quiet. When he spoke, his voice trembled. "She died to protect you. And then I, her brother, led cultivators to execute you."

"I'm sure she understood." Wei Wuxian offered Jiang Cheng an excuse.

He didn't take it. "I thought I was doing the right thing. Instead, I may have betrayed her memory. Ha!"

"Mei was right. You hate yourself more than you hate me." Wei Wuxian examined the agony on Jiang Cheng's face – the heavy shame, the regret, the longing. "Why do you keep doing the things others want you to do, instead of what you want?"

"Why else? Because _I want to be loved_." Jiang Cheng began to cry, again. "It's all I've ever sought, and it always eludes me."

"But I still love you. And I know you love me, or at least our memories; I don't dare assume you love me as I am. But why else would you have Chenqing all these years?" Wei Wuxian felt a steady stream of tears pouring down his cheeks. "And Meishi loves you, too."

"Of course I love you, you idiot," Jiang Cheng blurted, before burying his face in his hands, the way he did when he was little and scared.

He felt Wei Wuxian settle beside him. "May I hug you?"

Meishi might find him disgusting now, she had just before she left – but maybe she would forgive him. Especially if he could tell her he'd forgiven Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng sniffled. "No."

Wei Wuxian drew back, but that was when Jiang Cheng threw his arms around his brother.

"Wei Wuxian, let _me_ hug _you_ for once."

* * *

"What are you doing?" Mei asked.

At the same time, Master He asked, "What proof do you have on my family?"

"I don't like being bested by women, you know." His hand landed on her shoulder, and a sick realization crossed Mei's mind.

His mouth nibbled her ear. "But I might be willing to let this go…"

Mei slapped him, spinning out of his reach. "Get away! I will _never_."

"Oh? You'll what, call your husband? Do you really think Sect Leader Jiang would pity you, once he knows your identity? He looked away when far more innocent Wen-dogs were imprisoned and tortured to death."

Jiang Cheng's recollection from earlier echoed in her mind. _I trapped him in Zidian, yes. In revenge for my mother._

Wen Chao, castrated and fingerless, eating his own flesh, and Jiang Cheng smiling.

Mei stumbled but continued moving towards the door, though she felt as if her soul had already left her body.

The sword blocked her path, trapping her.

She could fight. But supposed he stabbed her stomach? Wait, didn't she want that?

"You are nothing to him but his traitorous wife. You've already betrayed him. And yet you still want to play the righteous one." Master He's voice dropped. "I hate people like you. The rich, who think a different set of rules apply to them. Yes, I turned my family in – after they had turned me out, because my uncle, noble head of our Sect, couldn't keep his hands _off_ _me_. And yet, because I'm poor, I'm the evil one? Jin Guangyao, evil because he was the son of a prostitute, instead of Jin Guangshan, who visited said prostitute? Smug, self-righteous, hypocrites, all of you."

"So now, it's time for my revenge, Wen-dog. Unless you dare to scream out."

Mei stared at him. _If you know what it's like – why would you still_ – no, she was expecting him to be logical. Perhaps power, to him, meant sex. Perhaps he just wanted any chance to humiliate the rich.

 _I know my father did evil. But he was still my father!_

Perhaps she was a hypocrite, after all, chasing after Jin Guangyao and Jiang Cheng when she ought to have looked at herself.

He advanced closer. She backed away. "Wen-dog."

He was in front of the door. She couldn't …

Mei could feel every heartbeat. She realized, dully, that she was not in a position to escape. So she turned her back to him, as if by not seeing him, he couldn't hurt her. "Don't."

Perhaps she ought to say _please_ , but Meishi was not accustomed to begging, not even now.

And now his hands were on her shoulders, crawling like ants inside her carefully wrapped robes, pinching her.

She sank to her knees, free from his touch for one more moment, as hot tears began to roll down her cheeks.

 _Help me._

No one would help her. She'd set this all up. And hadn't she let Xue Yang, and more, kiss her, grope her? This was all her fault.

Meishi touched her stomach – her baby. If she fought, he could hurt her baby. Maybe then she would miscarry, but then, then she would feel grief for a person who never was.

 _I want to someone to help me._

 _I want to go back to the room with Jiang Cheng – please let me go back. Please, any god who is listening._

He was going to fuck her whether she wanted it or not.

 _Let me be back with Lan Wangji as he interrogates me. Please!_

The halls outside were silent.

 _No one is going to help me._

She shivered as Master He tore open the back of her shirt. Her face crumpled, and her jaw ached from stifling a hopeless sob.

 _Jiang Cheng – I'm sorry_.

* * *

Lan Xichen was surprised to find Lan Qiren, of all people, with a small flask in his hand.

His uncle dripped milk into the mouths of one, two, three…no, six tiny baby rabbits.

"Uncle?"

Lan Qiren may have been startled, but as usual, he barely showed it. He continued administering the milk. "Xichen."

"I didn't realize you cared for them." Or that another rabbit had had babies. _Lan Wangji, your pets will overrun us soon_.

"That corpse didn't want to disturb you." Lan Qiren stroked the ear of a white-and-black rabbit. "With his lack of dexterity, he thought it would be better if I fed them than him."

"He's not 'that corpse,' he's Wen Ning," Lan Xichen said quietly.

"I spend my days surrounded by corpses and cutsleeves, and you want me to be more courteous?" Despite his words, Lan Qiren kept his voice soft for the rabbits.

Lan Xichen stepped closer. "Yes. I would like that."

Lan Qiren watched his nephew from the corner of his eye.

"Wangji is still the same boy you raised. He just never told you his feelings," Lan Xichen said.

"Are you only talking about him?" Lan Qiren didn't mince words.

Lan Xichen, however, was now at a loss for his own words.

"If Jin Guangyao had survived, would he be back here, in a cottage like your mother? Would you have knelt to the heavens and earth to save him? Would you be in seclusion for repentance and not grief?" Lan Qiren's voice rose.

Lan Xichen blinked back tears.

Lan Qiren waited.

"Probably."

There it was.

Out.

In the open.

"Love…should not hide from consequences, Xichen." Lan Qiren turned to the last rabbit, the runt, his favorite. "Love should not imprison."

"You're asking for society to change, instead of an individual. It is more certain to stay imprisoned yourself."

"I never taught you the coward's path, _Zewu-Jun_." Lan Qiren glared at his nephew, enunciating his name.

 _Remember, you are one of the venerated triad._

 _No amount of betrayal after can change that._

Flustered, Lan Xichen chose a different subject. "So you admit that what Wangji feels is love?"

"Pah!" Lan Qiren stormed away, shaking his head.

* * *

She'd long been too numb to keep crying. Meishi lay crumpled on the floor, naked and held firm against Master He's body.

His hands, those fucking odious hands, continually pinched her breast and stroked her hips.

And now she was an adulterer, too. Because she hadn't begged him to let her go. Because when he'd forced her to face him, and his fingers wrapped around her neck, and he told her to move her hips, she obeyed like his wife. Or his slave.

She'd lost her body now, in addition to her family.

Meishi wanted to vomit out her ruined insides. To duck in a hot spring and scald herself clean again.

No, she would never feel clean again. She ought to die.

She could escape Jiang Cheng if she died. He wouldn't have to know how she'd betrayed him in so many ways.

She should give up, run to Lotus Pier, and drown herself beneath the flowers. Perhaps tie a few stones to her robes.

 _I'm sorry. I couldn't resurrect Qishan Wen Sect_. Mei wanted to be free of her body, be a spirit roaming and searching to see her family again. _I failed you all._

And she would fall down at Father's feet, crying and begging forgiveness. _I suppose, in the end, all of your children failed._

Father, Father, what would he say in response?

Despite her frantic thoughts, a cold, dark feeling rose within her. As if Wen Ruohan was really there, infusing her thoughts. _One defeat, and you will give this all up?_

No. She was the daughter of Wen Ruohan. He would be disgusted to see her weeping, so easily defeated _. Are you a Wen or not_?

 _Stop crying._

 _Do something._

How many times had Father yelled those words towards Wen Chao? Mei had prided herself on never having earned Father's wrath, because she never gave up.

 _Help me, Father_. He would, too, she was sure of it. He wouldn't be ashamed of her, even when she was ashamed of herself.

Wen Xu would hold her. Help her stand. _Get up, Mei_. _You're still my sister. No one can take that from you._

Wen Chao would curse him out. _Bastard_. _Meishi, take your body back. Don't let this fucker win_!

Wen Zhuliu – he had not taught her for this. Even if he were trapped with Zidian, he would hold out a hand towards her. _Better die trying than never try_.

The child in her – if it survived, it would not be ashamed of its name. _Mommy, don't die._

Meishi's rage and hatred swelled. The piercing grief of a violated body rose within her, but instead of squelching her resolve, if she pictured her family, if she pictured Wen Chao with JiaoJiao in his arms, and Father beside him, holding his grandchild, and Wen Zhuliu offering his hand, and Wen Xu guiding her hand like he had when she was younger –

She could get up without dying. She could do at least that much.

It'd been so long since she had practiced, but she hoped her family would guide her.

"Wen-dog," said Master He as she pulled away. "You should thank me for helping you cuckold Jiang Cheng."

His hand reached for her throat again. "Say 'thank you.'"

Mei ground her teeth and summoned all the spiritual power she had to her fist. Silently, for she still didn't dare scream, she thrust her hand behind her, straight into his chest.

Master He gasped and tumbled backwards. He had never had much spiritual power to begin with, but right now, the pain he felt as it dissipated blocked out everything else.

Mei caught Wen Xu's Liming as it fell, heavy, from his now core-less hand. While Master He gasped in confusion, she sent the blade straight into his throat, between his two blood vessels, just as Wen Xu had taught her.

"Thank you," she growled, needlessly, because he was gurgling up his own blood. "For wetting my brother's sword."

Her anger bubbled over. "But, tell me, what does it say that you've been slaughtered by a Wen-dog? Does it hurt?"

She moved to yank out the sword, but stopped. His eyes vacated.

He was already dead.

She was a murderer again, she thought, staring at the body sinking to the floor.

Really, wasn't she this whole time? She'd manipulated Xue Yang. She'd manipulated Nie Huaisang, put him in the position to murder Jin Guangyao.

She.

Had.

She. Her. Her fault.

Meishi shuddered. Even with him dead, she still felt dirty, and now she was covered in a lake of blood alongside her tears.

What could she do? They'd know his core was melted. And that she didn't regret it.

They'd know he'd been killed with the sword techniques of the Wens.

They'd find him in a bedchamber, unclothed, with her, with bruises on her throat.

They'd _know_.

She had to stop panicking. She had to act, and fast. Her family, even if just by memories and imagination, would help her.


	18. I Don't Know

**Chapter Seventeen**

 **I Don't Know**

Despite the wine, Jiang Cheng walked back to his bedchamber with his head clear. His footsteps felt lighter.

Meishi will want to know if he confessed, and he didn't, not yet, but he feels as though he could someday.

He knew he would have to tell her more about the dark deeds he and Wei Wuxian committed, but – but if Wei Wuxian still loved him, Meishi could, too. They wouldn't have to hide from each other. Maybe, just maybe, his marriage wouldn't end in ruin like his parents'.

And now that the conference was over, he would have time to hold her all night.

For once in his life, he didn't feel afraid.

That all changed when he opened the door to their room.

The lanterns were extinguished, an unusual occurrence but none too frightening by itself. Though he couldn't see much from the hallway, when he stepped inside, something stuck to his boots.

To Jiang Cheng, who helped wage a war after his sect was massacred since the tender age of seventeen, the grim odor of blood was unmistakable.

He'd been haunted by the smell since the attack on Lotus Pier. These days, the scent was usually strongest his dreams, but right now, it was stronger, it was here, it was smothering him.

Panic clawed him from the inside.

Jiang Cheng lurched back into the hallway to seize a lamp. He rushed back inside, only to stop still.

Blood splattered along the walls. It pooled along the floor, congealing around his boots.

And a figure knelt in the center, head bowed, a broad sword through its neck.

Jiang Cheng couldn't help but see his parents' kneeling corpses, his father with a sword through his heart and his mother gripping a staff she wouldn't surrender even in death.

He found himself too panicked to do anything but beg.

"Please!" Jiang Cheng cried out as he lunged forward to grasp the heavvy body.

The body felt stiff against him. It was too large to be her – a man. Jiang Cheng rolled its face towards him –Master He, of all people, long dead.

Jiang Cheng dropped him, because none of this made sense, allowing the sword to keep his head upright for now.

"Mei!" Jiang Cheng dashed to the other side of the room, his heart screaming, because if he found her body, if he'd lost her, he was sure he would die on the spot. " _Mei_!"

She wasn't there.

Their window was open. He looked out the window, unsure if he should be relieved that he didn't see her body lying on the ground or even more panicked because she was missing. "Please, please – Mei!"

"Sect Leader Jiang?" A servant pushed open the door – Sisi, the disfigured former prostitute he took enough pity on to hire after she helped them with the Jin Guangyao matter – only to halt at the grisly sight.

Jiang Cheng's breath came in gasps. He was too stunned to cry, much less to try to make sense of this. "Raise an alarm."

As he spoke, the lantern light glittered off rubies that adorned the sword hilt.

Jiang Cheng looked closer at the design, and suddenly a scream broke through his sect leader façade, because that's all it really was, a façade. And he felt like he was seventeen again.

* * *

Wei Wuxian knew something was seriously wrong when he was still at the far end of the hall, and Jin Ling gagged at the doorway to Jiang Cheng's room. Lan Jingyi clutched his friends, and Lan Sizhui, grinding his teeth, pushed them both inside.

Lan Wangji followed Wei Wuxian, unusually slow. He knew Wei Wuxian suspected something was distracting him, but - but he would find out soon, as soon as they entered the room.

Lan Wangji really didn't want to see Wen Meishi arrested, possibly having tried to assassinate her husband, Wei Wuxian's brother. The brother Wei Wuxian was just happily babbling about getting back.

Should he have followed her? Tried to convince her to calm down, that he intended no harm so long as she intended the same?

He fully expected her in handcuffs, possibly hurt.

Needless to say, Lan Wangji was not expecting the ghastly sight that assailed his eyes.

Jiang Cheng stood in the center, besides the kneeling body. As soon as he saw his brother there, the only person he wanted to see, his eyes welled up. But he didn't dare speak, lest he lose face to the many cultivators now pouring into his room.

Indeed, the sword was unmistakable, thought Lan Wangji. The same sword that pierced his father's abdomen, as its owners' voice mocked _Sect Leader Lan, if you can even be called that, why do you fighting with the larger world, when we all know you've turned your back on the world long ago?_

Lan Wangji felt cold. Wei Wuxian looked at him, waiting.

"This is a Wen Sect sword," said Jiang Cheng, slowly.

"More than that." Lan Wangji had to squeeze out every syllable. "This is the sword of Wen Xu."

"Are you sure?" asked Jin Ling.

"It's unmistakable," Lan Wangji replied hoarsely. Wei Wuxian's hand rubbed his arm, understanding what he must remember even if he did not say it aloud.

"Why would the sword of Wen Xu be here? Jiang Cheng, do you own it?" Not all of the cultivators had forgotten the last discussion conference, when Jin Gaungyao's wife had killed herself with Wen Ruohan's dagger in his bedchamber. It seemed tragedy had a habit of repeating.

"I've never seen it before," he whispered.

"Where's Aunt Meishi?" Jin Ling burst out.

"Yes. Where is my daughter?" Sect Leader Tao looked stricken from the far side of the room, where he supported his wife, who had sunk to her knees at the sight.

"I can't find her." Desperation was painted across Jiang Cheng's countenance. He turned to Wei Wuxian, pleading. "I can't find her! Mei."

"What's going on?" Nie Huaisang arrived late, as per usual.

"The Wen-dogs have arisen again and made off with Sect Leader Jiang's wife!" snapped a cultivator.

"Isn't that Ghost General still alive?"

"Wen Ning had nothing to do with this!" Wei Wuxian exclaimed, before the juniors could join the brawl.

"Wen Ning, no, he's an ally," Jiang Cheng said, slowly. The words tasted strange on his tongue.

Nie Huaisang approached the body. He immediately gasped.

Wei Wuxian's eyes narrowed. It was apparent to him that Huaisang had only gasped once he recognized the face – not at the sight itself.

Before he could say anything, however, Sect Leader Nie collapsed again.

"Get him out of here," Jiang Cheng said with open disgust.

Lan Wangji knelt before the body. "This technique – cutting two of the body's most vital veins. I've seen it before."

Jiang Cheng met his eyes. He too remembered, watching his friends, the soldiers he'd snuck wine with, laughed with, snapped at, watching those soldiers stabbed through during battle. "Qishan Wen Sect."

"There's something else." Lan Sizhui placed his hand on the chest of Master He. "He has no core."

"Master He was barely a cultivator; is that so strange?" Lan Jingyi asked irritably.

"He had a golden core; I'm sure of it," wobbled a voice from behind. His wife, Madame He. She clutched Sect Leader Ouyang to keep from collapsing herself.

"Master He started out in cultivation; it was only later he stopped," said Jiang Cheng. "That's what Meishi was able to find out; is that true, Madame He?"

She nodded.

"A Wen-dog must have killed him. There is no other explanation," said Sect Leader Pan.

Wei Wuxian swallowed. He didn't like simple answers, didn't trust them. But this seemed an indisputable fact.

"But why him?" wailed Madame He. "Why here?"

"As a warning to Sect Leader Jiang, no doubt," said Sect Leader Ouyang.

But why _him_ , in particular? Because he was the most disgruntled of sects under Lanling Jin? To sow discord against Jiang Cheng? Wei Wuxian felt uncertain.

Jiang Cheng's voice was cold. "Then where is my wife?"

"If she came in at the wrong time – the perpetrator must have taken her," said Sect Leader Tao. "My daughter would have tried to fight. She would not stand by as an innocent man was killed, even if she disliked him."

Lan Wangji thought Sect Leader Tao sounded as though he wished to convince himself. In fact, Sect Leader Tao sounded so detached that Lan Wangji was now suspicious that Meishi had, in fact, killed before, and that Sect Leader Tao was perfectly aware of this.

Madame Tao had pressed her head against her husband as she wept, and so Lan Wangji was unable to read her expression.

"Unless this is all a setup," spat another cultivator. "Unless you yourself, Sandu Shengshou, are the murderer!"

Jiang Cheng felt as though he had had his own core melted again. Well, technically Wei Wuxian's, but Wei Wuxian had just reminded him that it was his now, that he'd made it his. He was too furious to speak.

"Rumor is, after all, that you struck your wife with Zidian. Who's to say you're not a second Jin Guangyao?"

Jiang Cheng sputtered.

"Wasn't Jin Guangyao a second Wei Wuxian? Ha, you are really unbelievable." Wei Wuxian stood next to Jiang Cheng. "I was with him for most of tonight!"

There was much more he wanted to say – how Jiang Cheng loved his wife, loved her to death, but then everyone would have responded with reminders than Jin Gaungyao had seemed to love Qin Su, too.

"The word of the Yiling Patriarch doesn't carry much weight. Lan Wangji, can you confirm this?"

Lan Wangji paused. "I left them two hours ago to take care of a matter…between our disciples."

"Uncle would never hurt Meishi! Stop it! She's never been injured with Zidian; wouldn't I know if she has?" Jin Ling was sick of these cultivating bastards. "My uncle is a good person! And my aunt is in danger and we have to find her."

Jiang Cheng swallowed. He wasn't a good person, and he had hurt Meishi, but right now, he really, really wanted to hug his bratty nephew.

"So the answer is no."

"Do Lan Wangji's words matter anyhow? He's a cut-sleeve."

Lan Sizhui looked more distressed.

"Stop! Insulting! Them! You're not even the ones suffering right now, and you want to judge? What is wrong with all of you?" Lan Jingyi refused to sit back as his teacher and his friends were insulted and dismissed for loving each other.

"You're a child," said Sect Leader Pan.

"He's still wiser than the lot of you," Wei Wuxian remarked. "While I hope I'm less threatening to you now, you're still insulting my husband, my brother, and my disciple. Do not think I will stand by idly."

"We won't, either. Right, Father?" Ouyang Zizhen tugged at his father's sleeve. "They are good people!"

Sect Leader Ouyang heaved a sigh. "We must stop our bickering and find Madame Jiang. So…yes, my son. You too are wiser than many of us here."

Ouyang Zizhen looked ecstatic at the praise.

"We'll send Lan Xichen. If anyone knows about the Wens' whereabouts, it is him." Wei Wuxian nodded. "And the rest of us! Spread out and search Lotus Pier; leave nothing to doubt."

Lan Wangji kept silent that he had already sent for his brother, back when he didn't expect Wen Meishi to kill. "Wei Wuxian and I will start out for Nightless City; those demonic happenings may not be a coincidence after all."

In the back, Sect Leader Tao opened his mouth, but his wife's pinch silenced him. If he had already hurt her second child, there was nothing else they could do. They would have to wait until Jiang Cheng's defenders left.

* * *

Even after the rest of the cultivators had left, Jiang Cheng was surprised to see Luo Qingyang still standing there.

"Sect Leader Jiang, I hope we find her soon." The woman stepped forward. "But, um, I feel I must ask you."

"Ask me what?" Jiang Cheng looked around. Only Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji remained; what was so important she could only discuss it with him?

"It concerns another potential motive." Luo Qingyang spoke delicately. "Forgive me, but I get the impression that…I mean to say, are you not aware that Madame Jiang is with child?"

Jiang Cheng turned green. Wei Wuxian looked perplexed, and Lan Wangji nearly lost his footing.

"Why could you possibly think that?" Jiang Cheng rasped.

"We spoke while she was showing Mianmian the dogs last night."

Jiang Cheng's thoughts whirled. Praying in the ancestral hall– her strange emotions these past few nights – eating next to nothing – "Ha? What? Huh? I …"

He grabbed a Wei Wuxian to steady himself. "Why wouldn't she tell me?"

"Likely she wanted to wait to be certain. Most women do," said Luo Qingyang. "But if someone else paid attention to the signs – and they bore you a grudge against you – there could be more motivation, then."

Jiang Cheng's face was red. "I…but I…"

"Why are you embarrassed? It's not as if you two aren't married." Wei Wuxian poked Jiang Cheng. "Even more reason to return my sister-in-law and my future niece or nephew."

"Wei Wuxian, help me." Jiang Cheng had tears in his eyes. He couldn't bear it. It didn't matter to him that if she had been kidnapped, she was likely alive, and being kept so for a purpose. She was in danger, from a Wen-dog, the family he should have annihilated more – excepting Wen Ning, of course.

He had already failed to protect his wife and – and already, his child. Their child, the one he wanted to have with her.

* * *

Nie Huaisang had feigned collapse so often, he sometimes found it difficult to tell if he was truly faint or faking. Tonight, however, he really had fainted.

He awoke on a couch in the library of Lotus Pier, wishing he had been the one killed.

Mei loathed him for killing Jin Guangyao, and she would do this?

No, she wouldn't unless there was a good reason. Mei wasn't a killer. He was a killer, not Mei.

What exactly had happened?

And why would she be foolish enough to use a Wen technique? She was perfectly aware of other methods.

Why wouldn't she just pretend Master He had tried –

He staggered up, retching. What could – no, no, he knew of Master He's lecherous ways, of course he did, but there was no indication that Master He had ever forced himself on anyone –

 _No_.

He must have hurt her.

 _I set her up._

 _I hurt her._

 _Meishi! Mei! Mingxia!_

Could he tell? What could he do, without implicating himself, without exposing Mei?

He couldn't.

 _Nie Mingjue, I don't know what to do. This time I really don't know!_

 _"_ _Brother, why don't you ever forgive Jin Guangyao? You're so mean to him, it's a wonder he still considers you a brother!"_

 _"_ _I forgive repentant sinners." Nie Mingjue stared at the tea clutched in his hand. "He's only my brother to protect himself, not because he cares about me."_

 _"_ _I'm sure that's wrong. You're so – so stubborn! You're going to drive him into madness, just like me!" Nie Huaisang had shouted, and hoped desperately that his brother would recognize his anguish, but he hadn't, until he died two days later._

 _"_ _Face your sins. Confess. It is the only way to be clean again." Nie Mingjue's eyes bored into his._

 _"_ _You! You want to be so righteous, you drive everyone who can't measure up into uselessness! I'd rather be unrighteous but kind, like Jin Guangyao! Fuck you!"_

Nie Huaisang rolled into a ball on the floor, where he deserved to lie, or no, he deserved to lie buried under the earth, sobbing. "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know…"

But _he did know, he did know, he did._

The door to the library opened.


	19. Running Away

**Chapter Eighteen**

 **Running Away**

 **Content warning: continued discussion of the aftermaths of sexual assault, and victim-blaming thoughts.**

 **Additionally, posting-wise: I'll be away fro a few days, so the next update may take longer.**

Mei clutched the ceiling rafters, mesmerized by the ruckus below. Though a battle raged outside with soldiers from the Nie Sect, she felt perfectly safe in here, inside the throne room with Father. Even though he didn't know she was watching.

This Sect Leader Nie Mingjue, the one to whom she had once feared so little she threw her shoe at him, the one she now hated with the most vile hatred for taking her favorite brother, was thrown _into_ the floor. Marble tiles cracked around him like ice.

Meng Yao bent over the man, suggesting the fire palace, and Meishi felt a flicker of worry. She just wanted Nie Mingjue dead, dead and beheaded like Wen Xu. If he stayed alive, who knew if he would escape?

Father, however, laughed. And Mei knew he only laughed when he was angry, so she assumed he must be remembering Wen Xu, his beloved son.

And then a sword had slashed through Father's neck, so fast she almost didn't believe it.

The servants' shouts convinced her that this was, in fact, reality. Meng Yao readied his sword to face them, as the large Nie leader slumped to the ground. Meng Yao's face was completely calm, like he had never cared for any of them.

She had no sword of her own, not yet. She couldn't clamor down and take one from the fallen soldiers; Meng Yao was too fast; he would undoubtedly kill her, too.

Meishi cowered in the ceiling, waiting as Meng Yao slaughtered all the servants she knew and apologizing to the spirits of each one as they fell. She watched, desperate, almost hoping he would kill quicker, so she could save Father, whose face grew paler and duller.

If anyone could survive this, it was Father, right?

When Meng Yao, himself limping, took Nie Mingjue on his back and hobbled out, she leapt down from the ceiling.

"Father." She didn't dare scream, in case Meng Yao came back.

Blood stained her hands. She wasn't aware how much blood existed in the human body, but this had to e most of it. "Wake up! Please, don't leave me alone."

She was not even thirteen. She couldn't lead Qishan Wen, and they wouldn't unite under a woman because they were all stupid, proud men.

She shook him, muffling her screams. Father would not wake up, but she didn't want to feel his pulse, because then she'd know that he was truly gone.

The door opened, and Meishi lifted her tear-stained face. "Help me, please!"

A servant and two Sect Leaders whose names she'd long forgotten. They stared at her and at the bodies, frozen with shock.

"We're doomed!" wailed a Sect Leader, instead of helping, instead of checking on Father.

"No!" The servant grabbed his Sect Leader and shook him. "We'll make an offering of peace. We have the last Wen; we can hand her over to Nie Sect." He pointed towards Meishi, who looked at him with utter disbelief.

"You have to help him," she begged.

"He's dead, kid. It'll be better for you if you don't resist." The third Sect Leader shook his head.

Mei leapt to her feet. She was not going to wait around to be offered up on Nie Mingjue's saber.

The only thing she could do was run, run, run away.

And even now, Meishi thought, as she carefully avoided a host of fierce corpses outside the ruined Palace of Sun and Flames, running was the only thing she could do.

* * *

"What aren't you telling me, Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian clung to his husband as they flew towards Nightless City.

He didn't want to go here. He didn't want the memories that were going to assail him. Hiding atop the roof, leaping down, the Tiger Seal –

Jiang Yanli –

"Do you trust me?" Lan Wangji glanced sideways. _I wouldn't bring you here without good reason._

Wei Wuxian's mouth opened. "Of course I do. You know that."

"Good." Lan Wangji spoke darkly. "We have to face the past. Again. Before Jiang Cheng does, or Madame Jiang will be beyond saving."

"Wait! You think _she_ killed Master He? I know Nie Huaisang is involved, he always is, but – things were finally good between Tao Meishi and Jiang Cheng. I don't think she's the sort to have another man's child, so that's not it. Was she that disgusted by our pasts? And if so, how can we correct that? It's done – I would if I could, there's so much I want to undo." Wei Wuxian felt as though he was missing something ridiculous.

Lan Wangji spoke slowly. "I think it's best if we wait to discuss this."

* * *

Lan Xichen's mouth opened and closed without a sound. The paper in his hand glowed in the moonlight.

"What is it?" Wen Ning approached carefully, eyeing the letter.

"Wangji is near certain Madame Jiang is, in fact, Wen Meishi. He requests me to come to Lotus Pier." Lan Xichen seemed torn. "What can he possibly expect me to do?"

"I…" Wen Ning looked behind Lan Xichen.

"Your duty as Sect Leader," sniped Lan Qiren, appearing behind his nephew.

"Uncle." Lan XIchen's voice wobbled. "I am in seclusion –"

"You are not needed here." Lan Qiren had a letter of his own. "This arrived shortly thereafter."

Lan Xichen snatched the paper and scanned it. His breathing grew sharper.

"What?" Wen Ning waited.

"One of the Lanling Jin Sect troublemakers was found murdered in Jiang Cheng's room. His wife is now missing." Lan Xichen inhaled. "This is…"

"I presume Wangji is trying to find Wen Meishi before she is exposed?" Lan Qiren crossed his arms.

Lan Xichen swallowed. "I presume so, yes."

"I want to find her, too," said Wen Ning quickly. "Perhaps…perhaps I can talk sense into her." He held up his hand and examined his dead, dead palm. "I know I am not alive, but…perhaps a family member…"

"Only you. Lan Sizhui ought not to be exposed," Lan Qiren said quickly, protectively.

At that, Lan Xichen almost smiled. "You care about Wangji's brat after all."

Lan Qiren sniffed. "Lan Yuan is a good disciple. Of course I care about him." He cleared his throat. "But if Wen Meishi has already murdered a man, I cannot…I cannot agree to let you reason with her."

"I must try," said Wen Ning.

"I can't stop _you_." Lan Qiren shrugged. "But Xichen..."

"I have no judgment, I know," Lan Xichen said. "I know. I haven't even…" He remembered that Lan Qiren knew everything now. "…even confronted Nie Huaisang."

"So do it. He's at Lotus Pier, is he not?" Wen Ning approached Lan Xichen. "Zewu-Jun, Sect Leader Lan, Lan Huan – you're alive. Make the most of your life. Jin Guangyao didn't push you out of the way for you to spend the rest of your days in seclusion, mourning him. And you'll never be able to move on unless you speak to Huaisang."

Lan Xichen stared at him. His eyes were very, very bright. Almost tearful.

"I cannot believe I am saying this," said Lan Qiren slowly, "But I agree with this fierce corpse."

"He's Wen Ning," Lan Xichen corrected again. Immediately.

Lan Qiren frowned, examining the dead man in front of him. "Wen…Ning."

* * *

Dawn had arrived, but there was no sign of Meishi.

Jiang Cheng had bruises under his eyes and had refused all food and drink, though he knew he shouldn't. At his right hand man's urging, he had finally dragged himself into the courtyard to see the dogs. And now he cradled Dragonfly in his arms, as if the puppy were a talisman that could summon back Meishi.

The dog had zero spiritual powers. He loved it regardless, especially as it licked his face enough to disguise his tears as canine saliva.

 _We have a baby_. _I want a baby with her_. His shoulders quaked with emotion. _I just want her back_.

Wen-dogs. Why did they always take his family? He really ought to have focused on exterminating them instead of demonic cultivators.

"Sect Leader Jiang, we have a disturbing rumor," said Sect Leader Yue, approaching with Jin Ling running at his heels.

"What?" Jiang Cheng barked.

"It's not true!" Jin Ling blustered.

"What isn't true?" Jiang Cheng looked at the gathering crowd.

The mustachioed doctor from Lanling hobbled forward, and Jiang Cheng's face drained of blood.

"Did you not treat wounds from a whip inflicted on Madame Jiang?" asked Sect Leader Yao.

"Wounds from Zidian," the doctor said carefully, apologetically.

"No!" Jin Ling stomped his foot. "Stop lying!"

"Sect Leader Jiang, is this doctor lying?" Sect Leader Pan glared at him.

Jiang Cheng felt Jin Ling's eyes scanning him.

"Sect Leader Jiang." Sect Leader Tao stepped forward, glaring at him with fatherly fury.

Lying would not help Meishi. Jiang Cheng's face burned, and he looked away to avoid their eyes. "He's not lying."

"You!" cried out Sect Leader Tao. His eyes flashed. "You dared to whip my daughter?! You monster!"

"Uncle!" Jin Ling was hysterical.

"It was an accident," Jiang Cheng begged. "I – she posed as a demonic cultivator! I didn't recognize her, and I – "

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" shrieked Jin Ling.

Jiang Cheng wanted to threaten the brat's legs again, but he had no ground to stand on.

Sect Leader Pan could not hide her delight. "Sect Leader Jiang, you've been ruthless and cruel in your pursuit against demonic cultivation. We've always looked away. But now, how can we?"

"He murdered his wife!"

Sect Leader Tao grabbed Jiang Cheng by his collar and yanked him close.

"I didn't hurt her, I truly didn't. I want her back, same as you," Jiang Cheng insisted.

"I thought she would be safe with you." Sect Leader Tao lied as boldly as he could.

"I – I hate you! Why do you always have to let your anger ruin everything? Every single relationship you've ever had!" Jin Ling screamed before turning around, because fuck leading a Sect, and running away.

"Jin Ling!" Jiang Cheng cried, wrenching free of his father-in-law. _Wait! Come back! I need you_!

Why hold on to dignity? "Come back! Jin Ling!"

But his nephew was already gone, and someone else had yelled out, "Seize him!"

Horror flooded Jiang Cheng. He unleashed Zidian in a flash of purple. "Do you really dare?"

"Stop! Sect Leader Jiang, put down the whip," said Sect Leader Ouyang, threading his way through the crowd. "Ouyang told me about that encounter with the demonic cultivator – I believe you."

"Well, I don't," said another cultivator.

"I want her back," Jiang Cheng said. _I want our baby_.

An idea occurred to Jiang Cheng, and he hated it. So he shook his head at the cultivators and spoke it anyways. "I will submit myself to questioning _if and only if_ we do not stop searching for Tao Meishi. The Wen-dogs are responsible for this, and we should be hunting them to find her and avenge Master He."

"Seal your spiritual powers, then." Sect Leader Tao scowled.

Jiang Cheng wavered for only a second. He tapped his sword. "Done."

As he was led away, the flicker of triumph in the eyes of those he'd whipped in Lanling filled him with dread. _Wei Wuxian, I think I finally know how you felt all those years ago._

There were so many who would benefit from his fall, whose best interest lay not in finding Meishi.

If she was hurt, he would never forgive himself _._

* * *

Meishi was careful to avoid the plaza in which Wei Wuxian had slaughtered many from the four sects. She didn't want to remember any more death here.

Dust and cobwebs blew around her feet, and Meishi wondered how much of the dust was ash from the remnants of her sect, the people who had been burned alive simply for their names. Wen Qing, for instance.

She hadn't seen those twelve ridges, those eight heavenly creatures, since the day she'd run away. But even now she did not dare take the time to count them; she could not risk being seen.

She walked steadily until she entered the throne room, the last room she'd had her father in. The twelve pillars were cracked, their red paint peeling. The ceiling rafters on which she'd spent hours eavesdropping were covered in debris and even a birds' nest.

It really wasn't home without her family.

A coffin filled with resentful energy, chained shut, lay in the center. The coffin Nie Huaisang had moved there. At the sight, the murderer's blood in her veins began to vibrate all on its own.

She wondered if Huaisang had infused this coffin with a trick, too. Or if she was merely wrong to assume he'd told – him – her identity.

She really didn't want to think his name. The lingering pain she felt between her hips when she walked, and the sticky sensation of shame, were reminder enough. She'd stopped to bathe in a river along her journey, but she still felt defilement surrounding her.

Maybe if she did this, if she succeeded, she could feel worthwhile again.

She poked her stomach. _No one will hurt you, I promise_.

Maybe someday, Jiang Cheng would be able to stomach the sight of his own child. She never intended on asking his forgiveness. But perhaps someday he could tolerate their child.

Behind the throne, the flag of the sun motif had been torn down. It lay trampled on the ground, soaked in long-faded blood.

Probably Wen Ruohan's.

Meishi knelt besides the throne, with one hand on the armrest as she used to when she lived here. Father would pat her head and tell her to stop making trouble for her tutors, but he had a smile in his eyes.

Her throat was so clogged with tears she could barely manage a whisper. "Father, I'm home."

* * *

" _You_ brought that doctor? How could you?" Madame Tao's pitch rose. "Now they're distracted from finding our daughter!"

Sect Leader Tao glared back. "You know she killed that man."

"And _you_ know that's not our Mei." Madame Tao was firm.

Sect Leader Tao, however, remembered the night he found a sobbing child in robes adorned with the blood-red sun, curled up besides the bodies of three Nie Sect soldiers.

"Did you do this?" His hand moved to his sword. She was a child, and already a wicked Wen-dog? And well-trained enough to slaughter three soldiers?

"I can't take it back, take it back. I want to take it back," wailed the girl, and he realized that she was still holding one of the men's throat's, as if trying to stop a blood flow hat had long since ceased.

The way she rocked back and forth reminded him of the night he met his wife.

Sect Leader Tao hesitated. "How old are you?"

She wiped her eyes, smearing blood across her face. "Almost thirteen."

She was an impudent child. If he turned her in, they would show mercy; or would they? After all, she was a Wen.

"What is your name?" He knew before he asked.

"Please don't hurt me," she begged, and that was answer enough.

"I won't, Wen Meishi." He knelt before her. "You'll need to change out of those robes, and change your name, but you won't die here. I'll help you, but you have to stop crying, okay?"

She nodded. Her tears ceased almost immediately. "How can I trust you?"

"You can't. I'll have to earn it."

That, he supposed, was the moment his daughter had really started trusting him. How ironic.

Meishi was his daughter in everything but blood. He had taught her his own rudimentary cultivation, laughing as he helped her fly on his sword. Smiling as she fed him lotus tea and kissed his cheek after a particularly dangerous night hunt.

He long understood her desire for revenge, but had privately hoped she would resign herself to a quiet life in Qinghe. Yet he did not stop her when she suggested Jiang Cheng as a suitable match, despite his reservations, because that would require a conversation about feelings.

But he really had thought he taught her better than murder, again. _Mistakes, even wicked ones, are allowed. Repeating those mistakes are what separate the wicked and the righteous_.

He had always believed in letting sinners face their punishment without reservation, without feeling.

But now his daughter, his daughter…

"We have to frame Jiang Cheng," he said, out loud.

"What?" Madame Tao stared at him.

"I'd frame myself, but I have no motive. If we can fault Jiang Cheng, our daughter might not be the one executed when she is caught. He's killed plenty anyway."

"If," his wife said, stubbornly.

"She will be, and she will be executed, and you and I will be under suspicion and scorn."

"Is she not worth suspicion and scorn?" demanded Madame Tao.

"Of course she is, but – but – to tell the truth would require far too much of you," said her husband. "And she's murdered, a second time."

Madame Tao spoke forcefully. "Can you not guess why?"

"He likely found out her identity –"

"Meishi would not murder for that. I helped her light candles, year after year, for the men she killed. Helped her, of her own volition and idea, deliver food and flowers to their families. I watched her weep when she held the newborn baby who would never meet his father because of her actions! Only to dry her tears before we returned home, so as not to upset _you_!" Madame Tao's voice cracked. "A _bedchamber_. He did something to her, I know he did."

Sect Leader Tao felt cold. _Unthinkable_. "You're interpreting things from your own experience –"

"Yes, which makes me the expert, not you. Believe me, you don't know the dark thoughts that can fly through your mind when you feel you've been reduced to nothing more than a man's possession." Madame Tao jabbed her finger up at her husband. "I've already spoken to Nie Huaisang once before; he knows my secrets. It's time we faced them."

* * *

"Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun think she's in Nightless City, so that's where we're going," Jin Ling declared.

"Don't you want to talk to your uncle again?" asked Lan Sizhui, ever concerned.

"No, I don't. He can take his pride and shove it up his ass!" fumed Jin Ling, prompting a gasp from Lan Sizhui and dark laughter from Lan Jingyi.

"Besides, Sizhui, don't you want to see where you were born?" asked Ouyang Zizhen.

Lan Sizhui was clearly outnumbered. The best he could do was follow and make sure no one died. "Very well."

As the quartet snuck outside and readied their swords, Lan Jingyi gasped.

"What?" Jin Ling yelped.

"Look! Is that Zewu-Jun?" Lan Jingyi squinted. Indeed, in the window, he saw Lan Xichen standing in the library door, and Nie Huaisang scrambling backwards.

"He won't hurt him." Lan Sizhui beckoned towards Jingyi. "Let's be on our way.

"It's about time they talked, anyways." Jin Ling glared at the window before leaping onto his sword.


	20. Wen-dog

**Chapter Nineteen**

 **Wen-dog**

 **content warning: suicidal thoughts and continued references to sexual assault.**

Panic nipped at his edges every time Jiang Cheng lost his spiritual powers. Whether he was locked in a cell at Lotus Pier, unable to find his wife, or trapped while Jin Ling has a guqin string around his throat and Nie Mingjue's fierce corpse tried to punch them through, each time reminded him of the first time he lost his powers.

He was imprisoned at Lotus Pier then, too.

He knew it was different this time. He knew he should be logical. But he couldn't help but panic, as the memories of his greatest shame crashed over him.

He wished he hadn't screamed then, that he'd kept his mouth shut and taunted Wen Chao about turning into a fierce ghost like Wei Ying apparently had. He remembered the laughter of the guards, and the eyes of a small child watching his useless body dragged away, and thinking how cruel the Wens must be to expose a child to this torture. That there must be no good Wens, since even from childhood, the ways of their family corrupted them.

And now he hated himself for feeling self-pity, because Mei was missing and he should save all of his emotions for her, even though he couldn't help her as he was.

He looked at his shaking hands. Perhaps he hated the Wens because they reminded him of his own inadequacy.

But surely Wen Ning and Wen Qing reminded Wei Wuxian of his core, and Wei Wuxian never hated them. It appeared Wei Wuxian was better than him, forever and ever.

A key slid into the latch, and Jiang Cheng stumbled to his feet. Terror soared through him, terror that Meishi was found dead, that he was once more alone.

No, he wasn't alone. Wei Wuxian would still be here.

But he wanted Mei, too.

Luo Qingyang stepped inside. "No one's found Meishi, but to say there's been no news would be inaccurate. You must come with me."

"What nonsense are you talking about? If I leave – they'll stop trying to find her." Jiang Cheng scowled. "I won't take that chance."

"Pfft. You know Sect Leaders Sheng and Pan already trying to pin her disappearance and Master He's murder on you. In their defense, they seem to believe it, but in your defense, I don't, and neither do the Taos." Luo Qingyang waved in Sect Leader Tao and his wife.

Jiang Cheng felt Sect Leader Tao's intense fury and found it very difficult to look him in his eyes. The man knew he whipped his daughter; of course he despised him.

"Sect Leader Jiang. You have to go to Nightless City," said Madame Tao. "I know Hanguang-Jun and your brother have already gone – please, you're more useful there than here."

Jiang Cheng's eyes blazed. "Why would you think she's there? Why would they choose the most obvious location? Did the Wens contact you?"

Madame Tao opened her mouth, but her husband interrupted her. "Let's call it a mother's instinct."

"I can't leave," said Jiang Cheng.

"I'll fly you." Luo Qingyang lifted her sword.

" _We_ will handle matters here, seeing as my husband is the one who brought that doctor here." Madame Tao sounded most displeased with her husband.

Jiang Cheng was about to ask why, but he knew why, didn't he? Of course Sect Leader Tao would think he'd robbed his wife of a second child. "Meishi…told me. I know why you suspect me."

Sect Leader Tao's face twisted, but Madame Tao grabbed his hands. "Would you still kill him, knowing what you know now?"

Him. Her son. The name, the face Jiang Cheng didn't even remember among dozens.

"No." He choked the words out, and he knew he ought to add 'sorry.' The word weighed heavy on his tongue, yet he couldn't force it out.

"I believe you. Then leave."

Sect Leader Tao viewed Jiang Cheng with unmasked hatred. "He took your son –"

"I never visited him, did I? Our lack of relationship isn't all Sect Leader Jiang's fault. That's a regret I must live with, too." Madame Tao wrung her hands. "I don't trust you, Sandu Shengshou. But I want my daughter safe and alive more than I distrust you. But know this: if you hurt my daughter as well as my son, I can and will help my husband destroy you."

"I won't," Jiang Cheng vowed.

"Come with me. Quick." Luo Qingyang yanked Jiang Cheng away before he could say anything else. Or perhaps he just didn't know what to say, because everything he could think started with 'I'm sorry.'

* * *

Torchlight surrounded Meishi's kneeling figure around the throne room. A star drawn in blood – her blood, the blood of a first relative – was beneath her knees.

Meishi deepened the cut on her forearm, allowing rivulets of red to drip into a bowl of Xue Yang's blood.

"Blood of slaughter."

Into the bowl she dipped a moth-eaten scrap of Father's clothing, the only piece she had been able to find. The rest had long been robbed. "Material of the deceased."

She took a torch and lit the blood-soaked cloth aflame. "Let this blood summon your spirit – "

The torches suddenly extinguished with the whir of a white sword.

Mei barely managed to grab the blood before Bichen destroyed it.

Two figures stood at the end of the hall.

Meishi stared at them as they approached. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji noticed the coffin; surely it was unmistakable to anyone who had been at the Guanyin Temple.

"Is this a ritual you developed?" asked Lan Wangji.

"I only theorized about it. It's rather interesting, in a way. I knew we needed a surplus of resntful energy; the coffin's a nice touch." Wei Wuxian frowned at the bowl of blood. "Whose blood is that?"

Meishi decided the truth might shock him most. "Xue Yang's."

He recovered quickly. "Ah, so you were the one to take him away?"

"I was battling between you two and Su She for him, and I won, yes." She still wouldn't mention Huaisang. He didn't need any more suspicion.

"You? Tao Meishi? You – you really killed Master He? You know people are blaming Jiang Cheng for that! You _know_ he – he fears people leaving him, he always has, and yet you still left. Were you trying to torture him in the cruelest way?" Wei Wuxian finally burst out.

Meishi stared at him. The answer wasn't exactly no, but not this way, not this way, not that anyone would believe her.

"Why would you do that?" Wei Wuxian asked finally. "You loved him."

Meishi hung her head further. She drew her legs tightly to her chest.

"You still do, right?"

She pressed her head into her knees. Her voice was muffled. "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does!"

"Not _enough_." Hadn't Lan Wangji told him? Why not? He knew. Why wouldn't he expose her?

"Then why not?

"I'm not Tao Meishi." She rocked back and forth, back and forth, desperate for comfort she couldn't find. "She never existed."

Wei Wuxian had a growing suspicion in his stomach. "Then what is your name?" He looked to his husband. "Lan Zhan, you know?"

Lan Wangji gave a curt nod.

She lifted her tear-stained eyes. She tilted her head and spread her lips in an arrogant smile that didn't fit. "Wen Meishi, courtesy name Wen Mingxia."

Wei Wuxian had rarely been stunned in his life, but now he choked. The resemblance – she didn't look much like her brother. She was far prettier than that greasy coward. But Wen Ruohan? Wei Wuxian could see his features in her face.

He'd thought he'd killed her in the battle of Nightless City. Honestly, he'd always felt a bit sorry for killing a child.

"I – I married him for revenge," she spat. Her voice grew louder. "I married him to hurt him! Your brother! Why are you just standing there – say something, god damn you!"

But instead of Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji spoke. "And you left because you're afraid." His voice raised. "But not of Jiang Cheng. You left because you're afraid for him, or of him – because you're afraid for you. You're afraid he'll reject you. You're afraid he can't handle the truth."

Mei clenched her fists, though she didn't disagree. She definitely deserved to be called a coward – after all, she'd merely sniveled and cried as Master He defiled her. Her voice seethed, though her anger was purely towards herself. "When has he _ever_ been able to handle the truth?"

"He forgave you demonic cultivation. A year ago, he would not have. He's changing," said Wei Wuxian after an awkward pause.

"This is a bit worse, sorry to say." Mei's hand touched her stomach, towards the baby she knew the man she loved would despise. "I didn't leave because I hate Jiang Cheng. I left because – because if he knows he fathered a Wen – it would destroy him."

Wei Wuxian was once again speechless. So Luo Qingyang was correct. What a cruel miracle.

"Come back with us. We can – we can help you – face your fear, somehow." Lan Wangji hoped he was saying the right things.

"Have you forgotten that I killed someone for discovering my identity?" Meishi wiped her streaming eyes. "There's no return for me."

Wei Wuxian studied her face. "Lan Zhan, there's something else. I don't believe she's that selfish."

"I'm Wen Ruohan's daughter. Of course I am," Mei said. "Aren't we the scourges of the world?"

Lan Wangji now looked suspicious.

"So was I once, too. So is Jin Guangyao now, but it's never so simple, is it?" Wei Wuxian stepped closer. "Meishi, are you not telling us something?"

"Many things, or have you forgotten you've just learned my darkest secret?" Meishi hardened her voice. She was not, she would never, allow them to know. She could drown in shame all on her own.

Empathy on living beings was dangerous, but Wei Wuxian's patience had expired and, suddenly, he pushed his spirit into hers.

Meishi screamed.

 _There was a sword against his throat, and he was kneeling in a woman's body, weeping._

 _"_ _Stop your tears, Wen-dog."_

 _He squeezed his eyes shut, until the man – the murdered man, Master He – grabbed his arm and threw him backwards onto the ground. And the body he was in felt almost relieved that this would happen on the ground and not in the bed it shared with Jiang Cheng. And then his eyes were open, focused on the ceiling, focused on anything other than what was happening to his lower half._

Wei Wuxian fell backwards, tearing himself from the empathy that, had he known, he would never have forced.

* * *

Nie Huaisang's heart raced, and he felt faint as he backed into a corner. The elder Jade of Lan, the one he had viewed as a surrogate elder brother, stared at him with eyes that said _I know what you did_.

 _Weren't you relieved to be done with his lies?_ Nie Huaisang wanted to beg. _No, you loved him_.

Lan Xichen closed the door behind him. "Sect Leader Nie, I'm not going to hurt you."

Nie Huaisang said nothing. If he said _why not_ he'd be confessing. "Why are you here?"

"For once in your life, stop playing dumb." Lan Xichen gestured towards the chairs. "Shall we sit?"

"I don't want to." He didn't deserve to. He'd set up someone to rape his best friend.

"Well, that's a direct answer, at least." Lan Xichen sat. For a full minute, neither sect leader said a word.

Lan Xichen's voice came out broken. There were tears in his eyes. "Why? Why me? You mastered this entire plan. If you wanted him dead, were you too cowardly to do it yourself? Why did you have me kill him? Did you think it would break me of my affection for my little brother? Did you think it would make it easier?"

 _You didn't just like him as a brother,_ Nie Huaisang wanted to say, but he stayed quiet.

"I lost every brother I had except Wangji. I considered you a brother, too, and you – and you – betrayed me too, just like Jin Guangyao. No, maybe not just like him, but still." Lan Xichen shook his head.

A hiccup came from Nie Huaisang, the only indication that he, too, was crying. "You have no evidence for these outlandish claims."

His tears betrayed him. Lan Xichen was not fooled.

" _Why_?" Lan Xichen begged.

An idea occurred to Huaisang. Unfortunately, he had to give a little first.

"Because betrayal is all I ever do. You, my brother, Jin Guangyao, my best friend." Nie Huaisang began, dully, unable to look into Xichen's warm brown eyes. "Why don't you kill me, then, and have your vengeance. Since your mind is made up!"

Lan Xichen raised an eyebrow. "You never betrayed Nie Mingjue."

Nie Huaisang laughed maniacally. "If I did all you suspect I did, he would despise my methods. If I didn't, he would despise me for not investigating his murder."

"Your brother was a difficult man to please." Lan Xichen spoke with a grace Nie Huaisang didn't deserve. "He was too hard on you. You're really quite gifted at politics and plans. And acting."

Nie Huaisang looked at the floor. "Do you remember, before you knew anything was amiss, when I feigned hysteria and asked him for the art you'd drawn? All I wanted to know was whether he felt the same for you that you felt for him. To ascertain the best way to drive him into despair."

Lan Xichen's mouth opened and closed. "He – he really? He –"

This was too much. Nie Huaisang shrieked. "Of course he loved you! He wasn't going to do anything, because he wouldn't cheat on his sister-wife, because he wouldn't be his father! But he still did. I was certain he'd change, that you would kill him when he tried to kill you, that he would die knowing he was despised and all alone, and instead, _no_ , he had to accept your medicine, he had to push you out of the way even when I intervened."

"And now I've ruined the one person I loved, worse than you. Ha! I gave away her worst secret, thinking I was keeping her safe, and instead I – I fed her to the wolves." Nie Huaisang clapped a hand over his mouth.

"You are talking about Madame Jiang, or should I say, Wen Meishi?" Fat tears rolled down Lan Xichen's cheeks.

"You know?"

"Wangji knows." Lan Xichen stood up and approached him.

"Well, it's all over then." Nie Huaisang sank to his knees in the corner. "I thought someone discovering her identity would keep her focused, would cause her to flee Jiang Cheng before he could hurt her. Instead, I think – I know Master He …"

Lan XIchen's eyes flickered, just enough for Nie Huaisang to know he understood what he implied.

"She's not a killer like me. She was _angry_ over Jin Guangyao. Her murdered her father in front of her, and she still didn't wish his death, only his humiliation," Nie Huaisang said, gazing up at Lan Xichen. "But now she'll be exposed and the world will be against her because she's a Wen-dog. I betrayed my best friend trying to help her. Ha, I really am a good-for-nothing."

He wasn't surprised when Lan Xichen's hand curled around his wrist. "I may be weak, but I will resist unless you promise to help her. I will not confess – I will destroy you if I have to – unless you help her."

He lowered his head, ashamed of his request, ashamed of his threat. Big brother would really hate him, but he hated himself more.

To his surprise, Lan Xichen knelt beside him. "Nie Huaisang, do you know, if Jin Guangyao had lived, I would have spared his life? I would have spirited him back away to Gusu. No matter how he killed Da-Ge and betrayed me, I was loyal to him, and I will always be."

Lan Xichen paused. "So how can I abandon my littlest brother, either?"

* * *

Meishi stared at him, her face stricken. Her mouth moved, but no sound came out. She felt utterly humiliated.

Wei Wuxian, for his part, looked positively ill. His shoulders heaved as he struggled to keep from vomiting.

"Wei Ying?" asked Lan Wangji.

But Wei Wuxian was crying now.

"Wen Meishi…that wasn't your fault," Wei Wuxian said, kneeling before her.

Meishi hugged her legs to her chest. She didn't seem to believe him. "Don't mention it, don't mention it, it does not matter. _Please_. Forget it."

"It does matter! You didn't – you're not to blame, not for murdering him, and especially not for that." Wei Wuxian entered the circle of extinguished torches to place his arms around her.

Understanding dawned on Lan Wangji's face, and Wei Wuxian reckoned that he had not seen his husband furious like this in a long time.

"I still murdered him. Dressed his body. Made it look like something else." Mei spoke factually. "I chose to murder him, to taunt him as he died, rather than to scream."

Lan Wangji ignored her harsh words and. He knelt besides her to give her spiritual energy. It was the only thing he could think to do. He'd tried to keep an open mind and in the end, he still judged her wrongly. "I should have followed you."

"I would not have let you," Meishi said with a quavering smile. "I – I let it happen. Really, I did."

"He had your brother's sword pointed at you," muttered Wei Wuxian.

"Stop!" Meishi shouted. She didn't want to remember, she didn't. So the only thing she could do was hurt herself.

"And if I screamed? No one would have stepped in once they knew my name." Meishi began to shake again. "I committed adultery on Jiang Cheng."

"You did not. Are you that afraid of Jiang Cheng?" Wei Wuxian shook his head. "Meishi, he loves you. He's heartbroken right now. I haven't seen him in such a sorry state since the Guangyin Temple!"

"To him, I am a Wen-dog. Can't anything be done to us, without fear of recompense?"

A memory wormed its way into Wei Wuxian's mind. Jiang Cheng, visiting the Burial mounds.

 _"_ _No matter who they are, with a surname of Wen they have committed a most heinous crime! And those who protect the Wens will be condemned by everyone! Everyone loathes the Wen-dogs so badly that the worst they die, the better. Whoever protects them is against the entire world. Nobody would speak for them, and nobody will speak for you, either!"_

No doubt his sister-in-law had heard these sentiments echoed throughout the cultivation world for fifteen years.

"Your face says enough," Meishi said simply. A lump rose in her throat. _I don't want to be beaten and raped and tortured to death for what my family did_. _It's no worse than what you all have done to me_. "This isn't pride, not exactly. The Wens have been humiliated for over fifteen years. But I – you of all people know what happened to Wen Ning, and he never harmed a soul. I'm Wen Ruohan's daughter, and I don't want – I don't want people entitled to torment me. Once was bad enough."

"Let us help you," Wei Wuxian said.

"Have you forgotten the last time you tried to help a Wen?" Meishi eyed him.

"I have Lan Zhan now," Wei Wuxian said simply. "And Jiang Cheng."

"This will break him."

"Then we'll put him together again." Wei Wuxian licked his lips. "Meishi, I don't think keeping secrets from him, however much we want to protect him, helps him."

Meishi shook her head. Would they think her ridiculous if she said she would rather have told him she was a Wen than tell him what happened with Master He? "I can't."

"You can," Lan Wangji said.

"I'm going to resurrect him. My father. If you would like me to stop, kill me."

"Are you seeking your own death?" demanded Wei Wuxian. "What about your child?"

"They'll be abandoned before they're born, tormented and likely die young. I don't really know anymore." Meishi's shoulders shook. "I've made too many mistakes to return."

"If I could return, you definitely can."

"You had someone to blame. Jin Guangyao. All this world does is blame scapegoat after scapegoat so they never have to examine their own lives! My father. You. Jin Guangyao. Soon it will be me."

Lan Wangji was thoughtful. "So you were partners with Nie Huaisang."

"And if I told you I truly didn't want or expect him to entice your brother into killing Jin Guangyao, would you believe me? I doubt it."

"Is that true?" Lan Wangji already believed her, but he wanted to make sure.

"Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't."

"Why do you want to hurt yourself?" shouted Wei Wuxian.

"Because I'm a Wen-dog!" she screamed back. _Because maybe, deep down, I do believe I deserve every bad thing in the world!_

She didn't want to resurrect Wen Sect for security or family. She wanted to resurrect them to prove that they didn't have to deserve evil.

"Wen Mingxia?" A voice broken into the resulting silence.

Wei Wuxian gasped. "Wen Ning! You're here."

"Master Wei. I've been sent by Lan Xichen." The Ghost General stared at her. "Wen Meishi, Wen Mingxia, it is you."

Meishi was stunned silent at the sight of another Wen. Even if that Wen was no longer alive.

"I remember my sister laughing about how you had a temper worse than Wen Ruohan." Wen Ning surveyed the dark circle in which the three living humans knelt. "It appears she wasn't wrong."

"How much did you hear?" Wei Wuxian asked the question he knew Meishi wanted.

"Enough." Wen Ning looked at Meishi with pity.

Meishi suddenly felt convinced she had to die.

Wen Ning approached. "Wen Meishi, you're alive. Please don't throw your life away, not now. Not for revenge. Don't let the rapists and the torturers of this world win."  
"Wasn't my brother a rapist? My father a torturer? Revenge was the only thing that got me off the ground, Wen Qionglan." But as Meishi spoke, she realized that wasn't quite true. Her family's love had gotten her off the ground when Father had died, off the street when she considered executing herself for killing the Nie Sect Soldiers before Nie Mingjue could, and once more, off the tiles when Master He had violated her.

Her family's support, or the imagination of it, had saved her. Had convinced her life was worthwhile.

Those were just imaginings.

Right now a conscious corpse, her distant family, but tangible family, was offering her his hand. His support.

Meishi grabbed his fingers.


	21. The Sword of Truth

**Chapter Twenty**

 **The Sword of Truth**

 **continued content warning for discussions of sexual assault.**

"I haven't seen this many corpses since …" Jin Ling trailed off. _Since the Burial Mounds._

"We can handle them," said Lan Jingyi.

"The fact that you feel the need to say that does not fill me with reassurance," replied Jin Ling.

Lan Sizhui, meanwhile, wasn't even focused on the undead. He stared at the ruined city, slightly disappointed that it didn't seem familiar at all.

He wondered if he'd even been born here. Wen Ning told him that his father died during the Sunshot Campaign, and his mother from birth.

 _Without her medical supplies, my sister could only save one of you, and your mother chose you._

He hoped his mother didn't regret it, wherever her spirit was. He hoped he made her, and his father, proud.

But he was still glad he'd been raised by Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun.

A low growl from Fairy startled Sizhui back to reality. "Can you feel it? There's tremendous resentful energy coming from the palace."

"We can't let my aunt stay there any longer," said Jin Ling, pointing his sword in the direction of the palace.

"We won't." Ouyang Zizhen lifted his sword.

They were halfway to the palace when Jin Ling realized that, for each corpse cut down, they only seemed to multiply. "Um."

He struggled against a severed hand that clawed his face. "Fuck you!"

Ouyang Zizhen had tripped over a fallen pillar – they were likely in a former marketplace. Empty stalls were now alive with the fright of night – wriggling with wormlike ghouls, hung with cobwebs, caked in blood.

"Zizhen!" Jin Ling rushed to save him.

Fairy leapt up to seize the throat of another corpse that appeared behind Jin Ling.

Jin Ling gulped. If it weren't for Fairy, they would all be dead several times over.

Meanwhile, Lan Sizhui merely touched a corpse, and it sank dutifully to its knees, like a servant.

"Lan Sizhui! Why aren't they after you?" cried Lan Jingyi, ducking a swipe from a corpse as tall as ChiFeng-Zun had supposedly been.

"You know why!" Jin Ling shouted back, firing an arrow into the ragged sun symbol across one corpse's chest. "They're Wens! They won't attack other Wens! _Fuck_!"

Ouyang Zizhen swung wildly, cutting off the head of a corpse. It rolled to his feet, licking his boots. He shrieked and leapt away, allowing the body to pick up its head and reattach itself.

"A-Yuan." Jin Ling seized his arm. "If we can hole up in one of these houses, we can probably stay away long enough to survive. Can you make your way into the palace? Can you find Hanguang-Jun and Wei Wuxian? Tell them we need help."

"Meishi should be fine if she's held with Wens," added Lan Jingyi.

Sizhui's eyes met Jin Ling's. "I can't leave you."

"You have to, or we're all gonna die," insisted Jin Ling. "Don't worry, please. Just hurry!"

Lan Sizhui reluctantly turned away, but before he could go, Jin Ling pulled him back and kissed his lips. He promptly shoved him. "Now off with you!"

* * *

The most Wen Ning had been hoping for was that his cousin wouldn't cringe at the cold feeling of his dead flesh. Instead, his heart nearly restarted when she threw her arms around him, hugging him so tight that he might have died of asphyxiation had he been alive.

"We'll keep you off the ground, Meishi. All of us. Your family," said Wei Wuxian. "And – for what I've done, please forgive me, or at least, accept my apology."

"I've already done both," Meishi admitted. "I can't hate you. You're nothing like the demon I expected."

"That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about me. Lan Zhan, when we die, can that be written on my tomb?" Wei Wuxian grinned.

"Don't talk about that." Lan Wangji pulled Wei Wuxian closer to him.

"Oh right, right, because I've already died once, that's true…"

Lightning cracked outside. Wei Wuxian sighed. "With all the resentful energy in this coffin, you've stirred up all the mass graves here."

"Yes. That was the goal," Meishi said.

"An army of corpses? It doesn't usually end well," said Wei Wuxian.

"Who said I wanted it to end well?" Meishi asked.

Wei Wuxian raised his eyebrows.

"Fine, I did…but I really just wanted to frighten people, not to kill anyone," Meishi admitted. "I've…I've only killed four people, and I regretted it every time."

"Four?"

"You know…him. And before that, when I escaped the palace. Three Nie Sect soldiers. One for each family member they took from me. It didn't make me feel much better." That was why she had warned Nie Huaisang when they hatched their plan _. Killing Jin Guangyao won't help you_. She wished he had listened.

"Take it from me, Tao – no, Wen Meishi…you won't be able to control the dead," said Wei Wuxian. "No matter how he reacts, I don't think Jiang Cheng would forgive himself if you were torn apart by a backlash."

"Come back to Lotus Pier with us," said Lan Wangji, echoing the words he told Wei Wuxian all those years ago.

Meishi looked at the ritual arrayed about her. "I…"

"Let him go. Do you really think the world is better with Wen Ruohan?" asked Wen Ning.

" _Mine_ was," she said honestly. How could she deny the truth? But how could she deny what she'd planned from age twelve?

 _When you grow up, you put away childish things_. Wen Mao once said that. She wondered if he was still taught in cultivation schools. He seemed a good, wise man. But that wouldn't stop people's prejudice.

Wei Wuxian waited.

Meishi whispered. "I just…I just wanted the chance to tell him I love him again. A hug. I don't know. I just don't want to be alone."

"I'm here. Even if Jiang Cheng leaves, you still have family," said Wen Ning. His eyes almost looked alive, as if he had found a purpose again.

Meishi smiled tentatively. Maybe Wen Mao was right. Or maybe childish things could be rearranged for value.

The ill-advised plan of the juniors, the one that had exposed the first of her secrets, filtered into her thoughts.

Wei Wuxian tugged her out of the circle. For a moment, he thought they were safe.

"Master Wei, can I?" Wen Ning looked to Wei Wuxian. _A-Yuan_.

Just then, Meishi waved her hand, and the torches reignited.

"What are you doing?" Wei Wuxian cried.

"It wouldn't be right," Meishi said fiercely, distracted as she looked around the ritual. "To waste this blood."

"I can't let you dig your own grave," Wei Wuxian replied, seizing her.

"I gave my entire life for this. I'm getting something out of it, I'm summoning your spirit and body –" Meishi muttered to herself. She sent her knee between Wei Wuxian's thighs and dove back for the vial of blood.

Lan Wangji moved to stop her, but she had already cried out, "Summon your spirit and body, _Wen Ning_!"

To everyone's surprise, she had sent the blood showering onto Wen Ning.

Wei Wuxian's jaw hung open.

A red glow surrounded the Ghost General. The blood seemed to seep in through his every pore.

He gagged, and with a rushing sound, his chest expanded; the force doubled him over.

The heat nearly scorched everyone surrounding him. Wen Ning's limbs were no longer able to hold him up; he toppled to the ground. And when he looked up, as the red glow faded like the sunset, blood began to trickle from his qiqao.

Wei Wuxian grabbed him. "Wen Ning, how do you feel?"

"I feel…sore," he said. There was a flush to his usually pallid face.

"So you feel pain." Wei Wuxian felt his palm. Warm.

"Yes."  
Lan Wangji pressed a hand over Wen Ning's heart. "Beating."

"I – what? You really?" A mixture of blood and tears rushed down Wen Ning's cheeks. "Meishi."

"I'm sorry," said Meishi. She had wanted her father, she still did. But Wen Ning was in front of her – trapped in a body he couldn't feel with – and somehow, though she could never atone, if she wasn't going to resurrect Wen Sect she should at least resurrect the last conscious member. Even if she was executed, she wanted him to have the chance to live.

"Apparently, Master Wei, your technique works," Meishi said. "And I'm sorry for striking you."

" _Our_ technique, really," said Wei Wuxian. He hurried to help Wen Ning stand on shaky legs. "You could have told me what you planned, you know."

"I was afraid you wouldn't approve," Meishi confessed.

"I mean, yes, I'm protective of my sister-in-law. But I think you just wanted to be dramatic. How like a Wen." Wei Wuxian made a face at her, and to his relief, she even laughed.

A female voice rang out from the center.

"Madame Jiang!"

Everyone spun around to see Luo Qingyang standing with Jiang Cheng by her side.

* * *

"I'm actually not good at fighting. That wasn't a pretense," Nie Huaisang admitted. Ghouls and fierce corpses prowled around Nightless City, raising the hair on the back of his neck. The sounds of a battle struck fear into his heart, just like a sword, or the useless saber that hung by his side.

"I believe you," Lan Xichen said dryly. "I recall Brother insisting you be placed away from the front lines."

"I can picture his tone," Nie Huaisang said, his tone dejected.

Lan Xichen shook his head. He deepened his voice to imitate Nie Mingjue's. "' _Huaisang has many years to practice a saber. For now, time is of the essence. He must be placed where he is most useful_.'"

Nie Huaisang blinked. Useful? Him?

Lan Xichen continued, "You were the mastermind behind his strategy for Hejian, were you not? It was the one time I ever saw him brimming with happiness."

Nie Huaisang's mouth fell open. "He…really? He really listened to me?"

"Challenging Wen Xu, who was so proficient in hand-to-hand combat with that sword he took so much pride in, to battle a saber, then showing his dismembered body to the Wens? Our brother won that fight, yes, but with your advice. Did you really not understand that?" Lan Xichen looked towards him with pity. Why couldn't ChiFeng-Zun have told his brother how much he loved him?

Was everyone blind to the people they loved?

No, not at all. Nie Huaisang was not. Lan Wangji was not.

"I…I didn't dare think…" Nie Huaisang shook his head and changed the subject. "By doing that, I took Mei's brother from her."

Now Nie Huaisang thought he knew why Mei had made out with Xue Yang for the sword, if it was that dear to Wen Xu.

"Yes." Lan Xichen raised Shuoyue. "And on, and on, the taking of brothers and sisters went. But we're here to stop it now."

In the distance, a dog yowled.

* * *

Jiang Cheng's eyes took in the dark ritual, the coffin, the cuts on his wife's arm and her swollen face. To him, it was obvious that some Wen-dog had tried to sacrifice her.

Meishi stared at him. She looked terrified, and Lan Wangji quickly surmised that, for all her cunning, she had never recovered how to act in situations she could not control. Whether that was a result of the trauma with losing her family, or how she had always been, he could not tell.

"Mei? Mei?" Jiang Cheng looked confused. "Why – how – why are you embracing Wen Ning? Did he rescue you?"

Wei Wuxian cursed under his breath. This was about to get ugly.

"Nothing of your concern," she answered in the same acerbic tone as during their first confrontation.

Lan Wangji looked as though he wanted to hit his head against the walls.

"Stop it," Wen Ning pled.

Meishi felt ill. She wasn't prepared to see him. And now she had made things worse. The words tore out of her. "I'm _sorry_."

Jiang Cheng's fear rose. Why would she respond this way? He strode forward and grabbed her by her shoulders. Her stomach still looked flat, though he supposed that wasn't surprising. But her hair was a mess, her clothing torn, and there were bruise on her neck he hadn't left, like someone had choked her. "Are you hurt? Tao Meishi?"

Meishi was at a loss for words. _Yes, but not as much as I'm about to hurt you._

Jiang Cheng noted the shame on her expression. Dread filled him, so he changed the subject. "Is it true? That – that we're having a baby?"

Meishi's face crumpled. She nodded.

Jiang Cheng pulled her close to him. "Your golden core, it's fine? They didn't melt it?"

Meishi shook her head. She wasn't – how could she tell him?

"Good, because I'd hate to ask Wen Ning to give you mine. I hear it's painful." Jiang Cheng offered Wei Wuxian a slight smile, grateful his brother had found her. He stroked his wife's hair.

Meishi choked. Her arms wrapped tightly around her husband, embracing him for the last few moments he would ever love her.

"Mei?" Jiang Cheng noticed, then, the ritual surrounding his wife. The bloodstained vial hanging around her neck. The blood-soaked rag with the sun symbol wrapped around _her_ hand.

And Wen Ning, inhaling, exhaling. Alive. "What is going on? Who did this to you?"

Meishi shrank back.

Her face, he noted, was white. Very white. She looked paler than Wen Ning. The dead Wen Ning, not the living, breathing one beside him.

She looked more guilty than relieved.

"What is going on?" He thought she had stopped demonic cultivation. No, no, he was too suspicious. Wasn't he?

Wei Wuxian bit his lip, and Lan Wanji swallowed.

"Meishi?" prompted Wen Ning.

"Do not lie to me." Jiang Cheng meant to sound encouraging. It came out condemning. _Fuck_.

"I'm not," Meishi said.

The calm, earnest tone to her voice. It broke him. As if everything he had ever feared was about to happen again, and he wasn't even sure what _everything_ was.

"You're lying to me!" he exclaimed.

Meishi hung her head. For once in her life, she actually wasn't. Not that it mattered.

Jiang Cheng shouted, "Can't you at least look at me?!"

She met his eyes.

"Are you responsible for this?" Jiang Cheng whispered.

She whispered back, "I am."

"Why? What are you doing? I thought you had stopped demonic cultivation!" His voice rose. He sounded scared, like a boy of seventeen begging for his parents before his torturers.

"She brought Wen Ning back to life," said Wei Wuxian.

"That's all well and good," said Jiang Cheng with a nod towards the flabbergasted Wen Ning, because his days of hating that corpse or man or whatever he was were long over, "but how did you know to do this?"

"What about Master He? It's not like you would be working with Wens. Explain." Jiang Cheng paused to steady his voice. "Please."

"With _what_ Wens? They're all dead, except him, just now!" she burst out, pointing towards Wen Ning. "Except…except…"

"Except?"

"I imagine it's the secret the Taos said they would turn themselves in over once Sect Leader Jiang left," said Luo Qingyang, with a light of recognition in her eyes.

"They what? They can't!" Meishi gasped. "They can't be hurt for my sake!"

Why had she been so foolish? She tried to push past Jiang Cheng, to demand what exactly they had told Luo Qingyang, but her husband blocked her path.

"Jiang Cheng! Don't let my parents be hurt, please. I won't lose my parents again. Blame me. The Wen-dog…is me." Meishi grabbed his sleeve. "I've been deceiving you from the start! But not them, they had no ill intent, I swear. The Wen-dog is _me_!"

For a moment, he thought he hadn't heard right. Only when he noticed the tears in her eyes, and streaming down Wei Wuxian's cheeks, and the grimace on Lan Wangji's face, did he recognize what she had said.

Jiang Cheng tore his sleeve away. He felt almost numb. Almost calm. "The Wens are gone."

She's resurrected Wen Ning because he was a good person. Not because she had nefarious intentions. He refused to believe it.

Meishi sank to her knees before him. "Jiang Cheng. Wen Ruohan was my father; Wen Xu and Wen Chao were my brothers."

"No." He knew Wen Ruohan had a daughter with the same name as his wife. Jiang Cheng remembered hearing about her birth; her mother had died from a fever the next week, and, in a fit of grief, Wen Ruohan had ordered all the physicians tortured to death. Father's friend was among the dead, and Mother was furious that he did not demand retribution from Wen Ruohan.

But the child was presumed dead in the chaos resulting from Wei Wuxian's use of the Stygian Tiger Seal. Sect Leader Taos had made a name for himself as one of Nie Mingjue's most trusted warriors. He wouldn't harbor a runaway, even if they were a child.

"You saw the sword! What didn't I do to recover it?! What more proof do you need?" Meishi screamed.

Jiang Cheng lurched back, as if she had stabbed him instead of Master He. "You – what? What?!"

 _I've been kissing a Wen? I've held a Wen at night? The sister of the sniveling bastard who took my parents? Our baby is a Wen_? _I waited all these years to be seduced by a Wen?_

"Please, I don't blame you if you hate me, but please don't fault the Taos."

"You dare ask for a favor?!" The numbness was wearing off, replaced by the firm belief that he ought to have died at the hands of the Wens, because that would be easier, and Wei Wuxian would have never died, and maybe if Wei Wuxian was in charge of Jiang Sect, nothing of the last fifteen years would have happened.

"It's not that I think I'm worthy. I just – can't lose another family member. Surely you understand that." Meishi felt nausea rise again, reminding her of the life growing within her.

Jiang Cheng laughed. He laughed and laughed, and the sound was darker than the screeches Wei Wuxian had heard when he'd been thrown into the Burial Mounds. Well, he had sure fucking done the impossible – providing the Wen Sect an heir. "It seems I am the most foolish of Sect Leaders."

"No," Meishi whimpered. He hated himself again, and she had caused it.

"What was your goal? To take everything I cared about?! To show me how unworthy I am?" His eyes focused on the bruises on her neck. "Who did that? Is your child even mine? Or is it Master He's? Nie Huaisang's, maybe? The man whose blood you took for this ritual?"

Meishi covered her face and bowed lower, as if by prostrating herself she could undo her sins. She hurt too much to cry.

"You sure did a good job playing innocent," he spat. "Exactly how many men have you been with?"

Jiang Cheng seized her chin, forcing her to look to him.

She had no more reason for secrets. "I've done many things with many men. Including Xue Yang, whose blood this is. That time I kissed Nie Huaisang? The same day I met you. But fully? Just you – and – and Master He."

"Jiang Cheng, she won't tell you, but I will: Master He forced himself on her. Because she was a Wen, and people say anything can be done to them. I saw it through empathy! Don't fault her for that," cried Wei Wuxian.

His breath caught.

 _By 'people say,' you mean, I said that._

It wasn't only him.

But he'd supported the sentiment.

He hated her, he hated her, he hated that their life was ruined. But he couldn't help but think they had destroyed each other.

Because he would never have wanted anyone to violate her.

Wen Ning was done being silent in his new life. "She didn't scream because she thought that, once you knew the truth, you wouldn't help her."

Jiang Cheng had thought finding out his beloved wife was a traitor was the worst pain since he'd found out the truth about his core. But this topped it.

 _She thought – I would let –_

Meishi hadn't failed; he had.

He tasted bile. He wanted to strike himself with Zidian, with a discipline whip, until he could claw out his golden core and throw it back at Wei Wuxian, and die.

A sob tore from his throat. For the second time in his life, he was opening crying before Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji.

"Hanguang-Jun! Wei Wuxian!" A junior ran in, panting heavily.

"Lan Sizhui!" Wen Ning sighed with relief.

"Tao Meishi! You're all right!" He gasped.

"Why are you here?" yelled Jiang Cheng, furiously wiping his eyes, perfectly aware that where Sizhui was, the other juniors would also be – including his nephew.

Lan Sizhui goggled at Jiang Cheng, whose eyes were redder than his wife's. "Pardon me, Sect Leader Jiang – we – we thought with you arrested, Hanguang-Jun and Wei Wuxian might be outnumbered, and we were the only ones who could help."

"Arrested?" Wei Wuxian frowned.

Meishi gasped, as if she still cared. Jiang Cheng interrupted, because he didn't want her to care. He didn't even want to entertain the possibility. "Where's Jin Ling?"

"They're in some sort of market – these corpses keep swarming – he told me to find you all," Sizhui said.

"Do you even know the way back?" yelled Jiang Cheng.

"Better than any of us, at least," said Luo Qingyang, who, frankly, had not signed up for this, but was not going to avoid battle now.

Meishi spoke. "Is there a sun mosaic in the center?"

"Yes! Well, what's left of one. Did you see it on your way in?" Lan Sizhui asked. He thought Jin Ling's aunt looked alive but miserable in every other sense. Something awful had happened.

"That's Taiyang Market. I used to sneak away there often." Meishi struggled to her feet. "Jiang Cheng, I can lead us there. You can kill me later."

Jiang Cheng wanted to scream. _I wouldn't kill a pregnant woman_! Instead he said tightly, "You better hurry."


	22. Human

**Chapter Twenty-One**

 **Human**

The marketplace swarmed with corpses, reminding Lan Xichen of the last time he was here, the time Wei Wuxian used the Stygian Tiger Seal. His brothers had all been alive then, though he'd feared he would lose Wangji.

He'd been wrong back then, wrong to side against the Wens, against his brother. Lan Xichen wonders if Nie Mingjue would agree now, if he could have seen the future. Jin Guangyao, for all his faults, always knew it was wrong.

"Wait, Zewu-Jun." Nie Huaisang grabbed Leibing, because he didn't dare grasp his arm. "Don't rush in there! We have a larger problem than these corpses."

"And what is that?" Lan Xichen was too wise to Nie Huaisang's ways to read his actions as cowardice. But that didn't mean he understood the man. "That sounded like Jin Ling's spiritual dog!"

"Sect Leader Jin is more capable than he acts, and if he's here, Wei Wuxian and your brother will follow. Meanwhile, Mei undoubtedly used the blood she had. She's determined like that. But – with it used, there's nothing balancing the resentful energy from the … from the palace. You of all people know how many Wens are buried here. Is this even half of them?!"

"What's in the palace?" Lan Xichen's fingers tightened around Liebing. "Something cursed, I presume?"

"Eh – in a sense…" Nie Huaisang trailed off.

"Answer me." Lan Xichen's heart sank. _Please, no._

"You won't like it." Nie Huaisang swallowed. He felt certain his admission would betray his brother for a second time.

 _No_! Lan Xichen lifted Nie Huaisang by his collar. For the first time, he looked truly angry. "Nie Huaisang!"

"All right, all right!" Nie Huaisang held up his hands, though otherwise he didn't struggle. "It's the coffin, the sealed coffin, only I removed most of the spells and now it's only sealed just enough that our brothers can't escape."

Lan Xichen dropped Nie Huaisang, who stumbled, but didn't fall. The fire died in his eyes. He wanted to cry. "Can't you let them be? He's your brother."

"I loved both of them, I did – I still have Jin Guangyao's fucking hat! But, what do you mean by 'let them be'? Let them fight for a hundred years, never to rest? Our world is wrong to say that's the best answer!" Nie Huaisang stomped his foot.

"It's the only way that doesn't risk backlash!" Lan Xichen wanted to scream _leave the coffin, leave the_ fucking _coffin_ , because he really didn't want to lose Nie Huaisang, too.

"Fuck backlash. We're not cowards, or fools. I know the risk, and I took it anyways." Nie Huaisang waved his fan. "I have an idea. You shouldn't trust me, but please, just this once, trust me."

Lan Xichen hesitated. "Speak."

"What's the one thing both my brother and LianFan-Zun can agree upon hating?"

A light, a wary light, bloomed in Lan Xichen's eyes.

* * *

 _We can't keep on like this. Others communicating for us._ Jiang Cheng stumbled after his family, terrified for Jin Ling, terrified for Meishi, terrified for himself.

He felt utterly humiliated. He'd fathered a child with a Wen – Mother would slap him.

He'd surrendered himself to arrest for someone who wasn't ever in danger. Even when he tried to do right, he failed. Father was right to distrust him.

And then, just when he felt enraged, he learned that he'd failed to protect her, even contributed to her pain, enough that he hated himself more than her.

"I know I've said all roads in Qishan look the same, but really, this is worse than I remember. How on earth do you know your way?" Wei Wuxian asked, ducking under the pillars of a temple now reduced to rubble.

"Twelve years of sneaking away from my tutors and guards," Meishi replied. She could keep focused, keep breathing, for a few more minutes. To save Jin Ling. "I was not a well-behaved child. Like most of my family, I suppose."

"Wen Ning was the exception, I presume," said Wei Wuxian, unwilling to let awkward silence reign.

Wen Ning ducked his head. However, his hand kept brushing against Meishi's, assuring her that he was there, that he wasn't going to abandon her.

"You're a Wen?!" Lan Sizhui's gaze kept darting back and forth between the now breathing Wen Ning, and Jin Ling's aunt.

Jiang Cheng was caught off guard at the disciple's loud question. He was typically the most reserved of the juniors.

"Wen Meishi, daughter of Wen Ruohan, the original worst enemy," Meishi said with a hint of sarcasm and a broken smirk.  
Lan Wangji frowned. He did not approve of sarcasm towards anyone as sincere as his Sizhui.

 _We can't keep saying the opposite of what we mean._

Jiang Cheng wanted to scream; he felt as if screaming would save the world or maybe just his soul. And maybe, in the end, that was all he truly wanted.

Fairy yelped up ahead, and Jiang Cheng burst into a run.

"Here!" exclaimed Lan Sizhui.

Meishi's heart sank at the dilapidated structures. The market was always crowded, cheerful, smelling of fragrant spices, ringing with the shout of merchants

Now the market was flooded with staggering corpses in varying states of decomposition. Some were missing heads; others hobbled around on half-devoured limbs. All of them wore the rags of Qishan Wen Sect.

Perhaps she could die of backlash, but saving them all. No, she didn't have the blood, except her own. Meishi may not have recognized anyone, but she knew she could if she looked close enough; she clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming.

Wen Ning covered her eyes, and, like the coward she was, Meishi didn't fight him.

Glass shattered above them; a corpse had thrust its hand into the window of the pagoda overlooking Taifang Market. Meishi jerked free.

Its hand fell to the ground, long drained of blood. Yet it wriggled towards the side of the pagoda, clamoring its way back up the siding towards its owner.

Jiang Cheng cursed. With a crackle of purple, Zidian struck the hand off the wall.

"Uncle?!" cried an incredulous voice from inside.

"Just expecting Wei Wuxian, I presume? I'm glad you're alive! Breaking the legs of a dead boy wouldn't be as satisfying!" fumed Jiang Cheng.

 _So much for speaking plainly._

 _I don't – know how. To say what I mean._

He wondered how his Father would respond to defining the impossible as simply saying what he meant.

"Are you all alive?" Wei Wuxian didn't wait for a response. He blew into Chenqing, drawing another half dozen corpses from the door, allowing Jiang Cheng and Luo Qingyang to burst in.

"Yes!" hollered Lan Jingyi. "Though I daresay Fairy's fiercer than all of us!"

"That's exactly what I don't want to hear!" Wei Wuxian called, as Bichen swept another pile of corpses away from him.

Luo Qingyang had impaled three corpses through their necks in one blow. "They just keep coming!"

Meishi moaned. The one corpse who staggered close to her – he wore his hair in the same style as her former tutor.

"Wen Meishi! Find a way to stop them! I'm not leaving my little girl yet." Luo Qingyang glared at her as she shoved Sizhui into the pagoda.

"There's too many. We need higher ground," said Meishi, reaching towards the corpse _. Are you him? Do you recognize me?_

Lan Wangji nodded and, grabbing Wei Wuxian, they all made their way inside.

* * *

Corpses clawed their way through the palace, chasing after Lan Xichen. Nie Huaisang stuck as close to Zewu-Jun as possible, well aware how useless he was. His spine tingled; they were catching up.

"Here! Can't you sense it?" His _brother_. Nie Huaisang skidded to a stop before a hall. An array of torches, a smear of blood on the floor. And a coffin in the center.

Lan Xichen inhaled.

"Lock the door."

Lan Xichen obeyed – obeyed the Head-Shaker, of all people – he must really trust him, and the thoughts made Nie Huaisang ill.

"Welcome to demonic cultivation, or at least the appearance thereof." Nie Huaisang painted a bravado he didn't feel on his face. He strode forward to kick the lid off the coffin. It fell to the ground with a thunderous roar.

Or maybe that was Nie Mingjue, who leapt out of the coffin.

"H – hey brother," said Nie Huaisang, backing away. He wasn't in danger from him, but – Jin Guangyao was being dragged by Nie Mingjue, and at the smell of Nie Huaisang, the one he'd died hating, Jin Guangyao whirled towards him.

Jin Guangyao reached towards him, but Nie Mingjue kicked him across the room. He tumbled into the wall with a heavy thud.

"Here!" Nie Huaisang tossed his saber towards Nie Mingjue. "Recognize this? It's useless on me, anyways."

Nie Mingjue threw the saber to the ground, and at that – something Nie Mingjue would never have done while alive – tears sprang to Nie Huaisang's eyes.

"Open!"

Lan Xichen opened the doors. The red-and-white corpses of Wens wriggled inside like maggots in a raw wound.

As Huaisang hoped, his brother's corpse howled.

Nie Mingjue was apparently quite fond of ripping into the corpses with his bare hands. To Huaisang's frustration, however, Jin Guangyao just sat there.

Sat, that is, until Lan Xichen was knocked back by a small but fast corpse.

"Lan Xichen!" Nie Huaisang grabbed the saber his brother had tossed aside, but he tripped, he actually tripped – useless –

Jin Guangyao clamored forward. With a hiss, he tore the teenaged body in half.

Lan Xichen looked beside himself for a second. Shouyue hung from his hand.

"Hey, Meng Yao! Son of a prostitute!" hollered Nie Huaisang. He raised the saber and drove it into his shoulder.

Both Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue turned towards him. One with murderous intent, one with mere curiosity.

"I know Nightless City is a maze, but lead us back to the dog, if you can, Zewu-Jun," said Nie Huaisang.

Jin Guangyao leapt at him, but Lan Xichen's arms were around him, and he was already being carried out of the hall as if he weighed nothing at all.

* * *

"Aunt Meishi!" At the top of the pagoda, Jin Ling threw himself into her arms. "You're here."

Meishi's eyes filled. She stroked his head, and as she did, Jiang Cheng's heart constricted. "Jin Ling…"  
Jin Ling gasped at her cut, at the handprints on her neck. "Did he do this?" He whirled around to Jiang Cheng, ire on his face. "Why are you here? How did you get free?"

Jiang Cheng flinched.

Meishi furrowed her brow.

"Everyone thought he killed her. So he turned himself in, in exchange for the cultivators to keep looking for Tao Meishi," explained Ouyang Zizhen. "My father said it was an obvious power grab."

Meishi couldn't bring herself to look at Jiang Cheng. Guilt piled on her heart, until she thought it might just stop beating. "You mean – you were arrested for – for Zidian?"

A muscle twitched in Jiang Cheng's jaw.

"Er, that? I may have accidentally incited it," said Wei Wuxian.

"It was an accident," added Meishi.

Jin Ling paled. He didn't want to think that he had been wrong. "But – but then – Uncle, did you escape arrest?"

"The Taos and I smuggled him out," said Luo Qingyang, cutting off the fingers of a corpse that gripped the window. It plummeted to the stone below.

Wei Wuxian looked at Jiang Cheng in alarm.

Meishi felt ill. "Jiang Cheng…"

His voice was curt. "Do you really think you can add anything to this conversation?"

She was crying, again. "When we leave this place, alive, I'll tell them everything."

Even though everyone would know she'd been raped. Even though she'd probably be executed. At least, if she turned herself in, she would have made her own choice to die. They could scorn her, if they left Jiang Cheng alone.

Jiang Cheng, meanwhile, could only think that he didn't want that.

Lan Jingyi gasped. "Wen Ning! You're –"

The former Ghost General looked at Meishi. "My cousin saved me."

"Cousin?" Jin Ling frowned.

"You brats gave me the idea," she said faintly.

Lan Jingyi winced. "Oh, that."

"You're a Wen…not a Tao. A Wen." Jin Ling shook.

Ouyang Zizhen, however, gasped. "Wait, that's it!"

"What's it?" Wei Wuxian asked with trepidation.

"The corpses won't target family! Wens! Wen Ning, can you and Sizhui guard the door?"

"I'll do it," said Meishi.

"What about your child?" demanded Luo Qingyang.

Her eyes met Jiang Cheng's. "I don't think that's a problem."

His mouth opened, but her back had already turned.

Lan Sizhui looked at Sect Leader Jiang's appalled face. At Jin Ling's distress. "No, I will accompany him."

"Lan Sizhui," managed Lan Wangji.

"You'll always be my fathers. But I have to face the truth someday, don't I?" Lan Sizhui smiled softly.

 _You, too_? Jiang Cheng's mouth fell open as Sizhui and Wen Ning dashed down the stairs.

"I can't let him – I love him!" Jin Ling tried to move, too, but Fairy blocked his way, and for once Wei Wuxian was grateful for the dog.

"On the contrary. You have to, because you love him," said Luo Qingyang.

Meishi's tears spilled over. She moved to the window, because at least she could guard that.

She had caused this, she had really caused this – and somehow, she had a family member alive all this time. Why were there so many secrets? Why? Why, why, why?

"You're really going to die without telling him?" Meishi yelled suddenly.

Jiang Cheng was stunned that she would dare bring this up now. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am!"

"Then let me do one good thing!" she spat, shoving Jiang Cheng back. He gasped at the contact.

"Wei Wuxian!"

Wei Wuxian felt cold. "What?"

"He –"

 _We can't keep on like this_.

 _So why do I keep doing the things I don't want to do_?

Jiang Cheng used Zidian to knock corpses away from Wen Ning as he fought his way down the spiral staircase. _Let me say one thing._ "Back then, I didn't return to Lotus Pier for my parents' bodies. I was grief-stricken, not stupid."

"Huh?" Wei Wuxian was distracted for a moment.

Jin Ling shot an arrow through the window. "Pay attention!"

"You're one to talk!" Wei Wuxian responded.

" _Wei Wuxian_! I dashed out to distract that guards who were searching the market! They would have killed you, so I gave them myself. Because I thought you were the strongest, the best potential leader for Jiang Sect!" Jiang Cheng bellowed.

Lan Wangji nearly dropped Bichen. Jin Ling sent an arrow soaring three meters above any corpses. Ouyang Zizhen and Lan Jingyi continued to fight for the now-incapacitated adults, and Lan Wangji felt a stirring of pride towards them.

Wei Wuxian, meanwhile, choked. "Jiang Cheng – no –"

"I'm not lying! And I don't want your pity!"

"I believe you!" His brother had really believed all the things his mother told him that his father felt about him?

No, no, no.

"Don't you dare thank me. Don't you dare pretend I didn't hurt and hunt you," seethed Jiang Cheng.

"Jiang Cheng –"

"Do you get it? I – despite it all – I loved you too!" Jiang Cheng raged, half of him furious that he was spitting out these words before everyone.

"Why didn't you tell me? No, wait, why didn't I tell you? Why didn't we talk?" exclaimed Wei Wuxian.

"You're talking now," said Wen Ning.

"Lucky for you two, Wen Chao was off dealing with me when Wei Wuxian snuck back in," mumbled Meishi.

"See, Wen Meishi was helping us out even back then," said Wei Wuxian.

Jiang Cheng's expression cooled. Clearly, he had not forgiven his wife, and might never. But that didn't mean Wei Wuxian would stop trying.

" _Wen_ Meishi?" asked Jin Ling.

"That's me," Mei said, woodenly. She felt faint – maybe it was the lack of food, maybe the shock – maybe her baby –

Jin Ling stared at her. "Aunt –"

"Look out!" Wen Ning shouted. A corpse grabbed through the window, sending talon-like fingers straight for Jin Ling.

Meishi whirled around, pushing her nephew out of the way, but the sudden motion caused her to feel very strange, as if her head were floating.

The corpse was not dexterous enough to stop its motion. Wei Wuxian saw, with a surge of horror, its hand aiming straight for her stomach.

And Meishi reacted, even as sick as she was, by tumbling backwards, in a rain of glass, out the window.

A scream emerged, but it wasn't from Meishi or Jin Ling, or even the ever-vocal Wei Wuxian. A bolt of purple lightning soared forth.

"Stop!" Jiang Cheng screamed, as loud as he could. Zidian caught her, and he used his strength to throw her back inside – as he himself slipped outside the tower.

* * *

Jiang Cheng felt a crunching in his shoulder, yet relatively little pain. He had landed on one of the lower tiers of the pagoda.

A corpse threw itself onto him. He tried to move his arm, but he couldn't. Another dropped down and began to tear at his head; a third crawled up to devour his useless hand.

 _At least Jiang Sect has an heir._

In a flash of red, the corpses were knocked aside. Meishi, and Jin Ling, on his sword.

Meishi's hand still glowed, a glow Jiang Cheng would have recognized anywhere.

Corpses didn't have golden cores that could melt, but the strike alone could disrupt them. She grabbed her husband in her arms, as Jin Ling sheathed his sword to draw another arrow.

She bent over Jiang Cheng, trying to cover him with a Wen as much as she could.

In a daze, Jiang Cheng wondered if she knew that he still liked her holding him like this.

To Jiang Cheng's horror, Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen emerged on their swords. He could hear Wen Ning and Lan Sizhui – Wen Sizhui – whoever – fighting below.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji on Bichen.

He wasn't worth this.

A corpse leered down at them, ducking Jin Ling.

The red hand struck again. And Jiang Cheng could not tell friend from foe, as something grabbed his hair, as Meishi grabbed its face.

But he heard her words: "I'm begging you, as a Wen, do not kill the father of my child."

Just then, a silver light glinted in the dawn.

* * *

"Zewu-Jun!" shouted Lan Jingyi.

The corpse that had been grabbling for Jiang Cheng , the corpse with the hair of her tutor, splattered with the blood of her reopened arm, stared at Meishi.

She was dimly aware that both Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang stood below. The corpses of Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao were pummeling the Wen corpses – an ironic metaphor, she thought.

The fierce corpse before her, however, was no longer fierce. He wiped her tears, for just a second, as if he remembered her, as if he were really her tutor who had slapped her for like Jiang purple over Wen red.

And then, even before Shouyou could strike him, the recognition dissipated, and he fell to the earth.

"How?" Jin Ling cried, puzzled. The rest of their party had joined the fight below, but for right now, he wanted to stay by his uncle and aunt. He didn't think that was wrong.

Meishi looked at the cut on her hand. "Blood of a murderer."

"Master He was not murdered." Jiang Cheng forced the words from his mouth. For right now, he was forcing himself to speak what he meant.

Meishi sighed, not quite agreeing. Still, her chin quivered. "The Nie Sect soldiers, then."

"There's more?!" Jin Ling pouted.

"It's a long story. There's a lot you don't know."

"Blood of a murderer," Nie Huaisang said suddenly, overhearing their words trickle down.

The corpses were nearly gone. So, with a prick of his finger on his saber, he pressed his thumb against his brother.

For a moment, color returned to Nie Mingjue.

"Hey," said Nie Huaisang, with a wavering smile.

ChiFeng-Zun's eyes darted around, taking in Jin Guangyao's corpse, Nightless City, the Jades of Lan and a man he didn't recognize holding Wei Wuxian's flute. Sect Leader Jiang and a woman who bore a suspicious resemblance to the Wen-dog princess who'd once thrown a shoe at him looked down at him.

But Nie Huaisang was speaking rapidly. "You can't stay long…I just wanted to tell you – to tell you –"

Lan Xichen interrupted, stabbing the final corpse. "You would be very proud of him."

Nie Mingjue didn't really understand any of this. All he knew was the right thing to say.

"I always was."

"I love you!" cried Nie Huaisang, frightened, because his brother was dying again, leaving him again.

But this time, when the corpse fell to the ground, it was no longer fierce. Nie Huaisang sank with his brother, cradling his body at last.

Lan Xichen placed a hand on his shoulder. "He'll find peace at last."

Huaisang nodded, sniffling.

Lan Xichen turned towards the 'fierce' corpse of Jin Guangyao, who wasn't really that fierce now that the Wens were defeated. He stood there, almost docile, watching.

"Xichen," Lan Wangji warned.

Xichen pricked his finger anyways, but his face fell as nothing happened.

"Pffft. You're not a murderer." Nie Huaisang closed his brother's eyes and struggled to his feet, tripping. "Just don't let him kill me, okay?"

He squeezed out another drop of blood. The corpse's eyes lit up.

"A-Yao!" Lan Xichen wanted to ask why, why, _why_ , but instead all he could say was, "You did good today. And I – you can't stay long – but when you die again, you can't not know that I still love you."

Jin Guangyao looked as if he wanted to cry, but couldn't.

Nie Huaisang cleared his throat and added a second drop of blood, for just few more seconds. "I – don't hate you."

"I still love you, too," called Jin Ling from the tier. "I do!"

"Xichen…" His voice was hoarse, and his eyes were draining.

"Wait." Lan Xichen grabbed him and kissed him. To his surprise, the corpse's lips pushed back, until all light faded from his eyes.

Jin Guangyao, too, sank to the earth, free.

Lan Xichen's face and ears were red, not unlike his brother.

 _Someone dared to lose their reputation for you. That's what you wanted – love_? _That's it_? Lan Xichen swallowed a sob. Even though he knew Huaisang, his brother, and even Sect Leader Jiang wouldn't dare judge him, he almost wished they would.

"Of course that's what he wanted," Nie Huaisang said, reading his thoughts. "He's human, after all."


	23. The Impossible

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

 **The Impossible**

Jiang Cheng awoke to a tickle in his throat, a headache, and a room of purple lotus motifs. The last thing he recalled was Meishi and Jin Ling helping him off the tier, and a sharp, searing pain in his shoulder.

He was back home, in Lotus Pier, in his bedchamber. A light, sweet breeze filtered through the open window. And his brother was smirking at him.

"Lan Zhan! He's awake!" Wei Wuxian pounced onto the bed, like he was a child again.

"Ow!" Jiang Cheng grimaced at the throb in his shoulder. It was still shattered, apparently. He glanced down. A sling.

"Ah, sorry, sorry…" Wei Wuxian backed away.

From the doorway, Lan Wangji shook his head at his husband.

"You've been unconscious for a full two days," Wei Wuxian chattered. "Not to fear, though, Jin Ling and I have shared the title of the surrogate masters of Lotus Pier for now."

"Then there's everything to fear," Jiang Cheng replied dryly. But his heart warmed at the thought of his sworn brother back in Lotus Pier, and of his nephew, the nephew he'd invaded Carp Tower for, returning the favor.

"And at Zewu-Jun's suggestion, Lan Qiren came to show his angry face, too. With so many prominent cultivators, no one would dare raise a ruckus." Wei Wuxian shrugged.

Jiang Cheng nodded slowly. He wasn't under arrest anymore; what did that mean? "Where is my – where is Meishi?"

Wei Wuxian looked sad. "She kept her word."

Jiang Cheng started. "What do you mean?"

Wei Wuxian tried not to show his satisfaction at Jiang Cheng's sudden concern. "She surrendered herself to the Sects. She's imprisoned, until you decide what to do with her. As are both Taos."

Jiang Cheng didn't like this at all. He tried to rise from his bed, but Wei Wuxian blocked his way.

"I may be smaller than you now, but Lan Zhan is not. You're too injured. Rest."

"I don't care," hissed Jiang Cheng. "Get me to the courtyard, and then the cells."

"The courtyard?" Yet as he asked, Wei Wuxian must have determined his intent, because he whimpered a second later.

* * *

Meishi pushed her greasy hair out of her eyes. She hadn't bathed in days, which meant she probably resembled Wen Chao a bit more.

 _Wen Slut_ had been hurled at her many times over the last few days. The cultivators seemed to enjoy her imprisonment, and Father Tao wept every time another insult was given to her, and honestly, for Meishi, his tears were worse than the insult. Wen Ning had wanted to guard her, but she'd sent him away, lest he catch their ire, too.

So he'd sent Lan Sizhui and the juniors instead, though Meishi had sent them away too. But not before she examined every inch of Wen Yuan's face, and declared he more resembled his mother than his father, not before she told him how proud she was of him. Not before she regretted not recognizing him as her relative.

Nie Huaisang had come, weeping at her chains, and she'd insisted Lan Xichen give him a silencing spell to avoid him turning himself in. But instead, Nie Huaisang had thrown himself at her feet and confessed turning her identity over to Master He, and despite his chains, Father Tao had lunged for him, even though Meishi could tell Huaisang had truly miscalculated.

She forgave him. It was better this way.

And now she was mostly alone, chained across the cell from her parents.

But this visitor was different. Luo Qingyang, with herbs to soothe Meishi's continued nausea.

She wasn't really sure why she continued to try. This child was probably doomed. But, in the sentimental part of her mind, she wanted to have a baby with Jian Cheng, even if he would never accept it.

"Sect Leader Jiang should wake up soon. Hanguang-Jun and Wei Wuxian will advocate for you," assured Luo Qingyang.

"Finally, useful information," muttered Father Tao. All these days were torture for him, kept chained beside his pregnant, bruised daughter, unable to hug her as the worst insults were heaped upon her.

* * *

 _You shouldn't have turned yourselves in. I would have made up a story that I deceived you_ , Meishi had insisted when she was first brought in.

 _Don't you understand? There is nothing we want more than to sacrifice ourselves for our child_ , insisted his wife. _And you are our child_.

She'd broken down then, twin tears leaking down her cheeks. _I know_.

* * *

The door to the cells opened again, and everyone turned around to see a limping figure.

Jiang Cheng, with Dragonfly in his good arm, his other in a sling. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji stood behind him, supporting him.

"Wen Meishi."

Her eyes misted. "I'm glad to see you recovering."

"No thanks to you." He shuffled forward as she cringed.

"We didn't free you to chain up our daughter," snipped Madame Tao.

"Did I chain her? I was unconscious until now," said Jiang Cheng. He stood against the cell, close enough for Meishi to reach up her hand to stroke Dragonfly's fur. "Can you stand?"

She nodded, and, with a clank of chains, climbed to her feet. The dog began to slobber all over her hands, as if it had missed her.

Wei Wuxian clung to Lan Wangji. He looked so pathetic Meishi almost laughed.

Jiang Cheng stood silent for a moment, allowing Dragonfly to show his wife love. "May I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Back at the pagoda, you said Wen Chao was preoccupied disciplining you when we escaped."

"Yes," she said, faintly.

"The child behind the pillar," he said suddenly. "That – she was – she was _you_?"

Wei Wuxian looked confused.

Meishi's mouth opened. Her hand hovered above Dragonfly, who was still desperately licking her fingers. "You – you remember?"

Jiang Cheng's expression darkened. He spoke quickly, to avoid the pain as much as possible. "I remember every second."

She looked at the floor. "I arrived after the – the massacre, that's what it was, wasn't it? I snuck out of bed at night. I wanted to see what adults talked about. I wanted to see Wen Zhuliu, if I'm honest. I had quite the infatuation with him, you see. A mysterious, undefeatable, handsome core-melter."

Meishi paused. "And then – and then you came in, bound by your neck, and I – I watched them torture you."

Jiang Cheng said nothing. His shoulders tensed.

"I watched them give you that scar. And then JiaoJiao noticed me." Meishi closed her eyes. "She knew my silly feelings for Wen Zhuliu. Most likely Wen Chao liked to taunt him over it – a twelve year old girl chasing around the Core-Melting Hand."

If Wei Wuxian hadn't felt so terrible, he would have laughed at the image.

"I'd never _seen_ it, and I always wanted to. I didn't really think of the consequences. She asked my brother to give the order for _me_ , I'm sure of it." Meishi's eyes popped open, filled with tears as she turned her gaze from Jiang Cheng to Wei Wuxian. "You both lost your cores because of a spoiled twelve-year-old's fantasies."

Jiang Cheng's breath caught.

"Wen Chao would have done it anyways," Lan Wangji said matter-of-factly.

"Likely, but that doesn't change what did happen." Meishi sniffled.

Jiang Cheng swallowed. So she had witnessed his most broken moments. She had seen him fall, useless, screaming, like a mouse toyed by a cat. _Why didn't you hate me_?

"So, you and Wen Zhuliu, huh?" Wei Wuxian tried to joke.

"He did teach me some core melting, later. I think it was his only method to calm me after I tried to tear A-Chao a new face." Meishi shook her head.

Hearing the man he had hated and murdered so violently referred to so tenderly, referred to as an older brother, Wei Wuxian couldn't help but feel guilt.

"When we killed him – he said Wen Zhuliu could be his brother." Jiang Cheng's eyes burned. "I'm sure he was pleading for his life, sure he didn't consider himself worthy, but – but also – he was thinking of you, wasn't he?"

Tears rolled down Meishi's cheeks. "Probably."

Wei Wuxian was crying openly. "I – Wen Zhuliu promised to die trying to defend him."

She pressed a hand over her mouth. "Do you know what my last words to Wen Chao were? 'Die, and then you will be as good as Wen Xu.' And I was too proud to apologize at the time, so I made Wen Zhuliu promise to protect him so I could apologize later." Her voice sank. "He told me he'd never broken a promise before."

Wei Wuxian wondered what his response would have been had Wen Zhuliu admitted he was trying to keep a little girl from regretting her last words to her brother.

Most likely, he wouldn't have cared. But perhaps Lan Wangji might have done something.

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

No one would ever really know, would they?

Jiang Cheng jerked his head, Wei Wuxian approached, and slid a key in her chains. Meishi blinked.

"Wait, what about – I still murdered Master He."

"That's partially why I'm here." Luo Qingyang, hwo had been watching this whole scene, sighed. "I spoke to Madame He. She…on the condition that her family receive compensation, agreed to tell the cultivators what she knew about her husband. Essentially, that you acted in self-defense."

"It wasn't," Mei said morosely.

"It was something close enough," said Jiang Cheng. He really didn't know right from wrong, and for the first time, he felt okay that way. "As Sect Leader over the Hes, Jin Ling is not going to punish you, especially as He's family does not want it."

 _They do, even if they don't feel they can ask for it and maintain their position. His kids must. Even if he was a rapist and an adulterer, he was their dad_. Meishi shivered.

Her shackles fell to the floor, and it felt too soon.

She stood there, patting Dragonfly, too ashamed to look Jiang Cheng in his eyes.

Wei Wuxian freed Madame Tao next, followed by Sect Leader Tao.

"Mei," cried her mother, enveloping her daughter in the embrace she'd wanted to give her since she realized what happened to her.

A sob swelled in Meishi's throat. She clutched her mother, looking very much like a child. "Mom."

Her father approached, and Meishi's shoulders began to shake. "I ruined your sect's reputation."

His fingers gently turned her chin up. Tears shone in his eyes. "No. We ruined our own reputation for you, and we'd do it again." He pulled her close. "I could never be ashamed of you."

Jiang Cheng licked his lips. What wouldn't he have given to hear Jiang Fengmian tell him this?

His wife was still sobbing so hard she hiccupped. "Mei?"

Meishi turned around, focusing on his sling. She still couldn't meet his eyes. "I still don't know what to say."

"Then let me talk." He squeezed his eyes shut, clenched his fists, ignored Dragonfly wriggling at his too-tight grip. "You didn't have to help me when I fell. You didn't have to save Jin Ling with demonic energy. You didn't have to help me through that nightmare. You don't hate me, not at all. And I – when I thought you were kidnapped, I would have given anything to have you back, no matter what happened, no matter your family – what I'm trying to say, and I'm terrible at it – is that I don't hate you – no – that I _love you_."

His eyes flew open.

Meishi finally looked at him. She whispered. "Even though I've been betraying you this whole time?"

"You haven't. I just explained that."

She almost smiled at his curt reply. "Jiang Cheng, if you don't drive me away, do you know what people will say? About a Wen-dog for a wife, who…" she swallowed. "Either they'll claim I committed adultery, or that you couldn't protect me. Either way, they laugh and your reputation –"

He couldn't listen anymore. " _Do you love me_?"

Wei Wuxian glared at her from the back. Jiang Cheng was shaking while he waited.

Meishi replied one word at a time. "How could I not?"

"Then I – someone once told me, a long time ago – that I could be different, a different Sect Leader than my ancestors – and that that was a good thing. I want to be that with you." He looked at her stomach, reached out his good hand to brush a finger against her filthy purple robes. "And our…child…"

Madame Tao shoved her daughter into Jiang Cheng.

He winced at the pain, but she was back in his arms, and he didn't care how grimy she was. He pressed his forehead against hers. "Please stay with me. We'll have a different room; I'll destroy that one. Come home."

She sank into his arms. Dragonfly barked joyfully between them, and Wei Wuxian whined at the sound. "I'm already here; don't you mean 'stay?'"

"Don't make me change my mind." He grinned.

"Don't make me change _mine_!" She smirked right back.

* * *

The juniors had five bottles of wine for four of them, and Jin Ling was eager to get started celebrating. He had an aunt again, and his uncles had reconciled, _and_ he was going to have a cousin. Besides, Wei Wuxian had taught them a drinking game he and Jingyi were dying to play.

Lan Sizhui opened the door and immediately paled.

Jiang Cheng stood there, shoulder hanging in a sling, an awkward expression on his face. "So I hear there are three Wen-dogs in my life."

"Don't call him that!" shouted Lan Jingyi as Ouyang Zizhen shoved the jugs behind him.

Jiang Cheng delivered Zizhen a withering stare, but decided it wasn't worth the fuss. After all, hadn't he done something similar when Mother had caught him and Wei Wuxian one night?

"Jingyi, it's all right." Lan Sizhui looked at Jiang Cheng. His Adam's apple bobbed. "I love your nephew."

"I know." Jiang Cheng's eyes avoided his. "May I come in?"

Lan Sizhui stepped out of his way.

"Uncle –" began Jin Ling.

"You're a good kid, Lan Sizhui. Are you sure you want him?" Jiang Cheng jerked the thumb of his good hand towards his nephew.

"Hey!"

Lan Sizhui blushed. "Yes."

Jiang Cheng shrugged. Apparently cutsleevery was in fashion. Fine, if it made the brats happy. "Just so you know, you're not allowed to elope, Jin Ling, or I'll remove every blessing I gave you."

"And break his legs?" Lan Jingyi asked cheekily, as Jin Ling's mouth simply hung open.

"He's getting too old for that threat." Jiang Cheng pursed his lips. "Don't think I can't do it, though."

"Right now you can't," pointed out Jin Ling. He gestured towards the sling.

"Do you want to die?"

"No, I – Uncle – I – " Jin Ling stuttered. He shouldn't hug him, right? Jiang Cheng's shoulder was broken.

"Don't you want to say something?" Lan Sizhui prompted.

Damn Sizhui. Jin Ling pouted. "Yes."

Jiang Cheng waited. He wasn't getting any younger.

"I'm sorry. I know what I said, back when the doctor came, hurt you. I'm really – grateful – what I'm trying to say is I love you a lot, all right?" Jin Ling stepped forward, eyes flashing with anxiety.

He had never heard Jin Ling apologize before. Jiang Cheng gaped at him.

Really, maybe he should have modeled apologies if he'd wanted Jin Ling to learn it.

His hopes stirred. Perhaps he would model that for his baby.

"Are you going to respond?" Jin Ling snapped.

"I'm sorry, too," said Jiang Cheng.

Jin Ling had not expected that.

Jiang Cheng looked at the vermillion dot between his nephew's forehead, because it was easier than his eyes. "I was too harsh on you for too long. Harshness never really helped me growing up. I just – didn't know another way."

"It's okay."

"It's not," Jiang Cheng replied. "But there's nothing else I can do, is there?"  
"You can hug him now," suggested Ouyang Zizhen.

Jiang Cheng snorted. But, to his amazement, Jin Ling looked slightly disappointed at that response.

Jiang Cheng stood still for a moment.

He shuffled forward and put his good arm around Jin Ling. His head lowered to rest on Jin Ling's shoulder.

Jin Ling felt stiff, but slowly, his arm wrapped around Jiang Cheng. "You know, you're my favorite uncle."

"The others are dead."

"Not Wei Wuxian or Lan Wangji."

"All right, I've had enough of you." Jiang Cheng shoved him away lightly.

"So I can elope then?"

"You're a child!" Jiang Cheng ranted, just as Sizhui said, "No, no, we won't do that, Jin Ling."

"Maybe I should have adopted Lan Sizhui all those years ago instead of you," Jiang Cheng threatened. But when he left the room, a smile lingered on his face.

* * *

Lan Xichen was truly surprised at the number of cultivators who had greeted his presence not with disdain or suspicion, but with gladness. But there was one presence he was still searching for.

He found Nie Huaisang by the docks, watching dragonflies rise from lotuses into the twilit air.

To his surprise, the leader of Qinghe Nie spoke first.

"I'll give you back the hat. You deserve it more than me," said Nie Huaisang.

"Keep it. Or…visit me often, with it," replied Lan Xichen, though his heart stirred at the idea of holding something that had once belonged to Jin Guangyao again.

"Zewu-Jun, my presence … will only remind you of what you've lost." Nie Huaisang shook his head.

"I forgive you."

"What?" Nie Huaisang was staggered. "Not even my own brother probably would if he knew everything."

"I may be your brother's brother, but I'm not your brother." Lan Xichen didn't mention that he previously had considered Huaisang a brother, but, right now, he couldn't quite. Maybe it was because Huaisang confessed to his schemes, and so he saw in Huaisang the possibilities that Jin Guangyao missed. Or maybe it was more than that, maybe it was that he saw Nie Huaisang in a new light. Maybe both.

But he wanted to hold Nie Huaisang.

"You'd probably be thought strong and fierce if you turned me in," said Huaisang. "With Jiang Cheng protecting Mei, who else will the cultivation world blame? They need an enemy."

"What good does saving face do anyone?" Lan Xichen couldn't help but see that, by Wangji losing his face for Wei Wuxian, Wangji was the happiest he had ever been.

He wanted that happiness, too.

"I'm not sure hatred has done us much good either, but there's always new generations finding new people to hate." Nie Huaisang shrugged.

Lan Xichen smiled at a frog that leapt from Lotus to lily pad. "Huaisang...When you – when you tricked me – did you know I loved him?"

"Yes. It was obvious to everyone except you two." Nie Huaisang drew in a ragged breath. "But I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was trying to hurt Jin Guangyao, because he loved you, too."

Huaisang smiled slightly. "I'm glad you got to kiss him. First time?"

"No, but…first time in a long time," admitted Lan Xichen, blushing. "I'm sure if my uncle ever hears…not just cut-sleevery, but a corpse."

"Not just a corpse, but Jin Guangyao," added Nie Huaisang, teasing gently.

Lan Xichen chuckled. "Wangji will be promoted to Sect Leader in an instant."

"Well, my first kiss was a few months ago, just before Mei's engagement." Nie Huaisang paused. "Probably not our proudest moment."

"You're quite clever, you know. Where do you go from here?" Lan Xichen watched him closely.

Nie Huaisang looked up a twinkling planet above. He'd never spoken these words before, because he was unworthy, and he still was, but why not speak them regardless? "I…want to become Chief Cultivator. Show the world there is more than fighting and hatred. I want to cultivate beauty, and show that to everyone. I don't want anyone from Qinghe Nie to die from a qi deviation, ever again."

"I want you to do that," said Lan Xichen. "I'll still help you, when I can."

Nie Huaisang's eyes widened. "You don't think me foolish?"

"No."

Nie Huaisang stood on his heels and brushed his lips against Lan Xichen's.

Lan Xichen gasped.

"I'm sorry – I – "

He pulled Nie Huaisang closer, in the rising moonlight, not caring that everyone could see them, because when had secrets ever helped? Because Nie Huaisang wanted to be different, like how Wangji and Wei Wuxian were different, and heaven knew the world needed different, and Lan Xichen wanted that, too.

When he stepped back, to his unease, a crowd had formed. Wei Wuxian grinned; Lan Wangji was stone-faced, but his eyes proud. The juniors clapped and elbowed each other. Their faces were flushed with drink; Xichen made a mental note to interrogate them later.

Even Jiang Cheng, leaning on Wen Meishi, looked surprised but not displeased. Meishi, meanwhile, winked at Nie Huaisang.

But then it happened. It had to.

"Disgusting!" cried one. Sect Leader Pan stormed forward.

Lan Wangji stepped in her way.

"He's a cut-sleeve!" A slap reverberated throughout the pier. "A disgrace."

Wei Wuxian's eyes burned. Lan Wangji's cheek was red with the imprint of a hand.

Sect Leader Pan raised her hand again, but suddenly a voice boomed throughout the gathering. " _Neither_ of my nephews are a disgrace."

Lan Qiren stormed forward. All the anger he had been holding inward flowed forth, directed at her and himself and everyone here. "So what if he loves a man? Lan Wangji is more virtuous and noble with his male cultivation partner than you are with your husband! Would your husband go through thirty-three lashes of a disciplinary whip for you? If you were transferred into a different body, would he still find you attractive? Does he hold you tight through your ridiculous fear of dogs?"

Wei Wuxian's mouth fell open. Lan Wangji was white as his robes.

Lan Qiren turned around. "I am _proud_ of my nephews."

"What about heirs?" jeered Sect Leader Sheng.

Wei Wuxian pointed towards Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi.

"But they're not our blood," said Lan Qiren uncertainly.

"Says the man who didn't marry," quipped Meishi. Jiang Cheng pulled her closer.

Lan Qiren harrumphed. "It doesn't matter what I think, but your father would be proud of you two."

Lan Wangji's expression melted for the first time in front of the cultivation world.

Nie Huaisang murmured, "I've no idea if Brother would or not."

"Well," said Lan Xichen, "I'm proud of you."

They kissed again, and the juniors stubbornly began to clap until most people either left or stayed to join the applause.

"Would your father be proud of you?" Jiang Cheng asked his wife.

She nodded towards Sect Leader Tao. "Father Tao is."

"I meant the other."

Meishi shook her head. "No, if I'm honest. But that's okay. I think it's better this way. Wen Xu would be."

Jiang Cheng gripped her tightly.

* * *

That night, Jiang Cheng dreamt again that his parents stood before him. "Mother."

Jiang Cheng bowed, and Mei gasped besides him. That was different; she had never been in this dream before. She bowed as quickly as she could.

 _I married a Wen. I'm sorry._

"Who is this?" Father spoke.

Jiang Cheng's jaw quivered. This was it. Father was going to shove him away, the way this dream always played out.

"Father, this is Wen Meishi," he rasped, noting that her stomach was swollen with their child, and that she had difficulty maintaining her bow. "My wife."

"I'm sorry," Mei blurted. "I'm so sorry for what my family did to yours."

 _You're too realistic for a dream_ , he thought sourly.

"Hmm." Purple Spider eyed her daughter-in-law. Or, specifically, the purple scar on her chest. Which was somehow visible despite her clothing, because this was a dream. "Jiang Cheng, did you strike your wife with Zidian?!"

"It wasn't his fault," Meishi interjected. "I posed as a demonic cultivator of dubious intent. It's a long story."

Wei Wuxian manifested before them. And for once Jiang Cheng wasn't afraid.

He held out a hand to Wei Wuxian, who dragged Lan Wangji with him.

"It looks as though the clans are all connected," Jiang Fengmian said in puzzlement.

"They are," said Jin Ling, sauntering into Jiang Cheng's dream with a merry smile. "Isn't it great? By the way, Wei Wuxian is married to Lan Wangji, and I'm going to marry Lan Sizhui, even though his real name is Wen Yuan, oh and this is Lan Jingyi, and Ouyang Zizhen, and this is Wen Ning – he used to be a corpse but he isn't anymore –"

Father looked alarmed at all the people Jin Ling was yanking into Jiang Cheng's dream.

"Oh please," said Yu Ziyuan. "Fengmian, you can't pretend you're surprised Wei Wuxian married a man. The only surprise is who he married."

"I think we're better connected," Jiang Cheng said, softly.

"Wei Wuxian!" Mother turned to his brother, who gulped.

"Madame Yu?"

She touched Jiang Cheng's chest, where his golden core resided. Her eyes were softer than he remembered. "Thank you."

Wei Wuxian began crying. "Yes."

"You're – not ashamed of me?" Jiang Cheng asked. With Wei Wuxian, and Jin Ling, and Wen Meishi, he didn't feel afraid to ask.

"I never was," said Mother.

Father reached out to put his hand on his son's shoulder. His embrace felt warm and tight, and real. "Jiang Cheng….with all the Sects united, you've…it seemed impossible in my lifetime. I'm proud of you."

Jiang Cheng choked. "I couldn't have done it without Wei Wuxian."

Both Father and Mother smiled.

"I miss you. Every day," he said suddenly, tears pricking his eyes.

"We're always here," promised Father.

"Ha! You can't keep me away." Yu Ziyuan scrutinized Jin Ling, who gulped. "He's a good child. You did a good job raising him."

"Not really, but he's learning," teased Wei Wuxian. He looked around. "Where is Shijie? This dream isn't complete without her."

"I'd like to apologize to Jin Zixuan," Wen Ning added.

"I always admired you, Madame Yu," Meishi was saying. "I wanted to be like you when I grew up."

Father smiled gently. "I seem to recall a familiar shoe-throwing incident."

Mother huffed. "I only did that once!"

"Huh?" Jiang Cheng was confused, and then, someone was shaking him.

Jiang Cheng woke with a gasp.

"You were crying again," Meishi said, watching him with concern.

"They weren't bad tears," he said, wishing he could return to the dream. But since he couldn't, he settled for wrapping his arms around his wife, as she buried her face in his hair.

He wouldn't find out for a while, but when Meishi brought up the shoe incident months later, he had to wonder if it had been a dream after all.


	24. Epilogue: Loud Peace

**Epilogue**

 **Loud Peace**

"What's wrong?" Jiang Cheng asked anxiously. His wife had been watching the training of new Jiang disciples, but suddenly she was waving him over, a strange look on her face.

She took his hand and pressed it against her belly, which, even though she still had five months to go, was quite round.

Jiang Cheng went completely still as something fluttered against his hand. And then a harder motion, like a kick.

 _Our child_.

 _Hello_.

Wei Wuxian burst into laughter. His brother's face had drained of blood; he looked rather like a corpse. "Can I feel the baby too?"

Meishi nodded, and her brother-in-law skipped over.

He giggled, poking her. "Ahhh, it's so mischievous already."

Jiang Cheng harrumphed. "If you show our child stealing or drinking or –"

"You'll never find out," Wei Wuxian interrupted.

Lan Wangji approached, shaking his head in amusement. Wei Wuxian grabbed his hand. "Want one of our own, Lan Zhan?"

"Not possible," he replied, but his eyes softened as soon as he felt Mei's belly. "Besides, we have Sizhui."

Wen Ning smiled across the field.

"You can come over, too," she called.

Life still felt so strange for him. Especially new life. He touched her stomach gently.

A frown appeared on his face, and suddenly, he began feeling around her stomach.

"What are you doing?" asked Jiang Cheng. Something medical, no doubt. His anxiety rose.

"Is something wrong?" Meishi asked nervously.

Wen Ning poked again, on the other side this time. "No. But there is … I think I feel there is a second baby in there."

Meishi now looked like a corpse herself.

"I – what – no – this – how can you – this is – " Jiang Cheng sputtered.

"How sure are you?" asked Lan Wangji.

"Eighty percent?"

Wei Wuxian was grinning from ear to ear. "Jiang Cheng, ooooh, making up for lost time? You just had to outdo me and Lan Zhan?"

"You!" Jiang Cheng punched him lightly in the shoulder. He turned around to face Meishi. "Um … we're …"

"Labor is going to suck," Meishi replied, erasing her fear with a joke.

"Wait, which one did I – I have to let both know I love them – " Jiang Cheng began prodding her stomach.

"Maybe they're sleeping!"

Wei Wuxian looked closer. "Jiang Cheng? I knew it. Lan Zhan, he's crying."

"He's happy. Right?" Meishi lifted his arms to put them around her shoulders.

Jiang Cheng buried his face in her shoulder so that Wei Wuxian wouldn't see his tears actually spill onto his cheeks. "Yes."

* * *

 ** _Not Quite Five Months Later_**

"Are you still getting those contractions?" Jiang Cheng watched his wife try to cover a grimace. He halted their boat in the middle of the moonlit lake.

"Wen Ning said they're pre-labor. I'm fine." She plucked a lotus petal and blew it towards him.

"So…yes."

"What can I say? Maybe like their father, they have no patience." Meishi grinned.

"You're right; I don't," he said easily. Too easily.

Meishi narrowed her eyes.

Jiang Cheng swept her in his arms.

"Jiang Cheng – right here? Really?" Meishi laughed as he pressed her against the bottom of the boat and fumbled for her robes. Sure, it was nighttime. But still.

"I see, you're collecting for when you have to go without me once the two watermelons come," she teased.

"I don't think you're complaining," he retorted, to which she responded by silencing him with a kiss.

She would like to get through just one session without thinking of Master He. But at least she could remain present now. Maybe eventually, she would succeed.

He rolled over, allowing her atop him. That position seemed to help her, too. "Let me know if you need to stop, Mei."

Meishi smirked. " _You_ better not."

"Madame Jiang," he growled, appreciating how she shivered when he called her that name. "Maiden Wen –"

Meishi felt him harden. "You know, I think you _like_ hearing your enemy's name."

Jiang Cheng scowled. "You're not my enemy! I – Wen Mingxia, Wen Meishi, A-Shi, Tao Meishi, Mei, Mei, Mei – "

When he had called every combination of names for her he could think of, he lay gasping against the wood. She – she was the only one he would ever be so vulnerable with.

"I like that," Meishi said, snuggling against him. "Hearing you call my name."

"Does it help you? Stay…with the present?"

She nodded, and he planted a kiss on her belly.

After they had re-clothed themselves, they finally set out for what they had meant to do: fulfill Mei's childhood dream of swimming under the lotus plants.

"Is it as fun as you thought?" he asked, treading water.

"It is." Meishi plucked another flower and placed it in his hair. "Here you go, Lotus King."

"You and your silly names –!" He was cut off a splash of water. "How dare you!"

"Come and drown me, then." She blinked innocently. "If you dare drown your pregnant wife."

"Don't play innocent with me!" he raged, diving towards her.

In the end, they both lay back in the boat, laughing.

Suddenly Jiang Cheng swore. "Is the boat leaking?"

"No, I'm sure it's because we were just swimming –" Meishi frowned at the water. Was there – blood?

She realized a second later that water was running down her leg. "Um."

"What?"

"I might be in labor."

Jiang Cheng turned green. "Might?!"

"I'm pretty sure that is my water. Or really, the two watermelons'."

"Okay. Okay." Jiang Cheng had never looked so panicked. "I'll get us back to Lotus Pier. You won't have them on the way, will you?"

"I think it takes longer than that. But honestly, I've no idea."

"Well, please don't," he ordered as he turned the boat around.

"You think I can control _your_ children?" she exclaimed.

His hands were shaking. But so long as she was laughing, she wasn't actively pushing out a baby in the middle of the lake, and that was good. "Someone has to!"

"Oh, because it won't be you, huh?"

* * *

By noon the next day, Jiang Cheng was not exactly a pleasant person to be around. He paced outside the birthing room, listening for any cries. The fact that his wife wasn't screaming worried him all the more.

Fortunately, Wei Wuxian was not afraid of his brother.

"We flew here directly for you. You don't have to talk to us, but it might help you, right, Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian looked to his husband for approval.

Lan Wangji nodded.

"He's afraid something terrible will happen," Wen Ning summarized.

Jiang Cheng stopped his pacing to glower at him. "Maybe I _will_ kick you out."

"You won't," said Wei Wuxian. "But, Jiang Cheng, Wen Meishi is strong. Besides, Luo Qingyang has already been through this herself. She's in good hands."

Jiang Cheng said nothing. Most women would have multiple midwives. But Meishi was not comfortable with many people, even if they were women, surrounding her. So they had asked her friend, and kept the midwives nearby but not with her. Still, it made him more anxious.

The door burst open. Jin Ling stalked in.

"You're here?" Jiang Cheng was surprised.

"Sizhui told me. I wasn't going to miss meeting my cousin, even for a day," retorted his nephew.

* * *

Meishi had not really known pain like this. She knelt on straw, a cloth tethered above her to cling to. "What…how do people do this, and then still have sex? _Why_ do people have sex? Luo Qingyang, did you just refuse your husband after this?"

"We agreed that I could start taking herbs after MianMian's birth," replied the woman with some amusement.

"Good. I'm definitely doing that. Fuck. You know what? Father! Wen Ruohan! I figured out the best torture method around. Simulate _this_." Meishi groaned.

Luo Qingyang wiped a damp cloth on Meishi's forehead. "I'm going to take a look, if that is okay."

Meishi didn't really want anyone besides Jiang Cheng seeing that part of her – it felt too frightening, with too many reminders.

But she didn't really have a choice, did she?

"I think you can start pushing," said Luo Qingyang after a moment.

"Really?" She gasped in relief.

"Yes. Grab the cloth." Luo Qingyang wrapped her hands around Meishi's waist, supporting her.

Half an hour later, Luo Qingyang stepped back. "Take a rest."

Meishi laid back and moaned every curse word she could imagine. "This pain is so unnecessary."

"You're close."

Meishi whimpered.

After a few minutes, Luo Qingyang tapped her on the shoulder. "Again."

This time, Meishi felt something different. A burning, and then… "Is that?"

"The baby's head," confirmed Luo Qingyang.

" _One_ of them." Meishi ground her teeth and pushed harder.

Luo Qingyang knelt down to catch the baby that slid from her womb.

"B – baby?" Meishi panted. She felt better, even if just for a moment.

"A boy." Luo Qingyang quickly wrapped it and, wiping its smeared face, showed the squirming infant to Meishi.

She let out a cry. "He's so quiet."

"Not like his parents, I presume?" Luo Qingyang was beaming.

Meishi's expression changed to agony again.

"Hold on. I'm going to give him to Wen Ning." She pushed the door open. "Here's the firstborn."

Luo Qingyang sprang back to Meishi's side in an instant. "You're doing so well. One more, and then the placenta, and you're done."

* * *

Wei Wuxian had, frankly, relied entirely on Lan Wangi to restrain Jiang Cheng when the door opened.

"Here's the firstborn." The door shut again, and Wen Ning held a small bundle.

Lan Wangji sheathed Bichen, allowing Jiang Cheng to scramble towards Wen Ning.

"Congratulations. You have a son." Wen Ning was already crying.

Wei Wuxian began to sob against Wangji, prompting Jin Ling to roll his eyes, as if he weren't emotional himself.

"He needs to be cleaned up, but, first, I think you should hold him." Wen Ning passed the baby to his dumbfounded father.

The baby squealed. Jiang Cheng brightened immediately.

"He knows you," Jin Ling said.

Jiang Cheng stared at the child in his hands. Its little blue eyes, staring at him without comprehension. The tuft of hair on its head. The mouth that kept opening, but didn't really cry.

 _My baby_.

There were so many things he needed to say. That he didn't know how to be a good dad, but he was going to try, that neither he nor his twin would feel favored, that he loved you, loved you, loved you.

"What's his name?"

"Jiang Guozhi." A wish, for peace among the cultivation world.

A hearty wail soared through the air. The door opened again as Wen Ning reached for their firstborn.  
"Meet your daughter." Luo Qingyang was grinning.

Jiang Cheng gasped with delight. Both?!

"Jiang Jingfei," he whispered. They'd been back and forth on names for girls, but, in the midst of her wails, he was certain this was perfect.

"You really named your daughter _not quiet_?" Wei Wuxian doubled over.

"I couldn't very well name her Wei Wuxian!" He hoped she would quiet in his arms, but no. She continued to shriek.

"Why not?"

"You…" Jiang Cheng decided to ignore him, to focus on the squalling girl in his arms. "Don't you recognize me, A-Fei?"

"Here. Allow me to care for both right now." Wen Ning scooped the baby. "You have something else to do. Go tend to your wife."

* * *

Meishi, finally, finally, lay in bed, but she couldn't even enjoy that it was over, because she desperately wanted to see her children.

 _What do they look like? The girl is loud and the boy is quiet; is that their personalities or just a coincidence right now? Do they know Jiang Cheng's voice?_

She was a mother now. Since she'd never had one, that was a frightening concept to ponder.

The door opened. Her husband, with two purple watermelons in his arm.

He caught her gaze and smiled. His eyes were red and swollen. "They seem healthy."

Mei sat up with a groan. "Then let me see them!"

He hurried to the bed, handing her first Guozhi, followed by Jingfei. He perched on the edge, watching her expression morph from curious to fascinated to tearful. "I didn't think you'd mind that I chose her name."

"It does suit her, doesn't it?" Even while calm, Jingfei was squirming and whimpering, while Guozhi slept peacefully. _Definitely personality_.

"She's going to raise hell," Meishi declared proudly. "And drag Guozhi along with her."

"We'll be prepared." Jiang Cheng touched her forehead.

Meishi noted that Jingfei's eyes were as dark as hers, while Guozhi's were as light as Jiang Cheng's. "They're so beautiful. Our babies."

"Just – don't let me hurt them, please." Jiang Cheng looked at her.

She puckered her lips, inviting him to kiss her. "You? You're not the Wen-dog."

He hovered over her and their twins. "Don't use such language around our children."

"Pfft."

"Don't think I don't know that the first word Guozhi even heard was 'fuck. I heard you when the door opened," he added.

"I was in _pain_."

"I wish I could have done it instead." Jiang Cheng blew out a breath.

"Now, that'd be an interesting concept. I wonder where it would come out –"

"You're corrupting our children!" he mock-hissed.

The door opened.

Sect Leader Tao and his wife.

"Father. Mother." Meishi's eyes widened.

"You have a grandson and a granddaughter," said Jiang Cheng, nervous, as if he feared they wouldn't approve.

Madame Tao gasped with delight, while Sect Leader Tao blinked hard, as if trying not to cry.

"Here." Meishi handed Guozhi to her mother, Jingfei. to her father. Jiang Cheng hovered, as if afraid their precious children would be droppd.

"They're beautiful," said Madame Tao, cooing towards her grandson.

The door flew open again. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, and Wen Ning, followed by Jin Ling.

"I suppose almost the whole family is here," said Meishi, smiling at the happiness that arose on Jin Ling's face.

"If you think I'm going to forget you, brat, you're wrong," Jiang Cheng said to his nephew.

"I wouldn't let you if you tried, _fellow_ _Sect Leader Jiang_ ," snapped Jin Ling. He peered at the babies. "We'll have them night hunting with Wen Ning in no time."

"I know I said I wouldn't say it again, but I will break your legs," Jiang Cheng replied.

Meishi stared past him.

Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen, newly engaged, entered.

"Hi, Mei." Nie Huaisang nervously held out a painting. "Xichen and I have been working on art for their rooms."

Jiang Cheng waited to see how she would respond.

To his relief, she smiled. "Then I'm sure it's beautiful."

Nie Huaisang beamed.

Her father eyed Nie Huaisang.

"Father, give him Jingfei," suggested Mei. Huaisang was her friend, and she didn't like her father's resentment of him.

With a sigh, Sect Leader Tao obeyed.

"Ai-ya." Nie Huaisang held up the gurgling baby. "Am I doing this right?"

"Support her head," barked Jiang Cheng, hurrying to assist.

"Wen Ning taught him that ten minutes ago," whispered Wei Wuxian, drawing a sour look from his brother.

Meishi laughed.

"So beautiful," whispered Lan Xichen, expertly cradling Guozhi.

"Just like their mother," said Jiang Cheng, giving her an affectionate glance.

Meishi gulped down the lump in her throat. "How dare you make me cry!"

* * *

Once everyone was gone, Jiang Cheng lay besides his wife. Jingfei slept on his chest, while Meishi nursed Guozhi. Dragonfly nestled at the foot of the bed, not caring much for her human siblings.

"Does it hurt?" He watched curiously.

"A little. Luo Qingyang said I'll get used to it." Meishi winked. "Would you still love me if I have callouses on –"

"You know the answer is yes," he muttered. His eyes swept his daughter. "She's quiet, for now."

Meishi smirked. "For now."

Jiang Cheng frowned.

"What are you thinking about?"

"My father," he admitted. "I don't know why…he favored Wei Wuxian. These two…when I held them – first Guozhi and then Jingfei – I love them both, just as much as Jin Ling, and I would never choose between them."

"Your father was a good man in most ways. Just not fatherhood," Mei observed softly. "Meanwhile, mine was a wicked man…but he was a good father, to me at least."

"I can't believe I'm going to have to learn parenting from Wen Ruohan," Jiang Cheng muttered.

"Who else? Jin Guangshan? Huaisang's father, who died from qi deviation? Lan Wangji's, who hid for years?"

Jiang Cheng considered. "I suppose my father might have been the best out of those…"

"The important thing is we won't be perfect, but we'll be better than the generation before us."

"Are you quoting Wen Ruohan?"

"Pffft. No. Wen Mao." Meishi shifted Guozhi in her arm. "It's a pity, don't you think? So many great ancestors, and look at their corrupt descendants."

"I think he'd be proud of you. It's like a cyclic renewal, like spring." That's more poetry than Jiang Cheng has ever spoken in his life. He feels a twinge of embarrassment.

"Here, switch with me." Meishi handed him Guozhi and grinned at Jingfei's immediate mews. "Aw, she wants her daddy back."

"Don't make her cry! Give her back!"

"Are you hording our children? She needs to eat." Meishi stifled a laugh as Jiang Cheng clutched their children, one in each arm. Indeed, their daughter was quiet again in his arms.

"She wants me," he said stubbornly. His children…loved him? They loved him! "You can sleep. I'll wake you up when our daughter decides she's hungry."

"You're going to spoil them," she complained, but her eyes smiled.

Meishi lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. Jiang Cheng sat besides her, his gaze darting from his beautiful wife, the mother of his children, dashing daughter of the most feared Wen cultivator, to his chubby-cheeked daughter, to his son, whose lips made smacking noises as if he still wanted to eat.

He was somewhat relieved Mei slept, because tears were running freely down his cheeks. Right here, right now, he didn't feel lonely at all.

 **Thank you all sooooo much for reading, and for all your comments! They made me so happy to read. :)**


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